


I Could Live a Little More

by amethystfox, ayerlind



Series: I Could Live a Little More [1]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Aftercare, Aldertonghen, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Biting, Blindfolds, Blow Jobs, Coming In Pants, Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, Dominant Paulo, Everyone is Poly Because Spurs, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Gazzaweireld, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecurity, Jazzaniga, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Mertonghen, Multi, Not really slow burn, Oral Sex, Orgasm Denial, POV: Jan, POV: Paulo, POV: Toby, Paulo Gazzaniga likes to pull hair, Phone Sex, Polyamory Negotiations, Safer Sex, Safewords, Sexting, Shower Sex, Spanking, Submissive Jan, Toby is a biter, Tottenham Hotspur F.C., Tottenham Hotspur FC - Freeform, but a fair amount of plot, eventually anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:48:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 98,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22375177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amethystfox/pseuds/amethystfox, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayerlind/pseuds/ayerlind
Summary: There was no denying it now, he realised. Paulo pulling his hair had stirred something deep inside him...
Relationships: Background Dele Alli/Eric Dier, Dries Mertens/Jan Vertonghen, Paulo Gazzaniga/Jan Vertonghen, Paulo Gazzaniga/Jan Vertonghen/Toby Alderweireld, Paulo Gazzaniga/Toby Alderweireld, Toby Alderweireld/Jan Vertonghen
Series: I Could Live a Little More [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621807
Comments: 68
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired, of course, by [Paulo Gazzaniga pulling Jan Vertonghen's hair](https://media.giphy.com/media/Pm94f6HVa4XyNcFbuX/giphy.gif) after the quarter final win in the Champions League last year, and by [severalkittens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/severalkittens/pseuds/severalkittens)' incredible work [What a Feeling, What a Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18593767).

17 April 2019  
Manchester

Jan's entire body was thrumming in time with his heartbeat. He was no stranger to the thrill that came from victory, but this one felt special. With this win against Manchester City, Tottenham Hotspur were advancing to the Champions League semifinals for the first time ever, and Jan had played his part for the club he loved. Now he was swept up in the celebrations along with everyone else, wandering around the edges of the pitch, hugging his teammates, taking pictures and signing things for fans, feeling drunk with adrenaline and exhilaration. He had lost track of who he had already found and embraced.

Out of the blur of people around him he spotted Kieran Trippier, moving in Jan's direction and trying to pull on a fresh shirt. Jan reached out for the smaller man, laughing and patting his cheeks when Tripps grinned up at him.

For some reason Jan felt the need to hold Tripps close and tell him how much he loved him and how well Tripps had done today. He twined his arms around Tripps' neck and leaned his head against him, praise spilling from him in a hoarse stream of words he would never be able to recall later.

Jan truly loved football. It was his career and his life, and almost nothing could possibly compare to this feeling-- the births of his children were about the only thing he could think of that could come close. It wasn't a perfect world to inhabit, of course-- he was all too aware that he was over thirty and likely on the downward slope of his career trajectory. The public could be cruel. But tonight he didn't care. He loved his teammates and the bonds they had forged together in long hours of pushing themselves to their physical limits. At this moment, Tripps was the most important person in the world to Jan Vertonghen, and he wanted to make sure he knew it.

All of a sudden a warm hand came to rest on the back of Jan's head, reminding him that maybe people besides Trippier did exist. He almost couldn't bring himself to care, too intent on Tripps, but then the hand closed into a fist, pulling Jan's short, reddish hair tightly between strong fingers. Jan's scalp had always been sensitive, and the roughness sent a bolt of electricity through him, forcing him to stifle a whimper. _This is not the place or the time,_ he reminded himself.

He felt his head being yanked up, out of Tripps’ neck, to see-- Paulo. Paulo, with the aqua eyes and the thick black hair. Paulo, with the face that belonged on a model. Paulo, who stood tall enough to make Jan have to look slightly up at him. Paulo, whose fist was now clenched tightly in Jan's hair.

Paulo Gazzaniga had a strange look on his face as he pulled Jan off of Tripps. Jan couldn't be quite sure what it was in the handsome goalkeeper's expression, though, because Paulo immediately forced Jan's face into his shoulder and wrapped his free arm around Jan's waist, his hand gently stroking the curve of Jan's spine.

"Super Jan," Paulo whispered in his ear. His voice was deep and velvety soft, pitched low for him alone to catch. Jan shivered. "You were wonderful today."

Jan dimly realised that his right arm was still hooked around Tripps. He finally released him and brought both arms up to wrap around Paulo's shoulders, pulling him in even closer. 

"Thanks," he mumbled into Paulo's neck. As a backup goalkeeper, Paulo hadn't played in today's match and so he still smelled fresh and clean. The scent of soap and deodorant, combined with the strong fingers in his hair, were driving everything else from his mind. He couldn't think of anything else to say.

Paulo released his grip on Jan's hair, dropping his hand to rest on Jan's upper back. "I felt so jealous today, that I did not get a chance to share the pitch with you. You did well, Super Jan."

Jan felt himself blushing. He always felt slightly embarrassed when his teammates called him that. He had mostly embraced the nickname, incorporating it into his goal celebration, even preferring to wear number 5 for most of his career simply because it resembled the S, but hearing it from Paulo was both wonderful and terrible. He knew he had earned his place among the top footballers in the world, but it still sometimes rang false to him. But if he could somehow believe that Paulo really thought he was special...

"Thank you," he whispered into Paulo's shoulder. "Thank you."

And as suddenly as Paulo had seized him, he let go of Jan, an odd little smile on his face as he moved on to embrace and celebrate with the other guys. Jan’s heart was pounding in his ears, his blood hot and his skin electrified. It was only when he started to walk away to continue his own celebrations that he noticed that he had an erection. He took a deep breath, thankful for his compression shorts that kept it from being visible to anyone else.

Jan was moving on to hug Christian Eriksen when it occurred to him that Paulo might have been able to feel it. How close had they been standing? He remembered Paulo's tiny smile as they had stepped apart and suddenly his blood ran cold.

Jan had always been comfortable with the fact that he was bisexual, but his career choice had complicated matters early on. There were still basically no out players at this level of professional football, and so he had made the difficult decision to stay in the closet. His family knew, of course, and his closest friends, but the rest of the club, and most certainly the public, did not. It helped that he had been with Sophie for most of his career, but it was still a constant worry for him. He had no idea what kind of backlash he would face if it became public knowledge that Jan Vertonghen was attracted to men as well as women.

It did present some unique challenges, to be sure. He had developed numerous ways to keep himself from being distracted by his teammates and had never allowed himself to develop any particular interest in any of them. He was secretly quite proud of that, considering that the men he spent his career with were among the most incredible physical specimens in the world. Paulo was extraordinary, but by no means unique among professional footballers who could easily have had careers in modeling.

He realised now, with a jolt, that he could be in danger of breaking his own rules, with only a vague idea of what the consequences could be if things went badly. His career had to come first, at least for the few years he had left of it. After that, well, there had been other footballers that came out of the closet after retiring. It was a possibility, though it might preclude him from going into coaching.

His blood now turned to ice in his veins, Jan shoved all thoughts of Paulo from his mind, his cock quickly subsiding as well, and he continued the celebration.

  
***

  
  


That night, Jan was relaxing at home with his family. The kids had finally gone to bed, exhausted after the excitement of the match. Sophie was good about bringing them to matches, even a fair number away. Jan had decided to allow himself a drink to celebrate and was now feeling pleasantly buzzed, his mind wandering as Sophie snuggled into him on the couch, match footage playing mutely on the TV across from them.

Inevitably, now that his control was relaxing, Paulo crept back into his mind. He remembered how drunk he had felt after the final whistle, and was surprised at how little he could remember of the celebrations afterwards. Paulo hugging him was just about the only thing he could remember with any clarity.

He was dreamily recalling how Paulo's fingers had felt in his hair when he realised the footage on TV had progressed to the end of the match and was now showing the team celebrating. He watched with a smile on his face as Pochettino wildly hugged Jesús and Toni and the other coaching staff with tears in their eyes, as Nando and Sonny and Hugo all talked to the press, their faces tired but jubilant, as the whole team meandered around the pitch, laughing and crying and hugging.

He was watching Dele and Poch hugging when he noticed Tripps strolling by them, bare chested with a fresh shirt in his hands. He knew he had seen Tripps trying to put that shirt on, one of the few things he could remember apart from Paulo.

As if on cue, he saw his own arms appear from off camera to scoop Tripps up, patting his face, pulling him into a slightly awkward embrace as Tripps continued to struggle with his shirt. He was just about to laugh out loud at himself when he saw Paulo appear onscreen as well.

"Fuck," he breathed. Had _that_ moment been caught on camera? He knew he shouldn't be surprised, he knew there were always cameras going, but seeing it make it into the actual footage was still a shock. He watched numbly as the Argentinian goalkeeper spotted him and Tripps and began to shoulder his way through the crowd towards them. His face…

Jan remembered, in a flash, not being able to identify the look on Paulo's face as he had dragged Jan off of Tripps by his hair. He had a much better look at it now and he knew clear as day what it was.

_He looks… hungry._

He watched it happen on the screen, all of it: Paulo reaching out for him, fisting Jan's hair, pulling his face out of Tripps' neck, wrapping himself around Jan like a python. It all seemed to play out in slow motion, just as it had felt when it happened. Though Jan knew it had only been a few seconds, he had spent what seemed like an eternity in Paulo's arms, his voice like honey in his ear, his hands in complete opposition, one gentle on his back, the other roughly pulling his hair…

Jan reached over to grab the remote and rewind the footage. He watched the whole thing again and again, his eyes lingering on Paulo's face, that hungry, possessive look in his eyes as he reached over to claim Jan. It wasn't until the third or fourth time watching it that he even noticed his own face when it emerged from Trippier's neck.

Jan froze the first time he saw it, trembling fingers fumbling with the remote as he tried to wind it back again. He finally managed to hit the pause button and stared at his own expression on the screen numbly.

Jan had never seen _that_ look on his face on the pitch before, not in years and years of watching his own match footage. _That_ was a look he had only seen rarely, in the mirror, when he was with a lover.

Frozen on the screen, Jan's eyes were wide and dazed, his lips slightly parted as he gazed at Paulo. He looked needy, desperate, yearning.

Sophie, who had been nodding off in his arms, stirred now, turning her head to kiss him. "Mmm," she mumbled sleepily. "Is that for me?"

Jan realised that he was rock hard against her, and that his whole body was tense. He had squeezed her against him unknowingly, digging his erection into her legs.

"Always," he whispered. It wasn't even a lie, not really. His eyes had occasionally strayed before, but he had never done anything-- well, not without her consent, anyway. He usually channelled any desire he might feel for another back to her. They had discussed it at length before-- she understood that he couldn't always control his reactions to other people and had never shown any resentment when Jan confessed his attraction to someone in particular. They had even experimented with an open relationship on occasion before, though they had both agreed that it would only really be worth it with the right person. He knew exactly how lucky he was to have her.

They made love there on the couch, Jan trying to focus his mind on Sophie alone, but his traitorous subconscious kept flashing briefly back to other images as Sophie moved above him. Hungry aqua eyes. A gentle hand stroking low on his back. The smell of soap and deodorant. A voice rumbling low and sweet in his ear. Rough fingers tugging his hair…

Jan came with a strangled cry, surprising them both. He hadn't thought he was anywhere close, but remembering the way Paulo had manhandled him earlier had sent him over the edge before he knew what was happening, his orgasm ripping through him like a breaking wave.

Sophie stopped moving in surprise. "That was sudden," she said, panting slightly. "You usually give me more warning."

"Sorry," Jan mumbled, embarrassed, his body still trembling with aftershocks. Sophie smiled and lowered her head to kiss him.

"No need to be sorry. I was just surprised, is all." She nestled against him with a contented sigh and turned her head towards the TV. Jan realised too late that he had left it paused on the shot of himself and Paulo staring at each other with Paulo's fist in his hair.

"What's that?" Sophie asked before Jan could do anything. He took a deep breath and willed himself to stay calm. He hadn't done anything to be ashamed of, and this was _Sophie._

"Ah… this is just some of the footage of us celebrating today."

"Why is it paused here? Is that Paulo Gazzaniga?"

"Yes," he said with a guilty flush. "I paused it here because… well…"

She turned to look into his eyes searchingly. "He's looking at you there like he wants to eat you up," she murmured. "And you…"

Jan closed his eyes in embarrassment. She was one of the only people in the world that had ever seen him with that expression. Or had been, until today. Millions of people must have seen it by now. But maybe none of them would be able to guess what it meant. Sophie, on the other hand, knew exactly what it meant. She had never seen him look at someone else that way, though.

"You look like you want him to eat you up." She was smiling knowingly now. "Is that what brought this on?"

"Maybe?"

Sophie giggled. "I thought you didn't let yourself notice your teammates?"

"I didn't really plan for this to happen. He just... grabbed me."

She raised an eyebrow. "He did what?"

Jan rewound the footage and showed her the whole thing. She sucked in a breath when Paulo seized Jan's hair, and hummed thoughtfully when the footage cut to a different camera, banishing Jan and Paulo from the screen.

"It's nothing, really, it just caught me off guard. I don't know why he looked at me like that, but I'm sure it wasn't anything."

"Darling, you don't know that. You probably ought to be careful around him, just in case."

Jan sighed. "I know," he admitted. "I'll try to keep my distance."

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice gentle. "It's just… well, I don't need to tell you what the risks are."

"You know I'd never actually do anything to hurt you."

She kissed him again at that. "I know that, darling. I'm not worried about that. Honestly, I think it's kind of sweet."

Jan raised his eyebrows. "Sweet?"

Sophie giggled. "Well, I can hardly blame him for wanting to eat you up, now can I?"

It was Jan's turn to laugh at that. "Maybe, but I'm more worried about there being footage of me looking at him like that."

Sophie picked up the remote to rewind and pause again, studying Jan's face on the screen. "I don't think you need to worry too much. It's only a second or two, you're off to the side of the screen, and I don't think it'd be recognisable to anyone who hasn't seen you like that before."

Jan stared at the TV thoughtfully. She might be right about that. To him, it was obvious. He _never_ looked like that on the pitch, with that desperation in his eyes, that need. But maybe no one else would be able to read that in his eyes.

He didn't even think to worry about whether _Paulo_ had been able to interpret what Jan’s eyes had been saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing something I actually want to post, so be gentle! I love these boys so much ❤️


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take an unexpected turn.

Jan had one full day of rest to recover from the Wednesday match, with only some light exercise and foam rolling to keep his muscles from stiffening, but the second day after the win it was back to training, to prepare for the next game against City. On Friday, he went about his normal morning routine, kissed Sophie and the kids, and drove to Enfield confident that nothing would be any different.

He was wrong. 

He first noticed it as a change in the general energy at the training centre. He assumed at first that it was just the excitement from the victory, the boys still high on the thrill of their progression to the semifinals. And they were jubilant, there was no doubt about it. But there was something else as well, something he couldn't quite identify for the first half of the day as he went through the active recovery sessions with the rest of the guys who had played in Manchester on Wednesday.

It wasn't until lunchtime, when the entire team was filtering through the canteen, that he began to suspect what else was going on. The back of his neck began to prickle as he sat eating with Toby and Christian, and he glanced over his shoulder to see the goalkeepers filing in from where they had been working on drills outside. 

Paulo had his arm around Michel Vorm and was laughing at something that he was saying, but Paulo wasn’t looking at Mich. He scanned the room quickly, stopping when he spotted Jan. Their eyes locked for a moment and another bolt of electricity shot through Jan. It took all his self-control not to visibly react, but he could feel himself growing hard in his joggers and turned his head quickly back to his lunch. He could still feel Paulo’s eyes on him, focused as a laser. 

_Ignore him. You’re imagining things. For fuck’s sake, calm down._

But he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that _this_ was what was different, what he had felt pervading the atmosphere of the entire training centre. Could everyone feel it? Jan could just imagine the headlines if any of this got out--

“Jan?” Chris said, snapping Jan back to the present. He was looking expectantly at Jan.

“Sorry… what were you saying?”

“Just asking about the kids. You want to try to have a play date again soon?”

Jan blinked. “Oh… yes, sure, that sounds good.”

Toby cocked his head at Jan. “What’s up? You’ve been spacey all day.”

“Nothing.” Jan shrugged, willing both his heart rate and his dick to subside. “Just a little edgy about City tomorrow.”

Toby and Chris exchanged a look. “If you say so, mate. Best get your head back in it.”

Jan nodded grimly and forced himself to focus on eating his lunch. He was going to be professional, do his job, and not think about the way he could feel Paulo’s gaze on him like the red laser beam of a sniper rifle. He began to go through some of his usual tactics to prevent exactly this kind of distraction. 

But it wasn’t working. Normally he could get his mind away from dangerous territory with little trouble. But today none of it was helping. Cycling through every single statistic about their recent matches that he could possibly recall, reliving some of his favourite moments on the pitch, reciting lines from his favourite books and movies in every language he knew, it all led back to Paulo. It was Paulo’s stats that he found running through his head. Paulo’s best moves on the pitch that played on repeat. Paulo’s voice saying the lines in his head, even though as far as Jan knew, Paulo didn’t speak Dutch or French...

Finally Jan gave up and concentrated on finishing his lunch quickly instead. When he had finished, he left the canteen with Toby and Chris quickly, without even a glance at Paulo.

  
  


***

  
  


Jan stayed late after hours that day, taking his time with every step of his cool down, hoping to avoid seeing Paulo on the way out. He had spent the second half of the day outside working on drills with the rest of the first team, but had managed to keep his head down for the most part and keep his eyes on his training, if not his mind.

He sat down heavily on the bench in the changing room and checked his phone. He had one text from Sophie.

_> >From: Sophie [17:29]: How’s your day going?_

_< <To: Sophie [17:36]: Not great  
<<To: Sophie [17:36]: having trouble concentrating_

_> >From: Sophie [17:36]: Is it because of him?_

_< <To: Sophie [17:37]: Yeah. I’ve been trying to not look at him or think about him but it’s not going so well. I can practically feel him staring at me._

_> >From: Sophie [17:37]: Are you heading home soon?_

_< <To: Sophie [17:37]: Probably. I still need to shower. I'm moving slow. Hoping he'll be gone by the time I'm done. _

Jan hated avoiding someone he did consider to be a friend, but he didn't really see any other option if Paulo kept watching him like that.

Sophie took several minutes to respond. 

_> >From: Sophie [17:41]: Do what you think is best, darling, but try not to be rude. I can tell how much you like him. If things were different..._

Jan stared at the phone. What on earth did Sophie mean by that?

_< <To: Sophie [17:41]: What are you talking about? If what was different?_

_> >From: Sophie [17:41]: If pro football weren't the way it is. I think he could be good for you._

_< <To: Sophie [17:42]: Wait, so you're saying that if it wouldn't put my career on the line, you'd be okay with…? _

Jan added a raised eyebrow emoji at the end to show how skeptical he was about it.

_> >From: Sophie [17:42]: Darling, we've talked about this already. I've never seen you react to someone that way before. And we've always known you have needs I can't really fulfil._

Jan stared at the screen of his phone, his mind reeling. They were approaching territory Jan had thought they never would again. It had been years since he and Sophie had had their last serious conversation about Jan and his… needs.

When he was younger, before he took up with Sophie, Jan had gone down some less-than-conventional roads in his love life. In particular he had found he enjoyed being dominated by women. He hadn't tried it with a man before, but that was mostly because he'd never really been in a relationship with a man. His experience was mostly limited to a couple of clumsy kisses and some groping with another lad at the Ajax academy when he had been barely more than a boy, and a few incidents in his adult life with a couple of friends that he trusted absolutely.

When he and Sophie had decided to get serious, he’d confessed all this to her, hoping that she might be willing to try it. And she had tried, but they both knew right away that it just didn’t work. Sophie simply did not have the personality for it. And so Jan had shrugged, told her he loved her anyway, and had packed away that part of him in a sealed trunk in his mind for good. Or at least, he had thought at the time that it was for good.

But there was no denying it now, he realised. Paulo pulling his hair had stirred something deep inside him, something that desperately missed the sweetness of surrendering to someone powerful. And there was absolutely no denying that when Paulo had yanked his head up by the hair, Jan’s expression had been what a past lover had called his “sub face.” The expression he only wore when he was in a session with someone strong, someone to whom he could eagerly turn over control and sink deep into the hazy, dreamlike state where all that mattered was to obey, trusting his partner to take care of everything else.

Jan gasped as he realised just how much he had missed it. The idea of being able to give in to it again, to temporarily yield up all the worries and stress of being a professional athlete, tasted so sweet he wanted to cry. Had Sophie guessed that maybe he did need it? Was she saying she would accept him finding it with someone else?

He texted her back with trembling fingers. 

_< <To: Sophie [17:43]: Sophie… I thought we agreed that was just something I couldn’t have._

She sent back a shrug emoji. 

_> >From: Sophie [17:43]: More and more people these days are living in unconventional relationships, Jan. We already know we can make it work if we both want to. I want you to have what will make you happy. I just don’t want to see you get hurt._

_< <To: Sophie [17:43]: And if… Paulo… were to want this?_

_> >From: Sophie [17:44]: If the two of you are both consenting and you can be discreet, then I’m fine, Jan._

He was stunned. 

_< <To: Sophie [17:44]: You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met. I love you so much._

_> >From: Sophie [17:44]: I love you too. It's all going to be okay. We can talk about it more when you get home._

Jan sent her a kissy face emoji, put down his phone, and grabbed his shower kit. His mind was racing with the possibilities. If Sophie was right and he could somehow make it work, the idea of being able to have someone he could submit to privately had enormous appeal. 

He hurried to the showers now, eager to get home to Sophie, to see her and their children and finish discussing this. As he had hoped, the showers were empty now, everyone else having gone home already. He was relaxing under the pouring hot water, humming tunelessly to himself, when he felt it again. That little tingle on the back of his neck.

_Oh no._

Jan opened his eyes. Paulo had slipped silently into the shower room, naked except for a towel around his waist, and was now watching Jan with that tiny smile on his face, the one he had worn after pulling away from Jan on the pitch at the Etihad. His body was long and lean, muscular and gorgeous. Jan had seen him naked before, of course, or mostly anyway, but he hadn’t let himself actually notice before.

Jan flushed and turned away, his eyes dropping to the floor. He couldn’t look at Paulo. He was too real, too beautiful, too hungry. If Jan looked at him he might give everything away.

Paulo didn’t say anything. Jan heard him moving, setting his shower kit down, turning on another shower. The smell of the shampoo he used began to filter through the steamy room.

_Maybe I can still get out of this quickly. Just ignore him, finish up, and go straight home. Don’t look at him, don’t talk to him._

Jan swallowed, determined to simply pretend that Paulo wasn’t there, but his body had other ideas. As he hurried to finish soaping himself down he realised his cock was not listening to his brain at all and was standing at full attention, sticking almost straight out in front of him. He didn’t think Paulo could see it from this angle, but he certainly would if Jan tried to exit the showers.

Jan tried to slow his breathing, force his body to calm down. If nothing else he could turn the water all the way to cold-- that would probably do it.

“Jan,” came a quiet rumble from where Paulo was showering a little ways away. _Crap._

“Yes?”

“I am to start tomorrow, Hugo is injured. I will get to share the pitch with you.”

“Oh,” Jan replied lamely. “I hope Hugo isn’t too bad off?”

“A pulled muscle. He recover soon.”

“Oh. That’s… that’s good.”

“Yes. But I am feeling nervous about the game tomorrow, it is a big job. Lot of pressure.”

“You’ll do fine,” Jan said, relieved that they were just talking about football. “You’ve done it before.”

Paulo made a noncommittal noise. “True, but never when I want to so badly.”

Jan was nearly finished rinsing the soap from his skin and was still hoping to escape from this without giving anything away, so he didn’t consider his response as carefully as he should have. “Oh? Why’s that? Is there something special about the game tomorrow?”

_"Because,"_ Paulo purred, practically in his ear. Jan jumped, realising too late that Paulo had slipped up next to him while he wasn’t looking. “Because I want more chances to see you.”

“M-me?”

“Yes, Super Jan, you. You are so beautiful when you play.” Jan actually looked at him now, too stunned to remember that he shouldn’t. Paulo had that same look in his eyes as he had the other day, possessive and hungry, with a sly smile on his lips. “You are beautiful always.”

Jan could only stare into Paulo’s eyes, lost in the depths of that incredible light blue-green colour, so startling against his caramel skin and black hair. He could forget everything else in the world, hypnotised by those eyes. The words managed to seep into his brain only slowly. Paulo thought _he_ was beautiful?

Jan swallowed. “I… Paulo…”

Paulo took another step towards him. They were close enough to touch now. If Jan turned to face him fully, not only would Paulo see how turned on he was, he would likely feel it as well.

“Jan,” Paulo whispered, his voice soft as sin. “Can I touch you?”

Jan whimpered. He couldn’t help it. “Paulo, I… I’m married…”

“So you are,” was the reply. “To a remarkable woman, I believe.”

“Yes. Yes. One that I will never cheat on.”

“Ah, but this remarkable wife of yours… she give you her permission, no?”

Jan jerked around to face Paulo at that, forgetting his state of arousal. His cock brushed against Paulo’s hip before Jan jerked back just enough to separate their skin. “How… how do you know that?”

“Your phone, Jan. It sit on the bench in the changing room when I come in, unlocked. I don't mean to pry, but I saw my own name on the screen and it make me curious. It surprise me, what I read. I thought only to try to see you here, maybe talk to you, tell you that I am sorry if I make you uncomfortable.” Paulo took a deep breath, and leaned forward just a bit. “But…”

“B-but?”

“But your Sophie, she say that she is fine if we are discreet and both consenting, yes?”

“Yes…”

“I can be discreet,” Paulo whispered. “And I am certainly consenting. Are you?”

Jan was speechless. Could this actually be happening? He quickly ran through the reasons why he should say no. He couldn’t cheat on Sophie. Well, she had already said she’d be fine with it. He couldn’t let anyone at the club find out he was attracted to men. Well, he was pretty sure Paulo had already worked that part out, and there was nobody else around. He glanced over at the door.

“I locked the door.” Paulo smiled knowingly.

Jan took a deep breath. “Then…” He was out of reasons to say no. His mind and body were now screaming at him all the reasons to say yes. “Then... yes.”

He had hardly gotten the word out before Paulo’s mouth was on his, hungry, devouring his lips in a kiss that made him see stars. God, it had been ages since he had kissed anyone but Sophie, and he had never had anyone kiss him like _this,_ never.

Paulo was pressing him back now, against the wall, covering every possible centimetre of Jan's skin with his own. His cock was fully hard and rubbing right up against Jan's, his tongue busy claiming Jan's mouth, his hands grasping Jan's hips hard enough to leave bruises.

Jan gasped into Paulo's mouth and twined his arms around his neck, trying desperately to somehow pull him even closer.

Paulo broke the kiss with a chuckle. "Ah, so you do want me then?"

Jan laughed breathlessly. "I don't see how anyone could look at you and not want you."

"That's not really an answer, Jan. Yes or no?"

Jan flushed at the authoritative note in Paulo's voice, cock throbbing helplessly where it was trapped against him. "Yes," he said meekly. "Yes, of course I want you."

"Good," Paulo purred. "I like when you give me straight answers."

Jan didn't know what to say to that, so he tilted his head towards Paulo, presenting his lips to be kissed again.

Paulo gave a little shake of his head. "I tell you something I like, Jan. I think is only fair if you tell me something that you like."

Jan gave a desperate little whine. He had no idea what Paulo wanted him to say.

Paulo smiled like the cat who had swallowed the canary. "Would you like to know what I think you like, Jan?"

Jan was mesmerised by his eyes again. He felt like he would agree to anything Paulo wanted right now.

"I think you like to be good." Paulo ran a knuckle lightly back and forth across Jan's lower lip. "Do you like to be good, Jan?"

Jan nodded eagerly. God, the only thing he could think of in the world that could possibly matter right now was to be good for Paulo.

Paulo's smile felt like a reward to Jan. "I know you will be so good for me, sweet Jan." He closed the sliver of distance between them for another searing kiss, moving his hands from Jan's hips. One of them slid between them and wrapped around both their cocks, squeezing and stroking them together. The other hand made its way up to nestle in Jan's wet hair.

Jan moaned into Paulo's mouth when he tugged on his auburn hair. "Please," he panted, thrusting up into Paulo's fist. "Please…"

He felt rather than heard Paulo's chuckle. "You are polite. I like it." He squeezed gently and Jan could feel his dick throb in his hand. "Since you say please so nicely, Jan, tell me. What is it you need?"

Jan had no idea how he was supposed to be able to form a coherent thought right now, let alone string words together into a sentence. "Paulo," he breathed. "You. I need you. I want…" 

What did he want most, at the moment? "I want to make you come," he whispered. "Please…"

"Then do it," Paulo told him quietly. "I want to watch you make me come."

Jan wavered for a moment, conflicting desires warring in his mind. He had little experience with men, so maybe it would be better to keep things simple, and jerk Paulo off? But he found he couldn't resist the thought of learning exactly what Paulo tasted like, so he sank to his knees on the tiled floor in front of his goalkeeper and got his first good look at his cock.

_Fuck,_ it was beautiful. Which wasn't surprising, really; everything about Paulo was beautiful. Jan lacked the experience to really be able to make comparisons, but he couldn't imagine that anyone in the world could be more physically perfect than this man. Jan gingerly wrapped a hand around it and gave it an experimental stroke.

Paulo moaned above him, encouraging Jan to keep going. He stroked his hand up and down the length of it a couple of times, then brought the tip of it to his lips and kissed it. Fuck, the skin on the head was unbelievably soft against his lips. He almost wanted to just rub it over his whole face, reveling in the feel of that wickedly soft skin.

Instead, though, Jan took a deep breath and carefully took the head into his mouth. It was a strange sensation-- he hadn't had a dick in his mouth in years-- but by no means an unpleasant one. Both of Paulo's hands were in Jan's hair now, tugging gently, massaging his scalp, sending shivers down his spine.

Feeling emboldened by the soft noises Paulo was making, Jan set to work as best he could. He tried to mimic the things that he knew he enjoyed when he was on the receiving end, but he was clumsy and lacked the ability to take much more of it into his mouth without triggering his gag reflex. He decided to keep things simple, then, and licked and sucked at Paulo eagerly, stroking and fondling what he couldn't take in his mouth with his hands.

Paulo hissed when Jan accidentally scraped his teeth against the ridge. "Be careful, Jan," he admonished. Jan moaned apologetically and was careful to keep his mouth open wide enough to keep his teeth clear. His jaw was beginning to ache a bit, but Jan couldn't possibly bring himself to care at the moment. His own neglected cock was almost painfully hard now, throbbing as Jan bobbed his head up and down.

Paulo let out a low moan. "Jan, ah Jan, you are so beautiful like this," he murmured. "So good and so sweet for me. You want to make me come?"

Jan wanted to nod but it was indistinguishable from the way he was bobbing his head, so he moaned loudly instead.

"Then keep going," Paulo whispered. "Don't stop…"

Paulo's hips were moving now, just a bit, just enough for Jan to be able to tell that he was succeeding. The idea of making Paulo lose control like this was unbearably hot. Jan's leaking cock jerked, unbidden, and Jan moaned again. _Please…_

Paulo was panting now and murmuring Jan's name over and over. Other words escaped his lips, but they were in Spanish and Jan couldn't follow. His fingers clutched at Jan's hair, pulling him down slightly. Jan could tell how hard his goalkeeper was trying to prevent himself from losing all control and hurting Jan by thrusting too hard down his throat.

"Jan," Paulo gasped. His entire body stiffened, his cock pulsing, and Jan was rewarded for his efforts as Paulo came with a loud groan, flooding Jan’s mouth with his release.

Jan had never had anyone come in his mouth before, so he hadn’t known what to expect it would taste like, but almost certainly not like this. It was an odd taste, slightly sour and salty, but it was Paulo, and so Jan swallowed happily, licking his lips to make sure he hadn’t missed a drop.

Paulo's chest was heaving as he grasped Jan by the shoulders to pull him upright. “Jan,” he murmured as he wrapped him up in his strong arms. “Sweet Jan. That was very nice.” He kissed Jan gently and then released him.

“Now is my turn to take care of you. You are so good…”

Paulo gently turned Jan around so that he was facing the wall with Paulo behind him. Muscular arms snaked around Jan’s waist, and he could feel bristly facial hair scraping against his skin as Paulo’s hot breath filled his ear. One hand found his cock, the other travelled up Jan’s stomach and then talented fingers were delicately caressing his nipples.

Jan whimpered when Paulo squeezed his cock, his hand big and warm around Jan. Paulo rubbed a thumb across the head, spreading a drop of precum all around.

"Jan," he whispered, his voice dark and thrilling in Jan's ear. "I have watched you for so long, wishing to do this but thinking I never would." He began to stroke Jan's dick lightly, his grip deliberately loose, his other hand intent on playing with Jan's swollen, sensitive nipples.

"I see the way you act on the pitch," he continued. "With the team. Always a leader, whether you have the armband or not, guiding and directing the other boys. So confident. So bossy."

Jan tried to summon words, any words, to answer him, but a low moan was all that came out. Paulo was slowly tightening his hand around Jan's cock and Jan wanted desperately to thrust up into it, but he couldn't. Not yet. Paulo hadn't told him to…

"But you have a secret, don't you?" Paulo's voice rumbled in his ear, sending tendrils of heat to curl up in Jan's belly, low and sweet. "Sometimes you need to let someone else be the boss, no?"

Jan nodded helplessly. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to speak in complete sentences again. Paulo's hand was closed over Jan's dick now, his palm slick with precum, but still stroking slowly, so slowly. Jan wanted to beg him to go harder, faster, but he was helpless to interrupt.

"Do you want me to be the one to do this for you, Jan? Do you like the idea of me being… in control of you?"

"Yes," Jan whispered, eyes closed and head leaned back, eager to be closer to Paulo. His cock was throbbing, Paulo's hand sliding over it felt so good, he was growing desperate. "Yes, Paulo, yes, please…"

"You've been so good, Jan. I want you to come for me. _Now,"_ Paulo ordered him, his voice sharp as a whip.

Jan thrust his hips forward, eager to please Paulo, fucking his cock up into that tight fist, once, twice, and he was coming, jerking, spurts of cum shooting all over the shower wall and floor, spilling over Paulo's fingers as Jan's entire body was overtaken by waves of utterly delicious relief. "Paulo," he breathed, sagging against him. "Paulo."

Paulo released him and held his hand briefly under the shower head, rinsing his fingers clean. He pulled on Jan's hips, turning him around, and then Jan was in his arms and Paulo was kissing him again, not incendiary this time but tender, almost delicate. Jan's mind felt as if it were full of fuzz and he had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do now. He didn't care; Paulo's arms were around him and that was all that mattered.

Paulo guided him to stand under the water spray again. "You need to finish your shower and go home to your Sophie," he murmured in Jan's ear. _Sophie,_ Jan thought dreamily. "I will help you. You will come back to yourself soon, but I will take care of you until you do."

Then he began to gently wash Jan's body again, his hands light and soothing on skin that felt feverish and sensitive. Jan felt more relaxed than he had in a long time, confident that Paulo would take care of everything.

Soon enough Paulo turned off the water and gently guided Jan out of the shower. From somewhere a towel appeared and Paulo was drying him off, carefully, gently rubbing it over Jan's overstimulated skin. Finally Paulo wrapped towels around both of their waists and led Jan out into the changing room.

Jan was still feeling hazy, lost but contented, satisfied to let Paulo take care of him. Somehow Paulo was handling him as easily as if he were a child, dressing him, producing snacks from somewhere and gently feeding Jan with his fingers, holding up a water bottle for Jan to drink from. He even combed Jan's hair and fastened his watch around his wrist.

He sat Jan on the bench then and Jan watched dimly as Paulo quickly dressed himself and packed up their bags. When everything was ready Paulo crouched in front of Jan and touched his cheek gently. "Jan, it's time to go. Would you like me to drive you home? I can get a cab back here for my car."

Jan blinked. He still wasn't too sure about anything, which probably meant that he should not be driving. He nodded, his voice still unwilling to function.

Paulo stroked his hair gently. "Come on then. Let's get you home."

  
  


***

  
  


Jan couldn't really remember the car ride home. Paulo put some music on the system in Jan's car, something with soft guitar and no words. Jan was too relaxed to process anything but the gentle sounds and the feel of Paulo holding his hand as he drove.

Then Paulo was leading him up his own front steps, knocking quietly on the door. Jan was watching his face, lazily memorising the exact shape of his mouth, when the door opened and Sophie stood there, blinking with surprise.

"Jan?" she said, her voice full of concern. "Are you okay?"

"He is fine," Paulo assured her. "Just very… relaxed. I want to make sure he got home to you safely, but I will go now. You can take care of him now, yes?"

Sophie paused, her lovely brow furrowing. "Maybe you should come in for a minute, Paulo." Jan wondered vaguely why she would ask that, but then he was being directed into the house, up the stairs, into their bedroom, guided to lay down on the bed. His shoes were taken off, his watch, his jeans. Someone drew a blanket over him. His eyes were drooping shut when he heard Sophie say, "I think once he's asleep we should talk for a bit." Paulo's murmur of agreement sounded as though it was coming from miles away.

Sophie kissed Jan lightly and whispered, "You sleep, darling. I love you." Jan wanted to tell her how much he loved her too, but he could barely summon up a sleepy mumble.

Then another pair of lips kissed his forehead gently, another, deeper, voice murmuring soothing words. "Jan, today was wonderful. You did so well. Sleep now."

And before he even heard the door click shut behind them, Jan was fast asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would Paulo be angry? Disappointed? Jan didn’t know, and a sizeable lump was forming in his throat at the thought of what he might say.
> 
> _Do you like to be good, Jan?_
> 
> He hadn’t been good, not today, and it was almost more than he could bear.

Jan woke up the next morning feeling good. His body felt relaxed, his head clear. He glanced over at Sophie, asleep in the bed next to him, beautiful in the morning sunlight that filled their bedroom. 

He slipped out of the bed quietly, not wanting to wake her. It was Saturday morning and she liked to sleep in. He decided to bring her breakfast in bed. The kids always liked to "help" with that.

It took longer than he planned to get himself and both kids dressed and downstairs. He was so swept up in the chaos of trying to manage the kids and prepare breakfast that he completely missed it when his phone lit up with a new text notification. Finally, the kids were fed and Sophie's breakfast was carefully arranged on the tray. Jan scooped his phone up to slip into his pocket before heading back up the stairs.

Jan balanced his son on his hip with one arm and the breakfast tray in the other and went up to their bedroom carefully, his daughter going ahead of him to open the door.

_“Surprise!”_ Leyla shrieked as she burst into the bedroom. Sophie was just sitting up in bed and she clapped her hand over her heart in mock terror.

“You scared me!” Sophie teased their oldest. “Did you help Papa make breakfast?”

"We both did! Do you like it?"

“It’s lovely. My favourite way to start the day.” Sophie smiled warmly at Jan as he arranged the tray in front of her. “And how are you feeling this morning, darling?”

Jan tilted his head, a little confused. “I’m fine. Why?”

Sophie paused with her toast halfway to her mouth. “You were very… tired last night, do you remember?”

Jan blinked in surprise. Last night was oddly foggy for him. He opened his mouth to ask Sophie what she meant, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out and stared at the screen in astonishment.

_New messages: Paulo G. (2)_

Oh god. Paulo. What had they done yesterday? It was all so blurry in his memory. He hastily unlocked his phone to read the texts from Paulo.

_ >>From: Paulo G [07:08]: l hope you slept well last night. _

_ >>From: Paulo G [08:12]: I’d like to see you before the match._

“Paulo…” Jan whispered. Sophie was watching him carefully as she ate her breakfast.

“Leyla, why don’t you go read some books to your brother in the playroom?” 

“Okay, Mama.” Jan barely registered his children leaving the room, Leyla holding her brother’s chubby little hand in hers.

Sophie’s eyes were intent on Jan’s face. “Jan, darling, do you remember what happened yesterday?”

It was beginning to drift back into place in his mind. “I remember finishing up at training and texting with you. Then I went to go take my shower, and Paulo…”

Jan covered his mouth with his hand. Had he really agreed to let the handsome Argentinian dominate him? Had they really gotten each other off in the shower?

“He brought you home last night. It seems he’s serious about taking care of you properly if you’re going to do this.”

“Do… do what?”

“If you and he are going to have the kind of relationship I think we both know you need,” she answered patiently. Jan’s ears burned a little at the thought of what she meant by that.

“And you… you’re okay with this?”

She nodded. “I haven’t seen you as calm as that, or sleep as easily, in a long time. I don’t think Paulo intends to be a threat to us or our marriage, and I think you have a lot of love to share. And if things do start to get out of hand, I trust you to do the right thing, whatever it might be.”

Jan sat heavily in the reading chair across from the bed, feeling dizzy. “I just can’t really… wrap my head around this. You’re saying you’re okay with me having a lover. One who’s a man. One I would be… submitting to.”

“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, Jan. But if this is what you want, then yes.” She paused. “So tell me, for good and all, Jan. Is this what you truly want?”

Part of Jan wanted to laugh, to say no, of course not. To fall back into the default life he’d been living: footballers were straight, _of course,_ so Jan had lived up to expectations and married a woman, _of course._ He did truly love Sophie and the kids, and he was happy with their life together. But suddenly he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was his chance to live a life that was a little more in line with who he really was, with the Jan Vertonghen he wanted to be, not just the one the world got to see.

He nodded slowly. “I think… I think it is what I want. Normally I’m all nerves right before a match.” Sophie nodded. “But this morning I feel like… like I have no worries at all. Maybe this is good for me. And…”

Jan paused, images of Paulo and their tryst yesterday flashing through his mind. Yes, he really did want Paulo. Perhaps he had been caught off guard by Paulo pulling his hair at the Etihad, but he’d always liked him, always known he was phenomenally attractive. Always wished, somewhere hidden underneath layer after layer of Jan’s strict self-control, that he could have Paulo.

And now he seemed to have had the chance of a lifetime fall into his lap. Paulo’s voice seemed to whisper in his ear. _You are beautiful always..._

“Yes.” Jan looked directly at Sophie, his voice firming. “Yes, I want this. I want him.”

“Then I’ll support you.”

  
  


***

  
  


They talked for what seemed like ages after that. Sophie told him that she and Paulo had had a talk last night after Jan was asleep. Paulo had explained what had happened, that he had intended to apologise to Jan for making him uncomfortable, that he had found Jan’s phone and seen their messages, how he had been unable to resist going to Jan in the shower. And other things, things he hadn’t discussed with Jan. How much he liked Jan and how strongly he was attracted to him. How hard he had been trying to stay back, not wanting to make Jan uncomfortable. How when he had seen Jan cuddling Tripps in the post-match celebrations at the Etihad, he had been overwhelmed with jealousy and desire, and had seized Jan by the hair without thinking.

Sophie, in turn, had explained to Paulo what she knew of Jan’s history, of his long-suppressed desire for submission, of how affected he was by Paulo’s sudden boldness. They had even talked some about Sophie herself, about their marriage, their children, their dreams for the future.

And, it seemed, they had agreed on what Sophie called “ground rules.” It seemed to be mostly a fleshing out of what Sophie had said in her text to Jan yesterday. Discretion and consent. Consent especially, as it could sometimes be a grey area in relationships involving domination and submission, but Jan was hopeful that they would be able to avoid any uncertainty. He and Paulo had both been quite clear yesterday, after all.

Sophie explained that the consent encompassed her and Paulo's girlfriend as well, and that if they ever wanted to take their relationship in any new directions, they should both be told so that they could continue to give informed consent, with no secrets between them.

And the discussion about discretion, it turned out, wasn’t solely about keeping a low profile to protect Jan’s career ( _Paulo’s too,_ Jan thought) but also involved considering the needs of Jan’s young children. Jan and Sophie agreed that under absolutely no circumstances could this new relationship be allowed to negatively impact their children’s wellbeing. Jan was a little concerned about this, since he knew how hard it could be to predict exactly what circumstances might lead to that, but with Sophie as his partner he felt more confident.

  
  


***

  
  


Jan and Sophie spent most of the morning relaxing at home with the kids, playing games that seemed to involve lots of chasing and tickling and giggling. It took Jan a while to remember that Paulo had texted him earlier and was waiting for a response. By the time he realised he had never replied, it was nearly time for him to leave for the match.

He hastily dug his phone out of his pocket.

_< <To: Paulo G [09:46]: Sorry, I got caught up in family stuff and now I don’t think we have time. After the match?_

_> >From: Paulo G [09:47]: Sure. I mostly just wanted to make sure that you were okay before we have to play._

_< <To: Paulo G [09:47]: I’m fine. Better than normal on match day, actually. I slept like a log last night._

_> >From: Paulo G [09:48]: Good. Did Sophie tell you about our talk?_

_< <To: Paulo G [09:48]: Yeah. I think we’re all on the same page._

_> >From: Paulo G [09:48]: I’m glad. See you soon._

Jan’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing Paulo at the match. He had almost forgotten, in the whirlwind of everything else that had happened, to worry about that before. Paulo was starting, and with both Harry and Hugo out on injury there was a fair chance that Jan would be wearing the armband.

_How the hell am I going to be able to concentrate on the game, let alone captain us against City, if I keep remembering things from last night?_

Jan decided to allow himself just a little longer to reminisce about the previous evening, and then put it all out of his mind until after the final whistle. When he went to take his shower, his thoughts were full of nothing but Paulo. The way he had looked at Jan. How hard he had grabbed his hips. How hungrily he had kissed Jan. What he had tasted like…

Jan could feel the heat pooling in his belly and decided that rubbing one out before the match would probably be a good idea, to help minimise the distraction. He let his hand fall to circle his cock loosely, feeling it hardening in his hand as his mind replayed Paulo’s words for him. _I have watched you for so long, wishing to do this but thinking I never would..._

Jan moaned, stroking himself harder now, squeezing tight and remembering what Paulo’s hand had been like on him. _Do you like the idea of me being in control of you?_

“Yes, Paulo, yes,” he whispered. He leaned against the shower wall, bracing himself on his other forearm as his hand moved faster and faster. “Paulo, fuck…”

_Come for me. NOW._

And Jan did.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


The match wasn’t going well. City were obviously keen for revenge following the quarter final result and were pressing hard. A boy named Foden had managed to score early on, and Sonny and Lucas were having a hard time getting past Ederson to equalise.

Jan was wearing the captain’s armband for the match and was, for the most part, proud of how he was doing. This was never going to be an easy game, after all, but their defence had shaped up quickly after that first concession. Most importantly to Jan, however, he was finding it easier than he thought to focus on defending rather than on his goalkeeper. He did feel a slight flutter in his stomach every time he glanced back at Paulo in that violently orange kit, but every time he quashed it and forced himself to only look to the handsome Argentinian for his directions on their defence. 

The frustration of being unable to equalise began to wear on them as the second half ground on, though. He could tell that some of the City players were intent on winning at all costs, too-- the challenges were a bit rougher than they might have been, the intensity just a little bit darker. 

In the 82nd minute, Raheem Sterling, who was clearly not playing his best, lost his temper for a moment and tried to keep playing the ball after the ref’s whistle had sounded. Jan saw Paulo and Davinson Sánchez both moving to retrieve the ball, and Sterling, barrelling straight toward them, was brought up short by Paulo. Sterling actually tried to square up to Paulo, which was fairly ludicrous considering that the forward for City was a good twenty-five centimetres or so shorter than Paulo. Jan’s heart skipped a beat when he saw Paulo shove the smaller man back a pace. Was he going to have to break up a fight? He jogged towards them, seeing that the ref was doing likewise.

Sterling jabbed a finger right in Paulo’s face, shouting angrily. Sánchez was stalking up behind Paulo, ready to get involved, but Paulo flung a commanding arm out behind him to keep the Colombian defender from aggravating the incident any further. 

A few more heated words were exchanged, but by the time Jan got close to them, Raheem had already backed down and the ref was signalling for play to resume.

The final minutes of the game proved to be even more frustrating, both for Spurs and for Jan personally. He and Paulo were continuing to keep the defence organised enough to keep Sterling and the Silvas at bay, even with Toby having been replaced by Fernando, meaning they were down a defender. If only Fernando could pull off another goal like Wednesday’s...

As the 90 minute mark approached Jan was starting to lose his own temper. Sterling kept running his mouth, trying to get a rise out of him or Sánchez to steal a free kick or a penalty. Jan tried to shout to Sánchez to keep his head, but too late. He saw Sterling go down, Sánchez bouncing away from him, heard the whistle. 

Jan narrowed his eyes as Sterling set up to take his free kick. He knew it was irrational, but in that moment he hated Sterling-- he had almost cost Spurs the win on Wednesday with that disallowed goal of his, and he was being an ass today. He remembered seeing the forward shouting at Paulo, shoving his finger up into his face, trying to intimidate Jan’s goalkeeper…

He saw Sterling moving, taking it into the corner, trying to shield the ball, but Jan was on him before he realised what he was doing, and knocked into him harder than Jan had really intended. Sterling was down, but only for a second, and before Jan could take a step back the shorter man was on him, arms swinging furiously, trying to get Jan in a headlock, to bring a knee up into Jan’s midsection.

Jan grappled with him for a moment, growling incoherently. The sound of the whistle was ringing in his ears and he felt the ref getting a hand on him, trying to separate them, but Sterling wasn’t backing off--

_“JAN!”_

The roar of a familiar voice brought Jan to his senses and he released his grip on Sterling, easily breaking free of the smaller man’s hold and straightening up from where his head had been pressed into Sterling’s chest. He glanced over towards their goal and saw Paulo gesturing at him to back off, his face stormy. Jan glared at the ground, adrenaline still coursing through him, but tried to exert some of his usual discipline. The match must be nearly over at this point, they were definitely in stoppage time. Just a little longer and he could let go and deal with whatever feeling was building in his chest, unrecognisable so long as he refused to let that wall down.

Jan and Sterling both picked up yellow cards for that little incident, as it turned out, and when the final whistle came at last, Jan headed off the field with his head down, pretending he couldn’t feel Paulo’s eyes on him, as intense as ever. Anyone watching would naturally think he was upset about the loss, and he was, but he was also struggling to hold off the urge to go straight to Paulo, fall on his knees right there on the pitch, and apologise for getting into it with Sterling at all.

He was less concerned about the actual consequences of the yellow card, or what the loss meant for their standing in the league, than about the fact that he had done something that had made Paulo have to shout at him like that. Would Paulo be angry? Disappointed? Jan didn’t know, and a sizeable lump was forming in his throat at the thought of what he might say.

_Do you like to be good, Jan?_

He hadn’t been good, not today, and it was almost more than he could bear.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that the game was over, Paulo could not brook any delay in getting to Jan. He needed care, and Paulo was desperate to give it to him.
> 
> But how on Earth was he going to be able to be discreet? The changing rooms and showers were sure to be crowded...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Paulo to have a turn with the point of view!
> 
> Given that both our main characters are non-native English speakers, there are some lines of not-English in this chapter that I preferred not to immediately translate in the chapter, so I put translations in the end notes.

_ "JAN!" _

Paulo's shout continued to echo in his head as Jan made his way slowly off the pitch, head down. Paulo hadn't really meant to roar at Jan quite so forcefully. Except… well, yes he had. It had been necessary, really-- the match had gone badly enough without Jan getting himself hurt or picking up a red card, and even at a distance it had been obvious that Jan wasn't going to be able to regain his composure on his own. Sterling had been fighting mad all match, perhaps unsurprising after his would-be winning goal had been disallowed in the last match. Paulo had been lucky to de-escalate his own confrontation with City's forward, but at this stage in the game he knew exhaustion and frustration were sure to be getting the better of his defender. He had to stop the scuffle before it got any worse.

But he really hadn't meant for it to rattle Jan as much as it clearly had. Paulo may not have been the most experienced Dom in the world, but he could clearly see the signs of Jan fighting off the need to submit to him, which of course he couldn't do on the pitch.

Now that the game was over, though, Paulo could not brook any delay in getting to Jan. He needed care, and Paulo was desperate to give it to him.

He made his way off the pitch quickly, brushing off Toni when he tried to intercept him on the way out. He pulled his keeper's gloves off as he stalked toward the changing room, trying to plan.  _ Discretion. _ How on Earth was he going to be able to be discreet? The changing rooms and showers were sure to be crowded, but he didn't think he or Jan would be able to wait until they could be alone.

He took a deep breath as he shouldered his way through the door, his heart racing. As he'd expected, the room was crowded and chaotic, though lacking the energy that characterised the atmosphere after a win. Juan Foyth and Davinson Sánchez were arguing about their defensive form in Spanish, with an occasional interjection from Fernando. Eriksen, Skippy, Kyle, and Sonny had started up a game of Uno, with Ben Davies watching, arms folded across his chest and commenting occasionally, his Welsh lilt heavy with sarcasm. Lucas had his earbuds in and his eyes closed, lost to the music. A number of the others were missing, including Jan.

"Paulo!" Juanito called to him, beckoning him to come join the argument, clearly hoping to bolster his side. Normally Paulo would have been happy to join in and support his friend, but not today. Today he couldn't focus on anything but getting to Jan.

_ "No ahora, lo siento," _ he muttered as he made his away across the room. He caught a puzzled expression flashing across Juan's face, but the young Argentinian shrugged readily enough and went back to trying to convince Sánchez of his point.

Paulo didn't stop to remove his boots or kit before heading into the showers, not caring that it might look a bit unusual. As goalkeeper, he shared some of the responsibility for leadership in the match and it wasn't ludicrous for him to be seeking out a demoralised teammate. Nobody else had the slightest idea that anything else had happened between him and Jan, after all.

When Paulo opened the door to the showers, he found it full of steam and somewhat less full of people, but unlike the changing room, it was eerily silent. He caught sight of Eric and Dele in adjoining stalls, but for once they weren't sniping at each other. 

He spotted Michel and Toby huddled together at the other end of the room and made his way over to them. As he approached, Toby glanced at him in surprise. His brow was furrowed, and Mich was chewing on his lower lip, his face a mask of concern.

Paulo raised an eyebrow at them, knowing that they'd understand the question without needing to bother voicing it. They were both old friends of Jan's, and Paulo and Mich had long since bonded strongly, in the way a squad's goalkeepers often did.

They exchanged a glance, and Toby shrugged slightly.

"Jan is crying," Mich said in a low voice.

If either of them said anything after that, it was inaudible over the deafening ringing that was filling Paulo's ears. He swallowed, took a deep breath, and lifted his voice slightly.

"I'll talk to him. Can you give us a minute? Take those two with you," he said, indicating Dele and Dier with a jerk of his head.

He thought he saw Toby give him a strange look, just for a moment, but then the blond defender nodded briefly and moved away from him, Mich following. Paulo heard, faintly, yelps of protest from Dele as he and Dier were shepherded dripping out of the room, but he couldn't spare them any attention from the man waiting for him in the last stall.

Finally the door closed behind them, and Paulo had the presence of mind to lock the door before returning to Jan's stall.

Jan was sitting on the floor, shirtless but still in his match shorts, his feet bare except for his shower sandals. His knees were pulled up to his chest, arms locked around them, and his face was hidden in the circle of his arms. All Paulo could see was the top of his head, his normally immaculate hair rumpled and sweaty.

In the silence Paulo could hear Jan breathing, the slightest hitch in the rhythm the only clue that Jan was upset. He was impressed that Mich and Toby had been able to tell that their friend was crying, if this was all that Jan had shown to them.

_ "Alles is oke, schatje,"  _ Paulo said gently, stumbling just a bit over the unfamiliar pronunciation. He had listened to the recordings Sophie had made for him over and over again, but he had never attempted to speak Dutch before and the shaping of the vowels felt clumsy in his mouth.

Jan lifted his head to look up at Paulo, mouth slightly open. His handsome face was streaked with tears, his eyes more red than blue. "When did you…?"

Paulo crouched next to him and pressed a finger to his lips. "I want you to be quiet for now," he said, still gentle but with just a hint of command in it. Jan clearly needed to feel that Paulo was in charge now, that he would take care of everything, and Paulo needed him to understand just how seriously he intended to take that responsibility.

Jan nodded slightly and rubbed a fist across his face, a boyish gesture that made him look impossibly young somehow, for all that he was a good five years Paulo's senior.

"Do you trust me?" 

Jan nodded.

"Good. On your knees."

Jan shifted into position obediently, hands automatically clasping behind his back, but his face was showing a bit of confusion. Paulo had to work hard not to smile, not to reach out and caress his face, smooth out the creases in his brow and wipe away every tear.  _ Soon enough. _

He straightened up to his full height, relishing the way Jan had to tilt his head back to keep his eyes on Paulo's face. "You didn't have your best game today, did you?" he asked in a low rumble.

Jan shook his head.

"You let your temper get the better of you out there, didn't you?"

Jan nodded, his eyes wide.

"I expect better from you. We can't afford to have any extra suspensions or injuries now, can we?"

Jan shook his head again, his plush lower lip quivering slightly. Paulo could hardly tear his eyes from it long enough to remember where he was going with this.

"No, we can't. I expect you to keep that pretty face of yours in one piece, do you understand me?"

Jan nodded, a soft whimper barely audible in his throat.

_"Bueno._ Just to be on the safe side, though, I think you need a bit of punishment for your behavior today, don't you agree?"

Jan sucked in a shaky breath but nodded emphatically.

"Yes, you do. I will always reward you when you are good, but that also means you need to expect consequences when you misbehave. Come here."

Paulo helped Jan to his feet, not missing the bulge that had appeared in his match shorts. Paulo was dimly aware that his body was responding as well, but his own pleasure was definitely not his focus at the moment.

Paulo led Jan out of the shower stall and over to one of the benches. "Shorts off," he ordered him quietly.

Jan scrambled out of them without hesitation, his eyes fixed eagerly on Paulo.

_ "Bueno. _ Now, I think I'm going to have to spank you to get my point across. Do you want me to spank you, Jan?"

Jan swallowed, but nodded.

_ "Bueno. _ Do you trust me not to hurt you any more than you want me to?"

Another nod.

"I'd like you to pick a safeword for me, then. I need to be sure that you will always feel safe with me, and if anything I do is too much for you, you always have the power to stop me, yes?"

Paulo waited for Jan's answering nod, then continued. "Your safeword should be something that you are not likely to say when we are together under ordinary circumstances. It is an immediate signal to stop and we don't want that to happen by accident." Pause. Another nod. "What is your safeword, Jan?"

Jan took a minute to think about his answer. Finally his lips twitched, just the merest flicker of a smile as he said, "Zmeya."

"Zmeya," Paulo repeated.  _ What on Earth? _ It didn't sound like a word in Dutch or French, the only languages Paulo was positive Jan spoke, apart from English. "Thank you, Jan. Now, I need you to bend over for me. Elbows on the bench, and don't move until I tell you."

Jan flushed halfway down his bare chest as he lowered his eyes and slowly bent. Now he was bent almost double, leaning on his forearms over the bench, pert ass in the air, presented to Paulo like a gift.

Paulo sucked in a breath at the sight, willing himself to stay calm. "I want you to count for me, Jan, but we need to stay quiet, unless you want the whole squad to hear me punishing you?"

Jan whimpered and shook his head.

Paulo took a moment to savour the sight of Jan like that, discipline forgotten, completely surrendered to Paulo's will. "I'm going to start with ten, and then we'll see if you need more after that," he said quietly, and brought his hand down carefully across Jan's lovely ass with a delicious  _ smack _ .

"One," Jan moaned in a low voice. Paulo took his time to survey his work before raising his hand again. _Smack._ "Two."

Jan's skin was flushing beautifully under his hand. Paulo couldn't tear his eyes away.  _ Smack. _

"Three."

Paulo could feel his cock throbbing, still in his full kit. He had expected to enjoy this, but Jan's soft moans at every slap were like a lit match to a litre of petrol inside Paulo.  _ Smack. _

"Four." Jan was whimpering in between each rise and fall of Paulo's broad hand, sucking on his lower lip in his efforts to stay quiet.  _ Smack. _

"Five…" Paulo could see how hard Jan was, his cock dripping on the floor, his thighs trembling with the effort of not moving his hips.  _ Smack. _

"Six," Jan moaned, a little louder now but still too softly to be heard outside the door.  _ Smack. _

"Seven," Jan's voice was rising a little now, a note of desperation creeping in.  _ Smack. _

"Eight..." Paulo saw Jan's hips stuttering a bit, unable to keep entirely still, cock straining to find something, anything, to rub against.  _ Smack. _

"Nine," Jan cried out, and Paulo could tell that, amazingly, he was about to come, without Paulo touching him at all apart from the spanking. He put just a bit more force into the last slap.  _ SMACK. _

"Ten!" Jan nearly wailed, struggling valiantly to keep still. Paulo leaned over him and clapped a hand over his mouth, barely in time. Paulo felt Jan's body jerking underneath him, his groan vibrating against Paulo's palm across his mouth. Angling his head, he caught sight of Jan's cock, pointing almost straight down at the floor, streams of cum splattering messily onto the edge of the bench and pooling on the floor at his feet.

Paulo wrapped his arms around Jan, holding him securely as he came down from his orgasm, panting heavily. Paulo pressed a kiss into his spine, his heart thudding in his ears, his own neglected cock straining in his kit.

Finally he released Jan and helped him straighten up. "You did so well,  _ schatje," _ he whispered. "Now we need to get you showered and dressed before the team gets suspicious."

Paulo guided Jan back into the shower, turning the water on and instructing his pliant lover to stand under the stream and relax for a moment. Paulo stripped off his kit, carelessly bundling his things on the bench. He hastily cleaned up Jan's mess with a spare towel, then, with a grimace at the risk that someone would come in before he was able to get himself to calm down, he unlocked the door and went to rejoin Jan.

Luckily, he was able to get Jan showered and seated on the bench with a fresh towel around his waist, and himself back into the shower, before he heard the door open and close. Paulo turned the water to cold, wincing. He couldn't afford to let anyone else see him as excited as he had been from spanking Jan. He hastily started to scrub the remnants of the match from his skin and hair, listening for voices.

"Jan?" he heard Toby say, followed by a quiet, and largely one-sided, conversation in Dutch that Paulo couldn't follow. Whatever Jan said must have satisfied Toby, though, because he heard him leave again soon after. The room didn't stay quiet for long, though, as others came in to take their showers. He distinctly heard Dele's voice, grumbling petulantly about the delay, then Eric telling him to stop being a brat.  _ I owe you one, Dier. _

Paulo finished his shower as quickly as he could, eager to rejoin Jan. He wasn't sure how deeply Jan had sunk into his submissive state, but he hated having to be apart from him for even a second of it, hated being unable to take care of him even for the few minutes it took for him to wrap up his shower. He grabbed Jan's shower kit, and emerged from his shower stall, hand automatically reaching for his towel.

Jan was gone.

Paulo dropped the kit, heart in his throat. His hand had luckily already closed around his towel, or he would have run out of the room naked. He strode quickly back to the changing room, towel around his waist but water still sluicing off his long limbs with every step.

He came to a sudden halt just inside the changing room, mouth slightly open with surprise. Jan was dressing himself and bantering with some of the guys, an easy smile on his face. There was almost no sign of what his emotional state had been only moments ago, apart from a faint flush on his neck. He didn't even glance over when Paulo entered the room, too busy fastening his belt and laughing at something Sonny was saying.

Juan caught his eye.  _ "¿Qué pasa, jefe?" _ he called.

_ "Nada, parece,"  _ Paulo murmured.  _ "¿Dijo algo cuando regresó?" _

_ "¿A quién te refieres?" _ Juanito looked confused, though to be fair that was more or less his default state.

Paulo shook his head.  _ "No importa. No te preocupes por eso, pibe." _

Paulo forced himself to turn away from Jan and set about getting himself dressed. He chatted with Juan and Fernando lightly in Spanish, not about anything in particular, mostly just for the enjoyment of being able to drop back into his native language, a luxury here in England.

Once he finished dressing, he fished his phone out of his bag and sent a quick text to Jan.

_ <<We're not done. Meet me at my car. _

_ >>Yes, sir. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> No ahora, lo siento - Not now, sorry  
> Alles is oke, schatje - Everything is okay, baby  
> Bueno - Good  
> Qué pasa, jefe - What's up, boss?  
> Nada, parece - Nothing, apparently  
> Dijo algo cuando regresó - Did he say anything when he came back?  
> A quién te refieres - Who do you mean?  
> No importa - It doesn't matter  
> No te preocupes por eso, pibe - Don't worry about it, kid
> 
> Finally, I don't pretend to be fluent in either Dutch or Spanish, so if you are and you see any of this that needs tweaking, please let me know!


	5. Chapter 5

Jan slid into the front passenger seat of Paulo's car, the slam of the door jolting Paulo out of his reverie. Paulo watched Jan drop his bag in the backseat, then sit back in his seat with a sigh, eyes closed. The silence stretched out over one minute, then a second, and a third.

Finally Jan sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't stay in the shower room. I know you were expecting me to."

Paulo swallowed the faint irritation that was building in his throat. "Tell me why you made that decision."

Jan pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. "I don't know. Toby came in and he was asking if I was okay and he said that some of the guys were worried about me and that I should come back to the changing room so they could see that I was all right. And you had said…"

Jan trailed off and Paulo lifted an eyebrow at him.

"You had said that I needed to get showered and dressed before anyone got suspicious and… I don't know. It just seemed like a good idea, like I would be taking care of something you wanted. I didn't even think about how you must have reacted when you saw I'd gone. I'm sorry if I made you angry."

It was Paulo's turn to sigh. "I'm not angry. Not really. I was just worried about you. When I left you on the bench you didn't seem to be… up to it."

Jan's brow creased. "I'm not sure I know what you mean. I was fine."

Paulo fought back the urge to growl at him. "Jan, don't you remember the state you were in last night? I thought you were there again just now. And when you are in that state I _need_ to be able to take care of you."

Jan's frown deepened. "Last night? I was just tired."

Paulo had to bite his lip. "Jan, I thought you had experience with this, with being… submissive. But you don't even know when you've been in _subespacio?_ Subspace?"

Jan's face was blank and Paulo swore heavily in Spanish. Jan flinched and Paulo forced himself to take a deep breath. He had just managed to get Jan leveled out from the match; the last thing he needed now was to overreact to this and hurt him more.

"Jan," he said softly. "When some people do the things that we've been doing, it can sometimes cause the submissive person to enter a… an altered state of mind, let us say. It can be different for different people, but to make it brief, you were absolutely in the _subespacio_ last night, and possibly at least a bit just now. You lost the ability to speak, you were passive in ways you would normally never be, and you were completely unable to care for yourself."

Jan closed his eyes and Paulo watched his throat working as he processed this. His brows drew together in a way that made Paulo want to kiss them smooth again. Finally he opened those impossibly blue eyes of his and looked at Paulo.

"I didn't really realise," he murmured. "I remember feeling that way when I had done this before, but I didn't know it was a common enough thing to have a name."

Paulo nodded. "Not everyone does, even those who do this regularly. But the name isn't what's important, it's understanding what it means for your safety. It does not necessarily go away quickly, even after a session is done. When you are there, you do not make good decisions for yourself. Your emotions can be very intense, very raw, and you need to be cared for properly, by someone you trust. And… for me it is also a need. I cannot do this with you if I can't care for you."

Jan swallowed. "I'm sorry, Paulo. I didn't understand. Thank you for explaining to me. I… like it when you teach me things." His voice had darkened over the course of the last sentence and Paulo felt his heart rate speed up.

"Do you," he murmured. _"Muy bueno saber."_

"Which reminds me, when did you learn Dutch?"

Paulo laughed and started the car. "I would not say I have learned it, but Sophie taught me a few words to use with you. She said hearing Dutch might be soothing for you, a comfort I can give you when you need it. She even recorded herself saying them, for me to practise with."

Paulo glanced briefly at Jan as he pulled out of the carpark. "She is a remarkable woman indeed, your Sophie."

Jan didn't answer. Paulo saw, out of the corner of his eye, a tear slip down his cheek.

"No need for that, _schatje,"_ Paulo said gently, brushing the tear away with his thumb. "You are loved, no? No need for tears when you have such love."

  
  


***

  
  


They pulled into Paulo's driveway a short time later. Jan had stayed silent for the rest of the drive, his knuckles white from his grip on Paulo’s hand. _Good thing I got an automatic, and not a manual transmission,_ Paulo thought, smiling.

_“Vamos,”_ he said, reluctantly letting go of Jan’s hand and scooping up both of their bags in one arm.

Once the door clicked shut behind them, Paulo set the bags down, hung his car keys on their hook, and glanced over his shoulder at Jan, who was stood with his hands in his pockets, apparently studying the floor.

“Jan?” Paulo said quietly, turning toward him, a flicker of worry in his voice.

Jan lifted his eyes at that, just enough for Paulo to see those blue eyes peering at him through his eyelashes. A corner of Jan’s mouth quirked, just the slightest bit, which was Paulo’s only warning.

The next instant, Jan was on him, pinning him to the wall, kissing him like he had been waiting to kiss him for years, his hands clutching at Paulo’s shirt, fisting the material and exposing the lower part of Paulo’s belly.

Paulo moaned in surprise. His arms went around Jan’s waist, pulling him in tight, squeezing his ass firmly, roaming up his back, enjoying the shifting of the muscles of Jan’s back. He let his eyes drift shut, savouring the moment, which of course was the moment Jan chose to bite down on Paulo’s lower lip. Jan had sharp teeth and there was nothing gentle about it.

Paulo let out an embarrassingly undignified yelp and released Jan, raising a hand to his mouth. “Why did you do that?” he said indignantly, checking for blood. His thumb came away dry, fortunately. He didn’t fancy having to explain that one to the physios.

“What? You just taste so good, I couldn’t help it.”

He started to glare at Jan, but couldn’t hold it. Jan was grinning at him, his eyes lively, his smile impish. And as much as Paulo had treasured getting to see other facets of Jan over the last couple of days, he couldn’t kid himself that he wasn’t captivated by Jan’s normal mischievous demeanour.

Paulo stared at him for another second and then surrendered. He burst out laughing, Jan joining in. Paulo reached out and grabbed Jan by the wrist, pulling him into his arms again as their giggling subsided. “You are a naughty boy sometimes,” Paulo told him, stroking his cheek, pinching his earlobe.

“I don’t know what you could possibly mean.” Jan’s hands were sliding up Paulo’s shirt again, grazing his ribs with just enough pressure to make him squirm.

“No?” Paulo laughed, slightly breathless. He wrestled Jan away from the door and into the living room, every step of the way marked by them tickling each other, kissing, a bit of groping. Finally he was able to shove Jan down onto the couch, where he stretched out full-length, looking up at Paulo with hooded eyes, his erection plainly visible under his jeans.

Paulo couldn’t help but respond to the sight, his heart beating faster. He knelt next to the couch and devoted several minutes to thoroughly kissing Jan until he melted completely. Finally Paulo pulled his head back to assess his work.

Jan’s eyes were closed now and he was breathing heavily. Paulo took the opportunity to admire every detail of his face, the elegant flare of his nostrils, the lush swell of his lower lip, the dusting of freckles like cinnamon all across his skin. Paulo gently brushed a few strands of coppery hair back from his forehead, then breathed into his ear, “You are so beautiful, Jan.”

Jan blushed faintly, not opening his eyes. “You must have a defective mirror or something.”

Paulo snorted. “I did not say anything about me. You can be beautiful without it changing anything about me.” To stifle any further protests, Paulo decided to find out if any of those freckles actually tasted like cinnamon, making his way from one side of Jan’s face to the other, scattering tiny kisses, licks, and nibbles like a farmer scattering seed. When he reached Jan’s other ear, he sucked the earlobe into his mouth for a second, then whispered, “You are beautiful, and you are _mine.”_

“Yes,” Jan breathed back. “Yours.”

“Mine to do with as I please?”

Jan let out a moan. “Yes, Paulo. Anything.”

“Anything?” Paulo drew out the word over several syllables, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin of Jan’s ear. “If I gave you the choice, what would you have me do with you?”

“Paulo… fuck, anything. Kiss me. Touch me. Fuck me. Please…”

Paulo hummed softly in response, letting the vibration of his voice rumble against Jan’s ear. He slid one hand up Jan’s neck until he reached hair that was long enough to get a grip on. He tugged on Jan’s hair, not really roughly, but not gently either. “I believe I told you before that I prefer direct answers, no?”

Jan whimpered. “Yes, Paulo.”

“Then give me one answer only-- you must choose. What should I do with you?”

Jan considered this for a moment, opening his eyes to stare into Paulo’s. They were dark with need, as wide and desperate as they had been when Paulo had pulled his face up out of Tripps’ neck at the Etihad.

“Please,” he whispered. “Please fuck me.”

Paulo purred with satisfaction. “When you ask so polite, it makes me happy to give you what you beg for, _mi pelirrojito._ But have you done this before?”

“No,” Jan admitted.

Paulo nodded. “Then we must take our time, do it properly. Come with me.”

He helped Jan to his feet and led him into the bedroom. He undressed first Jan, then himself, lightly slapping away Jan’s fingers when he tried to help. When they were both bare, Paulo lifted Jan off his feet and spread him out across the bed, not missing the squeak of surprise this earned him.

_Fuck,_ Paulo thought. He raked his eyes over Jan’s body hungrily, feeling himself flush and harden as he took it all in. Jan was undeniably gorgeous. He must have been close to one-ninety centimetres tall, all elegant limbs, lean muscle, and pale skin decorated with freckles and a smattering of light, coppery-coloured hair. Like any other professional athlete, he’d picked up his fair share of scars over the years, and tonight he sported a couple of new bruises, courtesy of City. But to Paulo’s eyes, they were beautiful too, highlighting the rest of his Belgian defender’s perfection by contrast.

Jan stretched himself out and clasped his hands behind his head, smiling up at him with a look that was just a touch too seductive to be entirely sincere. “Hi there, handsome. Come here often?”

Paulo laughed before he could stop himself, caught off guard by Jan’s bad pun. He went to his bedside table and opened the drawer, fishing inside for what he needed. He set the lube and condoms on the nightstand, then slid onto the bed next to Jan. "Sometimes here, sometimes other places," he answered with a smirk.

"Ah, true. How could I forget?"

Paulo kissed Jan, just to smother the smirk right off of his sassy little lips. He began to run his hands all over that gorgeous skin, relishing each twitch of muscle under his touch, each shiver of sensitive skin. He explored Jan’s body unhurriedly, taking his time to memorise as much as he could of the little reactions he got along the way, learning exactly where Jan liked to be touched, how firmly or lightly, the exact texture of his skin, his hair.

Jan was breathing hard, his eyes closed. "Paulo," he sighed. "Paulo…"

"Tell me what you want, _mi pelirrojito."_

"Fuck me, please…" 

"Open your legs for me, then."

Jan moaned and moved his feet apart. Paulo ran his hands down and back up the impressive length of his legs, then slid them underneath his knees and lifted, tucking Jan's knees up towards his chest. "Keep these here, and try to hold still," he told Jan.

Jan froze obediently in place while Paulo quickly spread lube over his fingers. "Are you ready?" Paulo whispered. "I'm going to start with fingering you open. If anything is too much, you need to tell me. What is your safeword, please?"

"Zmeya."

"Thank you." And with that Paulo went to work, taking his time to be sure he made this as pleasurable as possible for Jan. First he simply stroked his fingertip over Jan's entrance, massaging gently. Then he carefully slid a slick fingertip inside, just the slightest intrusion, watching Jan, listening carefully for any changes in breathing that might indicate how he was doing.

Slowly, slowly, he worked that first finger all the way in, stroking in and out, marvelling at how responsive Jan was. He was holding still, as Paulo had told him to, but a symphony of sighs moans, and whimpers filled the air.

"How is that, _schatje?"_

Jan made a tiny noise in his throat that was not even close to being an actual word, but definitely an affirmative.

"I'm going to start the second finger now," Paulo murmured, seeing how much Jan had been enjoying the first finger. He was still moving cautiously, slowly, but he felt more confident now.

He gradually introduced the second finger, then a third, checking in with Jan before each new step. Once the third finger was buried in Jan's ass, Paulo took a breath. "How is that? Does it hurt at all?"

"No," Jan whispered.

"Good. Now, I'm going to keep going. I won't be adding any more fingers, but I am going to do some things to help you open up. Tell me at once if I do anything that you do not like."

Paulo began to move his fingers around inside of Jan, searching out the best spots to aim for. He stroked Jan's prostate and was delighted by how eagerly Jan took to that. He spread his fingers, curled them, working Jan as carefully as he could.

At last, he was satisfied that Jan was ready. He withdrew his fingers, to a faint whine of disappointment from Jan, and quickly got himself prepared with a condom and another generous application of lube.

Finally everything was ready. He positioned himself between Jan's raised legs and ran his hands along that pale, beautiful skin.

"Jan, you've been so good, so patient. Now I'm going to fuck you. Are you ready?"

"Yes…" Jan moaned, so quietly Paulo almost didn't hear him.

Paulo sighed with relief and began to push into Jan. He had been forcing himself to focus solely on preparing Jan, ignoring his own desires, but now, sinking deeper and deeper into Jan, he could relax his control and let himself appreciate it all.

Jan let out a long, breathy moan as Paulo slowly, slowly, slid home inside him. He shifted his legs and wrapped them around Paulo's waist, which changed the angle a bit.

"Ah, fuck," Paulo whispered. "Jan, Jan, I knew you would feel incredible, but I could not have imagined this, how good it is."

He leaned down to kiss Jan, bringing one hand up to cup his face tenderly. He moved his hips steadily, slow at first, picking up speed gradually, alternating between kissing Jan and mouthing at his ears, his neck, across his shoulders and down his chest. Jan gasped when Paulo caught one of his nipples between his lips and sucked it into a stiff peak.

"Harder," Jan whispered. "Please, Paulo, harder…"

Paulo couldn't help but smile. "I love how polite you are," he panted. "But why should I do this for you? Have you been good today?"

"No… I'm sorry, Paulo…"

"But we have already disciplined you for this, no? Hmm… I think now is my turn."

Jan's eyes fluttered open in confusion.

"I give you what you wanted today, even though you have not been good. So I think now, I will not punish you any more. But I think you need to understand just where we stand."

With that he pulled out of Jan and helped him to sit up.

"Here is what we're going to do. You asked me to fuck you harder, though you have not earned it by being good. So I'm not going to fuck you harder-- in fact, I'm not going to fuck you at all. You are going to fuck me."

With that Paulo lay down on his back, his eyes boring into Jan's, and motioned for Jan to straddle him.

Jan flushed halfway down his torso, but obeyed, his eyes hot on Paulo’s. He let Paulo guide him, getting himself lined up and sinking slowly down onto Paulo’s cock with a faint whimper.

When Jan was fully seated on top of Paulo, he let out a soft sigh, his eyes slipping closed. Paulo just had to take a moment to admire how beautiful he looked like this, lost in pleasure. _What is the word they use in English to describe someone like him?_

Paulo moved his hands to Jan’s hips and pulled at them, encouraging Jan to begin moving on top of him. He couldn’t look away from the way Jan’s cock bobbed as he began to ride Paulo in earnest.

_Ginger, that’s it. Like the spice._ Paulo liked the word-- it was perfectly suggestive of just how spicy and delicious Jan was.

_My sweet, spicy ginger._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up longer than I intended, so some of what I had planned for this chapter will be in chapter 6.
> 
> Translations:  
> Subespacio - Subspace  
> Muy bueno saber - Very good to know  
> Schatje - Baby/sweetie  
> Vamos - Let's go  
> Mi pelirrojito - My little redhead


	6. Chapter 6

Later, after they were finally sated and had managed to get cleaned up, Paulo pulled Jan into his arms for some serious cuddling, back on the living room sofa.

“You don’t need to be afraid,  _ schatje,” _ Paulo whispered into his hair. 

“Hmm?” Jan’s voice was a sleepy murmur.

“I know you’re afraid,” Paulo said gently. “Of what all… this…” He indicated the two of them wrapped around each other on the couch. “...might mean. But no matter what happen, I will always take care of you, whatever you need.”

“Not just me,” Jan whispered. He still sounded distant, far away, still lost in the depths of the  _ subespacio. _

“I know. I will do my best to think of what your family needs as well, since their needs are also yours. I promise you this.”

“Thank you…”

“You are welcome, sweet Jan. You have been so good this evening. Are you hungry?”

Jan nodded.

Paulo began gently disentangling himself from Jan, settling his lover among the cushions of the couch and kissing him gently.

“I will get you a snack, and then I think I will cook some dinner. I will be right back.”

Paulo scrounged up an apple, which he cut up into cubes, a bit of cheese, and a few almonds, things that he could feed Jan with his fingers-- always one of his favourite parts of aftercare. He filled up a spare water bottle and brought it all back into the living room, to Jan.

And feeding Jan was such a delight. He was patient and calm, but always happy to take whatever morsel Paulo would raise to his lips. Paulo especially loved the way Jan would lick his fingers after a bite of apple, to make sure that all the juice had been cleaned from his skin.

By the time he had finished feeding Jan his snack, Paulo could tell that he was starting to return to himself. Paulo left him with instructions to drink some water and went to start dinner.

Paulo's mind was far away as he began to cut up the steak. He loved cooking; it relaxed him, and he always felt in control in the kitchen.

He began to hum as he seared the steak, intent on not letting it burn. By the time he slid the pan into the oven, he was singing, completely swept away from the present.

_ Cuando estoy contigo crece mi esperanza _

_ Has alimentado el amor de mi alma… _

Paulo jumped slightly when a pair of arms slid around his waist. He was cutting up the vegetables and he went tense, almost dropping the knife.

"Hey," Jan murmured, pressing his chest against Paulo's back, resting his cheek against Paulo's shoulder. "Didn't mean to startle you."

"No problem," Paulo said, a little shorter than he intended to. He set the knife down carefully and turned to face Jan.

"What's wrong?" Jan's eyes were puzzled. 

"It's not a big thing, really. Just…"

Jan frowned, and Paulo ached. "It's just that… when I cook, I don't like anyone to be right up around me. I need my space. Is that okay?"

The line between Jan's eyebrows vanished and he smiled, releasing Paulo. "Oh, sure. Sorry about that."

He retreated to sit at the kitchen table, watching Paulo intently as he resumed cooking.

Paulo quickly found himself relaxing again, falling back into the rhythm of cooking.

_ Y sin pensarlo, el tiempo me robó el aliento _

_ Qué será de mí si no te tengo? _

_ Me enamoré de ti... _

"What does that mean?" Jan breathed in his ear. This time Paulo did drop the knife.

"Jan," he said, sternly now. "Please."

Jan obligingly backed off again, but didn't sit down at the table this time. Instead, he leaned against the counter, only a few feet away from Paulo.

"What song is that?"

"Hmm?" Paulo was trying to focus on the vegetables and didn't really hear Jan's question at first.

"You were singing," Jan said softly. "Something in Spanish. I was just wondering what it meant."

Paulo had to think for a moment before he remembered what song he had been singing. He hadn't been really thinking about it at all; it was just a habit of his to sing while he was cooking.

“Oh… just a song I listen to from Argentina. It’s nothing really.” He hadn’t intended to start singing his favourite romantic ballad around Jan. But now that he was thinking about it, he wondered. Had he subconsciously picked a song that was more relevant than he had thought?

Jan made a soft noise, as if he didn’t quite believe Paulo, but didn’t push it.

Now that he was aware of what he’d been doing, he felt self-conscious. He could feel Jan’s eyes on him. He wished he could relax; he didn’t want to make Jan feel that he couldn’t be around him, especially with something as ordinary as cooking dinner.

The song continued to play in his mind, though, and suddenly all he could think of as he continued to prepare the vegetables was how appropriate it really was. He had been longing for Jan for far longer than he had even confessed to Sophie. As soon as he had begun to understand him better, what sort of person he was, he had begun to lose his heart to him. Always secretly-- he had not dared to hope that he might ever actually have him-- and more than even he had known, Paulo realised now.

_ No hay nada que cambiar, no hay nada que fingir… _

Paulo smiled to himself, his heart swelling. He wasn’t sure if Jan was quite ready for Paulo to come clean with the magnitude of his affections, but someday, perhaps. Someday maybe there would be nothing else to pretend.

_ Me enamoré de ti, me enamoré de ti… _

“You have such a beautiful voice,” Jan murmured, in his ear again. He was standing right behind Paulo again, separated from him by less than an inch, but carefully keeping his hands to himself. Paulo jumped, again, and without thinking he elbowed Jan away, turning his head to shoot him a glare, but when he saw the mischief in Jan’s eyes he couldn’t hold it.

Paulo huffed out an exasperated laugh. “How is it that you are so obedient in the bedroom, and yet you have to push on everything else?”

Jan shrugged. “Don’t know. You’re just fun to tease.” He stepped right up to Paulo’s back once more, holding him by the hips. “It’s not my fault you’re irresistible,” he whispered, taking Paulo’s earlobe gently between his teeth.

Paulo laughed again and nudged him away with a shoulder. “Ah, away with you,  _ mocoso,” _ he said teasingly. “Or there will be no dinner for you.”

Jan actually pouted, that full lower lip poking out just a bit, and looked up at Paulo through his eyelashes. “You wouldn’t do that to me, would you?” he asked, with just a hint of a whine in his voice.

Paulo groaned.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, but after today's game I had to post it. I need Jan being loved. Poor darling.
> 
> The song Paulo is singing is Me Enamoré de Ti by Chayanne.
> 
> Translations:  
> Cuando estoy contigo crece mi esperanza - When I am with you my hope grows  
> Has alimentado el amor de mi alma - You have fed the love of my soul  
> Y sin pensarlo, el tiempo me robó el aliento - And without thinking, time stole my breath  
> Qué será de mí si no te tengo? - What will become of me if I don't have you  
> Me enamoré de ti - I fall in love with you  
> No hay nada que cambiar, no hay nada que fingir - There is nothing to change, there is nothing to pretend  
> mocoso - brat


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paulo tells Jan to do something that might draw attention to himself in public...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashback piece [Any Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22539931) is pretty important to this chapter, so I recommend you read that first. :)

The next few days felt like a dream. Jan spent all of Sunday and Monday, aside from training, with his family. He was floating, high on the memories of the hours he had spent with Paulo, dreaming about when they would be together again. Sophie even commented on it, telling Jan how happy and relaxed he seemed. He was flirtier with her, too, and more affectionate with the kids, if that was possible. She teased him that if she had known Paulo would be this good for him, she would have asked him to pull Jan's hair long since.

Jan responded by asking if she would like to pull his hair too, which resulted in an encounter during the kids' naptime that blew them both away.

Afterwards, they lay in their bed together, tangled together in a mess of sweaty limbs.

"So have you spoken to Patricia yet?" Sophie asked him.

"Not directly," Jan admitted. He knew that Paulo's girlfriend was as accepting of the relationship between Paulo and Jan as Sophie herself, but he hadn't been around her since he and Paulo had gotten together. If he was being honest, he was more than a little nervous about the idea. He'd never been in a situation like this before. How did one comfortably interact with the other partner of a man you were sleeping with?

He wished it could be as easy as it seemed to be for Paulo and Sophie. They had taken to each other immediately on the heels of their conversation the evening Paulo had driven him home. Jan honestly wasn't sure who Paulo texted more now, Sophie or him.

But Patricia was more of a mystery. She had been back home in Spain for the last week, visiting family, but Paulo had assured both Jan and Sophie that she was fully aware and consenting to everything that had happened. A tiny part of Jan felt uncomfortable taking that on faith. He  _ wanted _ to be able to simply trust Paulo's word, but that whisper of uncertainty remained.

Sophie pinched him, making him yelp. "Well, we should fix that, don't you think? Paulo said she's back on Wednesday. Why don't we invite them over for dinner?"

Jan swallowed and nodded, determined to be brave. "Yes, you're right. Um… how about Friday?" They had Tuesday and Saturday games this week.

She nodded. "That's good. You ask him, darling, will you?"

"Okay. But not now," he murmured, drawing Sophie in for another kiss.

She laughed into his mouth and pinched his sides again, making him squirm. "Yes, now. I'm going to go have a shower, and then it'll be time for the kids to get up."

He pouted after her, but she just rolled her eyes at him as she got up from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom.

Jan sighed and rolled over to grab his phone from the bedside table. He was not terribly surprised to see a new text waiting for him.

_ >>From: Paulo G [14:52]: so when can I see you again? _

_ <<To: Paulo G [14:59]: you saw me today, didn't you? ;) _

_ >>From: Paulo G [14:59]: that's not what I mean and you know it, mocoso _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:00]: I want to be alone with you again _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:00]: there are many things I want to do to you _

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:00]: sounds like fun to me. Maybe Wednesday? _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:01]: that is too far away. I want you now _

Jan shivered. If he hadn't just worn himself out with Sophie, that would have definitely made him hard and eager to rush straight to Paulo.

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:01]: I'm sorry. I would really like to but we have plans for tonight already _

_ <<To: Paulo G[15:01]: and I don't know if we should right before a match :( _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:02]: you are right, of course. I will just have to lay here all alone and dream of you _

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:02]: that's not fair at all. How am I supposed to take my family out for dinner with Chris and Toby with that idea in my mind? _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:03]: I expect you to be thinking of me the entire time _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:03]: I want you to do something for me _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:03]: to remind you that you are mine _

Jan bit down on his lip, a wave of heat sweeping over him. 

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:03]: what's that? _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:04]: put a rubber band on your wrist. One that is snug but not tight enough to cut off circulation _

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:04]: okay… why? _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:05] are you questioning my order? _

Jan almost dropped his phone at that, a moan escaping his lips. To his amazement, he was about half-hard again, despite having just spent himself.

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:05]: No, sir _

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:05]: I'm sorry _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:06]: then do as I say. A rubber band. _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:06] and keep your mobile on. _

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:06]: Yes, sir _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:07]: good _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:07]: now, as punishment for questioning me, I am going to masturbate, and you are going to think of it and what you are missing. You do not have permission to touch yourself. _

Jan whimpered. He didn't need any help to imagine Paulo, lying naked on his bed, with a hand around his dick, stroking himself… 

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:07]: Yes, sir. _

He was about to put his phone away and get up when he remembered what Sophie had asked him to do.

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:08]: I almost forgot. Would you and Patricia like to come over for dinner Friday? _

_ >>From Paulo G [15:09]: I need to check with her, but I would love to _

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:09]: Okay, thanks _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:09]: Now go back to thinking of me pleasuring myself while you cannot see or touch me _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:09]: I will be texting you later. Keep your phone close _

Jan had to fight off the urge to touch himself, despite Paulo's orders not to. The picture of Paulo in his mind was maddening. Long, muscular, tanned legs, just the right amount of dark hair in swirls between his navel and his crotch, broad, smooth shoulders…

Jan bit down hard on his lip. He couldn't afford to get distracted by this now. Sophie was surely almost finished with her shower by now, and he could hear noises coming from at least one of the kids' rooms.

He dressed hastily, forcing himself to concentrate on anything that would keep his mind off of Paulo. He was almost ready to go get the kids up when he stopped, remembering. He went to Sophie's desk in the office adjoining their bedroom and rifled through the drawers until he found a rubber band of the proper size. It was not a comfortable thing to have around his wrist, he noticed immediately. It was just tight enough to keep him constantly aware of it, and the rubber dragged against the hair on his arm every time he tried to adjust it. In short, it was maddening, but only barely.

_ Just how Paulo wants it. _

  
  


***

  
  


They met up with Chris and Toby and their families at the restaurant that evening. Jan always enjoyed this, getting together with the friends he had known for so long, along with their partners and now their babies too. Toby in particular was sickeningly cute with his baby girl, constantly reaching over to touch her hair, tickle her little feet, hold her tiny hand. Jan would never have guessed that he would have taken to fatherhood so readily, but it absolutely suited him.

Jan had to smile when Toby lifted his daughter up over his head as they stood waiting for their table, bringing her down for kisses, then up again, pretending that she was flying. He remembered being similarly head over heels with his own kids when they were that small. To be honest, he still was, he thought ruefully, glancing at his daughter and son. He ran his fingers through Leyla's long hair and smiled, catching Sophie watching him with that tender expression she always had when he was with the kids.

_ Bzz. _ Jan's phone, in the inside pocket of his jacket, vibrated suddenly. He fished it out hastily, remembering what Paulo had said about keeping it close.

_ >>From: Paulo G [18:28]: do you have the rubber band on your wrist? _

_ <<To: Paulo G [18:28]: Yes, sir _

_ >>From: Paulo G [18:29]: Good. I want you to snap it on your wrist. Right now. _

An intense shiver went through him. How on Earth would he explain that to Toby or Chris if they noticed what he was doing?

He had to obey, though. He thought for a moment, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He put his hands behind his back, hooked a finger under the band, pulled it about an inch away from his wrist, and let it go.

The impact was a tiny thing, of course, the sound completely lost in the background chatter inside the restaurant. Jan could hardly even feel it, in fact. But the knowledge of what Paulo intended here, forcing Jan to do this in a public place, utterly inflamed his brain. He had to concentrate all his will to keep himself from hardening in his trousers.

His situation didn't improve once they were seated. Paulo was texting him every ten to fifteen minutes to demand that he snap the rubber band again. Every time he did, a surge of arousal flooded his body, the mild pain a thrilling reminder of the things Paulo had promised to do to him, the things he had already done. He had to give up the idea of keeping his body from responding, instead relying on the fact that he was seated to keep up appearances. He was grateful that they had chosen a restaurant that was fancy enough to have tablecloths and cloth napkins; he used both to shield his erection from view.

He didn't miss that Sophie was watching him with amusement in her eyes. He had told her about the rubber band before they left the house, of course, and he was under no illusions that she was unaware of his current situation. She knew him well enough to be able to tell when he was aroused.

"You seem distracted," she whispered in his ear after the third time Paulo had him snap his rubber band.

"He's torturing me, Sophie," Jan complained. 

She smiled at him sweetly. "I thought that's what you wanted, darling."

Jan blushed faintly and scowled at her, making her burst out laughing, which in turn sent the kids off in fits of giggling, despite having no idea what they were laughing at.

"Hey now, what's so funny?" Christian demanded.

"Nothing," Jan said, a little too quickly. Chris narrowed his eyes at him, and even Toby looked up from his daughter long enough to raise an eyebrow at Jan.

"Jan just managed to hurt himself earlier, is all," Sophie said, still giggling. "Not serious, it was more funny than anything. You had to be there." 

Jan snorted. It was even true, he supposed, in a literal sense. Jan had hurt himself earlier-- only a few minutes earlier-- and it wasn’t serious. She had left out the fact that he would continue to hurt himself throughout the evening, anytime their goalkeeper ordered him to. She had also neglected to mention how turned on Jan was by the whole situation, for which he was duly grateful. Toby knew about his proclivities, of course, but not Christian, let alone their partners.

Jan dug deep and found his reserves of self-discipline, enough to enable him to behave mostly normally as the evening went on. He ordered one of his normal favourites and managed to keep his composure as he ate, barely tasting a thing.

He was just congratulating himself on managing the whole situation so well when his phone vibrated again, with yet another message from Paulo, directing him to snap the rubber band, to remember that he belonged to Paulo. It was perhaps the eighth time or so that he had been instructed to do this, and he had become a bit relaxed about the whole thing.

That proved to be his downfall. Without even thinking, he slipped his phone back into his pocket and immediately his fingers went to his wrist and stretched the band out. He had started pulling it further and further out before releasing it, to increase the sting of the impact; this time he pulled it a good four inches away from his wrist. The resulting  _ snap, _ coming as it did during a brief lull in the conversation, was clearly audible. Jan realised with a flash of horror that he had also forgotten to hide his hands underneath the table first.

Christian cocked his head at Jan. “What are you doing that for?” he asked, his voice suspicious. “Never seen you do that before.”

Jan shrugged, trying not to blush. “Nothing. Just a habit I’ve gotten into.”

Sophie  _ tsk _ ed at him. “You should really try to stop that, darling. Bad habits like that can get to be addictive, you know.”

Jan narrowed his eyes at her.  _ Not helping here, Sophie,  _ he thought. She knew full well just how addicted he already was to Paulo, to the things they did together.

Toby frowned. “That’s a weird thing to pick up as a nervous habit. Doesn’t it hurt, snapping it against your wrist like that?”

Jan just shrugged again. “Not really,” he lied. He had snapped it enough times and with enough force tonight that his wrist was actually slightly sore now, but he wasn’t about to admit that to Toby, who knew entirely too much about Jan’s level of pain tolerance.

"Well, don't do that. It’s annoying,” Chris admonished him, smirking. Jan returned the smirk; winding each other up was one of their favourite things to do to each other. Jan even thought about giving the band an extra snap just to annoy Chris further, but couldn’t bring himself to.  _ Not when Paulo hasn’t told me to. This is about him, not Chris. _

Still, when Paulo texted him next, ten minutes later, with instructions to do it again, Jan couldn’t help himself. He lifted his wrist up in front of him and very deliberately stretched the band out, held it there for a moment, then let it snap back against his wrist, maintaining eye contact with Chris the whole time.

His friend sighed. “I thought you had taught him better manners than that,” he commented mournfully to Sophie.

“Oh, definitely not,” she answered. “I don’t know where he gets this from lately.”

She smiled innocently at Jan, who just snickered. She was enjoying this entirely too much, he decided.

In the end the distraction of trying to keep Chris and Toby from getting too suspicious proved to be enough for him to avoid having to try to hide an erection when they left the restaurant, though Jan had a feeling that Paulo wouldn’t be too happy about that when he found out. He would probably find some new way to discipline Jan. The thought made him shiver. He couldn’t wait.

  
  


***

  
  


Before Jan knew what was happening, Sophie had invited their friends back to their house for drinks after dinner. Chris and his girlfriend declined, as their son had missed his nap that day and needed to get to bed early. Toby’s wife begged off as well, saying that she had had a long day and just wanted to get home. Toby, however, decided to come over for a little while, saying that he hadn’t had as much time to hang out with Sophie and the kids lately as he’d like.

This made Jan a little suspicious, as Toby certainly knew that the kids would be going to bed almost as soon as they got home, but he shrugged it off. The truth was that they hadn’t been spending as much time together off the pitch lately, and he did miss his friend. It would be nice to have him over for a bit.

Once the kids were asleep, Sophie kissed Jan and retired to her office to spend some time working on her scripts, leaving Toby and Jan alone in the living room, talking about nothing in particular.

_ Bzz. _ Jan’s phone went off again. Clearly Paulo intended to keep reminding him of just who he belonged to the entire evening. Jan glanced at the message, smiled, fired off a quick  _ Yes, sir _ in reply, and set his phone down. He didn’t even bother trying to hide the snap of the rubber band from Toby, thinking that he had talked his way out of appearing suspect to his friend.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Toby asked.

Jan glanced at him uncertainly. “What? It’s just a nervous habit. It’s no big deal.”

Toby gave him a flat stare. “No, I mean, why do you keep looking at your phone right before you do it?”

Jan swallowed. He hadn’t even thought about someone noticing the pattern of him checking his phone and then snapping the band. He sometimes forgot just how observant Toby could be.

“Don’t know what you mean,” he tried.

Toby’s face didn’t change. “Yes, you do. Every time you’ve done that, you always look at your phone first and type something. I'm pretty sure I've heard your phone buzz first each time, too. You’re not even being subtle about it. So what gives?”

Jan knew he was blushing. "It's nothing, Toby, I swear."

"Then stop doing it." Toby glanced at his watch. "You've been doing it every fifteen minutes or so all night. So let's sit here and see what happens in fifteen minutes or so."

Jan groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why do you have to be so damn perceptive?" he asked in exasperation. "Worse still, why am I always surprised by it?"

Toby just shrugged, still waiting.

Jan wavered for a moment. Finally he pulled his phone out and sent Paulo a message asking for permission to tell Toby.

_ >>From: Paulo G [20:03]: go ahead, but you must tell me everything about how he reacts. _

Jan slipped his phone back into his pocket and took a deep breath, lacing his fingers together on top of his head. “Tobes… do you remember the, ah, favour you did for me a while back?”

Toby’s brow wrinkled. “I’ve done a lot of favours for you, bro. You’ll have to be more specific.”

Jan groaned. Of course Toby couldn’t make this easy for him. “Um… it was after that Crystal Palace match, a couple of years ago.” He kept his eyes on Toby’s face, waiting for the flash of recognition to appear, but his friend had apparently slipped into “brick wall” mode and was giving Jan absolutely nothing.

He coughed. “The one where I accidentally scored an own goal? Remember?”

Toby’s face stayed utterly impassive. “I remember that match, yeah.”

“And… you remember afterward? How upset I was? And Sophie was in Amsterdam…?”

Toby blinked but said nothing.

Jan gave up. There was no dragging anything out of Toby when he got like this. “You remember coming here with me that night? Do you remember how I needed you to…” He knew his face was probably solid crimson by now, but he pressed on. “...spank me?”

Toby smiled slowly. “I do seem to remember something like that, yeah. What does that have to do with that stupid rubber band, though?”

Jan rubbed his forehead, wishing he had a drink. “You remember why I needed that?”

“Yeah, you said that you liked being dominated but Sophie couldn’t do it, right?”

“Right. So… long story short, I’ve found somebody else to do it.” 

Toby blinked again. “Is… is Sophie okay with that?”

Jan loved him in that moment, for his loyalty. “She is. In fact it was… kind of her idea.”

Toby relaxed visibly. “Good. I didn’t want to have to kick your ass.”

Jan rolled his eyes at Toby. “Anyway, this person told me to wear this rubber band tonight, and has been texting me to tell me when to snap it, so I remember… um… who I belong to.”

Toby stared at him for perhaps thirty seconds, and then dissolved into laughter, which Jan found a little offensive. 

“Hey,” he said, annoyed. “It’s not  _ that _ funny.”

“Yes it is,” Toby gasped. “Everything about it absolutely is. You doing that all night and trying to pretend that everything was normal. You freaking out about telling me. Hell, you saying that you belong to someone.” He pounded his fist against his thigh, trying to choke back fresh howls of laughter.

Jan flushed with embarrassment. “I’m glad you didn’t think it was that funny back then,” he chided Toby. 

“Well, of course not. I’d never laugh at you when you were hurting like you were then.” Toby wiped his eyes and sobered. “But now… I don’t know. You don’t seem like you’re hurting. Unless this person that owns you, whoever it is, is the one doing it, but I have a feeling you like that, eh?”

Jan buried his face in his hands. “Ugh, you are such a pain in the ass.”

Toby snickered at him. “Not me. Bet this new friend of yours is though, eh?” He elbowed Jan, laughing harder. “So… do I even want to know who it is?”

“What makes you think it’s even someone you know?”

Toby shrugged. “Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s someone completely separate from the parts of your life that I see. But considering how much time we usually spend together, I kind of doubt it.” He stretched his arms and clasped his hands behind his head. “Let’s see. I’m a little scared to ask if it’s someone from the team, but that’s the obvious place to start, no?”

_ Fucking Toby. Fucking perceptive Toby. _ Jan had a feeling he knew where Toby was going to end up.

“It’s obviously still a sex thing for you, so it’d have to be someone you’re attracted to. I’m guessing not someone you’ve been public about being close with, since that would be more likely to raise suspicion.” Toby scratched his neck thoughtfully. “Not one of the English lads, then. If I had to guess, I’d say probably one of the French or Spanish boys, though I’m not sure which of them really would have the personality for it.”

He thought for a few minutes. “I could see Moussa being able to get into that sort of thing, but I doubt that you’re particularly attracted to him. There’s a couple of guys it could be, I suppose, but I’m going to guess…” he squinted at Jan, who tried to put on his best poker face. “Hugo or Paulo.  _ Maybe _ Coco, but that just doesn’t feel right somehow.”

Jan covered his face with his hands. “How?” he demanded. “How do I always forget how fucking smart you are? It’s not fair.”

Toby whooped. “Ah, so I’m right then? Which of our illustrious goalkeepers is it, then?”

Jan started to answer but was cut off by his phone buzzing again. He had set it on the coffee table after the last time Paulo had texted him. He tried to grab it, but Toby was faster.

“Hey!” Toby crowed with delight, seeing Paulo’s name in the notifications list. “I am the  _ best.” _

“Yes, fine, you’re right, it’s Paulo,” Jan mumbled, trying to snatch his phone back off Toby, hearing it buzz again. “Can I please have that back now?”

“Ooh,” Toby said, pretending to be scandalised. “Yeah, this sounds serious. Should definitely take care of this right away.” He smiled mockingly at Jan and held out the phone.

_ >>From: Paulo G [20:07]: Is Toby still there? _

_ >>From: Paulo G [20:08]: Answer me. _

_ <<To: Paulo G [20:08]: Sorry, he stole my phone for a second. Yes, he’s still here. I told him. He, well, he laughed. _

_ >>From: Paulo G [20:08]: Did he? Why? _

_ <<To: Paulo G [20:09]: He just likes to give me a hard time, I think. _

_ >>From: Paulo G [20:09]: He does, does he? We might have to do something about that. _

Jan bit his lip, his eyes going from the message to Toby’s still mirthful face. He didn’t know whether he ought to laugh or to feel sorry for Toby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing this chapter, I realized that I definitely need the flashback piece Any Time to be canon. As a result I've had to go back and make a couple of edits to the first few chapters to make it fit. Hopefully it'll be worth it! If anything here is confusing, I strongly suggest you reread those first couple of chapters, as well as Any Time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-English dialogue is used; translations are at the end.

The game against Brighton the following day felt dull, even uneventful, to Jan. Having Hugo back in goal was both a relief and a disappointment. Jan was able to concentrate on the game better, but he had also enjoyed playing so near to Paulo, being able to feel his eyes on him.

Of course, he could still feel Paulo's eyes on him, for all that it was coming from the bench. Every time he touched the ball, the back of his neck began to prickle. He still had no idea how he was able to sense when Paulo was staring at him, but he couldn't argue with the fact of it.

It was enough of a distraction that the game seemed unimportant, and Jan found himself playing almost on autopilot. He still performed well enough, had a couple of decent shots at goal, but he knew he wasn't at his absolute best. 

Finally Chris managed to nick a goal late in the game, which was enough for them to claim all three points. Jan knew he should be more bothered by how much of distraction his relationship with Paulo was becoming, but for today he couldn't bring himself to care.

As he made his way off the pitch, though, he began to notice twinges of pain in his leg that he hadn't felt while the adrenaline of the match was still on him. By the time he made it to the changing room, he was limping. He was hoping that he would be able to have a quiet word with the physios without attracting too much attention from… well, anyone else, but he quickly realised that was a forlorn hope. The physios dragged him off to their torture chamber, someone was dispatched to inform Poch, and by the time they turned him loose, Paulo and Toby were both waiting for him.

He sighed when he saw them outside the physio room. They were both leaning against the wall, far enough apart for it to be clear that they were keeping their distance from each other deliberately.

Toby pushed himself off the wall first and spoke to him in Dutch, keeping his voice low. 

_"Ben je oke?"_

_"Het is gewoon een verrekte spier. Ze willen dat ik niet speel in de volgende wedstrijd, maar het zou goed moeten zijn voor Ajax."_ Jan shifted his weight, leaning against the wall, trying to ease the pressure on the muscle in question.

_"Dat is goed. Ik wilde ze niet onder ogen zien zonder jou."_

_"Ik wil ze helemaal niet onder ogen zien,"_ Jan said, wincing as he shifted his leg. The wrap they had put on it was just tight enough to register as uncomfortable.

_"Ik ook niet, broer."_ Toby's eyes flicked in Paulo's direction briefly. _"Je nieuwe…_ ah... _vriend lijkt niet erg gelukkig. Ik denk dat hij het niet leuk vindt als je gewond bent, tenzij hij degene is die jou pijn doet, ja?"_

Jan rolled his eyes at him. _"Wil je daarmee stoppen? Je moet niet spotten met wat je niet begrijpt."_

Toby just grinned mockingly at him, but Paulo silently pushed himself off of the wall and stepped up behind Toby. _"Hij heeft gelijk,"_ he rumbled in Toby's ear, accented but comprehensible. "You shouldn't."

Toby let out a yelp and dropped his kit bag. "Fuck, you scared me," he muttered, stooping to pick it up. He didn't seem to want to meet Paulo's eyes. "Didn't know you spoke any Dutch."

Paulo just shrugged, his eyes boring into Toby's face. Jan watched with fascination as his old friend positively squirmed on the spot, too stubborn to give in and meet the challenge in Paulo's eyes, but trapped, without any dignified means of escape available.

Paulo didn't give him much of a chance to find an escape route, either. He leaned in and whispered something in Toby's ear, too low for Jan to hear, but Toby blushed bright red and fled down the hall, dignity completely forgotten.

"What did you say to him?" Jan demanded, trying not to laugh.

Paulo shrugged again, but his grin was wicked. "Nothing that matters right now. What matters right now is you. Are you injured?"

"I thought you spoke Dutch now?" The banter was barely out of his mouth before Jan regretted it. They had been together just long enough now for Jan to know that there were times when Paulo was fine with Jan sassing him and times that he was not. This was clearly one of the latter, he realised too late, seeing Paulo's grin vanish.

"I'm sorry, sir," Jan mumbled as Paulo's brows drew together, those sea green eyes suddenly stormy.

"Answer the question." 

"The physios think I pulled something. I'll have to sit out West Ham but should be fit again for Ajax."

Paulo nodded, but his frown didn't relent. "And how did this happen?"

"Not sure. I didn't even start to feel it until I was off the pitch. I don't think I took any serious knocks, but it's hard to say. Probably just reaggravated something."

"You understand that I expect you to be careful on the pitch, yes? I do not like anyone carelessly damaging that which belongs to me."

Jan shivered. The tone in Paulo's voice made him want to drop to his knees right here in the corridor, despite how impractical the state of his leg made that. He had to push back a little, though, out of principle. "I do understand that, yes, but I can't make promises. I'm a defender. This is my job, yeah?"

Paulo sighed, his brow smoothing out. "Yes, it is. I don't ask for you to stop, just… be careful." His eyes were suddenly tender, and Jan thought he would melt into a puddle.

"Paulo?" A soft voice floated down the corridor, and Paulo took a hasty step back from Jan, to his disappointment. Juan Foyth rounded the corner and called something to Paulo in Spanish, too rapidly for Jan to have any hope of following.

_"Sí, un momento,"_ Paulo called back to him. Juan raised an eyebrow, but didn't leave, clearly waiting for Paulo.

Paulo turned back to Jan. "We'll talk more later, yes?"

"Oh-- okay. Tonight?"

Paulo shook his head. "You need to go home and rest," he said firmly. Seeing the disappointment on Jan's face, he smiled faintly. _"Alles zal oké, schatje,"_ he murmured before striding off down the hallway to where Juan was still waiting for him, looking curious. Paulo grabbed him in a headlock and continued on around the corner, dragging Juan with him.

_I really need to find out just how much Dutch he's picked up,_ Jan thought absently. Paulo was full of surprises.

  
  
  


***

Later, Jan had to admit that Paulo had been right. Much as he wished he could have gone with Paulo tonight and indulged himself, he did need the rest. Sophie and the kids always spoiled him in ridiculous ways when he was hurt, no matter how minor the injury. His son had been on snuggle duty, his daughter had brought him her favourite stuffed toy to "read" to him, and Sophie had made him his favourite dessert. She rarely made the puff pastry by hand, but Jan didn't mind-- even with the store bought pastry, _appelflappen_ was a taste of home.

Sophie had set him up on the couch before shepherding the kids off to bed, with his leg iced, rewrapped, and elevated, his _appelflappen_ and a cup of decaf coffee on a nearby tray table. He had his book out and was trying to read, but he was having a difficult time concentrating. All he could think of was Paulo. He wondered what he was doing tonight-- spending a quiet evening with Patricia? No, she was still in Spain. Maybe he was out with his Spanish boys-- Jan knew that Paulo, Coco, Sánchez, and Juan often went out for _asado_ together. Maybe that was what Juan had been asking Paulo about earlier.

Jan soon gave up on the idea of reading and just let himself sink into daydreams about Paulo. He let his mind drift, thinking about Paulo's eyes, his hair, his gorgeous face, his voice, the way he smelled. He relived the way Paulo had yanked on his hair that night in Manchester, the way Paulo had come to him in the showers, the things Paulo had done to him. He remembered the way his head fit perfectly against Paulo's neck, the way Paulo's arms were exactly the right length to squeeze his ass when they were standing together.

He thought about all the things he wanted to do with Paulo that they hadn't had time to yet. He wanted to go on actual dates with him. He wanted to make out with him in the back row of a movie theatre, he wanted to go to a fancy restaurant with him and feed each other with their fingers. He wanted to slow dance with him in the living room to sappy songs. 

He was still lost in his dream-filled haze when Sophie returned, thinking about undressing Paulo in the back seat of his car. She came over to him and knelt next to the couch, a soft smile on her face. "Hey," she murmured, kissing his cheek. "You seem pretty happy."

He smiled back at her. "Yeah, I am." He chuckled. "It's kind of weird, actually. I didn't have my best game, and here I am, laid up and sidelined for at least one match. But I don't even care right now."

She kissed him, soft and sweet. "I love seeing you happy," she whispered. "Is it Paulo that has you smiling like this?"

"Maybe," he admitted. "Is that okay?"

She smiled. "Darling, as long as you're happy, then of course I'm okay. I love you so much."

"I love you," he whispered, stroking her beautiful hair.

She kissed him again, long and slow. When they finally broke apart, Jan felt like he was floating.

"So tell me," she murmured. "What exactly has you so blissed out over here?"

He shrugged, a dopey smile on his face. "Nothing specific. Just thinking about him. I feel almost the way I did when you and I first got together."

She nodded. "That's not surprising. I think most new relationships have this time when you can't stop thinking about each other."

He blushed. "I feel silly, though. I'm a grown man, not a teenager."

Sophie laughed. "You think that matters? No one is immune to feeling this way in this first stage of a relationship, I think." She gave him a fond smile, tracing his lips with her finger. "Honestly, it is completely adorable. I love seeing you like this."

Jan smiled somewhat shyly, letting himself sink into the sappy, lovesick feeling.

"You know," she said, sounding thoughtful. "It almost reminds me of the way you behaved after you first met Dries." She paused, giving him a sly smile. "Have you told Dries about Paulo yet?"

Jan went completely still. He hadn't even thought about that yet. The idea of telling Dries about Paulo made his blood run hot and cold. He was both terrified and overwhelmingly aroused at the same time.

_Well, now I kind of have to,_ he thought, dazed. _Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Since the non-English dialogue here includes an entire conversation, I'll translate it in its entirety.
> 
> "Are you okay?"
> 
> "It's just a pulled muscle. They want me to not play the next game, but I should be fine for Ajax." Jan shifted his weight, leaning against the wall, trying to ease the pressure on the muscle in question.
> 
> "That's good. I didn't fancy facing them without you."
> 
> "I don't fancy facing them at all," Jan said, wincing as he shifted his leg. The wrap they had put on it was just tight enough to register as uncomfortable.
> 
> "Same, brother." Toby's eyes flicked in Paulo's direction briefly. "Your new… ah... friend doesn't look too happy. I guess he doesn't like you being hurt unless he's the one hurting you, yeah?"
> 
> Jan rolled his eyes at him. "Will you stop that? You shouldn't poke fun at things you don't understand."
> 
> Toby just grinned mockingly at him, but Paulo silently pushed himself off of the wall and stepped up behind Toby. "He's right."
> 
> Sí, un momento - Yeah, just a moment  
> Alles zal oké, schatje - everything is going to be okay, baby  
> Appelflappen - Flemish apple turnovers
> 
> You know the drill-- there's a lot of Dutch dialogue here, but I am not fluent in Dutch. If you spot a mistake, please let me know!


	9. Chapter 9

Paulo pushed back his plate with a sigh. The house was quiet and empty, with Patricia still visiting her family in Spain. He was used to fending for himself, though. Patricia freely admitted that he was a better cook than she was.

No, it wasn't the essentials that were lacking when he was on his own, he just missed the presence of another person. He and Patricia had been together long enough now for him to be unused to being without companionship for long. And of course, lately he had also had Jan to keep him busy.

Not tonight, though. Much as he had wanted to bring Jan home after the match and spend the evening toying with him, Jan's recovery had to come first, and so Paulo had insisted that he go home and rest. Paulo would just have to make do without him.

At least he wasn't  _ completely _ alone, he reflected as he rinsed his plate in the sink. Teo was always good company. Perhaps not the most interesting conversationalist, though, Paulo mused, making his way into the living room, the dog padding behind him. And who knew? There was still time for something interesting to happen yet this evening.

For now, though, Paulo stretched himself out on his couch, his feet dangling over the far end, as they always did. He tucked a pillow under his head, clicked his tongue so that Teo would know it was okay for him to hop up and snuggle, and snagged his book from the coffee table. It was an old favourite of his, one that he had read several times already, but he didn't mind. It was always nice to revisit the familiar plot, the characters that felt almost like family, without having to devote much of his active attention to it. He drifted over pages he had thumbed a thousand times before and let his mind wander. He thought, as he often did of late, about Jan. About all the things he planned to do with him,  _ to _ him. It was a pleasant daydream, though it did have the side effect of leaving him half-aroused, thinking about Jan's beautiful skin, and how lovely it looked when spanked…

Those weren't the only plans he had made lately, though, as he was soon reminded by a tentative knock on the door.

Paulo set his book aside and shifted the sleeping dog off of his legs with some difficulty. By the time he made his way to the door, the person on the other side had evidently decided that they hadn't been heard the first time and was just starting to knock again when Paulo opened the door.

Toby's mouth opened in surprise, his fist quickly dropping back by his side. He looked suddenly sheepish.

Paulo said nothing, just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Um, hi," Toby said, dropping his eyes to study the door frame. "Can I… can I come in?"

Paulo still said nothing, just took a step back from the doorway, leaving Toby the opening to enter, if that was what he wanted. Paulo turned his back and returned to the living room, not even glancing over his shoulder to see if Toby had stepped inside.

He could hear, though, a few hasty footsteps, then the door closing.

"Should I take off my shoes?" Toby called uncertainly.

"Please." Paulo made himself comfortable, not sprawled on the couch this time, but upright, in a soft leather armchair, and waited.

Toby emerged from the entryway somewhat hesitantly, shoes left by the front door. He hovered for a moment, looking around the living room warily, as if he expected to find Jan hanging by his wrists in the corner. Paulo gestured for him to sit down.

Toby settled on the couch, still looking uncomfortable. His hand reached out to gently stroke Teo's head, though, and he relaxed marginally when the half-asleep beagle nosed at his hand and thumped his tail once.

"What can I do for you, Toby?" Paulo asked, his voice soft.

"I… I don't know. I just feel like we ought to have a talk, is all. Jan's one of the most important people in the world to me." He trailed off, studying Paulo. "I guess I just wanted to make sure you're not… I don't know… just using him or something. Make sure you know how, um, special he is."

Paulo nodded. "I am well aware of that," he said, keeping his voice low. "But you do not trust me?"

Toby winced. "It's not that I don't trust you, so much as… well, I don't really  _ know _ you. And I definitely don't understand whatever you two have going on, although that's not really any of my business."

Paulo gazed at him steadily. "That is true, and yet you have made it your business."

"What? I didn't--"

"You all but forced Jan to tell you about us. You laughed at him when you found out. You teased him about it today, when he was hurt."

Toby's face reddened. "I just-- he's my  _ friend. _ I just wanted to know what was going on with him. And we always give each other a hard time," he protested, somewhat weakly.

"I understand this. But I do not think Jan appreciates you making fun of something you don't understand. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Well, yeah, he did say that, but--"

"So I'll ask you the same thing I did earlier. Do you want to understand it?"

Toby stuttered. "I don't… well…"

"Do you? This is why I invited you here tonight. I assume this is why you have come. Do you want to understand why Jan wants the things he wants, why he lets me do the things I do to him? I am happy to teach you."

Toby was completely speechless now, his entire face bright red.

"If not, no hard feelings, you may leave any time you wish. But I will expect you to leave Jan alone about this in the future, yes? You understand?"

Toby opened his mouth, but all that came out was a squeak, and he closed it again.

Paulo waited, enjoying the play of emotions over Toby's face. He was usually so stoic, so hard to read, that it was a genuine pleasure to see him so flustered.  _ Even if he leaves now, this may have been educational for him after all, _ Paulo thought, suppressing a smile.

Finally Toby got control of himself. He squared his shoulders and met Paulo's gaze with remarkable composure.

"I do want to understand."

Now Paulo did let himself smile, just the faintest curl of his lips. It wasn't a comforting smile, or a reassuring one. Paulo knew exactly what effect this smile could have. He had been told that when he smiled like this, he looked sexy, but also a little frightening. It was a hungry smile, a carnivore's smile.

Toby wilted a little bit under that smile, but to his credit he held firm, keeping his eyes on Paulo's.

"Do you understand what that would involve?"

"Well… not specifically, I guess. But I know a little bit about, um, this sort of thing." He fidgeted on the couch, his fingers digging into his leg. "Did Jan tell you about the time… we…?"

Paulo raised his eyebrow in genuine surprise this time. Jan had, in fact, not told him about anything that could match up with what Toby was alluding to.

"The time you…?"

Toby tried to run his hand through his hair, but it was still firmly shellacked in place and his fingers could only glide across the top of it without disturbing it one iota.

"Well… it was before you transferred here. He had an own goal against Crystal Palace one time, and it hit him really hard. I don't know why it was worse that time than any other time he's made mistakes on the pitch, but it was. He was a bit of a mess."

Paulo nodded. That did make sense; Jan was enough of a natural submissive to feel that sort of costly mistake deeply. "Go on."

"I went home with him that night-- I just thought he needed to have a friend around, but he just seemed to be getting more and more upset. I didn't want to force him to tell me what was wrong, but I couldn't stand seeing him like that."

"And did he explain it to you?"

Toby nodded.

"And did you laugh at him then?"

Toby's face flashed with anger. "Of course I didn't laugh," he replied hotly. "I wanted to be supportive. It was a shock, yeah, but I'd never have laughed at him when he was that upset."

"Good. What did you do?"

Toby bit his lip, blushing. "I, um, asked him if I could help him."

"And?" Paulo prompted.

"And… I did. Help him, I mean."

"Toby," Paulo said sternly. "Don't be vague. What did you do?"

Toby floundered for a second, then swallowed, and took a deep breath. "I, um, spanked him," he confessed in a small voice. "And we… we got each other off."

Paulo angled his head, considering. "Did you enjoy this?"

Toby shrugged, his fingers twitching nervously. "I mean… yeah, it was hot."

"But?"

"But… I don't know. It was kind of weird for me. I'd never looked at Jan like that before." 

"And after?"

He was actually squirming now. "I haven't been able to forget about it," he mumbled. 

_ Aha, _ Paulo thought. He nodded. "Would you like to do something like that with him again?"

"I--" Toby's voice failed. He stood up and paced around the room. Paulo calmly made a note of how hard he appeared to be already.

"It's okay to say yes," Paulo said quietly. "Far be it from me to criticise anyone who is attracted to Jan."

Toby stopped and looked at him, his eyes suddenly wide and pleading. "Yes," he blurted out. "God, yes. I haven't been able to forget how hot he was that night. How hot he still is. There's been times I thought I was going to lose my mind over him, I wanted him so bad." The words spilled from him quickly, clumsily, like a dam had suddenly been breached.

"Have you told him any of this?"

Toby shook his head.

"And your wife?"

Toby nodded. "She knows. She knew then. She… well, she said she was surprised it hadn't happened before. She said that I've always looked at him like I wanted him."

"This is okay with her?"

Toby nodded again. "Yeah. We've had an understanding for a long time. We've both dated other people here and there."

"Good. I won't allow dishonesty if you are going to get involved."

Toby swallowed. "So… what now?"

"That is up to you. What do you want to get out of this? Do you only want to be with Jan? Do you wish to learn to dominate him properly?"

"I… I guess I hadn't thought about it. I don't know. Spanking him was fun, that one time, but I don't know if it's something I'd want to do on a regular basis."

Paulo nodded, thinking. "Then the other question I have is whether you want to be involved with  _ me, _ or only with Jan."

Toby licked his lips nervously. "You… I mean, would you want… me…?"

Paulo didn't let his expression change. "Yes."

Toby shivered. "Then… yeah. I'll try whatever, as long as at some point, maybe, I'll get to be with Jan."

"We will see. If you're agreeing to try this with me, though, then it is not up to you to dictate terms. Jan is mine."

"Sorry," Toby mumbled.

Paulo stood up from his chair and slowly circled Toby, watching the way he reacted to Paulo drawing near. "You can also be mine," he whispered, his voice soft as silk.

Toby took a deep, shuddering breath. "Yes, please," he breathed.

"Be still."

Toby froze obediently enough, but he was still staring straight at Paulo.

"You have not done this before? Been the submissive one?"

Toby shook his head.

"There will be much you need to learn, then. First: unless you are told otherwise, keep your eyes lowered, and speak only when asked a question. When we are together like this, answer questions with 'yes, sir' or 'no, sir.' Understand?"

"Yes, sir," Toby said softly, dropping his eyes to the floor.

"Good. Now, it is important to remember that no matter what, you are here because you want to be, and the ultimate decision on anything you do here is yours. I will not do this without full consent. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you know what a safeword is?"

"Yes, sir."

"You will need to choose one. It is for you to use if you ever need to stop, no matter what we are doing. Pick something that you would not ordinarily say."

Toby thought about that for a few minutes. Finally he nodded. "Okay, I've got one." 

"Ah," Paulo said sharply. "Did I ask you a question?"

"No, sir," Toby mumbled.

"You will wait until I do." Paulo regarded him coolly for a lengthy pause before he spoke again. To his credit, Toby managed to keep his eyes lowered, if not still.

"What is your safeword, please?"

"Viral."

Paulo nodded. "Are you ready, then?"

Toby exhaled slowly. "Yes, sir."

"Good." Paulo stopped circling and stood directly behind Toby. Moving slowly, he took hold of the hem of Toby's shirt and began peeling it up, bit by bit. Toby shivered, but kept still. Paulo lifted up one arm, then the other, to slide them out of the sleeves. As he freed each arm, Paulo dusted Toby's biceps with feather-light kisses, then replaced the arm by Toby's side. After the arms were free, Paulo pushed the bunched up shirt gradually up Toby's neck, trailing his lips up the skin as it came into sight. Finally, Paulo tucked his chin over Toby's shoulder and worked the shirt free over Toby's face, placing soft kisses along his stubbled jawline and the delicate skin over his cheekbones.

Toby was breathing more loudly now, and Paulo could almost feel how much effort it was costing Toby not to let out the noises that he wanted to with each inhale and exhale.

Paulo let his fingertips ghost down Toby's sides, enjoying the way the skin prickled under his touch. He hooked a couple of fingers through the belt loops at the waist, pulling Toby tightly against him, letting him feel how hard he was. Then he slid his hands around to the front and began undoing Toby's jeans.

"Do you like this?" Paulo murmured against the curve of Toby's ear.

"Y-yes sir," Toby gasped, his voice shaky.

Paulo finished lowering the zipper, then released Toby, stepping back and examining him thoughtfully. "Finish removing your clothes," he said quietly.

He could see the shiver traveling down Toby's body as he began pushing his jeans and boxers down over his hips, bending down to free his feet.

"Stop. Stay where you are."

Toby froze in place, wobbling slightly, his jeans still around his ankles. Paulo put his hands on Toby's hips as if to steady him, but held on even after Toby had regained his balance. He moved up behind him, enjoying the feel of Toby's bared skin through the light fabric of his joggers. Standing like this, Paulo's erection was resting directly in the cleft of Toby's ass. He didn't grind against him. He didn't say anything. He just stood there for a long moment, letting Toby squirm against him.

Finally he let go and stepped back. "Stand up."

Toby straightened up, his face a brilliant red. He glanced up at Paulo for a long moment before remembering to lower his eyes.

Paulo raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. Instead he circled around to stand in front of Toby, studying him carefully. He didn't miss that Toby's eyes appeared to be fixed on the bulge in the front of Paulo's joggers. 

"Toby," he said softly.

"Yes, sir."

"One thing you must understand is that while I will enjoy rewarding you for good behaviour, I will also very much enjoy punishing you when you misbehave."

A tiny squeak escaped Toby before he remembered that Paulo hadn't asked him anything. Paulo saw him bite down on his lip.

"You may be wondering what sort of reward or punishment you can expect." Paulo paused, considering. "I cannot say that it will always be the same. I prefer to keep you guessing. But I can give you small samples tonight." Paulo stepped directly in front of Toby, close enough that he had to tilt his head down to meet Toby's eyes. "Look at me."

Toby lifted his eyes hesitantly. They were so large, so blue, that they gave him an air of perpetual innocence. Now, though, they were dark with fear and desire.

"I was not pleased that you gave Jan a hard time about his relationship with me. For this I will punish you-- for this, and also for looking up when I had not told you to." He waited for a moment, to see if Toby would take the bait, but he just blinked up at Paulo.

"However," Paulo purred. "You were there for Jan when I was not, and you took care of his needs despite not necessarily understanding them. For this, I will reward you."

A remarkably sweet smile flashed across Toby's face at that, but he remained silent.

Paulo gently took hold of Toby's cock with one hand, enjoying the feel of it in his hand, noting the way Toby responded to his touch.

"First, your reward," Paulo whispered in his ear. "Close your eyes."

Toby obediently let his eyelids sag closed. Paulo began to run his fingers lightly up and down the length of Toby's dick as he nuzzled at Toby's ear.

"Imagine," he murmured. "Imagine that Jan is here. Imagine that he is kneeling next to you, naked, with his mouth open."

Toby moaned at that, longing evident in his voice. He put a hand across his mouth, clearly trying desperately to avoid making any noise.

"It is okay for you to make noise, Toby," Paulo told him. "I want to hear you. So long as it does not become words."

Toby sighed happily at that.

"Now," Paulo whispered. "Imagine that Jan is on his knees, and that he asks for permission to take you in his mouth."

Toby moaned, his cock twitching in Paulo's hand.

"Would you let him taste you?"

"Yes… sir…"

Paulo squatted in front of Toby and took him in his mouth without any preamble, sucking him down all the way in one swift motion. He listened carefully to the sigh of pleasure that escaped from Toby, and pulled off after only a moment.

"Did he do this for you then?" Paulo asked. "Did he use his mouth on you before? Do you know just how sweet that mouth is?"

"Yes," Toby managed, trying to stifle the whine in his voice as he answered. "Yes, sir…"

"Good. Remember what it felt like, how hot and wet his mouth was, how exciting it was to have him like that. This is your reward." Paulo lowered himself onto Toby again, sliding his dick back into his mouth, and went to work, using every bit of skill he possessed to get Toby as excited as he could as quickly as possible. He was tempted to move more slowly, to savour the taste of him, but that would have to be for another day.

Toby let out a soft moan of pleasure, but refrained from actual words. He was moving his hips, only slightly, as if he feared this wouldn't be allowed. Paulo raised no objection, though, content to let Toby's movement serve as an additional measure of his progress. Soon Toby was thrusting into Paulo's mouth enthusiastically and moaning loudly, his hands jerking slightly as if he badly wanted to grab onto Paulo's head but didn't dare.

Paulo waited until the last possible second he dared, choosing his moment with care. Toby's cries had escalated and his hips were thrusting erratically when Paulo suddenly pulled off, taking hold of Toby's cock and squeezing at the base, not at all gently.

Toby cried out, his empty hands clenching into fists at his side. His eyes flew open and he stared down at Paulo incredulously. "What--" he started, before remembering himself. He struggled to compose himself for a moment, biting down savagely on his lip and staring hard at the floor, the wall, anywhere but at Paulo.

"This is your punishment," Paulo told him in a low growl, getting to his feet. "Do you believe that I can bring you unimaginable pleasure?"

"Yes, sir," Toby whined.

"Your punishment for today will be to be denied it," he said with grim satisfaction. "For the rest of the evening, you may not touch yourself. If you come at any point, your punishment will only increase."

Toby whimpered, his cock throbbing against Paulo's tight grip. Paulo felt a surge of pleasure at seeing his adorable face contorted with frustration.

"If you want to find pleasure with me, you must earn it," Paulo whispered, right in Toby's ear. "Do you want to earn it?"

"Yes, sir," Toby whimpered.

"Good. Now, keep still. You may look at me, but do not speak unless I say."

Toby nodded. Paulo released him and stood still for a moment, assessing. A wash of colour suffused Toby's face and chest, and his breathing was shaky. His cock was so hard that it looked painful, flushed dark with blood and dripping with precum. Paulo made a mental note to have the rug cleaned later.

Paulo began removing his clothes with deliberate casualness. He was not moving as slowly as when he had undressed Toby, but he also wasn't in any hurry. He drew his shirt off over his head as if he were simply undressing at the end of the day, as if he didn't have an audience at all. He tossed the shirt on the couch and stretched, running his hands down his ribcage, angling down over his abs, caressing the muscles of the V between his hips. He didn't stop at the waistband of his joggers; he slipped his hands under, sliding them down into his crotch and gave himself a squeeze. He was watching Toby out of the corner of his eye, keeping careful track of exactly how worked up he was getting. 

Paulo bent and slipped the gray joggers down with a single, fluid motion, stepped out of them almost delicately, and looked up at Toby through his eyelashes. He knew exactly how seductive he looked like this, and how impressive he was physically. He was lean and muscular, of course, but all the team were. Paulo loved to use his height as an advantage whenever possible, and he used it now. Toby was a tall man, not used to having to look  _ up _ at anyone, but when Paulo straightened himself again and moved close to Toby, breathing in the scent of his skin, he very deliberately stretched himself to his full height and took a moment to let the full impact of just how  _ big _ he was sink in for Toby.

Not that his height was the only way that he had the advantage of size, he thought wickedly, stepping back again and sliding a hand up and down his dick. He was showing off, he knew, but it seemed to be having the desired effect. Toby's eyes were glued to what he was doing, his mouth slightly open.

"I want you to picture something," Paulo said softly, not wanting to break the spell. "Imagine the showers at Enfield." He saw Toby blink in confusion. "Imagine Jan there, showering alone. Can you see him there? Naked, wet, and vulnerable?"

Toby licked his lips and nodded.

"That is the first place I touched him," Paulo whispered, tightening his hand around his dick, watching Toby's throat work as he processed this. "I found him there alone, and I could not possibly have resisted him. I locked the door behind me…"

Toby whimpered, pressing his fists against his thighs in an obvious attempt to keep from breaking the rules.

"I came up behind him," Paulo went on. "He was so nervous at first, I worried he would slip and fall. I think he was almost afraid of me then." Paulo smiled slowly, palming the head of his cock and giving Toby a knowing look. "Are you afraid of me, Toby?"

"Yes, sir," Toby whispered.

"Jan tried to pretend I wasn't there at first, but I could see quite clearly how much I affected him." Paulo stopped and eyed Toby up and down. "He was so beautiful, so hard, just like you are now," he whispered. "I wanted him so badly I almost couldn't think. I asked him if he wanted me to touch him. He hesitated at first, but then he agreed, and I kissed him." Paulo stroked his fist up and down his length, enjoying both his memories of Jan and Toby's reaction to hearing them now. 

"I pushed him up against the wall," Paulo breathed. "I left bruises on his hips from how tight I held him. He tasted like…" Paulo shook his head. "He tasted as sweet as a glass of ice water on a hot day. And when he pressed himself up against me, I thought I would lose my mind."

Paulo paused for a moment, working his fist over his cock, enjoying the way Toby was watching him, looking almost hypnotised.

"I asked him what he wanted, what he needed. Do you know what he said?"

Toby just shook his head wordlessly.

Paulo squeezed the head of his cock, slick with his own precum now. "He begged me for permission to make me come." Toby let out a deep groan at that.

"He got down on his knees for me and took me in his mouth. You remember what that feels like, yes? How good he looks with his lips stretched around a cock? Imagine how he looked, like that, but with  _ me _ in his mouth."

Toby was biting down on his lip now, struggling not to speak. He was digging his knuckles into the flesh of his thighs hard enough to leave marks. He tore his eyes away from where Paulo's hand was gliding over his dick, and instead fixed them on Paulo's face. They were wide, desperate and pleading.  _ Fuck, _ Paulo thought, distracted. What good was it to forbid Toby to speak, when those eyes could speak volumes all on their own? 

_ Please,  _ Toby's eyes were saying, and Paulo found himself relenting, if only slightly.

"Do you have something to say?"

"Uh, n-not really, sir…" Toby hesitated, and Paulo motioned for him to continue. "I just wanted to touch myself. I know I'm not allowed though, so… uh… never mind." He blushed and went back to biting his lip, watching Paulo eagerly.

Paulo was a little startled by this, but pleased. He would not have expected Toby to be able to show this sort of restraint so soon. He would have to plan for a suitable reward, he thought, but not tonight. Tonight was intended to be a lesson.

He resumed his narrative, enjoying more than ever the obvious effort Toby was putting into being good. Much as he knew he would enjoy punishing Toby when it was called for, Paulo suddenly wanted him to succeed. 

"Can you picture Jan like that? On his knees in the shower, with my cock down his throat? He was so beautiful. I wanted to enjoy it for hours, but I could not resist him." Paulo licked his lips slowly. "Before I knew it he made me lose control. Did you come in his mouth, when you had him before?"

Toby shook his head slowly. "N-no, I-- he-- he gagged, and he finished me with his hand."

"Ah, that is too bad. It was amazing. He seemed almost surprised when I came. I don't think he knew what to expect, but he swallowed it all down anyway." Paulo let his hand speed up, remembering how much he had loved seeing the startled look on Jan's face when he had made Paulo come.

"I want you to think about that," Paulo whispered. "Think about Jan, on his knees, tasting my cum for the first time. Imagine what that would have been like if Jan had gotten to taste  _ you." _

Paulo was getting close now, and he had a feeling Toby couldn't take much more of this either. His face was red, and he was whimpering. His cock was jerking back and forth and he kept clenching and relaxing his fists, as if he was struggling to keep from wrapping those fists around himself. 

"Imagine," he panted, looking straight in Toby's eyes. "Imagine that  _ you _ were the one on your knees in that shower with me. If you were the one getting to taste me, making me come with your mouth, fuck, you would look so good like that…" Paulo couldn't hold back any longer. He groaned, tightened his fist, and came, sighing at the look in Toby's eyes as the orgasm washed over him. 

Now Toby did move to grab himself-- but to Paulo's surprise, he didn't stroke himself at all. Instead he got his hand around the base of his cock and squeezed hard. He was making deliciously pained little noises, and Paulo could see tears gathered in his eyes from the sheer frustration of denial.

As Paulo came down from his orgasm, Toby sank to his knees, still gripping his cock painfully tight. He let out a dry, rasping sob, drew in a shuddering breath, and whispered, "I'm sorry, sir…"

"For what?"

"I wasn't supposed to touch myself," he whimpered, still not relaxing that painful grip.

"This is true. But if you had not?"

"I was about to come, even without touching myself, and I-- I thought it'd be better to stop myself," he mumbled, the tears spilling over his cheeks now.

"That was a very good decision," Paulo praised him. "You were right to think that the rule about not touching yourself was not as important as me forbidding you to come. I did not make it easy for you, but you did well. I am proud of you."

And Toby's face broke out into the most beautiful smile Paulo had ever seen. He was still red-faced, his cheeks streaked with tears, his lip bleeding slightly from where he had bitten into it, and his cock was nearly purple by now, but when his eyes lit up like this, looking up at Paulo, he looked so sweet that Paulo simply had to kiss him, bending over him, careful not to touch Toby's swollen, tortured dick. He kissed his lips gently, running his fingers over Toby's hair, finding the soft bristles of his undercut and running his fingertips over them again and again.

Finally Paulo released him and stepped back, smiling fondly. "You did very well tonight, especially for your first time. Now, get dressed. I want you to go home and get some rest. You may not come until the morning, is that clear? And believe me," he gave Toby a hard stare, "I will know if you disobey me."

Toby blinked and swallowed hard. "Y-yes, sir."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The full details of Jan and Toby's encounter after the Crystal Palace match can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22539931).


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter practically took off without me, so it ended up being pretty damn long.
> 
> Warning: lots of Feelings. Some smut, but mostly f e e l i n g s.
> 
> Some non-English dialogue; translations at the end.

Jan rolled over in bed and snagged his phone from the nightstand, still half-asleep. It was later than he usually let himself sleep in, but he actually had the luxury to be a bit lazy today. Even if he had been able to play in the match against West Ham on Saturday, he still would have taken today to recover, but with the intention of returning to training tomorrow. But as it was, he was under orders to take today and tomorrow to rest completely, with just a quick check-in with the physios tomorrow.

He stretched, feeling the twinge of pain still in his leg. He checked his bedside table and was glad to find his paracetamol and a bottle of water there. He quickly downed the painkillers and finished off the water before rolling back over. Sophie must have gotten up some time ago; her side of the bed was cold. Jan didn't mind, though-- he loved being able to spread himself out over the entire bed, stretching his legs out to their full length.

He yawned, scrunching his eyes shut, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes. He forgot that he was still holding his phone, however, and succeeded in bonking himself with it rather firmly on the forehead. He swore and dropped it next to him, glaring resentfully at it and running his fingers through his hair.

The screen lit up suddenly with a reminder.

_Tell Dries._

"Fuck," Jan muttered, remembering the previous evening's conversation with Sophie. It wasn't that he didn't _want_ to tell Dries about Paulo, it was just… an added layer of complication to a situation that already felt like it had the potential to spin wildly out of control.

Dries was one of his best friends, of course, someone he had known and played with for years on the national team. He was always fun to be with, and the most shameless flirt Jan had ever met. He was married, had been with Kat for a long time, but that had never stopped him from flirting with practically everyone in sight, regardless of gender, and sometimes doing more than just flirt. He was very proud of the fact that he and his wife were both polyamorous and pansexual, though of course they kept it relatively quiet from the press. Dries had been at Napoli since before Jan had joined Spurs, and Jan had been bombarded through the years with emails, texts, and pictures of his various conquests in Italy.

Things between them had never really gotten as far as Jan might have liked, though that had been because of a combination of circumstance and Jan's own hangups about his sexuality, rather than any lack of interest from either of them. They had played a few naughty games here and there in hotels together during various international campaigns, but Jan had always wished it could have been more.

And now, if Jan texted Dries and told him that he and Sophie were finally pursuing an open relationship for real, not just flirting with the idea like they had multiple times before, he could only guess at what his friend's reaction might be.

For that matter, if Jan texted Dries and told him that he and Sophie were pursuing an open relationship specifically so that Jan could have a D/s relationship with someone who looked like Paulo did, he had a feeling he might be able to hear the squeals all the way from Italy. Dries was nothing if not enthusiastic.

He took a deep breath. He was brave. He was Super Jan. He could do this.

_  
< <To: Dries M [08:27]: hey, little kitty. How are you? _   
_ <<To: Dries M [08:27]: missed talking to you lately  
_

_ >>From: Dries M [08:28]: Jantje!!! happy birthday!!!_   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:28]: I was just thinking about you ;) _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08 28]: congrats on getting to the semis by the way, so proud of you _

Jan blinked. Was it his birthday? He tended to lose track of time during the season. A glance at his phone confirmed it, though. Leave it to Dries to be the one to remember.

_ <<To: Dries M [08:28]: thanks, and thanks! :) I was sad to see Napoli didn't :( _   
_ <<To: Dries M [08:29]: especially to fucking Arsenal _   
_ <<To: Dries M [08:29]: you were amazing though _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:29]: you're a terrible liar but I love you for saying so _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:29]: I saw the highlights of you kicking the crap out of City though. Bet that must have been a crazy party after, eh? _

Jan blushed in spite of himself. Dries couldn't possibly have already known that that had been the night Paulo had pulled his hair and started this whole thing, but it felt like he was zeroing in on it with uncanny precision. Dries had always been able to sniff out any hint of what he called "sexy funtimes" with worrying accuracy, but surely this time he couldn't know. 

Unless he had seen the footage of Paulo pulling on his hair? _Shit._

He hurried on, eager to just get it out in the open.

_ <<To: Dries M [08:30]: yeah, it was a good night :) _   
_ <<To: Dries M [08:30]: which kind of reminds me, actually, I have something to tell you _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:30]: Oooo? _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:30]: go on _

_ <<To: Dries M [08:30]: well _   
_ <<To: Dries M [08:31]: Sophie and I are doing the open relationship thing _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:31]: again? How many times is this now? Make up your mind already, Vertonghen _

_ <<To: Dries M [08:31]: it's a little more serious this time _   
_ <<To: Dries M [08:31]: I sort of have, well, a boyfriend now _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:32]: WHAT _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:32]: tell me everything right this instant you asshole _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:32]: how dare you talk about football instead of just leading with this _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:32]: wait, why did talking about football remind you of this? _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:32]: JAN VERTONGHEN ARE YOU FUCKING A FOOTBALLER _

Jan covered his head with his pillow, groaning with embarrassment. He heard the phone buzz a couple more times before he could bring himself to look at the screen again.

_ >>From: Dries M [08:32]: omg, you ARE, aren't you? Who is it???? _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:33]: Is it someone at Spurs? _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:33]: God, I don't blame you, I've seen your squad photos, that is a damn lot of attractive men in one place _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:33]: tell meeeeeeee _

_ <<To: Dries M [08:33]: ugh, you are impossible _   
_ <<To: Dries M [08:34]: yes, he's at Spurs _   
_ <<To: Dries M [08:34]: it's one of our goalkeepers, Paulo Gazzaniga _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:34]: name doesn't ring a bell, pics plz _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:34]: never mind, you’re too slow, google is faster _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:35]: wait _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:35]: HOLY SHIT, that’s the guy that pulled you by the hair to hug him, isn’t it? I saaaaw that _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:35]: I approve, he shows good taste _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:35]: okay, damn, looking through these pictures I REALLY approve, you also have good taste _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:35]: biteable _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:35]: how dare you not tell me about this sooner, you’ve been sleeping with a guy who looks like THAT for how long now?? _

_ <<To: Dries M [08:35]: yes, he pulled my hair. That’s kind of what started it actually. It’s only been a few days _   
_ <<To: Dries M [08:36]: he *really* likes pulling hair _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:36]: niiiiiice. Go on _🍿

_ <<To: Dries M [08:36]: So… I forget if we ever talked about this, but um… when I was younger I was a bit into the whole BDSM thing _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:36]: um, no we have NOT talked about this, I would remember _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:36]: and I am so mad at you for not telling me THAT sooner _

_ <<To: Dries M [08:37]: well, i liked it before Sophie and I got together but I hadn’t really messed with it since then, it’s not her thing. But Paulo is, well, into it too _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:37]: ooh, I can see it, with the hair pulling! _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:37]: so you’re into being a good boy for this Argentinian snack? I can’t believe it _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:37]: that’s a lie, I can totally believe it _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:38]: I demand pics though _

_ <<To: Dries M [08:38]: you’re always so demanding _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:38]: I know. Good thing you don’t mind :) _

_ <<To: Dries M [08:38]: I can send you pics of him that are already public, but I need to ask him before I send anything more… interesting _

_ >>From: Dries M [08:38]: pout _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:38]: that’s fair though _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:39]: you can show him any you want of me though ;) _   
_ >>From: Dries M [08:39]: like this for instance _

The picture that came with that text was typical Dries. It was of him, in bed, shirtless, his dark curls still mussed from sleep. He was nestled next to Kat, who was still sound asleep. On his other side, though, a sleepy Italian man was spooning him and smiling dreamily at the camera. Dries’s smirk was the same as ever.

_ >>From: Dries M [08:40]: Lore says hi by the way ;) _

Jan snorted. Dries had been sleeping with Lorenzo on and off for years. Jan had always enjoyed giving Dries shit about how perfect it was that Dries had found one of the few men on earth who was shorter than he was and had fallen into bed with him almost immediately. But then, he supposed, Dries could very well turn that around on him now, once he realized how tall Paulo was.

They texted back and forth for a little while longer after that. Jan could sense that Dries was horny and possibly trying to get Jan to do some naughty texting with him, but he resisted the temptation, feeling that he should probably get permission from Paulo first.

_Ooh,_ Jan thought. _It’s Wednesday. I get to see Paulo today. That'll be a nice birthday present._ He frowned, though, remembering what Paulo had said to him last night. Jan hoped he wasn’t going to insist on cancelling their plans for today just because of his leg. It wasn’t even _that_ bad an injury.

_ <<To: Paulo G [09:02]: hey, just wanting to check if we’re still on for today? I’ve been looking forward to it :) _

_ >>From: Paulo G [09:03]: how is your leg? _

_ <<To: Paulo G [09:03]: not too bad. A little painful still but I’m taking care of it, doing all the things the physios said _   
_ <<To: Paulo G [09:03]: please don’t cancel because of my leg, I want to see you so bad _

_ >>From: Paulo G [09:04]: No, I won’t cancel. We will just have to be careful with it _   
_ >>From: Paulo G [09:04]: I like having you so eager to see me _

_ >>From: Dries M [09:04]: I can’t stop imagining what you two must look like together _

_ >>From: Paulo G [09:04]: Be here by 2:00 _

_ >>From: Dries M [09:04]: I bet it’s hot as fuuuuuuck _

Jan was blushing again, thoughts of Dries and Paulo swimming through his mind. It’d be a miracle if he managed to escape the house without Sophie seeing what a state he was in and doing her part to make it even worse.

  
  


***

  
  


Jan ended up driving over to Paulo’s house quite a bit earlier than he had said, reasoning that Paulo had said “by” 2:00, not “at” 2:00. He knew Paulo wouldn’t really mind, either. He always loved seeing Jan desperate for him.

Jan was humming happily to himself as he pulled up in front of Paulo’s house when he suddenly noticed another familiar car parked nearby. He parked his car and eased himself out of it, puzzled but curious. What would Toby be doing at Paulo’s house?

Jan rang the bell and was even more surprised at how long it took for Paulo to come to the door. He was smiling when he let Jan in, though, and kissed him warmly.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he murmured, stroking Jan’s cheek. “There’s something I want to show you.”

Jan raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yes. We had talked a little bit about Toby, do you remember? After he laughed at you the other night?”

Jan swallowed. “Yes…” Paulo had not been at all amused by Toby’s reaction, and had told Jan that he planned to do something about it, but hadn’t really been much more specific than that.

“Come with me.” Paulo took Jan’s hand and led him through the house, walking slowly so as not to aggravate Jan’s leg. Jan could feel a knot forming in his stomach. What on earth had Toby gotten himself into this time?

He got his answer soon enough, when Paulo opened the door to his bedroom. Toby was lying spreadeagled on Paulo’s bed, completely naked, and handcuffed to the bedposts. There were bruises on his hips and thighs, and smaller ones across his chest that Jan recognised as love bites. There was blood on his lips, and cum streaked all over his chest and stomach. He was breathing deeply, eyes closed, but when he heard Paulo open the door he lifted his head. He blinked when he saw them, blushed, and sheepishly muttered, “Hi, Jan.”

Jan’s mouth fell open as he looked from Toby to Paulo, who was smiling that same tiny smile that Jan had seen on his face when he had cornered Jan in the showers. He started to say something, but his voice failed, and a twinge in his thigh told him his legs were none too reliable at the moment either. He hobbled over to Paulo’s reading chair and sank down onto it, still completely at a loss for words.

Paulo was there, though, squeezing Jan’s hand. “Last night, I told Toby that if he wanted to understand what you and I have, that I would be happy to teach him.” His smile became a wolfish grin. “He took me up on that.”

“Oh, fuck,” Jan breathed. “What did you do to him?”

Paulo laughed then and explained, describing what they had gotten up to last night while Jan had been at home resting. Paulo had decided to torture Toby by getting him worked up but then denying him any release, even going so far as to order him to wait until the morning before seeking relief.

“Did he spend the night here, then?”

“No. I sent him home and didn’t expect to see him today.”

“Then what…?”

Paulo smiled at Toby, his face softening. “Tell him why you came back this morning, Toby.”

Toby was still blushing, but he answered anyway. “I… I didn’t want to just jerk off, after that. It just didn’t feel right. Paulo was the one who did that to me, so I wanted him to be the one to finish me off.”

“So you came over here this morning and begged him for sex? Toby, damn,” Jan said in amazement.

“It wasn’t just that. I don’t know. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said… about how I could be his, too. And maybe this all started because of you, but even if I never get to do anything with you, it’d still be worth it.”

Jan thought he might faint. “Wait. Say that again? This all started because of _me?”_

“Oh, shit,” Toby muttered, realising too late what he had said. “Um…”

Paulo smiled again, squeezing Jan’s hand. “This is why he was giving you a hard time, Jan. He was jealous.”

“Jealous?” Jan repeated faintly.

“Yes. He has wanted you ever since the one time you were together, but did not dare ask.”

Jan shook his head, trying to clear it. This was insane. “But… I thought… I mean, afterward it seemed like you wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened. I thought you were ashamed of what you did for me.”

Toby squirmed, as best he could without the use of his arms. “I didn’t know _what_ I was feeling, then,” he confessed. “It was the first time I’d ever done anything with a man and I was confused. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.” He lifted his eyes, meeting Jan’s gaze for the first time. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Jan sucked in a breath, feeling his heart pound in his ears. “But that was… what, more than three years ago. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Toby shrugged, wincing slightly as his arms pulled against the cuffs. “I don’t know. It wasn't long after that that you and Sophie decided to be exclusive again, I thought, and then… I don't know. I just decided it'd be better to keep it to myself."

Jan opened his mouth, then closed it again. He supposed he shouldn’t be too hard on Toby. After all, he had spent most of the last three years in varying degrees of turmoil over his own sexuality and relationships, not least of them being his relationship with Toby. And at least Jan had already come to terms with not being straight.

“I’m sorry if you felt like you couldn’t talk to me,” he said now, meeting Toby’s eyes.

“Wasn’t your fault. Will you forgive me for being an idiot? And for teasing you about Paulo?”

Jan nodded, his eyes soft.

Next to him, Paulo was fidgeting, running his fingers through his hair. “Jan,” he said sternly.

“Yes, sir?”

“Go and kiss him right this second.”

Jan blushed, but obeyed, easing his way over to the bed. He leaned over carefully, suddenly much more conscious of the state Toby was in, but he made himself ignore it all for the time being, bringing his lips down on Toby’s for the first time.

It was awkward, as first kisses went, between Toby’s position and Jan’s difficulty with his leg. But it was sweet, too. It felt right, like it was something they should have been doing all along.

When they broke apart, Toby was smiling. Jan loved this smile on his face; it was so open and sincere that it always made Jan want to beam back at him, no matter what was going on.

Jan drew back a bit, though, looked Toby up and down, and raised an eyebrow. Toby suddenly blushed again. "Oh. Um, sorry. You rang the doorbell before Paulo had a chance to, um. Clean me up.”

Paulo threw his head back and laughed, his face split in a wide grin, which set Toby and Jan to giggling as well. “Ah, my Belgian boys,” Paulo said fondly. He came over to the bed and unlocked the handcuffs, allowing Toby to sit up and massage his wrists. Then Paulo went to retrieve a damp towel to clean Toby off, leaving them alone for a moment.

“Is this okay, then?” Toby whispered to him in Dutch. “I don’t want to come between you two at all. But is it okay if I can be part of it sometimes too?”

Jan considered for a moment. He would be lying if he tried to deny that he’d felt a pang of jealousy when he had recognised Toby’s car out front, when he had seen Toby lying on Paulo’s bed. He had more or less known what Paulo had had in mind when they had discussed Toby the other night, but seeing it had still been a shock.

Of course, he could hardly have any claim to feel jealous over Paulo. After all, he already had to share Paulo with his girlfriend, and Jan had Sophie as well. _And then there’s Dries,_ he thought, suddenly remembering.

Besides, it was _Toby._ They’d been friends for more than a decade, and there were very few people Jan trusted more. And that night three years ago had only made Jan all too aware of just how attractive he found Toby.

“Yes,” Jan whispered back. “Yes, it’s okay. More than okay.” 

Toby leaned over and kissed Jan again, almost hesitantly.

“All right, that’s enough for now,” Paulo said, and they jumped apart with guilty faces.

Paulo held out the towel. “Jan, clean him up. When you are finished, Toby will undress you.”

They exchanged a glance, suddenly shy.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Hours later, Jan and Paulo were relaxing in the oversized jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom. Toby had left a little while ago, wanting to get home to his wife and daughter and actually get some rest, given that today was supposed to be a recovery day.

Jan was lying in Paulo's arms, eyes closed, enjoying the way the jets played over his muscles. Paulo had set his Spotify to play over a speaker and was humming along with the music. Jan loved listening to Paulo when he got lost in his music; he had a lovely deep voice, and with the way he was holding Jan, the vibration of his chest was sending little thrills all through Jan's body.

They lay like that for a while, not even talking much, just enjoying being together. Jan was lost in a blissful haze, not thinking about anything in particular, except a constant hum of _Paulo, Paulo, Paulo…_

The song that had been playing came to an end, and when the next one came on, Jan thought he could feel Paulo tense up very slightly, but it was a minor enough thing that it didn't really register in Jan's conscious mind, at least not until Paulo began to sing along.

_"Cuando estoy contigo crece mi esperanza,"_ Paulo sang softly. Jan began to stir out of his dream-like state, vaguely aware of something that was significant in some way. _"Has alimentado el amor de mi alma…"_

Jan listened to Paulo sing, sure that there was something he should be aware of, but still too spaced out to process it any further. He just relaxed in his lover's arms and listened.

_"Si no estás conmigo quedo entre la nada, me muero de frío, ay cuánto te amo, si no es a tu lado pierdo los sentidos… Hay tanto que inventar, no hay nada que fingir, me enamoré de ti… Me enamoré de ti…"_

Jan could not put his finger on it, but he was positive that he had heard this song before. And there was only one person he was likely to have heard it from.

"What song is this?" Jan mumbled, shifting slightly in Paulo's arms so that he could look at his face.

Paulo shrugged. "Nothing special," he said, but there was something in his voice that nagged at Jan.

"Why are you lying to me?"

Now Paulo did tense up fully. "I… it's nothing, it's just that…" He trailed off.

"You told me that you wanted me to always be honest with you," Jan said, puzzled. "I don't understand why you won't tell me what this song is. It's the one you were singing the other night when you were cooking, yeah?"

Paulo was visibly struggling to find the right thing to say-- something Jan had not seen before from his confident Dom. "Jan, it-- I promise you, it's nothing you need to be concerned about."

Jan studied his eyes. He had never seen Paulo look so anxious, not even on the pitch, not even when he had to try to save a penalty. He needed to find a way to help Paulo past this, whatever it was-- he knew without a doubt that if their positions were reversed, Paulo would not let it go.

He shrugged, reached over to the shelf next to the tub, and picked up his phone. "I'll just Google the lyrics," he said, feigning nonchalance. Paulo didn't need to know that Jan could not have begun to spell a single word of it.

"No--" Paulo started, but he stopped and gave a deep sigh, realising that Jan was not going to let this go.

"Will you tell me, then? Or at least tell me why this is upsetting you so much? Enough for you to lie to me?"

Paulo chewed on his lip for a moment, and then said in a voice so small as to be unrecognisable, "I am scared."

"What can you be scared of? You can talk to me about anything, can't you?"

"Yes…" Paulo said slowly. There was a definite _but_ that was left unsaid.

"Yes, but…?"

Paulo sighed. "It is a love song," he admitted. "I am scared because of how appropriate it feels when I am with you."

Jan opened his mouth, but closed it again. A strange feeling swept over him. He had to close his eyes; Paulo's eyes were too intense for him to look at.

"It is called _Me Enamoré de Ti._ Literally it is 'I… I f-fall in love with you.'" Paulo's voice was shaking now.

"Are you…" Jan swallowed. "Are you saying you are in love with me?"

"Yes," Paulo whispered. Now his arms were trembling around Jan. He opened his eyes to see that Paulo's eyes, those stunning aqua eyes, were full of tears.

"Why does that make you cry?" Jan asked softly, though he thought he knew the answer.

"Because… because it is so soon. Because I don't expect you to feel this way about me yet. M-maybe at all, I don't know." The tears were spilling over Paulo's long, beautiful eyelashes now. Jan's heart wrenched in his chest to see it.

Jan lifted his fingers to touch Paulo's face gently, brushing the tears away with his knuckles. He drew in a deep breath.

_"Me ena-- enamoré de ti,"_ he whispered, stumbling a bit over the Spanish pronunciation, but confident that Paulo would understand.

Paulo looked shocked, but he cleared his throat. "You don't-- you don't have to say this," he said. "Please, don't feel that you need to say this just because--"

"I am _not,"_ Jan said firmly. "I say it because I mean it."

"But-- it is too soon. You can't-- you can't know this."

"But you can?"

Paulo visibly stumbled. "I…"

"It's only been what-- a few days? A week?-- for you as well, no?"

"No," Paulo whispered.

"What?"

"No," Paulo repeated, his eyes averted. "It is not just this last week. Not for me."

Jan suddenly remembered what Sophie had said to him-- that Paulo had told her that he had liked Jan for a while. "How long has it been?" he asked gently.

Paulo mumbled something.

"What?"

"Since _Who Am I,"_ Paulo repeated, scarcely audible.

"Since-- since _Who Am I?"_ Jan repeated, feeling dizzy. That was one of the Christmas promotional videos they had shot together for Spurs TV in 2017-- only a couple of months after Paulo had come to Spurs. "You-- you've had feelings for me for more than a year? I didn't have any idea."

"I know," Paulo said quietly. "I didn't want to let it show."

"I wish you had," Jan said impulsively, still stroking Paulo's face with the backs of his fingers. "I wish we hadn't wasted all that time not being together."

Paulo smiled at that, turning his face to kiss Jan's knuckles. "Agreed."

Jan smiled back at him, then returned to the main question. "Okay, I admit, you have liked me for longer than I've liked you, at least in that way. I don't even know when it was for me. But it is not just this week for me, either. How could it have been? Do you think I would go along with just _anyone_ cornering me in the showers and let them do what you have done to me?"

Paulo raised an eyebrow. "I would hope not."

"No, I wouldn't. Believe me when I tell you how-- how much I love you." It was his turn to fumble with the words. It was still so new, it still made his stomach clench with fear to admit it out loud, but it was true.

"Jan," Paulo breathed, and then they were kissing again, kissing like they had never kissed before, kissing like they might never get to kiss again. Jan needed to kiss him, to touch him, to make sure Paulo could feel the truth of it from every cell in Jan's body. Paulo was melting in his arms, tears were streaming down his face, but Jan could feel him hardening beneath him as well. He shifted in Paulo's lap, trying to lift up, wanting to let Paulo slip back inside him again. He badly wanted to feel Paulo pushing into him, no less desperate for having just had sex with him not even two hours ago.

But Paulo's hands were firm on his hips. "Jan," Paulo groaned. "Wait. We need-- need a condom."

Jan whined, though he knew it was true. If they were going to do this, especially with both of them having multiple partners, that was not negotiable. It made spontaneity less feasible, but neither of them were prepared to take chances.

_"Vamos,"_ Jan said, grinning when Paulo looked startled. "You're not the only one who can pick up languages, ah?"

Paulo laughed and unstopped the tub, switching off the jets. _"Sí, mi amor. Vamos."_

Paulo took his time drying them off with his enormous fluffy bath towels, taking the opportunity to kiss every part of Jan he could in the process. Then he bent and scooped Jan up off his feet, carrying him back to the bed.

Jan was impressed at how quickly Paulo got himself ready, and grateful as well, sighing happily when Paulo slid home inside him. Considering that less than a week ago Jan had never had sex with another man this way, it may have been strange how quickly he had grown to love and crave it. He supposed that someday he might want to be the one giving, rather than receiving, but for right now he couldn't imagine anything better than the way it felt to have Paulo buried inside him.

And it was all the more intense for the emotions that had been running high, as well. Paulo kept his eyes open and locked with Jan's the entire time, widening every time Jan clenched around him, softening every time Jan moaned.

"Jan," he whispered, again and again. "Jan."

"Paulo, oh…" Jan bit his lip as Paulo pressed against the sweet spot inside him. "Paulo, _ik hou van je,_ Paulo, _ik hou van je…"_

“Jan, _Jan,_ _te quiero mucho,_ oh, Jan…”

Neither of them could look away. Neither of them could think of anything at all in this moment, except to continually whisper words of love as they rocked against each other, as they whimpered and sighed and came together.

  
  


***

  
  


Afterwards, Jan propped his head up on one hand, glancing around for his phone.

"I think it's still in the bathroom," Paulo told him, his face amused.

"Ah." Jan pouted for a moment. "I just wanted to make sure Sophie hadn't texted me." Sophie had told him that he was free to spend as much of today with Paulo as he wanted, as long as he would still be reachable on his mobile. Her mother was in town visiting and had taken the kids for the day, so Sophie was also getting to take a rare day to herself.

"I will get it for you." Paulo kissed him and slid his long legs off of the bed. Jan watched him go with a lazy smile, thinking to himself how lucky he was. _All in all, a pretty good birthday._

"No, no text from Sophie that I see," Paulo called from the bathroom. Then he appeared in the doorway, a slight frown on his face.

"Jan?"

"Yes?"

"Who is Dries?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> The song Paulo is singing is indeed the same one he sang while cooking, back in [Chapter 6](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22375177/chapters/53964541#workskin), _Me Enamoré de Ti_ by Chayanne. You can listen to it [here](https://youtu.be/YJJbrBEZqy8). The specific lyrics quoted here are as follows:
> 
> Cuando estoy contigo crece mi esperanza - When I am with you my hope grows  
> Has alimentado el amor de mi alma - You have fed the love of my soul  
> Si no estás conmigo quedo entre la nada, me muero de frío - If you're not with me I stay in the blue, I'm dying of cold  
> Ay cuánto te amo, si no es a tu lado pierdo los sentidos - I love you so much, if I'm not by your side I lose my senses  
> Hay tanto que inventar, no hay nada que fingir - There is so much to invent, there is nothing to pretend  
> Me enamoré de ti - I've fallen in love with you
> 
> Other translations:
> 
> Vamos - let's go  
> Sí, mi amor - yes, my love  
> Ik hou van je - I love you  
> Te quiero mucho - I love you so much
> 
> You can read about Paulo catching feelings for Jan in the flashback story [I Let It Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22930297). You can also watch Who Am I? [here](https://youtu.be/oUAHWcTZVcI).


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan and Paulo have their first fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations for the lines of not-English are at the end.
> 
> This chapter was really hard for me to write. If you need me, I'll be hiding under a blanket.

"Jan?"

"Yes?"

"Who is Dries?"

Jan swallowed. Paulo was staring at him expectantly, one eyebrow raised.

"That's, um, Dries Mertens. He plays for Belgium with me, and for Napoli. He's one of my best friends, like Mousa and Toby."

"I see." Paulo's eyes went back to the screen of Jan's phone. "And why is this person texting with you about me?"

"I--  _ what?" _ Jan scooted over to the edge of the bed, trying to scramble to his feet, but his leg throbbed with pain and he sank back with a grimace. "Paulo, give me that, please…"

Paulo frowned down at him. "Be still," he ordered Jan in a low growl. "Or you'll hurt yourself worse." He eyed Jan's phone in his hand, his brows furrowed. "Answer the question."

Jan dropped his eyes. "I just texted him this morning to tell him about us. He's-- well, he's the kind of person that likes to know about his friends' private lives. Not in a malicious way or anything, he's just… he doesn't really understand boundaries when it comes to that kind of thing." He winced, knowing that he wasn't explaining this very well.

"I see. And you chose to tell him about me without even checking with me first?" Jan could hear the edge of anger creeping into Paulo's voice.

"I-- I'm sorry, sir, I just didn't think about it, I've always told Dries pretty much everything."

"And yet you hadn't told me about him at all. Why is this?"

Jan was taken aback by just how dangerously soft Paulo's voice had gone. He had seen Paulo angry, of course; he was a passionate man and could never imitate Hugo's quiet command from goal-- when Paulo was in goal, he kicked the posts and roared and swore.

But this… this was different. Paulo's voice was low, quiet. Dark. Jan had never heard him like this before. A shiver of something like fear went through him.

"I… I hadn't thought about him since we got together," he offered lamely. "We don't talk all the time, or anything."

"I see. Unlock your phone." Paulo held it out to him.

"What? I-- Paulo, that's not--"

"I am aware this is a breach of your privacy. I would not ask normally, but now I find you texting about me with someone I do not know and had not even heard you speak of." Jan felt tears stinging at his eyes at how cold Paulo's voice was now. He wanted badly to look up at him, but even if he were allowed, he was scared of what he might see.

"I have the right to know what you have said about me to a stranger. Unlock the phone. Or you may leave."

Jan gasped. "Paulo, no, please…"

_ "Now." _

Jan picked up his phone with trembling fingers. It took him more tries than usual to enter his passcode, and for a second he was afraid he would get locked out. Finally, though, he got it right, and held it out again, still keeping his eyes down.

Paulo gave a low growl. "My Dutch is not that good yet, Jan. Translate."

Jan drew in a shaky breath and scrolled back through the text history with Dries. In true Dries fashion, he had continued texting Jan sporadically through the day, not caring that Jan had stopped responding.

"I… well, I told him that Sophie and I had decided to open up our relationship, and that I have a b-boyfriend," he said, feeling tears slip down his cheeks, not knowing if that was even still true. "He… he guessed that you were a football player, and that you were at Spurs. I told him your name, and that we were, well, that you p-pulled my hair and that I liked it and--"

Jan couldn't keep it in anymore. A sob burst out and he dropped the phone. He didn't understand how he could have gone from feeling so blissfully happy to this, to feeling like he had lost Paulo, so quickly. He could understand, at least a little, why Paulo was upset, but the thought that he may have destroyed this, just when it had seemed so perfect, was more than he could bear.

He covered his face with his hands, trying to stem the tears that were spilling down his cheeks. He wished Paulo would touch him. He wanted Paulo to hold him and tell him that it would be okay, to wipe his tears away, but he knew he wouldn't, not now.

He took a deep breath, trying to regain enough control to keep going. The sooner he got through this, the sooner he could escape and go home and not have to face the wreckage he had made of this.

"Dries… he got really excited and asked for pictures of you. I told him that I would need to ask before I sent him anything that wasn't-- wasn't public already." Jan wiped his eyes again, wishing he had a tissue.

"At least you had that much consideration for me," Paulo growled, his words like a knife in Jan's heart. "Go on."

"He-- he googled you and got even more excited, he thinks you're hot, of course. Said he liked the idea of us together. Said you-- you have good taste. And that I do too."

Paulo snorted. "What else?"

"He said he understands about not sending him pictures, but he said it's okay for me to show you any of him. He sent one, if you-- if you want to see it."

Paulo grunted, but held out his hand. Jan tapped the picture Dries had sent of himself, Kat, and Lore in bed and held out the phone. He risked a quick glance up at Paulo, who was frowning at the screen, his eyes stormy, his jaw tight.

"Who are the people with him?"

"Dries is the one in the middle. That's his wife, Kat, and his… well, I'm not sure if boyfriend is quite the right word. Fuckbuddy might be closer."

"Hmm. What else?"

"Um. Well, after that he was kind of… flirting with me. We've, ah, sometimes done a little sexting and I think he might have wanted to do that today."

"And did you?"

"N-no. I thought… I thought I should ask you first," Jan said, feeling glad that in this, at least, he had remembered to think about Paulo.

To his surprise, Paulo shrugged. "Honestly, that would have hurt me less than… than this."

It felt like a slap in the face. Jan suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. He wouldn't have believed how much this could hurt. He had thought he and Paulo had been as close, as connected as they could possibly be, but now… now it felt like they were worlds apart.

He rolled clumsily off the bed, looking desperately for his clothes. Even just his jeans would be enough. He had to get out of here.

"Jan," Paulo said sharply, his voice rough. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do this," Jan managed. "I'm sorry, I have to go, I'm sorry…"

"You are running away from me now?" The anger in his voice was fading now, was being replaced by sadness.

"I--"

"I thought you loved me," Paulo whispered, and Jan could tell that he was crying now.

"I d-do."

"If you love me, then… stay. We have to talk about this."

Jan was torn. "It just… it hurts. I had something wonderful and then I fucked it up. Without even meaning to."

"Jan," Paulo said, his voice softer now. "Look at me." It wasn't a command. It was a request.

Jan lifted his head and met Paulo's eyes. As he had thought, there were tears on his cheeks too.

"I don't think you meant to hurt me. But you have to understand why this did." Paulo took a deep breath. "We talked about this, a little, in the beginning, yes? With Sophie? Discretion and consent."

Jan nodded, his stomach twisting. He thought he understood, but he had to let Paulo say his piece.

"I don't think you intended to, but this… telling this person without talking to me first, it broke both of those rules. I didn't have the chance to give my consent because I wasn't consulted. And I have no way of knowing if this man will keep our secret. You may trust him, but I didn't even know he existed. You risked both our careers without even checking with me first." Paulo paused, and took another breath. "I understand wanting to share exciting news with a friend, and if this were an ordinary, out-in-the-open relationship it would not be a problem. But if we want to do this  _ and _ continue playing professional football then we have to have stricter limits."

Jan sank down on the bed. Paulo was right. He had been careless. He knew beyond a doubt that Dries would never betray his trust, but the first rule of a secret was that the larger the number of people that knew it, the more precarious it would become, until it could not possibly remain a secret. Paulo had deserved to be asked first.

_ "Lo siento," _ Jan whispered.  _ "Lo siento mucho." _ He wanted to say more, but both his Spanish and his voice gave out. He pulled his knees up to his chest, pressed his face into them, and breathed deeply, fighting to stop crying.

Then Paulo's arms were around him, his fingers stroking his arms, his back, his hair.

Jan hiccuped. "I-- I'll understand if you don't want to… still be with me."

"No,  _ schatje. _ I love you," he whispered. "I am angry, but I love you. Just… you have to talk to me about these things. Yes?"

Jan looked up. "Y-yes."

"Then we will be fine. Is there anything else I need to know?"

Jan scrolled back through the last several hours' messages. Dries had babbled quite a bit about what he and Kat were up to, about Lore and the rest of the Napoli team, and battered Jan with about a thousand questions about Paulo, from the banal to the downright filthy. But as Jan hadn't responded for a while, eventually Dries had tapered off.

Jan shook his head. "He's asked a lot of questions, but otherwise nothing. Don't worry, I won't answer any of them without checking with you first."

Paulo sighed. "I appreciate this, but you still don't quite understand. If someone is going to know about us, then we should talk about it first. If we agree that we trust them, we decide together how much or little to tell. But I don't want you thinking you have to get permission from me to talk to your friend." 

Jan had a sudden thought. "Yeah, we should talk about it first, for sure," he agreed carefully. "Just like how you talked with me before you decided to make Toby your pet too, ah?"

Paulo sucked in a breath. "That's different," he said briskly. "I already knew you trusted Toby, I already knew him as well."

"But that doesn't necessarily mean I wanted to have him jump right in the middle of our relationship. I know we're not exclusive, but shouldn't we still at least have some kind of check-in before we fuck somebody new?"

Paulo flushed, his voice rising in pitch. "I didn't  _ fuck _ Toby," he replied hotly.

"No, you just sucked his dick and then told him all about the first time you and I were together, yeah? Did it occur to you that maybe I'd have preferred to keep that private, that it was special to me?" Jan's temper was rising now-- the more he thought about it, the less sense it all made. He scooped his clothes up from the floor. He suddenly didn't want to be naked anymore.

Paulo's face was getting redder and redder. "You--"

"I'll admit, you've got a right to be upset about Dries, maybe, but  _ you _ didn't even think to ask before you used our first time as a weapon against Toby. Is that any better?"

Paulo was pacing up and down the room now, like some kind of big cat on the prowl, muttering to himself in Spanish, fists clenched tight.

"And then today, I come over here expecting to have time alone with you, and I find Toby's car already here. I come inside, and I find Toby covered in cum, handcuffed to your fucking bed! Did you think about the possibility that I might be upset about that?" Jan yanked on his jeans as he spoke. "At least  _ Toby _ bothered to ask me if I was okay with this."

Paulo spun around, his face furious.  _ "No te atrevas," _ he hissed.  _ "No me hables asi." _

"You don't want me to talk to you like this? Fine. I won't." Jan pulled his shirt down over his head, hobbled out of the room, grabbed his shoes from the entryway, and slammed the front door behind him.

He made it to his car before the pain in his leg caught up with him. He eased himself down into the driver's seat with a wince, suddenly wishing he hadn't stormed out quite so fast. But he was still too angry to care much. He drove home stewing in a cloud of indignation, listening to the most aggressive music he had on his phone and pounding his fists against the steering wheel.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket several times before he got home, but he had absolutely no desire to check it, even at stoplights.

Sophie still wasn't home when he got there, which was okay with him. He needed time alone to brood; the last thing he wanted was to take out his bad temper on her.

He limped his way into the living room, poured himself a too-large glass of scotch, and sank into his favourite chair. His phone buzzed again deep in his pocket, against his thigh. He sighed heavily and dug it out. There were a number of texts waiting for him.

_ >>From: Dries M [18:43]: I'm guessing you had a busy day, which is fine. Get back to me whenever you have time. Love you, kontpijnje  _ 😘

_ >>From: Paulo G [19:35]: Jan, come back _  
_ >>From: Paulo G [19:35]: please _  
_ >>From: Paulo G [19:35]: we have to talk about this _  
_ >>From: Paulo G [19:35]: I'm sorry I got so mad _

_ >>From: Sophie [19:35]: hey darling, I may stay at my mom's hotel tonight. She took us out for dinner and then the kids fell asleep at her hotel suite. Now we're playing cards. if you want you can stay with Paulo tonight :) Love you! _

_ >>From: Paulo G [19:36]: please, Jan _

_ >>From: Dries M [19:38]: incidentally, if you have any free time this evening, I'll just be laying around trying to entertain myself… ;) _

_ >>From: Paulo G [19:40]: Jan… I love you _

Jan stared at the different messages, his stomach churning. He loved Paulo, but right now he genuinely didn't want to talk to him. If he did, he didn't know if he'd be able to keep his temper in check. Thinking about the things they had argued about made him feel sick, and he wasn't ready to deal with that yet.

Instead, he kept rereading the messages from Dries. He wished he could let himself do something with Dries, just to forget the way fighting with Paulo had made him feel. He wanted to text and flirt with Dries, let it turn into something else, just to not have to think about how cold Paulo's voice had been. He didn't really have the energy left for any more sexual endeavours today, but he needed something, anything, to take his mind off how angry he was.

He felt conflicted. Paulo had acted like he wouldn't care if Jan did sext with Dries, but Jan wasn't naïve enough to take that at face value. On the other hand, Paulo had gone further over the line with Toby than anything Jan was contemplating. 

Jan was tired, and upset, his leg was hurting, and it all just felt like too much to sort out right now, who had been in the right or the wrong. He downed the rest of his scotch with a grimace, and pulled up FaceTime.

_ "Jantje!" _ Dries squealed when he picked up.  _ "I didn't think I'd hear back from you today, I figured you were busy." _

"Hey, kitten. Yeah, I've been out most of the day. Just got home."

Dries frowned at him.  _ "Everything okay, Groot? You look like you've been crying." _

Jan grimaced. He hadn't thought about that. Of course he probably looked like shit right now. "Yeah, everything is fine. How are you?"

_ "Jan Vertonghen, don't you lie to me, you're terrible at it. What's wrong?" _

Jan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. "Nothing, really… well, Paulo and I kind of had a fight."

_ "Already? What happened? Do I need to come kick his ass?" _

"No," Jan said quickly. "It-- it was nothing, really, we'll get over it. Probably by tomorrow we'll both be ready to kiss and make up."

_ "Well, that's good. What did you fight about?" _

Jan winced. "Um… you, actually."

He didn't often see Dries caught by surprise, but his face was downright astonished at this.  _ "Me? What did I do?" _

"Nothing, kitten. I just… I didn't check with him before I told you about us, and he got mad. And then… well, he had done something that I was mad about too, even though I didn't realise it at first. I lost my temper and stormed out." Jan sighed. It all sounded so ridiculous now. He knew he had the right to be upset, but he wasn't proud of running away like that.

_ "Aww, I'm sorry. I was having so much fun imagining you two together. It's just about the sexiest thing I could have come up with."  _ Dries grinned at him impishly. _ "So that means you need to make it up with him, yeah? For me?"  _

Jan had to laugh. "It's not that easy, Driesje. I already apologised for what I did. He just apologised for getting so mad at me, not for the stuff he did."

_ "Okay, what did he do? Something so bad that it's worth throwing this away over?" _

"No, of course not, but I--"

_ "Does he understand how upset you are about whatever it is he did?" _

"Well, I just about broke his front door slamming it behind me, so yeah, he probably does," Jan admitted ruefully.

_ "Temper, temper, tree man,"  _ Dries teased him.  _ "Well, if you want my advice--" _

"If I say no, would that actually stop you?"

_ "Shut up. You like this guy, yeah?" _

"Yeah."

_ "Then take a breath and cool down, then give him a chance to apologise. Don't just sit there and stew, it's bad for your skin. Find something to distract yourself until you're calmer." _

"That's kind of why I called you," Jan grumbled. "I didn't plan to get you involved in this."

_ "Well, then you should have fixed your face before you called, 'cause you look like shit," _ Dries said sweetly.

Jan pouted at him. "I thought you liked my face."

_ "Of course I do, it's just so much more beautiful when you're happy." _

Jan couldn't help it; he had to laugh.

They talked for a while longer after that, not really about anything in particular. Mostly, Jan had needed to connect with someone he had known and loved for years and years, and Dries was always willing to make time for him. Eventually the chat died away and they just looked at each other for a while, enjoying being connected despite being more than a thousand kilometres apart.

"Hey," Jan whispered, seeing Dries's eyes drift shut. "You should get some sleep, little kitty."

_ "What about you? Is Sophie back yet?" _

"No, she decided to stay at the hotel with her mom and the kids."

_ "Okay, then. I'm staying on here with you, even if I fall asleep." _

"You don't have to do that, kitten," Jan said, touched.

_ "Shut up already. I was on my own tonight anyway, so I'm glad I got to spend it with you." _

Jan smiled at his friend. "Me too, Driesje. Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Lo siento - I'm sorry  
> Lo siento mucho - I'm so sorry  
> No te atrevas - Don't you dare  
> No me hables asi - Don't talk to me like that  
> kontpijnje - little pain in the ass


	12. Chapter 12

"You don't want me to talk to you like this? Fine. I won't." Jan pulled his shirt down over his head and hobbled out of the room.

“Jan,” Paulo shouted after him, his voice hoarse. “Jan!” His only answer was the  _ slam _ of the front door echoing through the house.

He stood frozen for a long minute, stunned. How had this happened? He had lost his temper with Jan, yes, he was prepared to admit he probably should not have let himself get so upset. He knew he wasn’t wrong to be angry, but he had a feeling it would have been a more productive conversation if he had been better able to stay calm. He knew perfectly well that Jan hadn’t meant to hurt him, or put their relationship at risk. He was also positive that if Jan trusted his friend enough to tell him about this, then this Dries person had to be trustworthy. Jan wasn’t the sort to be careless.

But even angry, he had been in control of the conversation, or so he had thought. He had managed to explain it to Jan, a little coldly maybe, but Jan had understood. Jan had apologised, Paulo had told him that he loved him, and Paulo had thought that would be the end of it.

But then Jan had turned it around on him. Paulo had been completely caught off guard by Jan’s sudden anger about Toby. It didn’t make sense. How could  _ Toby _ be a problem for Jan? Jan had known Toby almost half his life, and it was obvious how attracted they were to each other. Toby’s confession of their prior tryst had been a surprise, but only in that it had already happened, and so long ago.

No, it didn’t make sense. Paulo must have pressed Jan too hard, made him snap defensively and overreact. If he could just get Jan to come back, surely they could smooth it over.

He stalked to the front door, yanking on a pair of joggers as he went, intending to go after Jan. He couldn’t just let this go. Couldn’t let  _ Jan _ go. Out the front window, he caught sight of Jan and froze in anguish. Jan was limping badly by the time he made it to his car. He leaned heavily against the frame as he fumbled with his keys. Paulo wanted to tear open the door and call to him, to run to him, but something stopped him. Jan’s face was twisted with fury in a way Paulo had never seen before. He saw Jan slam the car door, and Paulo fell back from the window with a low cry.

He stumbled down the hall, feeling dizzy. The rage on Jan’s face was something he had never even imagined before, something that made him feel like all the pillars of his world were trembling. He staggered into the dining room and nearly collapsed against the bar, groping for the whiskey. He didn’t normally let himself drink much during the season, but it was too much. He couldn’t even think for the pain.

He fumbled with the bottle, sloshing whiskey across the smooth granite countertop. He didn’t care.

He slammed the first glass and poured himself a second, grabbed the bottle for good measure, and went to the living room to land in his armchair. He pulled out his phone with difficulty and tapped out a long, angry text to Jan, but thought better of it at the last moment. He stared at it, his mind whirling, and finally erased the entire thing.

_ <<To: Jan V [19:35]: Jan, come back _   
_ <<To: Jan V [19:35]: please _   
_ <<To: Jan V [19:35]: we have to talk about this _   
_ <<To: Jan V [19:35]: I'm sorry I got so mad _

Jan didn't answer. Paulo forced himself to wait. If Jan were driving, he reasoned, then it would be better if he didn't try to check or answer his messages until he stopped.

He waited, and while he waited, he finished his second glass of whiskey. By the time he set the empty glass on the coffee table, the anger was gone, replaced by tears.

_ <<To: Jan V [19:36]: please, Jan _   
_ <<To: Jan V [19:40]: Jan… I love you _

Still Jan didn't answer.

He heard the front door open and close, heard Teo bark happily.  _ Jan? _

"Paulo, baby, I'm home," a voice called in Spanish. Half of him recognised the voice; the other half only knew that it wasn't Jan.

"Paulo? Where are you?" Footsteps were coming down the hall, but Paulo's body was too numb from pain and whiskey to respond.

Patricia appeared in the doorway, the smile on her beautiful face fading quickly when she took in his state.

"Paulo? What's wrong?" She dropped her shoulder bag on the floor and came towards him, her concern audible in her voice.

Paulo shook his head. He couldn't talk.

"Baby, are you drinking? What's happened? Is anyone hurt?" Her eyes flickered to Teo, who wagged his tail, looking from one human to the other.

Paulo shook his head, his eyes filling with fresh tears as he thought of trying to tell her everything that had happened. He couldn't.

"Is it Jan? What happened? Talk to me, baby. Please?"

Paulo swallowed thickly, considering the remaining whiskey in the bottle. Maybe another glass would help…

Patricia's fingers closed around the bottle, pulling it away from him. "That's enough of that," she said firmly. "You need water. You've got training tomorrow, don't you? You don't want to turn up hungover."

Paulo just shrugged, but she was leaving the room, taking the whiskey with her. He wanted to get up and take it back, but his body still wasn't listening to him. She was back in a moment with one of his water bottles. "Here," she said firmly. "Drink this."

He grumbled, but obeyed. The water felt cool and soothing in his raw throat.

"That's it," she whispered. "That's good, my love. Now, let's take this slow. Is it something to do with Jan?"

He swallowed and nodded.

"Did you have a fight?"

Paulo let out a sob, clenching his fists.

"Shh, my love, we'll get you through it. Did… did you break up?"

Paulo shrugged helplessly. He had absolutely no idea.

"Well, we'll figure this out. Have you eaten?"

Slowly Patricia got him up out of the armchair and steered him into the kitchen, where she made him eat some rice, a few almonds, and drink more water. He still couldn't find his voice, no matter what she asked him.

Finally, at a loss, she led him to their bedroom, telling him that he should lie down. He heard her suck in a breath when she saw the state of the bedroom. He had completely forgotten the mess that he and Jan had left it in. The bed was in total disarray, the sheets and blankets twisted up and shoved far down on the bed. The sheets were stained with cum and a drop or two of blood-- probably, Paulo thought distractedly, from Toby biting into his own lip when Paulo had finally let him come that morning. It seemed like a lifetime ago now. 

The handcuffs were still fastened around the bedposts. The towel Jan had used earlier to clean Toby up had been thrown at the doorway to the ensuite but had ended up crumpled in a heap on the floor, next to the towels Paulo had used to dry off himself and Jan after getting out of the bath. To top it all off, there were multiple used condoms wrapped in crumpled up tissues sitting on the nightstand, next to the open box of condoms and a half-empty bottle of lube.

To her credit, Patricia took it all in stride. She sat him down in the reading chair and quickly changed the bedding, throwing the soiled sheets in the pile with the towels. Finally she came back to him and sat on his knee, stroking his hair. He buried his face in her shoulder, feeling deeply grateful that she was back.

"Baby," she whispered, kissing him on the cheek. "Can you talk about it yet?"

He tried. He knew if he could just figure out where to start, it would all come spilling out, and then she would help him fix it. But he had no idea where he should start. Had he told her about Toby already? When was the last time he had updated her on what she liked to call his 'adventures'? He couldn't sort it out in his head.

He shook his head miserably, and then she was pulling him over to the bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. She kissed him again and whispered, "You sleep it off a bit, baby. When you wake up, we'll figure it out. I love you."

  
  
  


***

  
  


Paulo came awake with a start hours later, his bladder full and his head throbbing. It was completely dark outside, and Patricia was asleep in the bed next to him. He eased himself out of bed, wincing at the pressure in his head. He was vaguely aware of what had happened that day-- or was it yesterday, now?-- but it felt more like a bad dream than like something that had actually happened.

He used the bathroom and downed a couple of ibuprofen. He remembered Patricia taking the whiskey away from him and making him drink water instead. His heart surged with gratitude as he watched her sleep from the doorway to the bathroom. She had come home just in time to keep him from making things worse. He loved her so much.

He slipped back into bed as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake her, but it didn't work-- it never did. She had always been a light sleeper, so much so that she sometimes preferred to sleep alone, and they kept a second bedroom ready for her any time she wanted.

She blinked sleepily at him now. "Paulo?" she murmured. "Are you okay?"

"Better," he whispered, kissing her gently. "I'm so sorry for the way you found me earlier. You always take such good care of me."

"You take care of me too," she reminded him, which had some truth to it, though they had different needs in some ways. "I love you." 

"I love you," he answered softly.

"Do you want to talk about it now?"

"Baby, it's one in the morning. We should both get back to sleep. We can talk about it in the morning, yeah?"

She frowned, propping her head up on a hand. "I don't know that talking about this right before you have to go train is going to be any better than talking about it now. I'd rather you tell me about it now."

He sighed. She was right, as usual. "Things got a little out of hand," he admitted. He went through the last several days, telling her about Jan, and Toby, though he avoided going into too much detail about what all they had done. He told her about Jan telling Dries about them-- leaving Dries's name out of it-- and about the fight, about Jan storming out, the unanswered texts. By the time he got to the end his throat was tight, his chest painful.

She was silent for a minute, processing all of it. "So this friend of his," she said musingly. "Jan said he's a footballer too?"

"Yes. At an Italian club, apparently."

"And he sent Jan a picture of himself in bed with another man and said it was okay to show you?"

Paulo blinked. Somehow he hadn't put that together. 

"That's a pretty big act of trust from him, don't you think?"

Paulo didn't know what to say. It was true; from what he knew of the world of Italian football, the potential backlash for an outed player would likely be even worse than it would in the Premier League. Dries had taken a significant risk just by taking the picture, let alone sending it to Jan, to say nothing of giving Jan permission to show it to Paulo. 

"Yes," he admitted finally. "I suppose he must trust Jan quite a lot."

"Not just Jan. I'd say his trust in Jan must extend to you as well. He is relying on his friend to have chosen someone who is worthy of such trust."

What she didn't say, what perhaps she didn't have to, was that Paulo had not extended that kind of trust to Jan. Maybe it was only natural; Paulo had only known Jan for a few years, as opposed to Jan and Dries, who must have been friends for more than a decade. Still, it was an uncomfortable comparison for him.

"I suppose…"

"You said Jan apologised, yes?"

_ Lo siento, _ Jan had cried.  _ Lo siento mucho. _

"Yes, he did."

"Did you apologise to him yet?"

"I-- I think so." He reached for his phone, his memory of what he had texted Jan fuzzy. He unlocked it and scanned the text history. "Yes, here, see." 

Patricia frowned at the screen. "You apologised for getting upset, Paulo. Have you apologised for hurting him, though?"

Paulo furrowed his brow. "I-- but--"

"Paulo," she sighed. "Please tell me you understand why you're in the wrong here?"

"But he--"

_ "Paulo. _ Stop." She looked him square in the eyes. "No excuses. Did you check in with him before you decided to get Toby involved?"

He squirmed uncomfortably. "No, but…"

"Did you check in with him before you told Toby the details of a private moment between you and Jan?"

"I… no… b-but..." He ran his fingers back and forth over his hair.

"Sweetheart, just stop, please. You say you love him?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then you have to be able to admit when you're wrong." She smiled gently at him. "I know that's never been your favourite thing to do. It's not easy, or fun. But if you love him, if you want to keep him, then I think you don't have a choice here. He deserves a real apology.  _ Not _ over text."

She was right. He hated to admit it, but she was right. It had never been easy for him to admit to being wrong, but there was no denying it here. He rubbed his head and pouted, sticking his lower lip out at her, enjoying the way this always made her laugh. "I hate it when you're right."

"No, you don't," she teased him.

He sighed. "No, I don't." He glanced at the time on his phone again, suddenly feeling better. "I wish it were tomorrow already," he grumbled. Having come to the decision to apologise properly, he was eager to do it as soon as possible. He wanted to make things right, to be able to hold Jan again, to kiss him, to see him smile again. He hated having to wait.

"I know, baby." Her smile was sweet, but sleepy. "But if you can get back to sleep, you can go talk to him in the morning."

"That's true." He yawned and snuggled close to her, pressing a kiss to her hair. "I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too, my love. Me too."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, translations of the not-English are in the end notes.

Paulo overslept the next morning, due, he suspected, to his poor choices of the night before, and the resulting interrupted night's sleep. Not badly, not enough to make him late for training, but enough to make it less than feasible to try to go see Jan before training. He wouldn't have a chance to see him at Enfield, either; Jan was still on rest today, though he was supposed to come in to see the physios at some point-- Paulo didn't know when.

Even if he had known, though, it wouldn't have been reasonable to try to talk to him at the training centre. Not enough privacy, and far too many eyes.

He would just have to resign himself to waiting until after training, then. He decided to at least reach out, hopeful that Jan would respond today.

_ <<To: Jan V [07:10]: Can I come see you after training? _

But Jan still didn't reply.

Paulo worried about that some as he went through his training drills that day. It wasn't like Jan to just not respond at all. Paulo had to work fairly hard to convince himself that Jan was probably just busy, not still furious with Paulo.

He could tell that his preoccupation was affecting his form, too. He did fine in the usual goalkeeper drills, but when the first team lined up to try to shoot past him, he felt sluggish, off his game. He didn't feel too badly when the forwards managed to find his net; that was their job. And some of the midfielders, too; they were all capable of some astounding finishes.

But when the defenders were scoring on him-- not just one or two, all of them-- he couldn't deal with it anymore. After Juanito sent his third ball flying right past Paulo's hands, he gave up. He stalked off to the side, waving a glove at Toni to signal that he needed a break.

"Everything okay?" Toni asked him, nodding at Alfie to take over for Paulo.

"Just a little distracted. Didn't sleep well last night."

"Anything we need to know about?" one of Toni's assistants chimed in, looking concerned.

Paulo shook his head. "No. Just argued with someone I'm not used to arguing with. It'll be fine. Just need to clear my head."

Toni nodded. "Need to go inside for a bit? I'd be okay with you spending some time in cardio."

Paulo thought about it for a moment. He normally hated being sent inside for cardio, but maybe it would be a good idea today. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Toby watching him. He definitely didn't need to have a conversation with Toby about everything that had happened yesterday while still on the training grounds.

He spent the rest of the day inside, running and swimming and trying to pretend that he wasn't hiding, from Toby, from Toni, from the squad, from Jan's unsettling silence.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


He left the training centre as soon as he reasonably could once Poch released them, not wanting to give anyone a chance to corner him. He knew that he needed to talk to Toby, but that could wait. Getting to Jan could not.

He pulled out his phone out of habit as he made his way out to his car, almost expecting to find nothing, but to his surprise he had two texts waiting for him.

_ >>From: Jan V [13:46]: Okay. I just finished with the physios so I'll be home by the time you're done. I have plans with Eric tonight though so I’ll have to keep an eye on the time _

_ >>From: Sophie V [14:47]: when you come over later you and I need to have a conversation _

His stomach twisted with both joy and worry, leaving him feeling faintly queasy. On one hand, he was immensely relieved just to have a response of any kind from Jan. He absolutely hated not being able to communicate with someone, especially if they were important to him. He would never be the sort of person to prefer using the silent treatment on anyone, even when he was angry.

On the other hand, he was more than a little afraid of what Sophie wanted to talk to him about. He had a sinking feeling that she planned to take him to task for the way he had behaved yesterday. He had gotten along with her very well so far and the idea of her being angry with him was nearly as upsetting as Jan's silence had been.

When he pulled up down the street from Jan's house he turned off the car and sat in his car for several minutes, thinking. He desperately wanted this to go well, and he found himself repeating to himself everything that he wanted to say, hoping against hope that he was anticipating what Jan-- and Sophie-- might say.

Finally he took a deep breath, locked his car, and went up their front steps as confidently as he could. Before he could knock, though, the front door opened and Sophie slipped through it, closing it quietly behind her. Her face was carefully neutral as she looked up at Paulo.

"Hi," she said. "I need to talk to you before you go inside."

Paulo met her gaze with difficulty. He wasn't intimidated by her, exactly, but she was impressive like this, her jaw set and eyes determined. He had known from the start that she would be relentless in looking out for Jan's best interest-- and he was grateful to her for it.

"All right," he said, ducking his head. "Is he… is he okay?"

"If you mean his leg, then yes, he's fine. Minor muscle strain, but the physios are happy with how he's doing. He'll be doing rehabilitation with them tomorrow. Still out for the next match, though."

She paused. Paulo took a deep breath. "I'm glad his leg is going to be okay," he said cautiously. "But I also mean… him. We… I assume he told you that we… we argued?"

"Yes, he told me about it. And, well, I'm not here to listen to 'he said, he said.' You both screwed up; neither of you intended to. If you're here to make it up with him then as far as I'm concerned, that's that. I just think you're missing some information that perhaps you need to have."

Paulo exhaled slowly. "I… is this something that Jan has given his consent to be shared?"

She gave him a smile, understanding his reasons for asking. "Yes."

"Then I am listening."

"Jan and Dries… you almost have to have seen them together to understand. They are… more than friends, but less than lovers. They have been drawn to each other since the first time they met, but have never really had the right moment come, for a variety of reasons. There's no real blame on anyone involved, they've just led mostly separate lives. They've never been club teammates, so the only time they get together is during international campaigns. But when they  _ are _ together…" She shook her head.

"When they are together?" Paulo prompted.

"I don't know how to describe it. It is different from how he is with me, or how he is with you, from what I've seen. It just… feels right, somehow. Not more than you, or me, but not necessarily less, either."

"Dries is someone Jan loves," Paulo said quietly.

"Yes. He trusts him completely, and so do I. In fact, I was the one who suggested that he talk to Dries about you." She lifted her chin and looked him squarely in the eye. "If you are angry about that, then you should be angry with me as well as him. I will agree that he should have talked to you first, but not that he was wrong to tell Dries. If anyone can be trusted with your secret, it is him."

Paulo kept his eyes on hers. "Thank you, Sophie."

She shrugged. "Jan and I agreed that you should have more background on his relationship with Dries, and he preferred that I tell you. Nothing special to thank me for."

Paulo shook his head. "No. What I mean is… you are understanding. You understand Jan so well, and you seem to understand things about me as well, about our relationship. And I think you understand his relationship with Dries. I think this is important. So… thank you."

She smiled at him, her cheeks slightly pink. "You're welcome, Paulo. Now, I'm going to take the kids to the park for an hour, so you'll have some privacy. Get your cute little butt in there and apologise to my husband, I hate when he's cranky."

Paulo laughed, letting his eyes crinkle up in his first moment of actual delight since the fight had begun.  _ "Sí, señora." _

Jan was waiting for him in the living room, seated in an armchair, his leg duly wrapped and elevated. His posture was relaxed, but his eyes were uncertain. "Hi," he said softly when Paulo entered the room.

"Hi," Paulo whispered.

"Um… do you want to sit down?" Jan asked, gesturing to the unoccupied couch.

"Thanks." Paulo perched on the edge of the seat, unwilling to take his eyes off of Jan.

"Paulo, I…" Jan started.

"Jan, I'm sorry," Paulo blurted out. So much for his carefully rehearsed lines.

Jan exhaled with a laugh. "That's what I was going to say."

Paulo smiled briefly. "I should have talked it over with you before I went after Toby. And… I may have overreacted, about Dries."

Jan gave him a small smile of his own. "Maybe it's going around. I maybe overreacted too, about Toby. It's not like I don't want him… involved. It just happened so fast."

Paulo nodded. "I know. I got a little carried away maybe, after he was teasing you, but I still should have talked to you first. I'm sorry."

Jan sighed. "I know how that is. And I’m sorry too. It didn't even occur to me that I should have talked to you about Dries first, which I'm not proud of. It's just…"

"I know," Paulo repeated. "I understand a little better now."

"Sophie already talked to you then, yeah?"

Paulo nodded.

"Then you know Dries is, well, special to me?"

Paulo nodded again, suppressing the tiny prick of jealousy he felt at this.

"I expect you'll meet him someday, if we stay together," Jan said softly. "Is that… would you want to meet him?"

Paulo considered. He hadn't given that idea any thought at all yet. "Maybe," he said at last. "For now, though, I want to just focus on you and me. Is that okay?"

Jan smiled at him shyly. "Yeah. Yeah, that's okay."

"No more running away from me then, yes? We fix things together?"

"I'll try," Jan said, his eyes soft.

"Jan," Paulo whispered, his heart in his throat. "Are we… are we okay?"

Jan sucked his lower lip into his mouth, a peculiarly vulnerable gesture, and nodded.

"Can I kiss you?" Paulo bit his lip, trying to keep still. He was longing to touch Jan.

"Yes, sir," Jan murmured, lowering his eyes.

Paulo shuddered at that, but he was moving as soon as the words were out of Jan's mouth. He needed to taste Jan, to hold him, to feel his body against him again. It had been less than a day since they had argued, but it felt immeasurably longer to Paulo. 

Jan was sitting in an armchair, his leg elevated on the raised footrest, which made it more complicated for Paulo to get close to him. He wanted to pull him out of the chair and into his arms, but he resisted the impulse. Instead he folded himself into a half-crouch next to Jan's chair, cupped Jan's beautiful face in his hands, and pressed their lips together eagerly.

In some ways it was the opposite of their first kiss. That had been all heat, with no room for tenderness. This was no less intense, but it was full of longing, not just desire. It was full of love.

Paulo broke the kiss after a minute and pressed his forehead to Jan's, panting slightly.  _ "Ik hou van jou," _ he said, somewhat hesitantly.

"I love you too," Jan answered, wrapping his hands around Paulo's wrists and rubbing his thumb over his bracelet. "I don't like fighting with you."

"Me neither." Paulo swallowed, feeling tears building up behind his eyes. "I do trust you. You know this, yes?"

Jan gave him a small smile.  _ "Sí, señor. Yo sé." _

Paulo's body flushed with warmth, hearing the tentative Spanish on Jan's lips. He kissed Jan again, and again, and again, feeling that no matter how many times they kissed it would never be enough.

"Paulo," Jan sighed. He reached up for Paulo, trying to draw him in closer, but the position was awkward. 

Paulo frowned. “Here, let’s get you more comfortable,  _ schatje.” _ He helped Jan up, then guided him to the couch. Jan lay on his back, his lanky frame taking up nearly the full length of the oversized couch.

“Perfect,” Paulo whispered, kneeling next to Jan’s head and kissing him again. After only a moment, though, Jan was tugging on Paulo’s shirt. 

“No, not quite perfect,” he grumbled. “Want you closer. Come here.” His hands were pulling Paulo to lie down on top of him.

“Is this okay for your leg?”

“Sure. Just don’t bounce up and down on me too much.” Jan kept a straight face for a moment, then broke, giggling at the look on Paulo’s face.

They settled in easily, cuddling together on the couch, taking their time to rediscover each other. It felt important, to Paulo, for them to have this; the apologies had been offered and accepted, but they needed this, the intimacy, to finish reconnecting with one another. He needed to just have his arms around Jan for a little while, with no other concerns or complications.

“I love you,” Jan whispered when Paulo surfaced briefly for air.

“I love you,” Paulo echoed, tracing Jan’s cheekbone with a finger. Jan’s eyes were so blue, so beautiful. Paulo thought he might drown in them if he wasn’t careful.

“Paulo,” Jan breathed, kissing him again. Then he jumped-- Paulo could feel it too, a buzzing against his leg. Jan pulled slightly away from Paulo and dug in his pocket, pulling his phone out. The screen was lit up with an incoming FaceTime call. The photo on the screen showed Dries, his eyes comically wide, with a banana held up to his open mouth.

Paulo huffed out a sigh. "It's like he knows," he whispered into Jan's ear.

"He always knows," Jan groaned. "I don't know how, but he always knows."

"Do you want to answer it?" Paulo murmured, delicately sliding the tip of his tongue over the curve of Jan's ear.

“Kind of. Is that okay?”

Paulo suppressed another twinge of something like jealousy. He was curious to see how Dries would react to seeing them together. “I suppose. If that is what you want?”

Jan nodded, his eyes large.

"Answer it then."

Jan held the phone up over their heads and slid a finger across the screen. Paulo buried his face in Jan’s neck, feeling suddenly nervous. He knew almost nothing about what kind of person Dries was. He had agreed to trust him by proxy of trusting Jan, but that didn’t change the fact that this was someone who was important to Jan in ways Paulo didn’t fully understand.

He could just see, out of the corner of his eye, the screen being taken up with Dries's smiling face. Paulo had to fight to keep from laughing when he saw Dries's mouth drop open in surprise.

"Hi, Dries," Jan said in a shockingly normal voice, as if he didn’t have a man lying on top of him, mouthing at his neck.

_ "Hi yourself," _ Dries replied, then switched to Dutch.  _ "Zou het beter zijn als ik je later terugbel? Je ziet eruit alsof je... bezig bent." _

"No, no," Jan said with a breathless little laugh. "You’re fine. You should watch out, though, he's picked up an alarming amount of Dutch lately."

_ "Is that Paulo then? Is everything…?" _

"Everything is fine, Driesje," Jan assured him. "We're in the middle of the kissing and making up part, in fact."

_ "Ooh, yay! That's the best. Just call me later, yeah?" _

"No," Jan said with a soft sigh as Paulo pressed his hips down against him. "Dries… stay."

Paulo snuck another peek at the screen and caught sight of Dries just in time to see his eyes go dark and his lip catch between his teeth.  _ "Well, if you insist." _

"I do," Jan purred, lifting his free hand to tangle in Paulo's hair as he mouthed his way down Jan's neck. "So… how are you?"

Dries burst out laughing.  _ "Nowhere near as good as you, from the look of it. Kat and Lore are both busy this evening, so I’m all by myself again. Having fun there, eh, Groot?" _

"Just getting started, really."

_ "Well, don't stop on my account," _ Dries murmured.

“You still like to watch, then?”

_ “Always. If that’s okay, I mean.” _

“Is that okay, Paulo?” Jan asked, trying to tilt the phone to get a better view of Paulo’s face.

Paulo nestled deeper into Jan, feeling irrationally shy. He mumbled something that was intended as an affirmative and lowered his lips to Jan's neck, savouring the taste of his skin. He slid a hand up to grasp Jan by the hair, tilting his head back and sucking lightly against the underside of his jaw, feeling possessive.  _ Mine. _

Jan whimpered but nudged Paulo with his shoulder. “Don’t you want to say hi?”

“I’m busy,” Paulo rumbled against the bristle of Jan’s beard. He knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid looking at Dries forever, but for now, at least, he preferred to let this be between himself and Jan, or Jan and Dries. He wasn’t quite ready to make the leap with Dries that he had with Toby.

_ “That’s okay, boomer,”  _ Dries said.  _ “I just like seeing you happy.” _

Jan let out a breathy whine as Paulo nipped at the sensitive stretch of skin below his ear.

_ “Okay, that’s not fair,” _ Dries said, sounding a bit petulant.

“What’s not fair,  _ kleine kat?” _

_ “You two together are about the hottest thing ever, and I’m all by myself,”  _ Dries said with a pout that Paulo caught out of the corner of his eye. Damnit, Dries was exceptionally cute when he pouted.  _ “I can’t even get Lore to send me a dirty picture because he’s at some media event.” _

Paulo had a sudden idea. "Jan,” he breathed in his ear. “If a dirty picture is what he wants, then maybe he should get one, don’t you think?” He sucked Jan's earlobe into his mouth, enjoying the way Jan pressed his face to the side of Paulo’s head and whimpered. “Lift up a bit.”

Jan raised his hips just enough for Paulo to slide his joggers down a little and pull Jan’s dick free. Then he fished his own phone out of his pocket and managed, somewhat clumsily, to get a picture taken. He was studying it critically when he noticed something. On impulse, he reached down and did a little rearranging, then took another picture, more carefully this time.  _ Perfect, _ he decided. 

He held his phone up, out of Dries’s sight. “What do you think?” he whispered to Jan.

Jan glanced at Paulo’s phone and gave a little gasp. “Paulo… it’s perfect.”

It was just a picture of Jan’s dick, hard and proud, laying back against his abdomen. But immediately next to it, the outline of Paulo’s equally hard dick was plainly visible through his shorts, nudging urgently up to Jan. A tiny wet spot had appeared where the tip was pressed against the fabric.

“Here,” Paulo murmured, taking Jan’s phone and putting his own into Jan’s hand. “You send it to him.”

_ “What are you two whispering about so much?”  _ Dries whined.  _ “And more importantly, why aren’t you making out? I need more of that.” _

Paulo wasn’t surprised to notice that Jan was able to enter Dries’s mobile number from memory. “Patience,  _ katje,” _ Jan murmured. He swallowed, his thumb hovering over the Send button. He met Paulo’s eyes, a question clearly visible in his.

Paulo slid his hand up Jan’s arm until his hand was resting over Jan’s, his thumb over Jan’s thumb. He pressed down, gently, and together they tapped Send. Paulo felt a quick shiver run through Jan.

Anticipation building deliciously, Paulo set his phone aside and went back to nibbling on Jan’s neck. Jan let his eyes close with a soft sigh, tilting his head to the side.

_ “Jan,” _ Dries said, pouting.  _ “Are--” _

He fell silent as there was a tiny text notification sounded in the background. Paulo peeked around the side of Jan’s face to watch Dries’s face change, unable to contain his grin as Dries blushed a brilliant rosy red.

_ “That’s-- I mean-- Um. Wow.” _

“Do you like it, Dries?” Jan asked innocently.

_ “What kind of question is that? Do I like it? Honestly.” _ Dries was looking back and forth from Jan to Paulo, who had momentarily abandoned his shyness in favour of seeing the result of his little plan. Dries's eyes were large and dark, and he kept biting his lip as he watched them.  _ “Wasn’t expecting that, was all.” _

Jan shrugged. “I mean, you said you wanted a picture." He flashed Dries a bright, overly cheesy grin.

_ “I never knew you were so generous, Groot. And you…” _

Paulo shivered, realising that Dries was talking directly to him.  _ “Sí?” _

_ “Are you ever going to actually look at me, or shall we keep playing hide and seek?” _

Paulo hmphed, but Jan giggled. “Be nice, Driesje. He’s shy, is all.”

_ “But what’s to be shy of? I’m harmless, I promise,” _ Dries protested.

Jan curled his arms around Paulo’s shoulders protectively. “I know that, but he doesn’t. I kind of like him this way, anyway,” he cooed, rubbing his nose against Paulo's.

Paulo growled low in his throat. “That’s enough of that,” he said sternly to Jan, who flashed him his best mischievous grin.

“Sorry,” Jan said, not really sounding very sorry.

“And as for you…” Paulo lifted his head, tucking his chin over Jan’s shoulder and looking Dries directly in the eyes for the first time. He lost track of what he was going to say next, though, when Dries squealed.

_ “JAN, good god, how do you get anything done? Those eyes, holy shit.” _ He pretended to faint, fanning himself dramatically with a hand.  _ “Whew. Hello, gorgeous.” _

Paulo blushed in spite of himself. He reluctantly found himself liking this strange, silly person. He could certainly see why Jan did. "You," he said firmly, trying to act as though he weren't being charmed by Dries. "You are a naughty boy."

_ "It's true,"  _ Dries said with a mournful sigh.  _ "I don't know how Jantje has put up with me so long." _

Jan shrugged, his mouth quirking slightly. "No idea," he said flippantly.

_ "Aw,"  _ Dries said, poking his lower lip out.  _ "That's not nice. You're supposed to defend me. You're a defender, aren't you?" _

All three of them giggled at that. Something niggled at the back of Paulo's mind, though, something about Dries's coy response to Paulo. He wasn't really used to that, not when he was putting effort into his dominance. Maybe it just didn't come through over the phone. It was enough for him to feel just a bit unsettled. 

_ "Schatje," _ he said, loud enough for Dries to hear.

_ “Sí, señor?” _

“You have plans with Eric, yes? Isn’t it almost time for you to be getting ready?” Paulo pulled his head back enough to arch an eyebrow at Jan.

Jan’s eyes met his for a moment, then flickered to Dries. “But…” 

“You don’t want to be late, yes?” Paulo said, more authoritatively. 

“N-no…”

_ “That’s-- that’s okay, Jantje,” _ Dries said, though there was disappointment in his eyes.  _ “You go on. Call me some other time, yeah?” _

“Sure. It was nice to get to talk to you for a bit.” 

_ “You too, boomer. And Paulo, I’m glad I got to ‘meet’ you. Take care of our boy, yeah?” _

“I will,” Paulo rumbled.

After Jan had hung up the call, he gave Paulo a knowing look. “I don’t have to meet Eric for a while yet, and I think you know that.” He left it hanging, not accusing Paulo of anything, but the suggestion was clear.

Paulo shrugged. “I wanted to have you to myself for a little while. Is that so wrong?”

Jan smiled and kissed him, long and slow and sweet. “No, Paulo. Not wrong at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Sí, señora - Yes, ma'am  
> Ik hou van jou - I love you  
> Sí, señor. Yo sé - Yes, sir. I know.  
> Schatje - baby/sweetheart  
> Zou het beter zijn als ik je later terugbel? - Should I call you later?  
> Je ziet eruit alsof je... bezig bent - It looks like you're... busy  
> Kleine Kat - little kitty  
> Katje - kitten
> 
> For whatever reason, this chapter was a major challenge for me to write. I could not have figured out where it was going to go without ayerlind, which is why they have deservedly been credited as co-author. 💜


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much non-English dialogue, but a bit. Translations at the end.

Jan heard the front door of the house open and jumped guiltily away from Paulo. They had been laying together on the couch for the better part of an hour now, lazily making out and grinding against each other like a pair of teenagers. Jan had somehow forgotten that Sophie would be back with the kids so soon, and now they were out of time. He took a deep breath, trying to persuade his body to calm down.

Paulo gave him a puzzled look, evidently not having heard the door. "What--" he started to ask, but he was quickly drowned out by the tsunami of noise that told Jan his children were home. His eyes widened in alarm, and Jan suddenly realised that they hadn't really discussed introducing Paulo to the kids.

And then the door burst open and in scampered his son and daughter, both of them laughing and talking at an ear-splitting volume.

"Papa! Papa! We went to the park, and--" Leyla skidded to a stop, seeing Paulo. "Who's that?" she asked with all the tact a three-year-old could muster, staring. Her brother bumped into her and sat down suddenly, looking surprised.

"This is Paulo," he said, scooping her up and giving her a big kiss. "He's a special friend of mine."

"Hello," she said shyly. "Do you play football too?"

"Yes," Paulo said cautiously. "I'm one of the goalkeepers for Spurs."

"Oh." She seemed unimpressed, and squirmed quickly out of Jan's arms, pulling her brother to his feet, and then they raced out of the room together.

Jan and Paulo looked at each other and began to laugh weakly.

"Sorry about that," Jan said, smiling at Paulo a bit nervously. He suddenly couldn't even remember if he had seen Paulo interacting much with their teammates' various children. God, did he even _like_ kids?

But Paulo just smiled and said, "No problem," to Jan's relief. He reached out for Jan again, twining their fingers together. He pulled Jan back toward him, wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, making Jan laugh. Paulo's smile turned mischievous, and he began nuzzling Jan, deliberately tickling him with his beard, and digging his fingertips into his ribs until Jan was squirming and giggling breathlessly.

"Okay, boys, that's enough," Sophie said from the doorway, making them jump, but she was smiling too. "I'm guessing this means everything is good again?"

"I think so," Paulo said, and Jan nodded.

"Good. Jan, you probably ought to start getting ready, don't you think?"

Jan looked at his watch and sighed. "Yeah, I suppose…" he said, a little whine in his voice.

Sophie laughed at him. "Up to you, darling, but you're the one who has to explain it to Eric if not." She winked at Paulo and headed for another part of the house, following the muted din of the kids.

Jan was tempted. The idea of a quiet evening at home with his family and Paulo sounded rather nice, actually, but Paulo gave him a squeeze. "Go on, _schatje._ I was planning to spend some time with Patricia tonight anyway."

Jan sighed. "You're right. I just wish there was more time in the day. Then we could keep up with everything else in our lives _and_ I could stay here with you for a while longer."

Paulo nuzzled him again and whispered in his ear, "How much longer do you think we would need?"

Jan shivered, feeling his dick stirring again. "Longer than we have," he mumbled reluctantly. He couldn't resist trailing his fingers across Paulo's broad chest, though. 

"Hmm, too bad," Paulo breathed, lowering his lips to Jan's neck. "I love seeing how much you want me."

Jan groaned and took Paulo's hand, bringing it to rest on the bulge in his joggers. "I always want you," he said with a slight pout. "And now you get to go home to Patricia, and I have to go spend the evening with Dier and try to pretend I'm not thinking about you the whole time."

Paulo's smile was positively wicked now. He gave Jan a lingering kiss, squeezing his cock through the joggers. "Good," he said in a low growl. "I like the idea of you thinking about me, wanting me, even when we aren't together." He lifted his fingers to Jan's neck, pulling the collar of his shirt aside, and sucked a mark onto the slope of his shoulder, just low enough to be covered up by the fabric. "Just a little reminder."

Then Paulo stood up, rearranging his shorts to better hide his own erection, and pulled Jan to his feet. "Now go," he breathed in Jan's ear. "And I don't want you to touch yourself while you're getting ready, either." 

Jan groaned again. "Yes, sir."

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


As it turned out, he was still slightly late meeting Eric at the pub, but not enough to require an explanation. He found his friend sitting at their usual table in the corner, near the pool tables, and he had already gotten a beer for Jan.

"Hey, man," Jan said, sliding into his seat with a sigh. "Sorry I'm late."

Eric just shrugged and slid Jan his beer.

"Cheers, bro," Jan said, taking a deep drink, hoping that the alcohol might help him relax. Following Paulo’s instructions to not touch himself had been more difficult than usual, given how long he had been hard before Paulo left. He had finally succeeded in getting his cock to subside, but he could still feel it, the ache that reminded him that Paulo intended for him to suffer tonight.

"How's the leg?"

"Better. I'll be back for Ajax." Jan shifted uncomfortably; he had been avoiding thinking about it, distracted by Paulo, but he was not looking forward to going up against his old club. It was somewhat remarkable that it hadn't happened before, but in the seven years Jan had been at Spurs they hadn't met at any level of European competition. He'd continued to follow them, of course, though only a few of his contemporaries remained on their roster. In some ways Ajax would always be his home, no matter how many years he spent at other clubs. He had thought idly about returning there for the final year or two of his career, though he was hoping that decision wasn't going to have to come just yet. 

"And how are you feeling about that?" Eric gave him a knowing look. For as young as he was, Dier didn't miss much.

"Not great," Jan admitted. "Kind of… torn. Been trying to avoid thinking about it, to be honest."

Eric raised an eyebrow. "Not sure that's the approach I would take, to be honest. Semifinals and all that. But it's your head." He smirked at Jan, who rolled his eyes.

"I'll be ready, don't worry. Just had a lot going on lately."

Eric took another sip of his beer. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jan slouched down in his seat, feeling the tension of the last few weeks in the tightness of his muscles. On and off the pitch, he had been through a lot lately. He was thirty-one-- no, thirty-two, how did he keep forgetting that his birthday had come and gone?-- and he was beginning to notice that it took a bit longer to fully recover after matches, or from injuries, than it had. It was a disquieting thought.

And now he was putting his body through increased sexual activity, too, increasing the need for recovery. A voice in the back of his mind had been telling him that it might not be the best thing for him, as a professional athlete, to be doing the things he was, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Paulo was worth it. He slipped into a brief reverie, remembering the things they had done yesterday...

He blinked, realising that Eric was staring at him expectantly. "What?" he asked, aware that he had lost the thread. And he was hard again. _Shit._

"Not going to tell me about it?"

"About what?" He had completely lost track of what they were talking about.

"I dunno, mate, you just said you've had a lot going on lately. Anything besides football?"

"What? No, n-no, why would there be?" Jan took another gulp of his beer. _Come on, Jan, get it together,_ he told himself. 

Eric set his beer down, giving him a puzzled look. "What is up with you today, bro? Never seen you quite so wiggy."

"It's nothing, I swear." Jan winced internally, knowing how lame that sounded. He brought a hand up to the slope of his shoulder, rubbing at the tight muscle there. He was glad he'd be in rehabilitation with the physios tomorrow; he could use a good massage.

"If you say so." Eric still looked sceptical, but let it drop.

"How are things with Dele?" Jan asked, changing the subject.

Eric shrugged. "The same, more or less," he replied.

"Well, that's good, right?"

"S'pose so. It just… I don't know. Feels like something's missing, almost."

Jan frowned. Eric and Dele had been secretly dating for a couple of years now, and Jan had to admit he'd been jealous of them on more than one occasion. Not out of any particular attraction to either of them, but just that they were willing to do it, to take the risk. Of course, their relationship had always been the subject of a fair amount of speculation, some of it joking, some less so, which was why they’d decided to cool down on how public they were about being close. There were already plenty of pictures and videos of them being affectionate on the internet, though almost everyone seemed to accept that they were just best friends.

Jan knew better, though. He had been friends with Eric for long enough that the younger man had come to him in tears the first time he and Dele had had a serious fight, begging Jan to keep it quiet, but he had badly needed someone to confide in, someone he could trust. It had touched Jan, that he was the one Eric came to, for advice, for consolation, the one he trusted.

Jan wished that he could return that trust now, confide in Eric about Paulo, but after everything that had happened with Toby and Dries, he had a feeling it’d be better to wait-- even if he had discussed it with Paulo, which he hadn’t, not yet.

But he didn’t like hearing Eric say that something was missing. To him Dele and Eric were almost a perfect couple, and he wanted them to last.

“What do you mean?” Jan asked, taking another sip of his beer.

His friend’s face was hard to read, but that wasn’t really anything new; Eric could have been taking “brick wall” lessons from Toby, for all he usually gave away with his body language. “I don’t really know. Things are fine, I guess, I just sometimes feel like…” He shook his head.

“Like what?”

Eric shrugged. “I was going to say, like things are getting out of control, but that’s not quite right. Things are the same, I just get frustrated sometimes. I don’t even know how to explain it.” He frowned. “I mean, Dele is… well, he’s Dele. You know.”

Jan furrowed his brow. He had no clue what Dier was trying to get at. “Dele is Dele,” he repeated.

“He’s just-- sometimes he’s frustrating. Usually I can handle his nonsense no problem, but sometimes…” He shrugged again and downed the rest of his beer. “Can you handle a game of pool on that leg?”

“Sure,” Jan said, getting to his feet, glad that his erection had finally gone down again, though the ache was still there. He made a note to try to follow up on this later-- if Eric wanted to change the subject he wasn’t going to push, but he also didn’t want to let this go. “As long as you don’t make me bend or stretch in any weird ways to line up a shot.”

Eric snorted. “Yeah, that’s it. My plan to win is to only leave you shots that you can’t get without bending over the table.”

Jan poked him with the pool cue, making him yelp. “Don’t get any ideas about bending me over the pool table, or Sophie will be after you,” he teased.

Eric rolled his eyes. “For the last time, Vertonghen, you’re just not my type. Now break, so I can beat you already.”

“Such confidence.” Jan laughed at him. “Wow.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


In the end they each won a game, which was about average for them. When they parted ways, Jan made sure to remind Eric that he was always there whenever he wanted to talk. Eric made a snide comment about Jan being less than forthcoming himself tonight, which was fair, though Jan couldn’t really help it. Bad enough that he’d been squirming in his seat a fair amount of the evening, trying to keep himself from drifting back into thoughts of Paulo and giving himself away by getting hard again. But he couldn’t talk to Eric about this, not yet.

As Jan was walking back to the car, he couldn’t help pulling his phone out.

_ <<To: Paulo G [21:43]: I made it through the evening without touching myself, but it was hard :( _   
_ <<To: Paulo G ]21:43]: Figuratively speaking. Literally, too, sometimes _

_ >>From: Paulo G [21:44]: Good _   
_ >>From: Paulo G [21:44]: are you home yet? _

_ <<To: Paulo G [21:44]: No. Just left the pub _

_ >>From: Paulo G [21:44]: Good. Call me when you get in your car _

Jan’s heart beat fast as he hurried to his car, as quickly as he dared without appearing suspicious or risking his leg. By the time he unlocked the door and slipped into the driver’s seat, he was hard yet again. His hands were trembling with the effort it took to keep from palming himself through his jeans. He started the car, connected his phone via Bluetooth, and rang Paulo.

_“Hello?”_

“Hi.” Jan shivered. “It’s me.”

_“Hello, Jan,”_ Paulo murmured, his voice deep and resonant. _“So you’ve been good all evening, hmm?”_

“Yes, sir,” Jan said, aware that there was a hint of a whine in his voice. “When can I…?”

_“Not yet. Are you hard now?”_

“Yes…” Jan sighed. “Paulo, please…”

_“No. I want you to keep still, and just listen.”_

“Y-yes, sir.”

_“Good,”_ Paulo rumbled. _“If I were with you, you would want me to touch you, no? You’d want me to slip my hand down your pants and take hold of your cock? I think by now you must be so desperate that you would settle for just my hand around you, yes? Even if I didn’t stroke or squeeze you, just held you in my hand?”_

“Yes,” Jan whimpered, squirming in his seat. “Yes, s-sir.”

_“I want you to keep that image in your head, of my hand on your cock, just holding you.”_ He let out a low noise, like a growl. _“I have been thinking of you all evening, you know. How sweet you taste, how beautiful you are, the way you press yourself against me. It makes me crazy, thinking of you like this. I made love with Patricia earlier but now she is asleep and I am thinking of you and Jan, I am so hard.”_ He growled out the last two words, and Jan shuddered, his dick throbbing in his jeans.

_"Jan,"_ Paulo moaned. _"Can you imagine me, lying on my bed, naked? Can you see how hard you've made me? I've got my fist around myself, and it feels so good, but I wish it was your mouth instead."_

Jan was whimpering, his fists clenched tight, fighting tooth and nail to stop himself from losing control, getting his jeans open, and getting a hand around his aching cock. Even if Paulo hadn't forbidden it, it would have been a bad idea whilst sitting in his car, parked outside a pub, dark though it was. Instead he shoved his fists down at his sides, pushing against the seat, arching his back, lifting his hips, wishing he could rub himself up against Paulo.

_"Jan, Jan, I love having you on your knees for me, taking my cock in that beautiful mouth of yours, the way you moan on my dick, the way you close your eyes when you're concentrating on me, fuck…"_

Jan was whining loudly now, his entire body as tense as a coiled spring. He thought he was going to fly apart. He kept reaching for his cock now, catching himself in mid-motion, and forcing himself to put his hand anywhere else. He had one hand on his own hair now, twisting and pulling; the other was still clenched in a fist and shoved down into the seat.

_"Jan, fuck, I love fucking your mouth, so hot and wet and good, you're so good for me, let me take you, make you mine, you're so good and you're mine… Ah, Jan, fuck, I'm going to come, Jan…"_

Paulo groaned and said Jan's name again and again, his voice strangled. Jan's body was full of searing heat and he was seeing stars, listening to Paulo come was making him lose everything, he couldn't control it, his hand was pressing down on his cock through his jeans. "Fuck," he hissed, realising that he was coming in his pants, there was nothing he could do to stop it now. His hips jerked up, shoving his cock up against his palm until he was completely spent, and he sagged down in his seat again, whimpering softly as he came down.

_"Jan,"_ Paulo purred. _"My Jan. Did you come too?"_

"Yes," Jan groaned, shifting uncomfortably. He could feel his underwear sticking wetly to his skin. He needed to get home right away and take a shower. He never liked coming in his pants, for this exact reason-- how gross he felt afterwards.

_"And did you touch yourself?"_ Jan didn't answer for a moment, frustrated with himself, hating having to admit to Paulo that he had disobeyed him. _"Jan?"_

"Yes…" Jan said in a small voice. "I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help it. I'm sorry, sir."

Paulo made a _tsk_ ing noise. _"Naughty boy,"_ he murmured, his voice sleepy. _"I'll have to think of a way to punish you for that. But... not tonight. For tonight, I want you to get on home and get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow at the training centre, yeah?"_

Jan swallowed, relieved that Paulo didn't seem too mad about his disobedience. "Yes," he managed. "I'll see you tomorrow." He hesitated. "Paulo?"

_"Yes, schatje?"_

Hearing the pet name Paulo had taken to using for him made Jan feel better, like a sip of hot tea on a cold day.

_"Te quiero."_

_"Y te quiero tambien. Buenas noches."_

"Good night," Jan murmured, and there was a click as Paulo hung up, leaving Jan to try to calm the pounding of his heart.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Te quiero - I love you  
> Tambien - too  
> Buenas noches - Good night


	15. Chapter 15

Jan let himself sleep in the next morning, relatively speaking. He didn't have to be at Enfield until midday for his rehabilitation, and he enjoyed lounging in bed, especially when he had thoughts of Paulo to keep him company.

When he checked his phone for the first time that morning, he was a bit surprised to see that he already had a couple of texts from Paulo.

_ >>From: Paulo G [06:52]: good morning, schatje. I've decided what your punishment will be _   
_ >>From: Paulo G [06:53]: you may sext with Dries, or do it over FaceTime, or whatever, but you are not allowed to come with him until you have made him come at least three times, in however many sessions that may take _

Jan flushed with heat, staring at the phone screen. He supposed it wasn't surprising that Paulo was giving him permission to play with Dries, but he hadn't expected him to use that as a form of punishment as well. 

He quickly texted Paulo back, his fingers trembling with excitement.

_ <<To: Paulo G [09:48]: yes sir _   
_ <<To: Paulo G [09:48]: and thank you _

Jan paused then, considering. Napoli was an hour ahead of London time, but he didn't know what their training schedule was like. He decided it would be worth a try, though.

_ <<To: Dries M [09:49]: hey kitten. How's it going? _

He wasn't really surprised when his phone buzzed almost immediately.

_ >>From: Dries M [09:49]: fine, but even better now! :D _   
_ >>From: Dries M [09:49]: thank you again for the picture, by the way. I really enjoyed it ;) _   
_ >>From: Dries M [09:50]: what are you up to? _

A shiver went through Jan's body at the idea of Dries getting himself off looking at the picture he had sent, of his dick next to Paulo's.

_ <<To: Dries M [09:50]: nothing really, just laying in bed and thinking about you _

_ >>From: Dries M [09:50]: what a coincidence, that's what I'm doing too _   
_ >>From: Dries M [09:50]: except thinking about you, not me XD _

_ <<To: Dries M [09:51]: oh, and… Paulo gave me permission for you and me to have fun, like we used to. If you want, of course _

_ >>From: Dries M [09:51]: ooooooh. I ALWAYS want, you know that _

_ <<To: Dries M [09:51]: I thought so, but it has been a little while _

_ >>From: Dries M [09:52]: too long :(  _   
_ >>From: Dries M [09:52]: but never mind that now, tell me what you're wearing _

_ <<To: Dries M [09:52]: nothing but a pair of boxers and a smile ;) what about you? _

_ >>From: Dries M [09:53]: ooooooooh, I want to see _   
_ >>From: Dries M [09:53]: I've been up for a little while, so I got dressed. Jeans and a tee shirt _

Jan kicked off the blankets and held his phone up, trying to include as much of his body in the selfie as he could. In the end, he had to be satisfied with most of his torso, including his face, but cutting off just below his hips.  _ Not bad _ , he decided, studying it. More of a tease than anything. That kind of thing drove Dries wild.

_ <<To: Dries M [09:54]: Here you go _

_ >>From: Dries M [09:54]: ooh, yummy. Wish I was there to inspect for myself though _

Dries sent back a selfie as well, showing him lying on his bed, still fully dressed, but with one hand shoving his shirt up slightly and caressing his abs. Jan groaned when he saw it. How was he going to be able to get through this without losing his mind?

Trying to ignore the heat that was pooling in his belly, Jan thought for a moment before replying.

_ <<To: Dries M [09:55]: and what would you like to inspect, exactly? I'm sure we can manage _

_ >>From: Dries M [09:55]: those legs of yours, for starters. Need to make sure they're still a mile long and sexy as all hell _

Jan shivered, pulling his legs up and trying to find the right angle to get a decent photo of them. Finally he sent Dries a couple of shots, unable to decide between them.

_ >>From: Dries M [09:56]: mmmm, very nice, those definitely pass inspection, though I really would like to run my hands all over them to be completely positive _   
_ >>From: Dries M [09:56]: I'm concerned about your ass, too. What if it isn't up to the usual standard? _

Jan laughed to himself, but rolled over onto his stomach to try to get a picture for Dries, which was not easy.

They went back and forth like this, Jan sending Dries close-up shots of various parts of his body, Dries commenting appreciatively. He also sent Jan a second picture of himself, with his shirt hiked all the way up to his armpits and his fingertips tucked just into his waistband, a bulge clearly visible in his jeans.

Jan licked his lips when he saw it, trying to decide if it would be safe to touch himself at all, when another message came in.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:01]: well, I think that would just about wrap up the inspection… oh, wait! Almost forgot something _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:01]: I'd say the most important part, but it's all equally good, really _

Jan knew exactly what he meant-- that was an old joke of theirs. He considered for a moment, then grinned mischievously. He carefully arranged himself, tucking the fabric of his boxers down around his dick so that it was as plainly visible as if he had taken them off. He laughed when he saw Dries's reply.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:02]: I don't know if can give you a passing grade unless I can actually see what I'm inspecting, Jantje _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:02]: didn't I just send you a picture yesterday? Greedy _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:02]: I absolutely am. Now get your dick out, Vertonghen _

Jan burst out laughing-- a frequent occurrence with Dries, even when they were fooling around. He obliged, though, pushing his boxers down around his thighs. He opted to include his hand in this shot, knowing exactly how much Dries liked it when he could see Jan touching himself. He wrapped his hand around himself loosely, sighing just a bit at the contact, and slid his thumb up to the head. He smiled with satisfaction as he checked the picture. It was just right.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:03]: oohhhh, yes. A+. 100%. Passing grade. In fact, new world record for how much that exceeds a passing grade. 5000%, congratulations, well done _

The picture that Dries sent back showed his hand shoved down to grab himself in his rather tight jeans.

_ <<To: Dries M [10:03]: okay, this doesn’t seem fair. You’re still wearing too many clothes _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:03]: true _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:04]: what do you think i should take off? _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:04]: you could start with that shirt. You’ll wrinkle it like that _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:04]: you’re worse than the kit man, but fine _

Dries sent him a picture that was similar to the first one Jan had sent him-- mostly of his now-bared torso, but it included enough of Dries’s crotch for his erection to still be obvious, though none of his face. A second picture followed almost immediately, that was  _ only _ of Dries’s face. He was smirking, of course, with his lower lip caught between his teeth, one hand tangled in his hair, his eyes dark and smug.

“Fuck,” Jan muttered. Following Paulo’s orders was definitely going to be difficult.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:05]: better, tree man? _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:05]: a little, but you should lose the jeans too. Not fair for me to be the only one who’s naked _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:05]: now who's demanding? _

The next picture made Jan squirm until he nearly fell off the bed. Dries had ditched the jeans, all right, but he still wasn't naked. He was wearing a pair of tight, satiny black briefs that had  _ CIAO BELLA _ spelled out in sparkly red sequins across the front, the letters somewhat distorted by his dick. It was ridiculous, it was hot as fuck, it was Dries through and through.

_ <<To: Dries M [10:06]: Dries _   
_ <<To: Dries M [10:06]: REALLY? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:06]: what, you don't like them? _

Dries sent a picture of his face, a pout firmly in place.

_ <<To: Dries M [10:07]: only because I'm not there to take those off of you _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:07]: that is a disadvantage, I suppose. Should I do it then? _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:07]: definitely _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:07]: if I do, what will you do for me? Fair's fair, after all _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:08]: hey, I started out with less clothes than you, this is just about getting you caught up _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:08]: aww, you're no fun T_T _

Jan couldn't resist an opportunity like that. He slipped out of bed, crossing the room to the full length mirror on the wall, and took a full length selfie.

_ <<To: Dries M [10:08]: you really think so? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:09]: no, I take it back, you are amazing  _ 😍   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:09]: how do I always forget how big you are, Groot? _

Jan grinned evilly. The next picture he took was a close-up of his cock, with his hand all the way down at the base to emphasise just how big he was.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:09]: Jan, fuck _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:09]: not what I meant but I don't care. _

Dries sent a video next, a short clip of himself lying on his bed, completely naked now, his hand moving slowly over his dick.

Jan shivered. He was sorely tempted to call Dries on FaceTime, but then he would have to explain to Dries that he wasn't allowed to come, and why. He preferred to keep things simple for now.

_ <<To: Dries M [10:10]: not everyone can be as tiny and cute as you, kitten _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:10]: cute? Is that all I am? _

Another video came with that, of Dries's face this time. His eyes were closed, his mouth open, head lolling back on a pillow. "Jan," he moaned, and then he must have switched to the rear facing camera again, showing his hand on his cock again, moving steadily. "Jan…"

_ <<To: Dries M [10:10]: no, you're also fucking hot, and you know it _   
_ <<To: Dries M [10:11]: I like you saying my name while you touch yourself _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:11]: I'd rather say it while you were touching me _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:11]: yeah? What would you want me to do to you? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:11]: well, for starters it'd be nice if this were your hand instead of mine on my dick _

Jan took a close-up picture of his hand resting on his chest, one of his nipples caught between two of his fingertips.

_ <<To: Dries M [10:12]: this one, you mean? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:12]: fuck, yes. I love it when you wrap those long beautiful fingers around me _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:12]: it's been too fucking long _

Jan shivered. It was true; they hadn't fooled around in person since the 2016 Euros. It felt like an eternity had passed since then.

_ <<To: Dries M [10:12]: I've got two hands, though. What should I do with the other one? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:12]: hmm, I could probably think of something _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:13]: I wouldn't mind sucking on those fingers _

Jan sent him a picture of himself, two of his fingers in his own mouth, eyes open, looking up at the camera through his eyelashes.

_ <<To: Dries M [10:13]: like this? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:13]: yes, fuck _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:13]: mmm, I love your mouth too. love kissing you _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:14]: wouldn't mind having it on my dick either _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:14]: you want me to suck your cock, huh? _   
_ <<To: Dries M [10:14]: I could do that, I've been getting lots of practice lately  _ 😁 __   
_ <<To: Dries M [10:14]: I bet you're delicious _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:14]: so I've been told  _ 😇   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:14]: but I'd love to get your opinion too _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:15]: happy to help _   
_ <<To: Dries M [10:15]: you could pull my hair, too _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:15]: you really like that, huh? Is that all it takes to get you in bed? If I'd known I would have done it years ago _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:15]: it won't work for just anyone _   
_ <<To: Dries M [10:15]: definitely would for you though _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:15]: mm, then I'll definitely have to try it _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:16]: god, I would love to pull your hair while you suck my dick _

Dries sent another video, this one much shakier, of himself, stroking his cock still, but faster now, his voice a low moan as he muttered Jan's name. Jan could tell he was getting close.

In a flash of inspiration, Jan posed for another picture, another close-up of his face, with his hand fisted in his own hair, eyes closed, mouth slightly open.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:17]: fuck, you'd look exactly like that, so pretty _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:17]: Jantje, fuck _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:17]: you want me down on my knees? Looking up at you with your dick in my mouth?  _   
_ <<To: Dries M [10:17]: would you come in my mouth?  _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:17]: yea _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:18]: please? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:18]: Jan _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:18]: ffuuuuckk _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:18]: fuckfuxkfyck _

Jan smiled, feeling pleased with himself. Dries's spelling always went downhill right before he came, which he supposed did make a certain amount of sense.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:19]: Jan _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:19]: holy shit, Jan, I haven't come that hard in a while _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:19]: I may need to send Paulo a thank you note for whatever he's done that's brought out this side of you _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:20]: did you come? _

__

_ <<To: Dries M [10:20]: no, but that's okay :) _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:20]: so that's one _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:20]: that's one what? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:20]: one time you made me come  _ 😁   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:21: Paulo will be so proud of you _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:21]: excuse me? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:21]: what's wrong? Don't you want me to give Paulo a good report? _

Jan buried his face in his hands, blushing furiously. Of course Dries had known all along. He should have known.

_ <<To: Dries M [10:21]: okay, you two ganging up on me is so unfair :( _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:21]: aw, but it's so much fun _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:22]: if you're going to be mean to me, maybe I won't bother with the second and third _

Dries sent a picture back, showing him lying on his back, free hand behind his head. He had a blissful smile on his face and cum streaked up his abs. Jan's cock, which had finally begun to subside, sprang back to life at the sight.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:22]: are you suuuuure? _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:22]: ...fuck _   
_ <<To: Dries M [10:23]: fine _   
_ <<To: Dries M [10:23]: will you do something extra nice for me after I get all three, then? _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:23]: suppose you'll just have to wait and see, won't you? _

Jan snapped a quick selfie of his very best puppy dog eyes to send in response.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:23]: don't you give me that look, Groot. It's your own fault you're being punished, you know _   
_ >>From: Dries M [10:23]: couldn't even keep your hands to yourself, tsk _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:24]: listen, don't judge until you've been there. You've never heard Paulo talk dirty _

_ >>From: Dries M [10:24]: oooh, true. If he's even half as good in bed as is he is hot, then I guess I can't blame you _

_ <<To: Dries M [10:24]: believe me, Driesje, you have absolutely no idea. _

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Rehabilitation that day was something of a relief, a welcome change from the sudden intensity of his private life. It felt good to refocus on football, especially given that the Ajax game was coming up. It would be a home game, at least, though Spurs would travel to Amsterdam for the second leg. Jan pushed that idea firmly out of his mind, though. He would deal with the idea of returning to the Cruyff Arena while wearing another club's crest later. For now it was enough to deal with just trying to prepare to come up against the familiar badge, familiar faces-- not many, thankfully, and a different manager too, but it was enough to give Jan some mixed feelings.

He had always found it tricky to separate in his mind, to completely put aside the friendships and rivalries that existed off the pitch and that invariably complicated matters on the pitch. He had dealt with plenty of this in the intersection of his club career with his international career, of course-- he had come up against several of his Spurs teammates in last year's World Cup, and he had never really liked going up against his Belgium teammates in the Premier League. But somehow he had always managed before, managed to stay friends off the pitch even with players that had frustrated him on it.

But this felt different somehow. It wasn't individual friends that he was facing. It was the  _ concept _ of Ajax, as a whole, the club that had formed him, had made him into the player he was. The thought of trying his hardest to defeat Ajax made his stomach twist uncomfortably. He couldn't imagine having to play against the Belgian national team, or against Spurs, for that matter, if and when he left Tottenham. It felt... disloyal.

He sighed. He still wasn't sure what he would do, how he would handle it, but he did at least still have some time. For now, he needed to focus on his recovery, on returning to fitness in order to actually be ready in time to face Ajax.

He was working on some stretches in the yoga room when he felt the now-familiar prickling on the back of his neck. He lifted his head and saw Paulo through the open door, standing in the corridor and watching him with a small smile on his face. The intensity, the hunger that Jan had come to expect was oddly absent from Paulo's eyes, though. His eyes were fond, affectionate.

Jan smiled. He liked that, that Paulo had sneaked away from training to come check on him.

He stood carefully and made an excuse about needing to go to the toilet, then slipped out of the room. "Hi," he said softly, once he was out in the corridor.

_ "Hola," _ Paulo replied. "I just wanted to see you, even if only for a minute." He glanced down the corridor, and seeing nobody else, he took Jan's hand and squeezed it briefly, then let go. "How is your leg?"

Jan shrugged. "Recovering as expected, but never mind that. Did you… I mean, did Dries…?"

Paulo chuckled softly. "Yes, I heard all about it. We'll talk more later. We are still on for dinner tonight, yes?"

Jan blinked. He had completely forgotten that it was Friday, and that he and Sophie had invited Paulo and Patricia over for dinner tonight. He swallowed. "Yes, of course."

"Seven o'clock, yes?"

Jan nodded, his throat dry.

Paulo smiled. "Don't be nervous,  _ schatje. _ It will be fine."

"Easy for you to say," Jan muttered. "Sometimes I don't know who you love more, me or Sophie. I can't even remember the last time I had a conversation with Patricia."

"And this worries you why?"

Jan sighed. "Paulo, I haven't seen or talked to her since you and I got started, and in that time we've already had our first big fight. I have no idea if she likes me, if she hates me, if she wants me out of your life, except for what you've told me. I'm trying to have faith in your word alone, I swear I am, but it's just… not all that easy."

"Ah," Paulo said, comprehending. "I didn't realise you were so worried about this,  _ schatje. _ I'm sorry. I don't want you to be nervous about tonight." He frowned. "I admit, I am not sure quite what to do about it, though."

Jan shifted his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably. "Paulo, it's fine, I'll be fine, I promise. It's only a few hours from now and then I'll know one way or the other."

"And in those hours, you will be worrying about this?"

Jan shrugged. "I'll be fine, I promise."

Paulo smiled suddenly, then leaned in to whisper in Jan's ear. "If it bothers you too much, I want you to think about Dries. Plan what you will say to him next time, how you will make him come."

Jan groaned despairingly. "Introducing you two to each other may have been a mistake."

Paulo laughed. "How can you say this? We both love you, you know this, yes?"

"Maybe, but you both enjoy making me squirm a little too much for comfort. I don't think I can ever risk letting you two within a hundred kilometres of each other."

Paulo smiled at him, and it was pure evil. "What, didn't he tell you? He is already planning to come visit as soon as the season is over."


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations at the end.

_"Rapido!"_

Paulo dropped to his left, and the ball smacked cleanly into his gloves.

_"Ahora!"_

Paulo dived to his right, and again was rewarded with the satisfying _smack_ of the ball against his gloves.

_“Otro vez!"_

Paulo was sweating, despite the morning being misty and cool. His body was responding well, intercepting Toni's kicks handily, though it still didn't feel quite as effortless as usual. When he rotated out of the line up, Toni beckoned to one of his assistants to take over drills for Alfie and moved over to intercept Paulo.

"Everything good?" he asked in a low voice. 

"Of course," Paulo answered, surprised. "Why wouldn't it be?"

Toni gave him a hard look. "Yesterday you were missing easy shots, said you hadn't slept well. Today seems better, but you still don't seem quite as focused as I'd like. So… is everything good?"

Paulo swallowed. He couldn't afford to let his private life affect his form. "Yes, everything is fine."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

Paulo shook his head. "Thanks, but no. Everything is fine. I promise," he added, seeing the doubt in Toni's eyes.

"All right, go on inside then. Break for lunch soon anyway. We'll be doing more free kicks after."

Paulo nodded and began the process of peeling off his training gloves, heading for the doors.

When he checked his phone in the dressing room, he was startled to find a number of messages from Dries.

_ >>From: Dries M [10:28]: one down _😁  
 _ >>From: Dries M [10:28]: I don't know why you decided on this as a punishment for him, but it's like Christmas for me, thank you again _  
_ >>From: Dries M [10:29]: I'm a little jealous that you get to see that gorgeous man in person and do naughty things to him, but then again we hadn't even done naughty things over text in a few years, so this is still more Jan for me than normal _👍  
 _ >>From: Dries M [10:29]: I wish I'd been able to see his face when he realised you had already told me about his punishment though _ 😂  
 _ >>From: Dries M [10:29]: I'm sure you already know perfectly well how fucking adorable he is when he's flustered or embarrassed _

_"Dios mio,"_ Paulo muttered. Jan had mentioned that Dries was a talker, but how on Earth had he been able to type that many words on a phone keyboard in under two minutes?

Going through the messages one by one, Paulo was pleased with the success of his little plan. Jan was obviously eager to do this with Dries; he must have texted him as soon as he had seen Paulo's instructions. Something inside Paulo purred warmly at the thought of making Jan happy in this way, drowning out the tiny whisper of jealousy that lingered underneath. Paulo didn't really have any basis to be jealous, after all; as Dries had said, _Paulo_ got to see and touch Jan nearly every day, while Dries…

An unexpected surge of guilt washed through Paulo, making him frown. He hadn't anticipated feeling this level of sympathy for Dries, but he did. Dries had obviously loved Jan for at least as long as Jan had loved him, but they had never been able to make it work, never been together in one place long enough to sort out their feelings for each other.

An idea began to coalesce in the back of Paulo's mind. Maybe he could do something about it.

_ <<To: Dries M [11:47]: yes, I do. It's one of my favourite ways to see him _   
_ <<To: Dries M [11:47]: out of curiosity, what do you have planned for your break? I don't know when season ends for you, but we'll be done in mid-May, unless we beat Ajax _

_ >>From: Dries M [11:48]: ooooh, what did you have in mind? Our season goes to the end of May, and then we've got Euro qualifiers in early June, but after that I don't have any plans _   
_ >>From: Dries M [11:48]: and of course you'll beat Ajax _

_ <<To: Dries M [11:48]: well then you should plan to come visit London, no? _

_ >>From: Dries M [11:49]: that sounds fun, but… what are you suggesting exactly? _   
_ >>From: Dries M [11:49]: I mean, you and he… well, it's one thing to let Jan and me do things long distance, but… _   
_ >>From: Dries M [11:49]: I don't want to assume anything _

Paulo took a moment before replying, turning the question over in his mind. What _did_ he mean, exactly? If Dries came to visit, then naturally Jan would want to… what was the expression he had used for it? Ah, _fool around,_ that was it. Jan would want to fool around with Dries, and it would be important for Paulo and Jan to be on the same page.

He closed his eyes, trying to imagine it. He had seen Jan doing various things with Toby already, of course, without feeling any jealousy at all. But that was a special situation; Paulo already had a pre-existing relationship with Toby, and Toby had agreed to submit to Paulo just as Jan had.

Dries, however, was an unknown quantity. Paulo had no way to gauge what kind of relationship he and Dries might have with each other once they met in person.

But, he reminded himself, there was no reason to feel any obligation for himself and Dries to do anything at all with each other if they didn't care to. The question was, how would he feel about Jan actually sleeping with Dries?

He didn't have a clear answer, not yet. But one way or the other, he did want to meet Dries, because he loved Jan.

_ <<To: Dries M [11:50]: I'm not completely sure right now. I just know I would like to meet you in person, and I know Jan would love for you to come visit. _

_ >>From: Dries M [11:50]: awwwWWWW _   
_ >>From: Dries M [11:50]: okay, just so you know, it's not really fair to the rest of us for you to be that attractive AND also be all cute and sweet _

Paulo felt himself blushing. He had gotten the impression, during their brief interaction over FaceTime yesterday, that Dries was entirely too charming for Paulo to be safe from him, and he realised now how accurate that was. He would need to tread carefully with him.

"Hey."

Paulo jumped and looked up from his phone. He had gotten so caught up in his conversation with Dries that he hadn't even heard the other guys coming into the dressing room. Poch must have released everyone for lunch already. Now Toby was standing in front of him, his eyes perplexed.

"Sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on you. You just looked… um…" Toby floundered for words, but gave up with a shrug. "Just wanted to say hi."

Paulo smiled-- a perfectly normal, friendly smile, not the one he would have given Toby if they had been alone. "Hi, yourself."

Toby sat on the bench next to Paulo, under the premise of needing to take off and adjust one of his boots. His voice lowered. "I just, um. Wanted to see you. See how… how you're doing." He raised his eyebrows, and Paulo had to bite back a sigh at his transparency. There were too many other people around for this.

"Not here," Paulo muttered, then stood, slipping his phone into his pocket, and he made his way out of the changing room.

Toby caught up with him in the corridor outside and, when Paulo crooked a finger at him, obediently followed him into an empty conference room. 

Once Paulo had closed the door behind him, Toby began to fidget restlessly.

"What is it? You should know better than to act unusually around me here."

"I… it's nothing, I just… I just can't stop thinking about you," Toby muttered, his ears pink. "I didn't get a chance to talk to you at all yesterday, after… after what we did the day before, and I…"

Paulo gave him a smile. He should have anticipated this, that Toby would be keyed up and anxious for constant reassurance and contact from him in the wake of their changed relationship. He reached out and drew Toby in for a lingering kiss.

"I'm sorry," Paulo whispered to him when they broke apart. "I didn't mean to neglect you. Yesterday was a difficult day for me." He frowned suddenly, realising that unless Jan or Dries had told him, Toby most likely didn't know that Jan and Paulo had fought-- let alone that Toby had been involved in one of the issues they had fought over. "Have you talked to Jan since you left my house last?"

Toby shook his head. "No, he was still at home recovering yesterday, right?"

Paulo squared his shoulders and nodded. "There's something you should know," he whispered, stroking Toby's cheek. "After you left the other day, Jan and I… well, we argued some."

Toby blinked in surprise. "You did? About what?"

Paulo winced. "In part, about you."

Toby's eyebrows shot up at this. "Me? What did I do?"

"Nothing," Paulo reassured him, kissing him again for emphasis. "It was my fault. I did not discuss it with him, before I… before we…"

Toby blushed. "Oh. Shit, I should have asked, I didn't even think--"

Paulo silenced him with another kiss. _"Mi querido,_ don't blame yourself. Jan told me…" He winced again, remembering. _At least Toby bothered to ask me if I was okay with this,_ Jan had shouted at him, right before he had left. Paulo swallowed and forced himself to go on. "He said that you did ask him if it was okay with him, which is more than I did."

Toby's beautifully expressive eyes were full of doubt. "I… I don't want to cause any problems," he said uncertainly. "If Jan's upset--"

Paulo shook his head. "No, Toby. He is not upset anymore. It was not fun, but we survived it, both apologised, and all is better now. I don't think Jan was angry about _you_ so much as he was angry with me for not being more considerate of him." Something squirmed inside Paulo as he spoke. It was so easy to fall into the trap of assuming that he would be able to handle anything that came up in their relationship, because he was the Dominant one, but the fight had been an unpleasant reminder of how dangerous that was. He _had_ to be more careful of Jan's needs and feelings-- and now Toby's as well-- or he had no business being in a relationship with either of them.

"Are you sure?" The doubt in Toby's eyes cut at Paulo like a knife.

"I think so, but I think it would be good for you and he to talk as well, make sure. If we want to do this, the three of us, we have to always communicate with each other. Yes?"

Toby smiled, a little hesitantly, but it was still like the sun peeking over the horizon. "Yes," he murmured.

"Now then…" Paulo pulled Toby in for some more kissing. "We don't have long here, we both have to eat, but…"

Toby shivered under his touch, his body melting against Paulo. He parted his lips with a sigh, letting Paulo devour his mouth as his arms slid around Paulo's neck. He pressed himself eagerly against Paulo, who noticed immediately how hard Toby clearly was. 

"Well, this won't do," he murmured. "You can't go to the canteen like this." He slipped a hand down the front of Toby's shorts and gave him a gentle squeeze. Toby moaned softly at his touch.

"What should I do with you?" Paulo whispered in his ear, nipping lightly at his earlobe.

"Anything, Paulo, whatever you want…" Toby answered, his voice pitched low. "Anything you want… I'm yours…"

Paulo didn't try to fight the wild surge of possessiveness that rose in him at Toby's words. "Yes, you are," he growled into Toby's neck. _"Mine."_ He moved his lips down Toby's neck, finding a spot on the slope of his shoulder that was covered by his shirt, pulling the fabric aside, and sucking a bruise into Toby's soft skin. Toby whimpered, his cock throbbing in Paulo's hand.

"Ah, you need to be quiet, Toby," Paulo breathed. "We can't have anyone overhearing us…" He thought for a moment, then smiled hungrily and sank to his knees, tugging Toby's shorts down just enough to give him better access to what he wanted.

Toby clamped his lips shut, but there was still an audible rumble in his chest as Paulo took him in his mouth with little preamble. Toby's hands hovered hesitantly by Paulo's face for a moment, then he reached out to steady himself against the wall. 

There was little finesse to it. Paulo couldn't afford to take the time right now to work Toby over the way he would have liked. He simply swallowed Toby's cock down again and again, encouraging him to thrust against Paulo's face. He knew exactly how good he was at this, and was pleased but not surprised at how quickly Toby lost control.

After Toby had come down from his orgasm, Paulo stood again, licking his lips and tucking Toby's cock back inside his shorts. "You are exactly as delicious as I thought you would be," he purred in Toby's ear. "Now, get yourself under control and go have lunch."

"Yes, sir," Toby whispered, his voice shaky. Just before he slipped out the door, he lifted his eyes to Paulo's for a moment, and they were so beautiful, shining with adoration, that Paulo couldn't even bring himself to scold his impertinence.

  
  
  


***

  
  


Paulo hurried home after training that day, his mind full of the evening ahead. While he didn't share Jan's worries about Patricia and how she felt about their relationship, he had to admit to himself that he was still a touch nervous about all four of them being together for the first time since he and Jan had gotten involved. Patricia didn't often socialise with the other wives and girlfriends of his teammates, except for the other Spanish-speakers. She knew Jan and Sophie by sight, of course, and had been friendly enough with them on social occasions before, but things were decidedly different now.

Still, Paulo was mostly optimistic about the evening ahead. He loved both Patricia and Jan, of course, and he knew that he had been very lucky to have Sophie as a metamour. 

He had just finished selecting his clothes for the evening when his phone buzzed.

_ >>From: Juan F [18:12]: hey, how about just ordering in tonight? _   
_ >>From: Juan F [18:12]: I don't know about you but I'm a little tired and don't really feel up to doing asado tonight _

_"Mierda,"_ Paulo hissed. He had completely forgotten about his standing Friday night plans with Juanito. 

The Spanish-speaking contingent at Spurs had developed a routine within about a month of Juan and Paulo’s signing for Spurs, almost two years ago now. Prior to the arrival of Paulo, Juan, Davinson Sánchez, and Fernando Llorente, Érik Lamela-- Coco-- had been the sole Spanish speaker at the club, but when four of them signed practically all at once, Coco had sought them out and introduced himself, and they had all bonded more or less immediately over their shared language and interests. It wasn’t long before they started congregating every few weeks for an _asado_ night. Eventually, it had become a regular thing every other Friday, and then they started hanging out, even without the _asado,_ on the Fridays in between. 

These days, though, Coco and Fernando were rarely willing to be away from their families so regularly, and Davinson's girlfriend's schedule had changed so that Friday night was one of the few evenings they got to spend together. All of which meant that most Fridays lately, it was just Paulo and Juanito. Paulo didn't even mind; he had long since mentally adopted Juanito as his own little brother. Sometimes they would play a little FIFA or Halo, but the time had long since passed that they felt the need to _do_ anything at all when they spent time together, able to simply relax and enjoy each other's company.

But Paulo, distracted from all his normal routines by the sudden inclusion of Jan in his life, had completely forgotten about it, for the second week in a row now. _Fuck._

_ <<To: Juan F [18:13]: shit, I'm sorry _   
_ <<To: Juan F [18:13]: Patricia and I were invited to dinner with Jan and Sophie tonight _   
_ <<To: Juan F [18:13]: do you have plans tomorrow? _

But Juan didn't answer, leaving Paulo feeling guilty. He had already stood Juan up last Friday to take care of Jan after their first encounter in the showers, and to stay and talk with Sophie afterward. He didn't regret that decision in the slightest, but to cancel on Juanito two weeks in a row didn't quite sit right with him, either.

There was nothing he could do about it now, though, so he put his guilt and his phone to one side and dressed carefully. He had deliberately picked out an outfit that he knew he looked good in, but was simple enough to not come across as too intentionally attention-grabbing. He slipped into the snug gray jeans and white button down shirt, and spent longer than he should have deciding how many buttons to leave undone. When Patricia came into the room and saw him preening, she burst out laughing.

"Paulo, baby, what on Earth are you doing?" she asked, still giggling despite the pout he aimed at her.

"I just… want to look nice," he mumbled, carefully rolling up his sleeves to display his forearms.

"You always look nice," she told him with a smile. "And if he has any sense at all, Jan would still love you even if you turned up in a burlap sack. Or Crocs."

He had to laugh at that. "I hope you're right."

"Well, one way or the other, I doubt his opinion of you is going to be changed much by a single button." Her eyes were full of mischief as she came over and laid her head against his chest, kissing his skin just above the final button that he had done up.

He pouted again. "Now, this isn't fair. You are always beautiful, _you_ don't have to worry about this." She was wearing a pair of white capri pants and a plain black top that left one arm bare, along with a pair of the tall high heels she favoured-- she loved to joke that she needed all the help she could get to be able to reach his face. He tucked his fingers under her chin, bent his head, and kissed her. He meant what he said; to his eyes she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Are you nervous?" she asked him softly when they broke apart. "Your heart is beating fast."

"Maybe," he admitted. "I'm not really sure what I'm nervous about, I know everything will be fine."

She tilted her head back to meet his eyes and smiled gently. "Baby, being nervous about tonight doesn't have to mean you're afraid of something going wrong. It's obvious how important Jan is to you, so of course tonight is important to you. It'd be a little strange if you _weren't_ a little nervous, really."

Paulo took a deep breath. She was right, of course, but it didn't really make him any calmer.

He picked up his watch and fastened it around his wrist, groaning with impatience when he saw that it still wasn't time to go. He kissed Patricia again and left her to finish getting ready. Teo met him in the hallway with a wagging tail and his ball in his mouth. Paulo laughed and stooped down to shower him with love, snatching the ball up as soon as Teo dropped it. "Come on, then." Throwing the ball for Teo sounded like the perfect way to fill the next fifteen minutes.

He pulled his phone out again while he was waiting for Teo to bring the ball back and noticed a message in one of his group chats-- the Spanish-speakers' one.

_ >> [Hermanos] Juan F [18:16]: hey guys paulo doesn't love me anymore :( _   
_ >> [Hermanos] Juan F [18:16]: anyone free tonight and do you need a new best friend? _

Paulo flushed guiltily. He needed to make it up to Juan, but he didn't know how he could explain himself without giving too much away-- much as he loved and trusted Juan, for some reason he didn't really feel comfortable telling him about his less-than-conventional relationship with Jan.

He sent back a sad face emoji and started trying to type out some sort of apology and explanation, but before he could decide what to say, he heard Patricia calling to him that it was time to leave. He made a face and shoved his phone back into his pocket, promising himself that he would figure out how to properly apologise to Juanito later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Rapido - Quickly  
> Ahora - Now  
> Otro vez - Again  
> Dios mio - oh my god  
> Mi querido - my darling  
> Mierda - Shit  
> Asado - South American barbecue


	17. Chapter 17

When the doorbell rang Jan's heart jumped into his throat. He smoothed his palms over his thighs again before he went to open the door.

Paulo and Patricia smiled at him in unison on the other side of the door. They both looked too beautiful to be real, but as soon as Paulo said, "Hello, Jan," in that wonderfully deep voice of his, Jan felt himself starting to marginally relax. He managed to smile back.

"Come in," he said, stepping back. He wasn't quite sure what to do-- was he allowed to touch Paulo, with Patricia right there?-- but Paulo didn't seem to share his doubts, stepping right up and kissing him gently on the lips. Jan could feel his pulse flutter in his throat, but he didn't want to make any missteps, so he returned the kiss for just a moment, then drew back and turned to Patricia.

"Hi," he said, a little hesitantly. "It's nice to see you again."

Her eyes were twinkling as she looked at him. "You too," she said, her voice soft. She stepped up to him much as Paulo had done, but she just kissed him lightly on each cheek, to his relief.

Jan found himself in the somewhat odd position of not knowing what to say. He could normally handle himself fairly well in the sort of social situations that called for small talk, but apparently he could only draw a blank when faced with his… was boyfriend really the right word?... and  _ his _ girlfriend. 

"Um," he mumbled, aware that he was blushing. "Sophie's just in here. Dinner is nearly ready."

He turned to lead the way to the living room, but Paulo caught his hand before he could move away. "Hey," he said, his eyes intent on Jan's. "It's okay,  _ schatje, _ I promise. You don't need to be so nervous."

Jan blushed harder at this. "I just…" He glanced at Patricia again, then away. He had no idea how to handle this.

Patricia looked almost amused. "I won't bite, I promise," she said lightly.

Jan wanted to cover his face with his hands, feeling out of his depth. He closed his mouth and headed down the hall without another word, anxious to get to Sophie. At least with her there he wouldn't feel quite so outnumbered. Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw Paulo and Patricia exchange a glance.

Sophie was waiting for them in the living room, smiling brightly. "Hi, Paulo," she said, embracing him with apparently no discomfort whatsoever, kissing his cheeks warmly. She greeted Patricia just as easily, then gave Jan a curious look. "Everything okay, darling?"

"Of course," he said, a little too quickly. She raised an eyebrow but didn't press him further, instead asking Patricia about her last trip to Spain.

They sat down to eat not long after, to Jan's relief-- as long as he was eating at least there was less expectation for him to come up with conversation. He desperately wanted to steer the evening away from the strange awkwardness that threatened, but wasn't quite sure how. Sophie carried on most of the conversation, pretending not to notice Jan's silence.

Finally Paulo asked Jan about his leg, and Jan couldn't avoid speaking up any longer. "It's doing better," he managed. "Physios are still happy, so I'm on track to be fit again in time for Ajax."

"Good," Paulo said with a genuine smile. He was sitting next to Jan at one corner of the table, and Jan squirmed slightly when he felt Paulo's foot rub against his ankle under the table.

Jan felt himself blushing. He felt like an awkward teenager all over again. What on Earth was the matter with him tonight?

He saw Paulo watching him squirm, with that tiny, dangerous smile on his face. He looked around helplessly. Patricia's eyes were oddly sympathetic, but Sophie's were merely amused.

"I'm sorry, you two," Sophie said slyly. "Normally he's not nearly so bashful." Jan shot her a glare, but she ignored him.

Patricia laughed. "It is fine," she assured Sophie. "This one is no better. You should have seen him earlier, fussing with his buttons. He must have spend at least ten minutes trying to decide how many to fasten."

Jan's head snapped up and to his surprise Paulo was the one blushing now.  _ "Cariña,"  _ he said reproachfully.

Sophie laughed along with Patricia. "I think it's rather cute, how nervous they are," she said, smiling at Jan. "Like little boys."

"Hey, now," Jan said before he thought. "You're supposed to be on my side, no?"

"I don't know what you mean, darling," Sophie answered airily.

He scowled at her with mock ferocity, then turned to Paulo with a sigh. "I don't know why I let her be so mean to me."

Paulo grinned at him. "Ah, she is harmless. This one, on the other hand…" He reached over to pinch Patricia's arm.

Patricia slapped his knuckles lightly with the tips of her fingers.  _ "Callate, wacho," _ she admonished him.

"What does that mean?" Jan asked as innocently as he could, enjoying the way Paulo's eyes narrowed slightly. He did like riling Paulo up sometimes, even if it tended to result in creative new punishments for him.

Paulo rolled his eyes. "She call me a rascal. Juanito has been teaching her slang from Argentina. So rude, both of them." Patricia stuck out her tongue at him, making them all laugh.

Jan grinned at Patricia suddenly. "You know," he said, deliberately not meeting Paulo's eyes, "you could also call him a  _ rakker,  _ or a _ deugniet." _

Sophie leaned over and poked him. "Poor Paulo. He doesn't need you ganging up on him too."

_ "Gracias, _ Sophie," Paulo said, pouting slightly.

She smiled sweetly at him. "After all, I think Patricia can handle teasing him well enough without our help, no?"

They all laughed again.

  
  
  


***

  
  


After dinner they put on a movie and piled onto the couch with wine and coffee. Jan ended up sandwiched between Sophie and Paulo, which he didn't really mind, though it was a bit strange for him to be so close to Paulo with Sophie right next to him. They had been over this countless times, but all the assurances in the world didn't do much to head off Jan's instinctive unease at having two of his partners in the same room.

Paulo, on the other hand, appeared totally unbothered. He had one arm around Patricia, cuddling her close on his other side, and let his free hand rest on Jan's knee. It was such a minor touch, after everything Paulo had done to Jan, but Jan couldn't pay any attention to the movie, not with Paulo's hand sitting there. His hands were so big, Jan noticed for perhaps the hundredth time. His fingers were  _ so _ long, and looking at them made Jan remember what those fingers could do. He shifted awkwardly, realising he was starting to harden in his jeans, and tried to stop looking at Paulo's fingers.

It didn't help, however. Looking away from Paulo's fingers just left him looking at Paulo's wrist, his forearm, and if anything that was worse. Jan had never noticed before, but it was amazing just how sexy Paulo's forearm was. He had nice, muscular arms, covered with just the right amount of black hair, and the way he had his shirt sleeve rolled up to the elbow only made matters worse. He squirmed again, all too aware of the bulge that was developing in his trousers.  _ At least they're the black jeans, _ he thought.  _ Maybe it won't be so noticeable. _

That, of course, was wishful thinking. Sophie leaned in close to him and brushed her lips against his ear. "I see you're enjoying yourself better now," she whispered-- in Dutch, thankfully. Jan wasn't sure what Paulo would do if he noticed Jan's arousal. Then again, he still hadn't determined just how much Dutch Paulo had picked up.

He tried to ignore Sophie, but when she got going it was hard to dissuade her. She continued whispering in his ear, asking him if he liked being squeezed up against Paulo, if he thought Paulo would like any "dessert." Jan knew he was blushing again. He hadn't expected Sophie to be quite  _ this _ into her teasing.

He took a sip of wine, trying to get his body to calm down, but the next instant he nearly spit it out when Paulo spoke up.

"Dessert sounds lovely, Sophie, if you have any."

Patricia looked confused, but Sophie just laughed, a rich, full-throated chuckle that Jan had only heard from her when they were in bed.

"Of course," she murmured, getting to her feet. "Patricia, would you give me a hand?"

When the two women had disappeared into the kitchen, Jan raised an eyebrow. "Dessert?"

"That's what  _ toetje _ means, no?" Paulo blinked at him, the picture of innocence, and Jan silently cursed his luck that Paulo had to have such long, beautiful eyelashes.

"I think you know that's not really what she meant," Jan muttered.

Paulo shrugged. "I like dessert. No matter what kind," he added, and then he was kissing Jan.

A fleeting thought--  _ we shouldn't be doing this _ \-- flickered through Jan's mind, but then Paulo slid his tongue against Jan's and he didn't care anymore. He had been rather horny since he had succeeded in making Dries come that morning, and with Paulo kissing him, nothing else seemed to matter. 

He sighed into Paulo's mouth, running his fingertips through Paulo's beard as a strong arm wrapped around his shoulders. Paulo's other hand was on his leg, driving him crazy as it slid slowly up his thigh. "Paulo," he murmured. "Paulo…"

"My Jan," Paulo rumbled back, and then his hand was in Jan's hair, pulling his head back so that he could trail kisses down his jaw and neck. Jan whimpered softly, his cock throbbing as Paulo slid his palm over it, rubbing Jan through his jeans. He lifted his hips slightly, trying to push himself into Paulo's touch, but Paulo clicked his tongue and removed his hand altogether, to Jan's dismay.

"Ah, patience," Paulo whispered, nipping at his neck. He had both arms around Jan now, his hands were on Jan's waist, pulling him closer, but then he shifted and was laying Jan down on the couch, with Paulo above him. His lips found Jan's again, and one of his hands tangled in Jan's hair.

Jan licked eagerly at Paulo's lips, savouring the taste of him, his weight pressing Jan down into the cushions of the couch, in almost the same position as they had been in yesterday when Dries had called. Paulo's thigh was between Jan's legs, nudging up against his erection, sending shivers through his whole body. Jan could feel Paulo's own dick hard against his hip. He felt like a teenager, making out with his boyfriend on the couch.

And like a teenager, he had forgotten that they would inevitably get caught.

“Well, well, well,” Sophie said, and Jan jumped. Paulo continued kissing Jan and grinding against him as if he hadn’t heard. Jan froze, his instincts telling him that he had to get Paulo to stop, but neither Paulo nor his own body were at all interested in stopping.

“You see?” Sophie said casually, and Jan heard Patricia laugh softly.

“You were right,” she said, sounding amused. “Less than five minutes alone and they are all over each other.”

Paulo lifted his head lazily, looking up at them with eyes darkened by lust. “Can you blame me? Look at him.”

Jan blushed when Sophie answered him. “Oh, I don’t blame you one bit. I know exactly how hard he can be to resist,” she said fondly.

“And Paulo is never able to resist a temptation like this,” Patricia said.

“Well, if anyone is interested in  _ actual _ dessert, we have strawberries and chocolate,” Sophie said, laughing when Paulo perked up. He slid off of Jan so quickly that Jan was left staring after him, his mouth open and his hips lifting off the couch as he unconsciously tried to chase after the friction that had been so suddenly taken away.

Paulo stood, tugging on Jan’s arms to get him to his feet as well. He smiled wickedly at the look on Jan’s face. “Patience,” he reminded him. “Chocolate first.”

Jan pouted at that, knowing he probably looked ridiculous with his lip out and his erection still absolutely visible in his jeans. He shot Sophie a reproachful look. 

“Why, what’s wrong, darling?” she asked, her eyes full of laughter.

“You’re distracting my… my Paulo,” he said, giving her the saddest puppy dog eyes he could manage.

“It’s not my fault if you can’t compete with chocolate,” she told him heartlessly. He grumbled under his breath, watching her disappear back into the kitchen, arm in arm with Paulo.

“Come on,  _ osito,” _ Patricia said gently, taking his arm. “We can’t let those two eat all the  _ dulces.” _

Sophie and Patricia had set up a fondue pot in the kitchen, melting some of Jan’s favourite chocolate from Belgium, and there were indeed fresh strawberries. Paulo picked up one of the long, slender fondue forks, carefully speared a strawberry, and delicately dipped it in the chocolate. He brought it to his lips and took a small bite, his eyes on Jan's face. At the taste of the rich chocolate, though, his eyes closed dreamily and he hummed appreciatively.

"Good?" Sophie asked him with a smile.

"Oh, yes," Paulo sighed. He took another nibble, then offered the remainder to Patricia, who accepted it with a smile.

Jan took a fork and dipped a strawberry of his own, but he held it out to Sophie to take the first bite.

"Thank you, darling," she murmured, giving him a look that usually meant she was about to drag him to the bedroom. Jan shivered, feeling his already aroused body respond to her, as it always did. She ate about half of the strawberry, then offered it to him again. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth, letting Sophie slip the morsel between his lips. He let out a soft moan without meaning to when she licked the traces of chocolate from his lips as he chewed and swallowed.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Paulo watching them, his eyes hooded and dark. He speared and dipped another strawberry, and held it out to Jan this time. Sophie's lips were on his neck now, he realised, as he let Paulo feed him. He had never really understood before why some people considered certain foods sensual, but everything about this was making his blood run hot and his breath come faster.

Patricia's arms were around Paulo's waist now, but she was watching him feed Jan too. Then she picked up another fork and dipped a strawberry-- but to Jan's astonishment, she whispered, "Sophie," and held it up to Sophie's lips when she turned her face away from Jan's throat.

Jan and Paulo watched in silence as Sophie took the strawberry, then fed Patricia one in return. Then Paulo dipped a strawberry and offered it to Jan, his eyes as hot and intense as a furnace. Jan couldn't hold back his moan as Paulo fed him the strawberry, bite by bite. Once Jan had taken the last chunk of strawberry and slid it free from the fork, Paulo lowered his hand and leaned forward to take a tiny nibble from the piece Jan had between his teeth. Their lips slid together as they shared that last bite, and after Paulo had swallowed, he licked the smears of chocolate from Jan's lips, just as Sophie had done, drawing another moan from deep inside him.

Then Paulo was drawing back, leaving Jan's shoulders shaking, his eyes clouded with lust.

"Okay," he whispered, closing his eyes. "I don't think I can take any more of this."

"Any more of what, darling?" Sophie murmured in his ear. "We're just trying to help you relax…"

He laughed shakily. "Well, I'm not so nervous anymore, though I wouldn't say I'm relaxed."

It was Patricia who laughed, a surprisingly deep, rich sound. "No, you don't seem relaxed," she agreed. "But more comfortable with us, yes?"

He nodded, too aroused to even be embarrassed anymore that she was there, that she had been watching the way Jan and Paulo had flirted and kissed all evening. He supposed that did mean he had gained a certain degree of comfort with her. 

Paulo reached over and pulled Jan into his arms then, kissing him as if he had read his mind. "I'm glad,  _ schatje," _ he breathed into his mouth.

Jan dimly remembered that he had wanted to say something else, and reluctantly pulled back, trying to regain enough composure to recall what it was.

Paulo raised an eyebrow at him. "What is it?"

Jan suddenly remembered. "What… what is this?" he mumbled, aware that he hadn't chosen his words all that well. "I mean… what are we doing?"

Paulo's brow creased. "I don't understand."

Jan swallowed and tried again. "Just… here, tonight." He looked around vaguely, and to his surprise he saw that Sophie and Patricia had both withdrawn a little ways, leaning against the wall opposite Jan and Paulo, watching them with matching enigmatic smiles. "What are we doing?"

Paulo tilted his head, considering. "What would you like to be doing?"

Jan shrugged helplessly. "I don't know," he whispered in Paulo's ear. "I've been on edge all day, Paulo, I feel like I'm going to fly apart…"

Paulo raised an eyebrow. "All day?"

Jan nodded, blushing a little. "I wasn't sure if I could, um, after I finished with Dries, and then I was with the physios and I had to work so hard to keep it under control, and then I was busy getting things ready here…"

"Ah," Paulo rumbled. "My poor Jan. I didn't mean for you to deny yourself so much. Let's see what we can do for you."

Paulo turned and glanced over at Sophie and Patricia. Sophie nodded and came over to them, whispering in Paulo's ear. Then he took Jan by the hand and pulled him out of the kitchen, through the house, and into the bedroom. Jan vaguely wondered how he had known where it was, but he didn't really care right now, because Paulo's arms were around him again, his lips were on Jan's again, he could feel Paulo's dick pressing up against him, and it felt like everything he had ever wanted.


	18. Chapter 18

From the moment Jan opened his front door, Paulo had had a feeling that he knew how the evening was going to end up.

It wasn't even Paulo's fault, really-- the mere sight of Jan, smiling nervously at them in his doorway, dressed in a hunter green v-neck tee shirt and tight black jeans, with his hair styled immaculately and a silver watch around his wrist, instantly kindled a small fire deep inside Paulo. All the teasing and flirting had only fanned those flames, but somehow he had managed to stay in control so far.

He had discussed this repeatedly with Patricia, and he was all too aware of just how interested she was in seeing how the evening would play out. Sophie, too, had given him the green light beforehand, and when she crossed the kitchen to them now, her eyes rapt on her husband's lust-filled eyes and his lips already swollen from kissing, she leaned into Paulo and murmured in his ear, "He's not really going to relax until you take him apart. Up the stairs, down the hall to your left. We'll be there in a minute."

Paulo didn't need to be told twice. He took Jan's hand and led him out of the room, following Sophie's directions until they found themselves in a large bedroom suite. Paulo wondered absently if Sophie had really sent them to go have sex in the bed that she and Jan shared, but that question could wait. Jan could not.

Paulo wrapped Jan up in his arms and kissed him hungrily, relishing how readily Jan responded to his touch. He moved his hands to Jan's hips and steered him over to the bed, sucking desperately on Jan's tongue, nipping gently at his lip. Jan had said that he had been on edge all day, and Paulo could sympathise; he hadn't had time to take care of his own erection after sucking Toby off earlier, and had been struggling to keep himself under control all evening. But now...

He pushed Jan down onto the bed with a growl, his eyes intent on Jan's as he began to undo the buttons on his shirt, revealing his tan, muscular chest and stomach bit by bit. He saw Jan lick his lips, one hand twitching towards the bulge in his jeans, as if he was dying to touch himself but didn't quite dare.

"Take off your clothes," Paulo ordered him quietly, peeling his white shirt off of his shoulders and down over his arms, taking a little longer to do so than usual, enjoying how eagerly Jan was watching him.

"Yes, sir," Jan whispered, and he tugged at the hem of his dark green shirt, pulling it free where it had been tucked in to his jeans, easing it up over his pale, beautiful torso. He was pulling it off over his head when the door opened and Patricia and Sophie slipped into the room, carrying a tray with the remaining strawberries, all covered in chocolate, a bottle of wine, and four wine glasses. Jan blushed when he saw them, his ears and neck turning a rosy pink, but he managed to look away from them and back at Paulo, who was carefully folding his shirt.

Paulo saw, out of the corner of his eye, the two women settle on a divan against the wall with glasses of wine in hand, and turned his full attention back to Jan, who was lying on his back now, fumbling with his belt as he fought against his own embarrassment.

"Jan," Paulo said, putting a knee on the bed so that he could lean over him. "Stop." Jan dropped his hands, relief on his face. Paulo lowered himself onto Jan, kissing him and running his hands all over his arms, his chest, his abs, brushing against his nipples, savouring the soft sounds Jan was making in his throat. Paulo kissed his way down Jan's neck and chest, nuzzling at the trail of soft hair that led down to the waist of his jeans. He planted a kiss just below Jan's navel and began undoing his belt buckle for him.

"Paulo," Jan mumbled.

"Yes,  _ schatje?" _

Jan bit his lip and glanced over to where Sophie and Patricia were watching them. Paulo raised an eyebrow.

"Ladies," Paulo rumbled. "I think Jan is feeling a little hesitant. What do you think I should do with him?"

Patricia and Sophie exchanged a sly smile. "Well," Sophie said in a soft voice, "for starters, I think you should finish getting him out of those ridiculously tight jeans."

Patricia nodded in agreement. "You should kiss him more, too," she added. "I like watching you kiss him."

Paulo looked back at Jan, his eyebrow still raised. "Is it okay, Jan?" he asked softly. "I want this. They want this. But do you?"

Jan looked over at Sophie again, and when she smiled and nodded at him, he turned his eyes back to Paulo, for only a moment, before lowering them shyly. "Yes, sir."

Paulo growled, scraping his teeth over the soft curve of Jan's navel, and began tearing at his belt. He had been exercising patience and restraint all day, and now he suddenly couldn't stand to hold back any longer.

He yanked Jan's jeans down over his hips, groaning when he saw the sizeable wet patch on the front of his boxers where Jan had leaked onto them. He tugged the boxers down too and wrestled the jeans down the impressive length of Jan's gorgeous legs, ignoring his cock for now.

Once he had tossed the jeans and boxers to the floor, Paulo stretched himself out above Jan, bringing their lips together, devouring his mouth with kiss after searing kiss. "Jan," he growled. "My Jan."

Jan moaned under him, his arms circling Paulo's waist, clutching Paulo to him as tightly as he could manage. "Please…" he whispered, his face screwed up as if in pain. "Please, Paulo…"

"You want something?" Paulo propped himself up, shifting to straddle Jan's legs, one knee on either side of his hips.

Jan didn't answer in words; he just whimpered, reaching for the fly of Paulo's jeans.

"What do you want,  _ mi pelirrojito?" _

"You," Jan whispered. "You…"

Paulo growled wordlessly and moved backwards, off of Jan, off the bed, not breaking eye contact. "Come here."

Jan sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed, his cheeks still pink.

"You want me,  _ schatje?" _

"Yes," Jan said longingly.

"Then finish undressing me." Paulo stepped back, watching intently.

Jan slid off the bed, kneeling in front of him. He pressed a kiss to the bulge in Paulo's jeans, then got to work, his brow furrowed in concentration. Once he got the buttons undone, he blinked in surprise at finding Paulo's dick right on the other side, with no underwear in the way. He blushed rosily and smiled, though, licking his lips as he slipped the jeans down for Paulo to step out of.

Jan stayed on his knees when he was done, his eyes lowered, which Paulo found oddly amusing, given that his face was only centimetres from the head of Paulo's cock.

Paulo heard an appreciative sigh from the divan but paid no attention. Instead he considered Jan, who had settled into his usual submissive posture: on his knees, eyes down, hands crossed behind his back. Paulo admired him silently for a moment. When he spoke, it was not to Jan.

_ "Cariña?" _

_ "Aqui tiene," _ Patricia answered, tossing the little bottle of lube to him. A moment later Paulo stepped to the side and bent, curling one powerful arm around Jan's waist, pulling him up and then tossing him down onto the bed again. Jan landed on his back and stayed there, his arms and legs splayed out, his eyes dark as he looked up at Paulo. This was the one exception to the standing rule about eye contact-- once Paulo started getting ready to fuck Jan, he preferred to be able to see his eyes.

Paulo began working a single lubed finger into Jan, kissing the soft insides of Jan's thighs as he did. He loved listening to the longing little sounds that Jan was making, the quiet little gasps and whimpers that were all that could be heard in the otherwise silent room. He planted one last kiss on Jan's thigh, then began to trail kisses up his abdomen and chest, until he made his way up to Jan's lips again. He thought that he could never get enough of kissing Jan, especially when he looked like this, naked and eager and pliant, clearly already dropping into subspace, a dreamy smile on his face and his eyes dark with need. Paulo sometimes felt that he wanted to devour Jan when he kissed him, to eat him up, and he loved the way Jan responded to him-- as if he wanted Paulo to eat him up.

Finally Paulo drew back, examining his work, and nodded in satisfaction.

"Jan,  _ mi pelirrojito, _ are you ready for me?" 

"Yes," Jan breathed. "Yes… sir…"

"Good." Paulo let out a sigh of relief as he buried himself inside of Jan with one steady stroke. Jan let out a little gasp that quickly dissolved into a moan of pleasure.

"Jan," Paulo murmured in his ear as he began moving his hips. "Jan, I love you so much, my Jan…"

Jan moaned incoherently, sliding his arms around Paulo's rib cage and holding him tightly.

"Ah… I love how desperate you are for me… you're so beautiful, so good, Jan…"

Paulo forgot about everything else, about Sophie and Patricia, about their fight, about Dries and Toby and football and everything else in the world. His world had been reduced to this room, this bed, and the gorgeous man beneath him, who had his legs wrapped around Paulo's hips, who was lost in the ecstasy of subspace, who in turn was not aware of anything or anyone in this moment except for Paulo. 

Paulo mumbled other things to him, in English, in Spanish, in his rudimentary Dutch, words of praise and lust and love, words that couldn't begin to accurately describe the way Paulo felt about Jan.

He was picking up speed now, slamming into Jan harder and harder. He needed this, needed to give everything he had, needed to take everything Jan could give him. He loved Jan, he needed him; he wanted to make sure that Jan would never be able to forget a single second of their time together.

Finally he was reduced to growling Jan's name again and again, while Jan whimpered and writhed underneath him, his fingers digging into Paulo's back. Paulo knew he was close, and he wanted to bring Jan over the edge with him. He could feel Jan's cock pressed up against his stomach, hot and hard and slick with his own precum. He shifted his weight onto one arm and slipped his other hand in between their bodies, closing his fingers around Jan, sliding his fist up and down. He felt Jan's body stiffen, his breathing ragged, and then Jan was coming over Paulo's fist, spilling across his stomach with a low cry.

"Jan," Paulo said hoarsely as he reached his own breaking point, stars exploding behind his eyes as he came, pouring out everything that he had in him.  _ "Jan." _

They slowed to a stop and lay together for a little while, just panting and clinging tightly to each other. Finally Paulo began trying to disentangle himself from Jan, noticing that they were both sweaty and sticky from Jan's cum. Jan's carefully styled hair was a rumpled, sweaty mess now, and Paulo had a feeling he was no better off. He pulled out of Jan and sank down next to him, stroking Jan's face with one hand while fumbling to remove the condom with the other.

He glanced over at where Sophie and Patricia were still sitting on the divan and smiled at the sight of them. He knew Patricia well enough to see how much she had enjoyed watching him ravish Jan-- her eyes were promising him something special when they got home. Sophie looked similarly affected, though she was also watching Jan with concern on her lovely face.

Paulo glanced down at Jan, who was breathing steadily, with his eyes closed, then back across at Sophie. "I think we could do with a shower," he said quietly.

She blinked and nodded, getting to her feet and going to the door of the ensuite. "Right in here. I'll get an extra towel for you." She hesitated for a moment. "Is he… is he okay?"

Paulo nodded. "Yes. It might take him a little bit to recover, but this is normal. Have you seen him before when he is being submissive like this?"

She shook her head, her eyes fascinated. "Only when you brought him home, that first night, and it was not… not quite like this."

He considered for a moment. "Would you like to help me take care of him? It is something special."

She nodded.

"Are there any strawberries left?"

Sophie brought the tray over to the bed, and together they fed Jan several, both of them rapt at the look on his face as he took the morsels from their fingers, delicately licking off the traces of chocolate. Even Patricia joined them to watch, though she declined when Paulo offered to let her feed one to Jan.

"I'll handle the shower, since I am also rather messy," Paulo said quietly to Sophie when the strawberries were gone. "But then we will finish taking care of him together." He quickly outlined for Sophie what they would need, then began to carefully gather Jan up to steer him into the bathroom.

Paulo smiled lazily once he had Jan under the warm spray of water. He was so beautiful like this, practically glowing with bliss as he floated through the fuzzy softness that surrounded him in moments like these. He was perfectly obedient, too, lifting his limbs and moving however Paulo directed him, but absolutely content to let Paulo wash every inch of him like a child. _ Not that there was any danger of mistaking him for a child, _ Paulo thought, running his fingers up Jan's muscular legs as he washed them. 

Once he had finished washing them both, Paulo pulled Jan into his arms again and held him close under the falling water, kissing him slow and sweet, just relishing this moment, enjoying how perfect everything felt right here, right now. 


	19. Chapter 19

Jan woke up early the following day, his heart light and his skin tingling with the memory of the previous night. While having sex with Paulo in front of Patricia and Sophie hadn't exactly been what he was expecting from the evening, he couldn't deny that it had taken care of his nerves better than any conventional icebreaker he had ever heard of. Coming up from subspace with all three of them surrounding him, helping care for him, had been something special as well. Sophie had made several suggestions that Paulo had readily seized on to add to his aftercare routine, and Jan was grateful. The addition of his favourite navy blue fuzzy socks in particular had been inspired-- Jan's feet had always tended to be rather cold when he wasn't wearing shoes, in direct contrast to his tendency to not feel the cold when he was outside and properly shod.

After Jan had recovered, the four of them had continued to lounge on Jan and Sophie's bed for hours, talking, sharing the bottle of wine, cuddling, and kissing. Patricia hadn't been joking when she had said she loved to watch Paulo kissing Jan, and she especially loved to kiss Paulo herself, long and deep and slow, and then push him over to kiss Jan with hardly even a chance to take a breath in between. Jan had ended up having some of her lipstick smeared on his face, which Sophie had found hilarious.

All in all, it had been a very good evening.

Now he found himself awake in the half-light just before dawn, feeling energised and ready to do, well, _something._

The problem was that he was still on mobility restrictions because of his leg, so there wasn't a whole lot he could really do. He got up anyway and went through the exercises that the physios had him on as part of his rehabilitation, but soon enough he was finished and feeling rather bored. He decided to shower and go back to bed.

When he slipped between the sheets again, Sophie stirred and rolled towards him, a sleepy smile on her face. "Good morning," she mumbled.

"Morning, darling," he said, kissing her gently.

"How do you feel this morning?"

"Good," he assured her. "Last night was amazing."

"It really was," she agreed, snuggling close to him. "I had no idea how hot it would be, seeing you with Paulo like that."

He lowered his eyelashes, smiling as he slid an arm around her waist. "You liked it, then?"

"You have no idea," she whispered. "I wanted to try to get you hard again so that I could have a turn."

He shivered. "You don't even have to try, really," he murmured, pressing himself against her.

She laughed softly. "Maybe not this morning, but last night I don't think you could have managed it for anything. I told Paulo to take you apart, but he absolutely destroyed you." Her eyes were hot as she moved to kiss him again. "It was just about the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

He moaned into her mouth and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her on top of him.

Afterwards, Sophie went to get in the shower. Jan disposed of the condom and cleaned himself up a bit, then lay in bed for a while, thinking about how lucky he was. He had two serious partners now, and two others who were… well, something close to it. He and Toby were definitely at a somewhat different stage than he and Paulo were-- they had only just this week had their first sexual encounter since the night of the Crystal Palace match, and Jan had no reason to expect that they wouldn't continue, but thinking about it made him feel oddly jittery, like he was thinking about someone he had just started dating, rather than about sleeping with one of his oldest friends.

And then there was Dries. He felt a little more certain of things with Dries, because they had long since shared an understanding of how much they wanted each other, but had been prevented by distance and circumstance from acting on it much. But now… well, who knew? Paulo had apparently invited Dries to come visit once the season was over, for whatever that might mean.

Thinking about Dries reminded him that he still had an assignment from Paulo to complete. He grabbed his phone from the nightstand. _At least it'll be easier to resist breaking the rules, thanks to Sophie,_ he thought with a wicked little smile.

_ <<To: Dries M [07:13]: good morning kitten _😘

_ >>From: Dries M [07:14]: it's entirely too early Jantje _😴

_ <<To: Dries M [07:14]: come on, lazybones, you're an hour ahead of me _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:14]: shouldn't you be up by now? _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:15]: Kat and I were out late last night, and I don't have to get up if I don't want to, we don't play until tomorrow _😤

_ <<To: Dries M [07:15]: not quite what I meant by 'up' there Driesje _ 😏  
 _ <<To: Dries M [07:15]: but if you don't want to play, no worries, I'll just have to find something else to do _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:15]: now hang on a second _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:16]: I didn't say I didn't want to play _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:16]: don't you dare go anywhere _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:16]: don't worry, kitten. I'm all yours _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:17]: mmm, just the way I like you _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:17]: well, depends. What are you wearing? _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:17]: not a thing ;) _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:18]: ooh, definitely just the way I like you. I wanna see _

Jan had to do some quick thinking-- he didn't want Dries to see that he wasn't hard and think something was wrong. He rolled onto his stomach and managed to take a picture of his backside, showing his back, ass, and legs.

_ >>From: Dries M [07:18]: ooooh. Hello, gorgeous _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:18]: hello yourself ;) _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:18]: oh, I was talking to your ass _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:18]: hmph _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:19]: so mean _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:19]: and I was going to tell you about what I did last night too _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:19]: well hey now _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:19]: did I say you weren't also gorgeous? _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:19]: so did you do something yummy last night? _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:20]: maaaaybe _  
_ <<To: Dries M [07:20]: do I get any pictures? _🥺

_ >>From: Dries M [07:20]: any time at all _

Dries sent him a shot of himself, still looking sleepy, sprawled out on his bed in just a pair of joggers that did nothing to hide the outline of his hard dick. Jan shivered, feeling his own dick twitch with interest.

_ <<To: Dries M [07:20]: mmm, hi there _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:20]: wish I was there to peel those trousers off you _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:21]: so... Paulo and his girlfriend came over for dinner with Sophie and me last night _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:21]: ...and how did that go? _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:21]: well I was really nervous at first _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:21]: never had to make small talk with the girlfriend of someone I'm fucking before _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:22]: yeah, that can be unnerving _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:22]: hope you didn't lead with "thanks for letting your boyfriend pound me" _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:22]: that actually might have been less awkward _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:22]: aw, I'm sorry, Groot _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:23]: oh don't worry, it gets better _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:23]: Paulo kept flirting with me the whole time, playing footsie under the table during dinner _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:23]: then while Sophie and Patricia were in the kitchen getting dessert we started making out on the couch, like we were when you called the other day _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:23]: ooooooh, that definitely qualifies as hot _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:24]: it was _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:24]: and dessert was strawberries and chocolate fondue, and we were all feeding them to each other _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:24]: it was so sexy I thought I was going to come in my pants _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:24]: hooooly shit, I wish I could have seen that _

Dries sent another picture of himself, eyelids at half mast, one hand down the front of his joggers. Jan bit his lip at the sight. He wanted to see more, to give in and let himself go there right along with Dries, but he couldn't.

_ >>From: Dries M [07:24]: then what happened? _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:25]: oh, you're not going to believe it _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:25]: Paulo dragged me off to the bedroom _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:25]: _😮

_ <<To: Dries M [07:25]: he kissed me and started undressing me _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:26]: then the girls came in and sat down to watch _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:26]: fuck, Jantje _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:26]: what is your life _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:26]: don't stop there, fuck _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:26]: well, I was still kind of nervous, having them there watching _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:27]: I mean, Paulo ordered me to take off my clothes while his girlfriend and my wife were watching us _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:27]: so he asked them what they wanted us to do _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:27]: …and??? _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:27]: well, Sophie told him to finish getting my clothes off _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:28]: Patricia told him to kiss me some more _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:28]: damn, has Sophie been taking lessons from Kat behind our backs? _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:28]: I wouldn't have expected that from her _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:28]: right?? _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:29]: I'm starting to wonder who's enjoying my relationship with Paulo more, me or her _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:29]: anyway, so Paulo pulled my jeans off and laid on top of me and kissed me some more, and I was so fucking hard _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:29]: aaahh fuck, Jan _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:29]: Then he told me to take his jeans off _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:30]: and he wasn’t wearing anything under them _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:30]: christ _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:30]: if you make me spontaneously combust you're buying me a new bed _

Dries sent a quick video of himself, joggers discarded, stroking his cock, eyes dark with lust.

_ <<To: Dries M [07:30]: then, well, the details are a little fuzzy for me after that _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:31]: I know he threw me down on the bed and fucked me _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:31]: fuuuck _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:31]: god im so jealous, I want some big strong gorgeous man to throw me down on a bed and fuck me _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:31]: it was unbelievable _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:32]: I had my legs around his waist and everything, and he finished me with his hand right before he came _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:32]: jaanjte _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:32]: ffuck imgonna _

Jan smiled triumphantly. He shivered, half wishing that he could see Dries coming, but he knew it would be a struggle for him to resist touching himself if he did. _Soon,_ he thought. _Just one more now._

_ <<To: Dries M [07:33]: did you come for me, kitten? _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:33]: oh my god, that was so fucking hot, Jan _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:33]: of course I did _

He sent a picture, just like last time, same lazy, blissful smile, same tantalising cum-streaked abs.

_ <<To: Dries M [07:33]: damn, how are you so hot, Driesje _   
_ <<To: Dries M [07:34]: make it so hard for me to follow the rules _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:34]: wouldn't be much of a punishment for you if it was easy, would it? _;)

Jan sent him a picture of his face, pouting exaggeratedly.

_ >>From: Dries M [07:34]: oh, don't you give me that. You're the one getting nailed by your ridiculously hot boyfriend while your wife watches _

_ <<To: Dries M [07:35]: ...and afterwards, they fed me the rest of the strawberries and chocolate _

_ >>From: Dries M [07:35]: dammit, Jan, are you trying to go for number three right now? _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:35]: I mean, the spirit is willing _   
_ >>From: Dries M [07:36]: but the flesh isn't twenty anymore _

Jan burst out laughing at that.

  
  


***

  
  


Jan went to the game to support his teammates, sitting in the section next to the bench where Paulo was sat. He couldn’t help glancing over at him a little more often than maybe he should have, but nobody seemed to be paying attention to him, and Paulo exercised far more discipline than Jan, not looking over at him once.

The game was rather a disappointment for Spurs, but Jan, again, found that he didn't much care. He was too fixated on watching Paulo squirm on the bench, running his hands through his hair and bouncing his knees up and down repeatedly, and on watching Toby play. It was the first time he had had the chance to sit and watch Toby in action since things had changed with him, and it was an oddly arousing experience. Jan had always watched Toby's play carefully, of course, but it had always been only to stay aware of where he was and what he was doing, the way he had always assumed Toby watched him. But now… well, what _were_ they now? Everything they had done together so far had been at Paulo's direction, most of it while Jan had been deep in subspace. Toby had confessed to wanting Jan, but did that actually mean they were more than friends, albeit friends who both belonged to Paulo?

He didn't know the answers, and the confusion made him stare at Toby more than he might have done otherwise. His eyes kept lingering on Toby's legs, his ass, the way his shirt clung to his muscles when Toby began to sweat. He shifted in his seat, feeling his dick starting to harden in his jeans. He needed to figure this out, and soon.

At halftime, Jan followed the team down to the locker room, but while Poch was talking, he tugged on Paulo's sleeve, and they slipped out the door of the changing room for a moment.

"What is it?" Paulo said softly, his eyes flicking from Jan's face to the open door.

"Just wanted to see if you're free after the game, I was hoping maybe you and me and Toby…?"

Paulo shook his head firmly. "Can't, I have plans with Juanito. I cancel on him last night already."

Jan's stomach twisted a little. "Oh. Well, that's okay." He tried not to let his disappointment show.

Paulo gave him one of those small, dangerous smiles. "Of course, there's no reason you and Toby can't get together tonight without me."

Jan blinked. He hadn't even thought about that, though the idea did appeal.

Paulo leaned in close enough to whisper in Jan's ear. "If you do, though, there's one rule I insist on. Hands and mouths are fine, but your ass is mine. His too."

Jan felt his ears going pink. "Y-yes, sir," he mumbled. He hadn't even really thought about what he and Toby might do together, let alone that Paulo would put rules in place for them. He did rather like the idea of there being something that was for Paulo alone, though.

Paulo grinned at him, winked, and slipped back into the changing room for the rest of Poch's halftime speech.

Jan didn't bother to listen to Poch, preferring to watch Toby instead. He was intent on the gaffer, listening attentively as always, his blue eyes large and serious and-- and-- Jan somehow hadn't processed before just how beautiful they were. Had Toby's eyes always been that expressive? How had he known this man almost half his life and not noticed that he had eyes like that?

When Poch finally finished his speech, the guys began to filter out the door, back towards the pitch. Jan fell in beside Toby. "Hey," he muttered quietly in Dutch. "Do you have any plans for after the game?"

Toby cocked an eyebrow at him. "Nothing in particular."

"Want to come over?"

Toby looked like he wanted to ask about a hundred questions, but his eyes darted around the corridor briefly, then he nodded and strode off after the rest of the squad, who were jogging out onto the pitch. Jan had to bite his lip to keep his face from splitting in an enormous grin. 

Jan spent the rest of the match squirming in his seat, unable to keep his mind on anything but what he might be doing in an hour or two. He texted Sophie to let her know that Toby would be coming over, and she promised to take care of getting the kids to bed and then make herself scarce so that they could be alone. The thought of being alone with Toby was enough now to summon a veritable flock of butterflies to take up residence in his stomach.

Spurs lost, and Jan went through the motions of being disappointed, like the rest of the team, but he only cared right now because of how downcast Toby looked as he was coming off the field. Jan wrapped an arm around his friend's shoulders and stayed with him as he headed back to the changing room, only letting go because it would have raised too many eyebrows for Jan to follow him into the showers. 

Instead he talked idly with Hugo and the gaffer about the next match-- Ajax. They both looked relieved to hear that he expected to be fit again in time, and Poch told him in no uncertain terms that he wanted Jan to participate in the tactical planning for that match. Jan felt a twinge of guilt at that; he had hardly spent any time really getting ready for the tie with Ajax lately, too distracted by Paulo and now Toby to have begun the mental preparation he would need. If he tried to play a match like this without having his head absolutely sorted, it could be a disaster.

But then Toby emerged from the showers with only a small white towel around his hips, and Jan couldn't bear to take a single second longer than necessary before they could be alone. He muttered an excuse to Poch, hardly even noticing the raised eyebrow this got him, and made his way across the crowded room to where Toby was digging through his bag for clean clothes. He glanced up when Jan got close, his lips twisting in a wry grin. "Okay, you need to get out of here," he said in Dutch. "If you stand here watching me get dressed you're going to make me pop a boner, and I don't really care to have to explain that to the whole team tonight."

Jan laughed. "All right," he answered, also in Dutch. "I'll go wait for you in my car. Don't take too long, or I might lose interest."

Toby rolled his eyes. "I somehow doubt that. I saw how you've been looking at me all afternoon. You know you want this." He gave Jan a cocky grin, making him laugh.

"Okay, fine, you got me. See you in a minute." Jan turned and started threading his way to the exit. When he rounded the first corner, though, he stopped absolutely dead, his heart in his throat.

"Oh, hi, Mich," he said weakly.

"Hi, Jan," his friend said quietly, also in Dutch. "How long have you been banging Toby?"


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of words of Spanish in here; translations at the end.

“Juanito,” Paulo called down the corridor.  _ “¡Espera!” _

To Paulo’s chagrin his young friend glanced back at him, then turned his back and strode away, towards the carpark, as if he hadn’t heard at all.

_ “Mierda,” _ Paulo muttered. He knew Juanito had to have been upset with him, since he had never replied to any of Paulo’s texts, not after the one in their group chat with Coco, Dao, and Nando. The others had all offered their own apologies for not being available to hang out with Juan last night, but all of them had been busy with their own families. Juanito’s fiance hadn’t yet moved to London, so Paulo supposed he had gotten used to them spending time together in their downtime, especially Friday evenings.

Stomach twisting with guilt, Paulo hurried off after his young friend. He hadn’t meant to ignore him for the last couple of weeks, but Jan and then Toby had taken more of his attention than he had realised. Of course, he couldn’t very well  _ tell _ Juanito that; he would need to find some way to explain it without revealing too much about what he had been preoccupied with lately-- but without lying, either. His friendship with Juan was too important to him for lying to be acceptable.

He caught up to Juanito at the exit to the private carpark for the players and staff. “Juan,” he said. “Hey, slow down, will you?”

Juan stopped so fast that Paulo ran straight into him. “Um, sorry,” Juan muttered.

“No problem. Look, I’m sorry about yesterday, okay?” Paulo tried to wrap an arm around his shoulders, but Juanito shrugged it off.

“No, not okay,” Juanito said, not meeting Paulo’s eyes. “Couldn’t you have just told Jan and Sophie that your Fridays are spoken for? Or at least remembered to  _ tell _ me in advance that we weren’t going to hang out?”

“I should have,” Paulo agreed, reaching for his arm again. “I promise, it won’t happen again. Come on, chin up,  _ ‘mano, _ I’m all yours tonight. We can make  _ asado, _ or play FIFA, or--”

“Stop it, Paulo,” Juan said, pulling away from him. He actually sounded angry. Paulo didn’t think he had ever heard that tone in his voice before. “I get it, you’re sorry, but that doesn’t fix it. I thought I was important to you, but you brushed me off last week and then you completely forgot about me yesterday. I don’t exactly have a lot of people lining up to hang out with me outside of the squad, and you know it.” His voice had a catch in it that made Paulo’s throat tighten. He still wouldn’t look up from the ground.

“I just…” He sighed. “I just thought I was important to you, is all.” He waited for a moment, then turned on his heel and walked away, heading to his parking spot at the far end of the carpark.

Paulo didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t had any idea that Juanito had taken it so hard. They had been friends since almost the minute they had met, but he’d never really thought Juan would be quite this upset about Paulo cancelling on him.

“Juanito, wait,” he shouted, finally getting his legs in gear. He felt silly, chasing his friend across the carpark, but he didn’t see an alternative.

“Paulo, for fuck’s sake,” Juan shouted. “Will you  _ stop _ calling me that already? I’m  _ not  _ a kid.” Then he reached his car, and quickly climbed in. The  _ slam _ of the car door echoed around the carpark. Hearing it hurt Paulo’s ears, though it wasn’t actually very loud. He stopped in his tracks, staring after his young friend in astonishment.

“What was that about?” Another voice from behind him, this one speaking in English, made Paulo jump slightly. He whirled around to see Harry Winks standing there, blinking at him in surprise. “Crumb, sorry mate. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Paulo’s shoulders sagged. His head was beginning to hurt and he didn’t really want to get into this with Winks right now. “No, is fine,” he answered. “Is nothing, Juanito-- Juan, I mean, he is mad at me, is all.” He forced a painful smile. “He’ll get over it.”

Winks frowned. “I, um. Are you sure bout that?”

It was Paulo’s turn to frown at that. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, a trifle shortly. “See you in training.”

“Paulo,” Winks said, his voice tired. “Don’t… look, I know this is none of my business, but don’t take it too lightly if Juan’s upset with you, okay? You’re his best friend, and if he’s mad at you, that’s a big deal.”

Paulo was nonplussed. He hadn’t really thought about it, but he supposed he and Juanito  _ were _ best friends. But if it mattered that much to Juan, then why wouldn’t he let Paulo fix it? “Harry, I-- I appreciate it, but I can handle this,” he said, trying to sound resolute.

Winks’s brow creased. “Mate, do you honestly not get how important you are to him? Ain’t you seen the way he looks at you, how he gravitates to you?”

“What do you know about it?” Paulo snapped before he could stop himself. He wished he could take the words back as soon as they were out of his mouth, seeing the hurt wash over Winks’s sweet face.

“Maybe nothing,” he retorted. “Maybe I’m wrong, maybe you have a better handle on your relationship with him than I thought. But if so, then why are you stood here arguing with me, and Juan’s shouted at you and left in a huff?”

Paulo rubbed his forehead. “I’m sorry,” he said shortly. “I didn’t mean to snap. I just-- everything is so--” His knees suddenly buckled, and he sat down heavily on the kerb, his head in his hands. The pressure of juggling his relationships with Patricia, with Jan and Toby, keeping everything a secret, focusing on football, and now having Juanito upset with him, was suddenly overwhelming. “Everything is so complicated,” he mumbled, willing himself not to cry.

“Hey,” Harry’s voice was suddenly gentle, and Paulo felt him slipping an arm around his shoulders. “Look, I dunno what all you’ve got going on, but this doesn’t have to be complicated, yeah? Juan looks up to you, always has. You’re his best friend. He… well, he told me once that bein round you makes him feel special, like somebody knows him,  _ gets _ him, like he ain’t alone. Believe me, I know what that’s like, especially for such a young bloke.” He paused. “And I dunno why he’s mad at you, but if he’s mad enough to shout at you like that, then my guess is it ain’t somethin he’s just gonna get over on his own.”

Paulo took a deep breath. “When did you turn into a wise old man, eh?” he asked, but he was teasing, and Harry knew it. They giggled together for a moment, and then Paulo sighed.

“I didn’t know he feel that way,” Paulo admitted. “But what can I do? He don’t want to talk to me, how can I make it better?”

Harry shrugged. “Maybe he just wants you to show him you get it, show him that you do value having him as a friend. I mean, I dunno, maybe Juan’s different. But if it were me…” His eyes were oddly wistful. “If it were me, I’d want my friend to come after me, try again to make it up. Prove that you ain’t gonna give up on him without a fight.”

Paulo reached up and caught hold of Harry’s hand, the one that was resting on Paulo’s opposite shoulder, and squeezed briefly. “You’re right. I have to try. And Harry… thanks.”

Winks smiled at him brightly as they stood up from the kerb. “No problem, mate.” He paused. “Don’t tell him I said anything to you, though, eh? Do me a favour.”

And Harry hurried away before Paulo even thought to ask him why not.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


When Paulo pulled up in front of Juan’s house a little later, he was as well-prepared as he had felt he could spare time for. Takeaway from the best Argentine restaurant in this part of London wasn’t going to be enough by itself, but it was better than nothing, Paulo told himself. The rest would be up to him.

He took a deep breath before he rang the bell, running his thumb idly across the handle of the takeaway bags. He ran through what he planned to say again while he waited for Juanito to open the door.

It took longer than he thought. He had to ring the bell a second time, and then a third before the door finally opened, showing Juan standing on the other side, his eyes red. When he saw Paulo, he grimaced. “Go away, Paulo. Please.”

“If that’s really what you want, I will,” Paulo said quickly. “But I just wanted to make sure that’s really what you want, that you’re not just pushing me away because I hurt you and you don’t want to get hurt any worse.”

Juan didn’t answer, but he also didn’t shut the door.

“Juanit-- I mean, Juan-- I want to apologise again. I’ve been distracted lately, and I neglected you, and I’m sorry. It felt strange not getting any time with you this week or last week.” He paused, trying to meet Juan’s eyes. “I missed you,” he said softly.

Juan sighed. “Fine, come in. Only because I’m hungry,” he added, with a sassy little toss of his head that Paulo readily recognised for what it was. He grinned and followed Juan inside, nudging the door shut behind him with a foot.

After they had eaten, Paulo leaned back in his chair, eyeing his friend thoughtfully. “You know, it’s okay to still be mad at me,” he blurted out, then rolled his eyes at himself. Why couldn’t he ever stick to his carefully thought out scripts?

“Huh?” Juan looked a little lost.

“I just mean… I’m not trying to make you forgive me right this second, or anything. If you need to be mad at me, then be mad at me. I’m just glad to be here with you, even if you’re mad at me.”

Juan sighed again. “I’m not… I don’t know. I’m not really mad at you, I guess. I’m still kind of hurt, I guess, plus I’m tired from the game and I was hungry. But not mad.” He shrugged, and Paulo smiled with real delight. He reached across the table with one long arm to ruffle Juan’s hair.

“I’m glad,” he said, relieved. “Tired and hungry is fine, we can deal with that. Hurt…” His voice trailed off. “Not much I can do about that, besides tell you I’m sorry, and try to make it up with you.”

“Why was it so important to have dinner with Jan and Sophie last night, anyway?” Juan asked, taking a long sip of maté and sliding the gourd over to Paulo.

Paulo’s senses went to high alert. He needed to be careful here. “It didn’t need to be last night, I just wasn’t thinking,” he said casually, dodging the question of why Paulo was suddenly socialising with Jan more than usual. “Not paying enough attention to what day it was.”

Juan made a sceptical little noise, but mercifully let it drop. Paulo took a sip of maté and slid the gourd back to Juan, scooting his chair around the corner of the table as he did. He reached out to drape an arm around Juan’s shoulders, something he had done countless times before, but he stopped suddenly. “Is this okay?” he asked cautiously.

Juan rolled his eyes, scooted his chair closer to Paulo’s, and grabbed hold of his arm, pulling it around his shoulders. “Yes, it’s okay.” He fell silent for a minute. “I missed you too.”

Paulo squeezed him tight. “You know how important you are to me, don’t you?”

Juan shrugged noncommittally. 

“Well, you are,” Paulo said firmly. “And if you don’t know it, that’s my fault. I just assumed you knew that you’re my best friend.”

That was the first thing he had said all evening that actually earned him a smile. Juan’s sullen face lit up when he smiled, and he suddenly looked as young as he really was again. Paulo sometimes forgot just how young he was, because they spent so much time together; Paulo tended to revert to assuming that they were closer in age than they actually were, until something reminded him. He thought of him as a little brother, sure, and maybe he did call him ‘Juanito’ rather a lot, but those were both measures of affection, not because Paulo thought of Juan as being significantly younger than himself. Even though he  _ was. _

He wanted to say so, to tell Juan that, but he struggled to find a way to articulate it in context, to make it make sense to Juan. So instead he just said, “And… if it really bothers you, I’ll try to stop calling you Juanito. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect at it, but I’ll try.”

Juan shrugged again. “It’s not… it doesn’t really bother me that much. Just sometimes. Like when I’m already feeling hurt and tired and hungry, and then it feels condescending. But I know that’s not how you usually mean it.”

Paulo nodded, relieved. He was still feeling oddly keyed up, though. He raised his free hand and began to run his fingers across the sides of his head, where the hair was buzzed short.

“Hey,” Juan said, nudging him. “You don’t need to be anxious. Everything’s okay, I promise.”

Paulo blinked. “How do you know I’m anxious?”

Juan laughed at him, his soft little chuckle doing more than the words to reassure Paulo that things really were okay. “I just do.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Paulo woke up hours later, feeling confused. He wasn’t at home in bed. For one thing, he seemed to be on a couch; for another, it smelled different than his house-- not better or worse, just different. He lifted his head, squinting blearily in the darkness, and blinked when he saw Juanito asleep on the floor, but then it began to come back. They’d stayed up late, talking and playing FIFA and Call of Duty. Juan wasn’t much of a drinker, but they’d both indulged a little bit tonight, until Paulo had decided to text Patricia to let her know that he’d be staying the night. 

Paulo had been hard-pressed to remember all the things that he  _ couldn’t _ talk to Juan about, especially after they had had a couple of beers, but he had managed. He was uncomfortable hiding something so important from his friend, though. He could readily understand why Jan had felt compelled to tell Dries. How could you be close to someone, be best friends, and  _ not _ tell them about a new relationship, a new love? 

But Juan was so young. There was no guarantee that he would be able to understand. Paulo’s relationship with Jan and Toby was anything but conventional, and part of him worried that Juan would see him differently if he found out. He hadn’t thought about it before, but Harry’s explanation of how important he was to Juan had made him realise in turn how important Juan was to him. The idea of their friendship changing as a result of Paulo’s unconventional approach to love was deeply upsetting.

He laid his head back down on the couch, watching Juanito sleep. No, he decided, it was better all round if he didn’t tell Juan just yet. He would just need to be more careful to not neglect him, to not let him build up resentment at the inexplicable new demands on Paulo’s free time.

He yawned, letting his eyes drift shut again. He could handle this, if he just put enough effort in.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Paulo woke up in the morning to the smell of breakfast cooking. He yawned and peeled himself off of Juan’s couch, then stumbled into the kitchen, pushing a hand through his rumpled hair.

“Morning,” Juan said brightly, stirring what looked like scrambled eggs in a pan. Paulo just grumbled in reply, grabbing a glass from the cabinet and filling it to the top with tap water. He took a large gulp, then set it down and hurried off to the bathroom.

“Aspirin’s still on the counter,” Juan called after him, laughing.

Paulo emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, feeling better. He’d stayed over at Juan’s often enough that he had started keeping a toothbrush there, and he was glad of it this morning. He popped the aspirin he had grabbed in his mouth and took another gulp of water to wash it down.

“You don’t usually get quite that… ah…” Juan said, eyeing Paulo curiously. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Paulo answered, rubbing his head. “I just needed to unwind. More than I realised, maybe.”

Juan paused his stirring and squinted over at Paulo. “You know you can tell me anything, right? Just… if anything’s bothering you.”

A flush of guilt went through Paulo, but he ignored it, smiling at Juan. “Of course I know that. It’s just been a long season. Ready to get to the break, is all.”

Juan was studying him curiously. “Yeah, sure.” He didn’t sound particularly convinced. “Feel up to some breakfast?”

Paulo’s stomach growled loudly in answer, making them both laugh. He perched on a stool at the kitchen counter bar to watch Juan cook, digging in his pocket for his phone. To his surprise it was shut off. He racked his mushy brain and dimly remembered turning it off at some point the previous evening, the better to focus on Juanito. He switched it back on and was surprised to find several text messages from Jan. Paulo hadn’t expected to hear from him last night, given Jan’s plans for the evening. The first message was actually from shortly after Paulo had left the stadium-- how had he missed it?

_ >>From: Jan V [16:43]: so… we may need to talk, about Mich. he knows something’s going on _  
_ >>From: Jan V [22:19]: I know you’re busy with Juanito tonight, but whenever you get this, I need to talk to you _  
_ >>From: Jan V [07:28]: Paulo? Sir? _  
_ >>From: Jan V [07:30]: I didn’t mean to let Mich find out. Please don’t be mad at me _  
_ >>From: Jan V [07:35]: I’m sorry :( _

“Shit,” he hissed. Of all the times for him to forget to turn his phone back on.

Juanito looked up from the eggs he was now serving onto two plates. “What’s wrong?”

Paulo rubbed his forehead. “Nothing, I just… I have to go. I’m sorry,” he apologised hastily, seeing the look on Juan’s face. “I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“Sit,” Juan said with surprising firmness. “If you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong, that’s fine, but you are not running out of here to go take care of whatever it is on an empty stomach. Now eat.”

Paulo sank back down on the stool, his stomach rumbling again. Juan was right; he needed something in his stomach before he would have the energy to deal with whatever the situation was with Jan and Michel.

After he’d eaten and gathered up his things, Paulo pulled Juan into a tight hug. “Thank you, Juanito,” he said, squeezing him tightly. “I did really need this. Not just breakfast, but all of this. Spending time with you. Always makes me feel better.”

Juan smiled at him almost shyly. “I’m glad I could help. And… well, I don’t want to pry, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here, yeah?”

“I know,  _ hermano,” _ Paulo murmured, ruffling his hair. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Espera - Wait  
> Mierda - Shit  
> Hermano - Brother


	21. Chapter 21

"Well?" Mich stared expectantly at Jan, one eyebrow raised, his heavily tattooed arms folded across his chest.

Jan coughed to cover his shock, his heart racing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered, but he snagged Mich by the arm, hustling him out the door.

“Sure, sure,” Mich said, laughing, wriggling free of Jan’s grip once they were out in the corridor. “So did I just  _ imagine _ Toby saying that he can’t get changed with you watching because it’ll give him a boner?”

Jan blushed. “Keep your voice down,” he muttered. They were speaking in Dutch, of course-- well, technically Jan spoke Flemish, as did Toby, but the differences were few enough to make the distinction a rather minor one. But even so, he didn’t care to have anyone overhearing them. “Walk with me to my car.”

“Okay, fine,” Mich said in a low voice as they made their way out to the carpark. “Just saying, if you want to keep it a secret, maybe don’t talk about it in the changing room, eh?”

Jan elbowed Mich rather hard. “I didn’t expect anyone in there would be able to understand us,” he said pointedly. “What were you doing there, anyway?”

Mich pretended to be affronted. “What, I’m not allowed to commiserate with my teammates after a loss? I may not have been in the squad today, but this is still my club.”

Jan rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure,” he said, mimicking Mich’s tone from a moment ago.  _ “Commiserate _ sure is a fancy word for trying to con the boys into playing Uno with you.”

Mich shrugged. “Hey, never hurts to try, does it?”

“When’s the last time anyone fell for it?”

“Not recently,” Mich admitted. “Have to say, that’s one of the things I think I’ll miss the most.” Mich’s contract was up at the end of the season, and he hadn’t been offered a new one. Jan knew that Mich was fairly resigned to it-- he was thirty-five, after all. It would be understandable for him to retire at this point, or maybe go to a lower-tier club to finish out his career. Jan was a little less resigned to losing one of his friends, someone who’d been a constant presence in his life for a long time.

At the moment, though, Jan would have given almost anything to not have Mich smirking at him. “Anyway, don’t change the subject. You and Toby, huh?”

Jan felt his ears going red. “Maybe. Is that… I mean…”

Mich elbowed him in the side. “I don’t care, really, though I’m a little surprised at the pair of you for stepping out on your wives.”

“We’re not--” Jan started to protest feebly.

“Whatever. Look, just be careful, okay? I’d rather not see you two splashed all over some tabloid rag, and I don’t think you’d enjoy the backlash much either. So do yourselves a favour-- hell, do  _ me _ a favour-- and try to be a little more discreet, yeah?”

They had reached Jan’s car now. Jan opened his mouth and closed it again a few times, searching for something to say. Mich was right, of course; they couldn’t afford to be careless. Bad enough that Mich had basically caught them-- the number of people who knew about Jan’s private life was growing uncomfortably large. But at least Mich was someone Jan knew he could trust with a secret like this.

Mich gave him a long look, one eyebrow arched, as if waiting for Jan to try to deny it any further, or maybe try to explain. But Jan found he couldn't do either. He didn't want to lie to Mich, but at the same time it was absolutely not something he could really discuss with him, not without checking with Toby and maybe Paulo first.  _ At least he doesn't know about Paulo, _ Jan thought. It was small comfort, but it was something.

Finally Jan swallowed and nodded. "Okay, just-- just promise you won't say anything? To anyone? Even Toby. Okay?"

Mich looked surprised. "Of course I won't-- but why not even Toby? I mean, he already knows, obviously, so why--?"

Jan blushed. "It's not that simple, okay? Things are-- we're still figuring it out, is all. Just… just keep your mouth shut, please?" He said this last a little more coldly than he really meant to.

Mich blinked and pressed his lips together, his eyes narrowing. "Sure, fine. Whatever." With that he turned and headed back inside, without so much as another glance back at Jan.

Jan unlocked his car and slipped into the driver's seat, then buried his face in his hands. Everything seemed so fragile, like one wrong move might destroy it, and he had no idea what to do. He hadn't meant to offend Mich, but how could he have explained the oddly tentative nature of his relationship with Toby, the weird uncertainty that still hung between them?

He took a deep breath, then pulled out his phone. He knew Paulo had plans with Juan this evening, but he had a feeling he should tell Paulo about this new development with Mich sooner rather than later. Besides, the idea of confiding in Paulo, getting his advice, his reassurance, was extremely appealing. Jan was a little surprised at just how much he'd come to rely on his Dom, even for things outside the bedroom, but right now he was glad he had someone like Paulo to turn to.

_ <<To: Paulo G [16:43]: so… we may need to talk, about Mich. he knows something's going on _

He stared at his phone for several minutes, hoping that Paulo would reply, but he didn't.  _ Maybe he's driving, or just busy, _ Jan told himself.  _ He'll get back to me soon, he always does. _

He jumped when the passenger side door opened, dropping his phone as Toby slid into the seat.

"Did I scare you?" Toby looked amused. He was freshly showered, dressed in a tight black t-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. His hair was still damp, combed back but not gelled down, surprisingly. Warmth coursed through Jan at the sight of him, making him forget all about Mich, about anything but the fact that this was  _ Toby, _ who was coming home with him. They hadn't exactly verbalised what their plans for the evening included, but Jan knew they both wanted the same thing, to be alone together, to explore things together.

"Only a little," Jan said with a grin, retrieving his phone and stuffing it in a pocket. "You're just so scary."

"Ah, shut up, Jan," Toby said with a laugh, with a punch to Jan's arm. It was too soft to properly be called a punch, though, more of a gentle tap with a fist. Toby's hand opened as soon as it made contact, though, and settled briefly on Jan's arm. Jan's skin prickled with goosebumps when Toby began to slide his hand down Jan's arm, as if he were going to take Jan's hand, but then Toby seemed to hesitate, pulling his hand away.

Jan cleared his throat, trying to ignore the semi that just that little bit of contact had already caused. "So, um, are you hungry? How's Thai sound?"

Toby gave him a wry look. "Sure, why not." He chuckled.

Jan wasn't sure why the suggestion of Thai food was funny, but he didn't ask, feeling oddly nervous. He had never felt shy like this before, not with Toby, but then again, tonight was different, almost like a first date.  _ Hell of a time for a first date, _ Jan thought with amusement,  _ considering we've both made each other come more than once. _ But the sexual part of their relationship was one thing; this squirmy shyness felt like… like something else.

They stopped for takeaway from their usual favourite Thai place and got their usual favourites, pineapple fried rice for Jan and that same seafood curry for Toby, as they had done countless times before. Toby still seemed unaccountably amused by the whole thing, though. It wasn't until they got to Jan's place and had started eating, and Toby stole a chunk of pineapple right off of Jan's plate, that he made the connection.

Jan was in the middle of swatting at Toby's hand when he burst out laughing, making Toby drop his fork.

"Sorry," Jan choked out around his giggles. "I just remembered. This is what we got to eat that first time, isn't it?"

Toby grinned. "I was wondering how long it would take you to put that together. You're a lot calmer than you were that night, though. You hardly even noticed me stealing your pineapple that night."

Jan laughed. "Yeah, true. You're not going to get away with it so easily this time," he warned, poking Toby with one of his chopsticks.

"Aww," Toby said, pouting cutely. He lowered his chin and looked up at Jan through his eyelashes. "Please can I have some, Jan?" he wheedled.

_ Fuck, those eyes are dangerous, _ Jan thought. How Paulo managed to dominate Toby, when he could probably get away with anything at all just because of those eyes, was a mystery.

"Fine. Open." Jan picked up a chunk of pineapple with his chopsticks and held it out. Toby looked a little startled, but he leaned forward and let Jan feed him the bit of fruit, his eyes locked with Jan's as he ate it.

"Fuck," Jan muttered, feeling his dick twitch in his pants. "It's just not fair."

Toby swallowed the bite of pineapple. "What's not fair?" 

"For you to be so hot," Jan told him, his voice matter-of-fact.

Toby coughed, blushing. "Um, thanks. You're not so bad yourself," he managed, giving Jan an approximation of his usual cocky smirk.

Jan grinned at him. "C'mon, eat up," he said, his voice low and soft. "I feel like there's more interesting things we could be doing than sitting here and bickering over pineapple."

"Who's bickering?" Toby said sweetly, but he did turn his attention back to his curry. They finished dinner in a fairly short time, despite Jan feeding Toby a couple more pieces of pineapple, loving the way Toby looked at him each time. By the time they had finished, Jan was having to fight with himself to keep his semi from getting any worse. He didn't want to rush things.

They washed their hands together at the kitchen sink, hip to hip, scrubbing each other's hands. When they were rinsing, Jan turned his head to look at Toby again, already feeling addicted to the way Toby looked at him. He didn't have a chance to get lost in Toby's eyes this time, though, because they were closed, his parted lips tantalisingly close. Jan only had to lean in a little bit to bring their lips together.

It was a long, sweet kiss, the kind exchanged between new couples, not friends with benefits, or fuckbuddies, or whatever Jan had been afraid he and Toby were. It was the kind of kiss that went along with the "first date" feeling Jan had been having about this whole evening.

Jan fumbled to turn the water off without having to break the kiss, but when Toby's arms slid around his neck and water started dripping from his wet hands down the back of Jan's shirt, he reluctantly pulled away, only enough to grab a towel. "Here," he said, panting slightly. "Stop getting me all wet."

Toby started to say something, raised an eyebrow, and then dissolved into giggles.

"What-- oh," Jan said, flushing as he realised the accidental double entendre in his words. "Okay, fine, maybe later you can get me wet  _ that _ way. Just stop dripping on me-- hey!" Jan yelped when Toby doubled over in laughter, dropping his still-dripping hands to Jan's waist and pinching the ticklish spot on the inside of his hip.

"Just dry your hands, asshole," Jan said, swatting him with the towel.

Toby obligingly snatched the towel out of Jan's hands, swatted him back, and dried his hands. Then he held out his towel-covered hands and said, "Here."

Jan laid his hands in Toby's and let him gently dry them, wondering vaguely how they had managed to turn washing and drying their hands into something so flirtatious. He looked up to meet Toby's eyes again, and they were still so beautiful that it filled Jan with an overwhelming need to kiss him again, so he did.

Toby squeezed his hands through the towel, then pulled it away and tossed it onto the counter, not shifting focus from kissing Jan at all. Jan slid his hands around Toby's waist, grabbing fistfuls of his t-shirt and walking him backward out of the kitchen and into the living room. Toby went along with him willingly enough, but when he stumbled at the single step down from the dining room to the living room he broke off, laughing as Jan caught him.

"Sorry," he huffed out. "Maybe I should watch where I'm going."

"I got you," Jan murmured, pulling him over to the couch.

They kissed a bit more on the couch, but Jan broke off abruptly, pulling his phone out to check the time, noticing with a twinge that there was still no reply from Paulo. "Sorry," he apologised, seeing the look on Toby's face. "Just… I don't know what time Sophie and the kids will be home."

"That's okay," Toby said, wrapping an arm around Jan's shoulders. "We can just cuddle for a little bit, yeah?"

Jan smiled at him. "Yeah. Hang on." He fiddled with his phone, connecting it to the speakers, putting on some soft music, feeling more than ever like they were on a date. "Would you like a glass of wine, or anything?" Jan asked, somewhat awkwardly.

"Sure," Toby said, with that faintly amused note in his voice again. Jan blushed, but hurried off to the kitchen and poured them both glasses of deep red wine. Toby didn’t usually go for wine, but Jan didn’t have any beer in the house at the moment, so this would have to do.

“Here,” he said when he came back, handing Toby his glass. He took a sip and set his down on the table, looking hesitantly over at Toby. He wanted to resume the cuddling, but was feeling oddly shy again.

Toby carefully set his glass down too, holding out an arm. “Come here,” he murmured, and Jan eagerly scooted over, nestling into his side. Toby pressed a kiss to Jan’s hair, sighing contentedly. “You don’t need to be so bashful, you know.”

Jan knew his face was glowing with embarrassment. “I just… this is different, is all, you know? I mean…”

Toby squeezed him gently. “I know. It’s a little weird, I guess. Going from friends and teammates to…” He trailed off, his voice uncertain. “What… um… what would you call us now?”

“I don’t know,” Jan confessed. “That’s part of what’s getting me so nervous, to be honest.” He swallowed hard. “I mean… what do you want to be?”

Toby was quiet for a moment. “I… well…” He shifted uncomfortably. On impulse Jan reached up and caught hold of Toby’s hand on his shoulder and linked their fingers together. Toby squeezed his hand and took a breath. “I guess… I guess I’d like to just… see where it goes,” he said hesitantly. “You know? I mean, we’ve already done stuff, and I’m fine doing whatever else you want, in bed. But maybe we can just take the other part of it slow, for now?” He stopped. “Okay, I’m not even making sense to myself right now.”

“No,” Jan said quickly. “It makes perfect sense to me. I mean, both of us have our relationship with Paulo, and that’s meant that we’re already pretty uh… sexual… with each other,” he said, not entirely sure of how he could possibly still be shy talking about this with Toby, considering what they had done together. “But the rest…”

“Yeah,” Toby agreed. “The rest is… well…”

“We’ll take it slow,” Jan finished, his heart beating faster when Toby smiled.

“Yeah. Slow.” Toby leaned in again for another kiss, and Jan relaxed. Knowing that Toby felt the same way, even if it was just that same uncertainty that Jan felt, made him feel immensely better. They were both on the same page physically, and they both understood that there wasn’t any rush for their feelings to jump to anything in particular. For now, they could just enjoy what they had, and see what came next.

They were still kissing when the front door opened, and Jan jumped. How many times was he going to be taken by surprise by Sophie and the kids while he was in a somewhat compromising position? He tried to scoot quickly away from Toby, but they were all tangled together, and Jan still had Toby’s arm around him when the kids burst into the room.

“Papa!” Leyla shrieked, hurling herself at him. “Stop hugging Uncle Toby, it’s my turn!”

“Oh, of course! I’d much rather hug you than Uncle Toby anyway,” Jan teased, scooping her up. 

Toby stuck out his tongue at Jan. “Don't I get any hugs?” He said, pretending to cry. “Uncle Toby needs hugs too.”

Leyla kissed Jan and then wriggled out of his arms. “Don’t worry, there’s plenty of hugs,” she informed Toby, her little face serious as she held out her arms to him. Toby stood up as he lifted her, tossing her up over his head with a laugh.

Jan, meanwhile, intercepted his son, who as usual was toddling along behind his sister, scooping him up for a hug and kiss as well.

“Hi, Toby,” Sophie said from the doorway. “How are you?”

“Fine,” Toby answered, his ears slightly pink. Jan realised it was Toby’s first time interacting with Sophie since he and Jan had started fooling around. He set Leyla down as Sophie came over to kiss his cheeks. “Thanks, for, um…”

Sophie laughed. “No problem. You two, give Papa and Uncle Toby one more hug, and then it’s bedtime, okay?”

“Aw.” Leyla pouted. “Can’t we stay up?”

“No, darling,” Jan said, shifting his son to one arm, wrapping her up in the other. “You need to get to bed.” He kissed them both and set them down again, laughing as they both immediately mobbed Toby.

“All right, that’s enough,” Sophie said. “Bath time, come on.” She ushered the two grumbling children out of the room, but glanced back at Jan and Toby before following them. “And you two, maybe not in the living room, eh?”

Her laughter at their mortified faces drifted back to them as she disappeared down the hall.

“She’s right,” Jan said sheepishly. “Want to… um… should we…?”

Toby grinned at him. “After you.”

Jan grabbed Toby’s hand and pulled him through the house to the bedroom. He flashed briefly back to last night when he opened the door, though, and shivered.

“What’s up?” Toby asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Um… well, I was just thinking about Paulo.”

“Okay, understandable, I spend a lot of time thinking about him too, but not usually when I’m about to mess around with someone else,” Toby said, pretending to be hurt.

Jan poked him in the ribs, enjoying the way he squirmed. “That’s not what I meant. Paulo and his girlfriend came over for dinner last night…” Jan quickly summarised the previous evening, blushing at the look of astonishment on Toby’s face.

"Jan," he said, sounding somewhat awed. "That's… damn, that's about the hottest thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Jan said with a chuckle. "When I told Dries, I think his exact words were 'Fuck, Jantje, what is your life?'"

"Wait, you told Dries?" 

Jan blushed, realising that he hadn't talked to Toby about Dries yet. "Yeah, he um… well, it's a long story, but Dries knows about me and Paulo." He made a face, remembering. "I didn't check with Paulo before I told him, though, and we kind of got in a fight about it."

Toby's mouth dropped open. "But-- Paulo said that you two fought about _ me." _

"Well… kind of," Jan admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "First Paulo got angry with me for telling Dries, then at some point I lost my temper and yelled at him for, well, for not checking with me before he… well, before you got involved. I wasn't mad at  _ you," _ he added quickly, seeing Toby's brow creased with worry. "We both kind of overreacted, and anyway, it's all fixed now."

"Good."

"Yeah. Fighting with him is pretty much the worst. Anyway, Paulo… well, he sort of gave me an assignment, as a punishment for something else." Jan's cheeks burned as he laid out for Toby what he had been ordered to do with Dries.

"Damn," Toby said with a laugh. "I feel like I've missed all the fun."

"Not all of it," Jan demurred, slipping his arms around Toby's waist again. "We can have our own fun."

Toby grinned at him, and then they were kissing again, a little more seriously this time. Jan, feeling suddenly bold, ran his tongue along the curve of Toby’s lips, demanding entry, and he sighed when Toby readily opened them. One of Toby’s hands curled around the back of Jan’s head, pulling him in close, while the other one rested on Jan’s bicep, his fingers idly tracing patterns along the lines of the muscle.

Jan sucked on Toby’s tongue for a moment, relishing the fact that he still tasted of pineapple. He slipped one hand underneath Toby’s shirt, stroking the warm skin of his back, sliding the hem upward.

"Jan," Toby sighed, kissing his neck. His fingers trailed down Jan's arm and slid his stomach, grabbing a handful of Jan's shirt and tugging it out from where it had been tucked into his jeans. Then Toby's hand was caressing Jan's abs, stoking the ember that had been burning between Jan's hips for some time now, making little curls of heat lick upward. Jan shivered and pushed Toby's shirt up higher, letting his fingers drift over the hard lines of his back. He bit his lip, digging his fingertips in longingly as Toby dragged his lips down over Jan's collarbone, sucking a tiny mark to life just below it. 

Jan had both his hands on the hem of Toby's shirt now, tugging it up and over his head, forcing Toby's mouth away from his chest for just a moment. As soon as his head was free, though, Toby immediately pulled Jan's shirt up higher again and dropped his mouth down to cover one of his nipples, making Jan suck in a quick breath. He brushed his fingers through Toby's hair, marvelling at how soft it was without the usual coating of gel.

"Ah," Jan gasped as Toby scraped his teeth against Jan's nipple. "Tobes…"

Toby shoved Jan's shirt up, not lifting his head from where he was sucking Jan's nipple into a hard little peak. Jan laughed, wriggling out of his shirt and tossing it aside. Then he got his hands back in Toby's hair, tugging until he finally released the nipple, pulling his head up and capturing his mouth again in another hungry kiss. He took a step toward the bed, manoeuvering Toby so that his back was to it, walking him back towards it. They sank down on it together, but Jan turned Toby onto his back and stretched out above him, never taking his lips off of Toby's. He curled an arm around Toby's waist, pulling him even closer, and ground his hips down against Toby's.

Toby groaned, his head falling back on the bed. "Jan… wait a sec…"

Jan lifted his head enough to look Toby in the eyes. "What's up? Something wrong?"

Toby's blue eyes were dark with lust, but he shook his head, as if trying to clear the fog from it. "I just had a thought… is this, um. Is Paulo okay with this? With us…having sex without him? I mean…" He was blushing now, and his cock was throbbing against Jan's. "I just don't want to…"

Jan smiled. "You really like being good for Paulo, huh?" His voice was teasing, but it was light. "Not that I can criticise. But don't worry, this was actually his idea." He laughed when Toby's mouth dropped open in surprise. "Our gorgeous goalie seems to like the idea of us having fun on our own."

Toby looked relieved. "Okay, good. I didn't expect to get into all this, or enjoy it quite so much, you know, but it's… well… kind of addicting, honestly." He was blushing so much that Jan had to laugh.

"I get it, believe me," he assured Toby. "Oh, he did lay down some rules. Well, one rule, actually." He grinned at the flare of curiosity on Toby's face.

"Oh yeah?" Toby asked, so eagerly that it made Jan giggle.

"Yeah. I think his exact words were that my ass is his, and yours, too."

Toby blushed. "Oh, um. I guess that kind of makes sense. I haven't, um…"

Jan blinked. "Wait, Paulo hasn't done that with you yet?"

Toby shook his head, his face crimson. "N-no. I mean, he's used his fingers on me, but not, um, actually fucked me yet."

"Man, you're in for it when he does. You think you're addicted  _ now? _ Just wait." Jan smiled dreamily, remembering the previous evening.

"Is it really that good?" Toby asked, watching Jan's face. "It always seemed kind of… I don't know." He made a face. "Don't know quite how to explain it. Scary? I guess?"

Jan had to kiss him again, unable to resist how sweet and bashful Toby was like this. "I can understand that, I was nervous before my first time, too. But with Paulo…" he shook his head. "Trust me, he'll make it so amazing that you'll forget to be nervous."

Toby bit his lip, but couldn't contain the beautiful smile that broke out across his face. "I'm glad we've got him," he confessed.

"Me too. Anyway, he said it's fine for us to use our hands and mouths. So…" Jan flashed Toby his best seductive smile and slid a hand down to squeeze the bulge in his jeans. "How about it?"

Toby grinned at him, winding his arms around Jan's waist. Jan barely had time to register the glint in Toby's eye before he was on his back, with Toby pinning him down and laughing.

"Ooh, you want to play that game?" Jan demanded. He got his hands on Toby's ribs, and then they were both tickling each other, wrestling and giggling and gasping for air. Toby finally managed to get hold of both of Jan's hands in his, and stretched Jan's arms up over his head.

"I win," he teased, panting.

"Only because I like having you on top of me," Jan bluffed. "If you weren't so hot it'd be a different story."

Toby smirked at him, rubbing a thumb back and forth across Jan's wrist. "Sure, Jantje. If you say so. Now then…" He considered. "I want to get these stupid jeans off you, but if I let go of you, you're going to try something, aren't you?"

Jan smirked back. "Maybe. You'll just have to risk it and see, won't you?"

Toby rolled his eyes. "Are you this much of a brat for Paulo?"

Jan laughed. "Only a little. I like my skin in one piece."

"Well, I can't threaten to spank you if you're bad, unless I want Paulo after my hide too," Toby said, pouting. "But if you're good…"

"Hmm," Jan purred. "If I'm good, what do I get?"

Toby licked his lips. "Well, I've been wanting to suck your dick for quite a while now…"

Jan shivered. "Oh, have you? Well, why didn't you say so? I'll be good," he promised.

“If I’d known all I had to do to get my own way with you was offer a blowjob, I’d have done it years ago,” Toby said with a snicker. He released Jan’s wrists, though, and scooted back, sitting up and straddling Jan’s thighs so that he could undo Jan’s belt.

Jan looked up at him, sucking on his lower lip. He hadn’t lied; Toby was so unbelievably hot like this, looking at Jan like he was the best thing he’d ever seen, his hair all soft and mussed, his huge eyes dark and intent on getting in Jan’s pants, in both the literal and figurative sense. Everything about him, his eyes, his smile, his tattoos, Jan couldn’t get enough of staring at him. Not right now. Possibly not ever.

Toby smiled triumphantly when he finally managed to get Jan’s jeans open and get a hand around his cock. Jan gave a tiny moan at the contact, enjoying how big and warm and oddly soft Toby’s hand was around him, squeezing gently. With his other hand Toby shoved Jan’s jeans down around his thighs, shifting off of Jan’s legs to settle next to him and stretching his own legs out towards Jan’s head. He propped himself up on one elbow, but then he hesitated.

Jan lifted his head and looked down at Toby. “Everything okay?”

Toby swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, just… just a little nervous again. I haven’t… um…”

Jan lifted himself up on his elbows. “Really? What has Paulo been doing with you, anyway?”

Toby blushed. “I mean, we’ve only been together for a few days…”

“I guess that’s true. I forgot. Just… go slow, and don’t try for anything too crazy yet, yeah?”

He could still see the hesitation in Toby’s eyes. “But… what if you don’t like it?” he mumbled.

“Tobes, as long as you don’t bite me, I promise you I’ll like it. Okay?” Jan grinned at the indignant look on his friend’s face.

“Of course I’m not going to bite you, asshole. Now shut up so I can concentrate.” Toby glared at him, then lowered his head and took Jan in his mouth so suddenly that Jan let out a gasp.

“Toby,” he sighed, running his fingers through Toby’s soft, messy blond hair. “Yeah, that’s it…”

Jan kept his fingers tangled in Toby’s hair as he worked his lips and tongue over as much of Jan’s dick as he could handle. He didn’t pull, or try to move Toby’s head in any direction. He just liked touching his hair like this, when it wasn’t firmly shellacked in place. It felt at least as intimate as having Toby’s mouth on his dick.

Toby seemed to be getting more comfortable now, settling into a steady rhythm, moving his head up and down. He was being fairly careful not to try to go down too far on Jan, but he had his hand wrapped around what he couldn’t get in his mouth, sliding his fist up and down at the same pace, and it was just as good, as far as Jan was concerned.

He had an idea then. "Hang on a sec, Tobes," he gasped. Toby let go and blinked up at him, his eyes a little wild and his chin shiny with spit.

"Something wrong?"

"Not in the least. Just wanted to do something." Jan shifted to lie on his side, got Toby's jeans open, and pulled his dick out. "Just thought I'd like something to suck on too, is all."

Toby sucked in a shaky breath, but he rolled onto his side as well, kicking his jeans off. "Okay, I don't think that's going to help me concentrate, though."

"I don't care. You don't need to worry about doing this exactly right, y'know. It's just me. Just relax and enjoy, yeah?"

"'Just me' he says, like I haven't been going crazy wanting this for three years," Toby grumbled, but he sucked Jan's cock back into his mouth. Jan laughed and did the same, relishing the taste of Toby, the way he felt in Jan's mouth. He hadn't had Toby's dick in his mouth since that night three years ago, but it had been so long that it still felt new, like it was the first time. He hadn't forgotten what it had been like, that night, but he was glad that they had this chance, now, to share this again.

And fuck, but Toby was delicious. Jan was considerably more experienced now than he had been then, but the only cock he had sucked lately had been Paulo’s. Toby was a completely different experience-- not better or worse, just different. Jan took a great deal of satisfaction in putting his new skill to good use, sucking Toby deep in his mouth and down his throat, winning the brief battle against his gag reflex. He felt Toby moaning around his own cock, the vibrations making Jan shiver and moan in turn.

It was new, trying to suck Toby off while his own dick was in Toby’s mouth, and it was distracting-- far more of a challenge than Jan had expected. But it was also exciting. The combination of the powerful feeling he got from sucking cock and the vulnerability of having his dick in someone else’s mouth was intoxicating. He hummed happily, working his tongue over Toby’s shaft as he slid it in and out of his mouth, feeling Toby squirm against him, trying to stay in control. Jan didn’t want him to stay in control, though. 

He wound one arm around Toby’s hips, pulling him even closer, holding him tight against Jan’s face. He loved that he was able to take all of Toby’s considerable length, that he could press his face against the rough blond hair that surrounded the base and inhale the scent that was uniquely Toby. At the same time, Toby was throwing everything he had into giving his first ever blowjob, making up in raw enthusiasm for what he lacked in skill. It was hot and wet and messy and now Jan was having to fight to keep from thrusting too hard into Toby’s mouth, not wanting to make him gag.

Toby was groaning now, unable to keep his hips still. Jan could feel his balls tightening against his face, and knew he had to be close. He tightened his grip, hanging on as Toby’s hips bucked more and more wildly. 

Toby suddenly let go of his cock, his head falling back onto the bed. “Fuck, Jan, fuck, I’m gonna… gonna come...” 

Jan growled deep in his throat and pulled back just a little, curving his tongue around the sensitive head of Toby’s dick, and that was it. Toby reached down and grabbed at Jan’s hair, letting out a low moan as he came in long, intense spurts that Jan swallowed greedily. Jan was slightly surprised to find that Toby’s cum tasted distinctly different from Paulo’s-- sweeter, somehow. 

Finally Toby was spent, and Jan released him carefully. “Fuck,” Toby breathed. “That was amazing, Jan, god.” Then he lunged back in to attack Jan again, using his hand in sync with his mouth again.

It was Jan’s turn to groan now, reaching down to pet Toby’s hair. “Damn, Tobes, you’re into this, huh? You like sucking my dick? Fuck, that’s good, don’t stop…” Toby’s voice rumbled deep in his chest in response.

Soon Jan was gasping, his hands wound tight into Toby’s hair, pulling gently as Toby bobbed his head faster and faster. “Ah, fuck, I’m getting close, Toby,” he warned. “It’s okay if you don’t… don’t want… fuck… don’t have to swallow…” 

It was Toby’s turn to growl at that, tilting his head to glare up at Jan. His eyes were very clearly expressing what he would have said if his mouth hadn’t been full.  _ Shut up, Jan. _

Jan closed his eyes and sighed as he came. “Toby,” he whispered, over and over again. “Toby.”

Toby sat up and wiped his mouth, his eyes triumphant. “That was unbelievable,” he said, reaching for Jan. “C’mere.”

“It was,” Jan agreed dreamily, a lazy smile on his face. “Not bad at all for your first time.”

Toby rolled his eyes, pulling Jan into his arms. “Fuck you, I was awesome and you know it.”

  
  


***

  
  
  


Much later, Jan was drifting somewhere near sleep when he remembered his conversation with Mich earlier. His stomach began to hurt as a knot of anxiety slowly formed. It occurred to him that he hadn’t checked his phone in a while for a text from Paulo about Mich. He roused himself, feeling sure that Paulo would have replied by now.  _ He’ll know what to do. _

When he checked his phone, though, he frowned disconsolately. No new messages. That was a little unusual, but then again, Paulo had said that he had plans with Juan tonight. Probably he was still busy, but Jan was feeling anxious enough to feel justified texting Paulo again, just in case he somehow hadn't gotten the first one.

_ <<To: Paulo G [22:19]: I know you’re busy with Juanito tonight, but whenever you get this, I need to talk to you _

He stared at the screen for a moment, hoping in vain that Paulo would reply.

Next to him, Sophie stirred and mumbled something to him sleepily. He reached across her just enough to deposit his phone back on the nightstand, then sank back down beside her with a sigh. She snuggled close to him, kissing his chest without opening her eyes.

Jan put his head down on the pillow and tried to relax. He was fretting over nothing, he told himself. Paulo would get back to him and they would figure out what to do. In the meantime, he should really get some sleep. 

And yet--

Mich's eyes when he'd accused Jan of cheating on Sophie wouldn't leave his mind. The way he had walked off.  _ Sure. Fine. Whatever… _

A strong arm tightened momentarily around his waist, and Toby nuzzled at the back of his neck. "Jan, whatever you're worrying about, knock it off, eh?" he murmured quietly, his voice thick with sleep. "Just relax. Everything's fine." His big hand found Jan's and squeezed gently, his fingers stroking Jan's wrist soothingly. 

Jan relaxed marginally, the low rumble of Toby's voice in his ear slowly lulling him back to sleep as the sweet scent of Sophie's hair filled his nostrils.

"Everything's fine," Toby whispered to him again. "Go to sleep…"

And somehow, Jan managed to obey.


	22. Chapter 22

Paulo hit  _ dial _ as soon as his phone connected to the Bluetooth system in his car.

_ "Hello?" _

Relief flooded Paulo just at hearing Jan's voice. "Jan, it's me," he said.

There was a moment of silence, then Jan spoke, his voice shaky.  _ "Sir, I-- I'm so sorry, I didn't know what to do, I--" _

"Hush," Paulo commanded him. "Jan, love, I'm not angry with you. I know you didn't intend to let Mich find out. Are you okay?"

_ "Sort of," _ Jan answered.  _ "I… I need you. I'm sorry." _

"Jan," Paulo said, his voice stern. "You are never, ever to apologise for needing me, do you hear me? I want to be here for you, whenever you need me. That's part of what I meant when I told you I love you, isn't it?"

_ "I… I'm just not used to anyone loving me that much except for Sophie, I guess. I love you so much." _

Paulo felt a surge of warmth inside him, accompanied by the urge to wrap Jan up in a blanket so that he could take care of him forever. "Can I come over?"

Jan seemed to hesitate.  _ "Yes, but the kids will be all over us here. Is that okay?" _

"Of course," Paulo replied. "Why wouldn't it be? As long as we can still manage to talk."

Even over the phone he could hear the relief in Jan's voice.  _ "I don't know. We haven't exactly talked about how you feel about kids. I just…"  _ he trailed off uncertainly.

Paulo swallowed around the lump in his throat. "Jan,  _ schatje, _ I didn't know you were worried about this. We can talk more about it when I get there, but I don't want you to worry. Your children are fine, I promise you."

_ "Thank you, Paulo," _ Jan said, sincerity and relief evident in his voice.

They ended the call and Paulo tried to keep his attention solely on driving, but he couldn't stop turning the issues before him over and over in his mind. What, exactly, did Mich know? Had he found out that Jan and Paulo were involved? He wasn't sure how to feel about that-- it would be the first time someone completely outside of their circle had found out anything about them. How would Mich react? Would he behave differently around Paulo in training? The goalkeepers were, as a group, far closer than the rest of the squad, since they spent so much of their time training separately from the others. If Mich and Paulo started acting strangely around each other, Hugo was sure to notice before long, and Paulo didn't like to think about what that might mean.

When he got to Jan's house, Sophie let him in with a warm smile and a kiss on his cheek. "I'm glad you're here. He won't tell me what's wrong," she said in a low voice.

"We'll get it sorted out," Paulo assured her, hoping that he was right.

Jan was waiting for him in the back garden, kicking a football idly against a rebounder, watching as his children ran around in the grass, chasing bubbles from a small machine that was sat on a low table. Jan glanced over when Paulo closed the door behind him, and the relief was plain on his face.

"Hi," he murmured, catching the football on the next rebound and tucking it under his arm. The children ignored Paulo, engrossed in their bubble-popping game. Jan came over to him and kissed him on the cheek after a quick glance around. Paulo caught his hand and gave it a quick squeeze.

"Do you want to sit down, or…?" Jan gestured to a couple of lawn chairs on the deck, but Paulo shook his head.

"No, we can stay here. Drop the ball, eh?"

Jan flashed him a sweet smile and tossed the ball at the rebounder, and he and Paulo began bouncing it back and forth to each other, occasionally sending it at the rebounder to keep it interesting.

"So tell me," Paulo prompted him after the first couple of touches. "What happened with Mich?"

Jan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't know he was in the dressing room after the game. He heard Toby and me talking in Dutch about what we had planned for the evening, and he asked me about it. I panicked a bit, and I was maybe a little ruder than I should have been. Now I'm worried. I don't  _ think _ he'll tell anyone, but…"

"Did he overhear anything about me?"

Jan shook his head. "No. As far as I'm aware he thinks it's just between me and Toby." He bounced the ball back at the rebounder, and Paulo caught it neatly on the chest before letting it drop onto his foot.

"Well, that's not as bad as I was afraid it was. You and Toby, you're both good friends with him, yes? You trust him?"

Jan nodded. "In almost any ordinary circumstance, yes, absolutely. This is… well, it's not ordinary. He… he thinks we're cheating on our wives." Paulo glanced up at Jan's face and saw the anguish on it. He caught the ball neatly and dropped it onto the grass, far less interested in it than in comforting Jan. He stepped closer, meaning to put an arm around Jan's shoulders, but that was the moment that Jan's daughter chose to come flying across the garden.

"Papa, the bubbles stopped! Can you put more in the blower, please?" She stared up at Paulo in surprise.

Jan bent and scooped her up, balancing her on his hip so that she was nearly at eye level with Paulo. "Of course, darling. You remember my friend Paulo?"

She nodded solemnly. "Hi."

"Hello, Leyla," Paulo said with a smile. "I like your bubble machine."

Her little eyes lit up. "Do you like bubbles? I  _ love _ bubbles. Want to see how the machine blows them?"

"I would love to," Paulo said, and Jan flashed him a warm, grateful smile.

"Only for a minute," Jan said. "Papa and Paulo need to talk. Grown-up things," he added, making a face down at his daughter. She made one back, then giggled and ran back to the bubble machine.

Once the bubble machine was duly refilled and Paulo had oohed and aahed at it appropriately, Jan and Paulo moved away again, leaving the kids to play. Jan nudged the ball with his foot, scooping it into the air and tapping it over to Paulo. Paulo caught it again with a frown. "Jan," he said sternly. "Come here."

Jan stepped closer to him, glancing over at the kids self-consciously. Paulo dropped the ball to the grass and put an arm around his shoulders.

"It's okay if you don't want the kids to know," he said softly. "But we can at least hug, yes? Friends hug."

Jan took a deep breath. "It's not… it's not that I don't want them to know. They're just too young to understand about it needing to be secret. When they're older, yes, of course I want them to know."

Something shivered through Paulo's body. "Really? You do?"

Jan smiled at him shyly. "Of course. I love you, and we're… you're my…" He floundered for a moment and fell silent. Paulo shot him a puzzled look.

"I am… what?"

Jan blushed and averted his eyes. "I don't know what… what the right word is for us," he murmured. "Are you my… my boyfriend?" He squirmed on the spot. "I mean, I don't… whatever word you want is fine, I just…"

Paulo laid a finger against his lips.  _ "Mi querido precioso," _ he whispered. "Of course, if you want to call me your boyfriend, of course I am, and you are mine. I didn't know it was something you were concerned about. The label never seem important to me."

Jan fidgeted. "I'm sorry, of course a label doesn't really matter," he started, but Paulo silenced him with a look.

"Just because the label didn't matter to  _ me, _ does not make it any less important that it matters to  _ you, schatje," _ Paulo whispered. "If it matters to you then it is important. Yes?"

Jan nodded, looking relieved.

"Just like your concerns about me not liking your children. I didn't know that had been bothering you either." Paulo squeezed Jan's hand, wishing he could kiss Jan right that instant. "You have to tell me these things. Okay?"

Jan looked up at him shyly. "I'll try," he murmured. "I may not always get it quite right, but… I'll try."

"That's all I ask,  _ cariño." _ They watched the kids play in silence before Paulo remembered their other concern. "Tell me exactly what Mich said about you and Toby, he think you are cheating on your wives?"

Jan bit his lip. "He said… he said that he was surprised at us for stepping out on them," Jan said quietly. "I tried to tell him that we aren't, but he wouldn't listen. He said he doesn't want to see us end up in the tabloids, and that we should be more discreet. I asked him to keep his mouth shut, and I think I hurt his feelings. He said 'whatever' and walked away from me. I don't… know what to do," he finished, his voice breaking slightly.

Paulo took a step closer to him, wanting to pull Jan into his arms, but stopped himself with another glance around. Physical affection beyond a certain level would have to wait.

"I'm sorry, Jan," he said softly instead. "I know how much it hurt when a friend is angry with you. Juanito was mad at me as well, last night. It took some doing to get him to talk to me."

"Juanito? Angry?" Jan raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think he knew how."

Paulo laughed. "Not normally," he admitted. "Only when someone he rely on neglects him." He winced, remembering.

"Neglects him? Have you been-- oh." Jan was quiet for a moment. "You've been neglecting him lately... because of me."

Something in Jan's voice twisted like a knife inside of Paulo. "Jan, that's not--" He stopped, and sighed. "Yes," he said, running a hand through his hair. He didn't know what else to say.

Jan stared at the ground for a minute, kicking at the ball idly. "Everything feels so crazy now," he said softly.

Paulo could only nod in reply.

"We're still only in our second week together," Jan muttered. "How did things get out of control so fast?"

Paulo sighed. "I think in some ways we have been acting like this is a normal relationship," he said reluctantly. "Maybe we need to realise that it's not."

Jan looked up at him, his eyes suddenly vulnerable. "What… what do you mean?"

"There's too much…" Paulo searched for the right words. "Too many people… not involved, exactly, but... affected by what we do for us to carry on as if it's just the two of us. Yes, we talked about our partners and children already, but we didn't stop to think about our friends, our other commitments. It's just different than if we were… less entangled. No?"

"Yeah," Jan said after considering that for a moment. "And trying to keep it secret only makes that harder, I think."

Paulo nodded. They were quiet for a few minutes, watching the children play.

"Do you… do you want to keep going? We don't have to, if-- if it's too hard," Paulo forced himself to say. It was the last thing in the world he wanted to suggest, but he had to give Jan the option.

Jan looked over at him, startled. "Of course I do," he said with surprising vehemence. "Paulo, I  _ love _ you. You think I want to give up just because it's not easy?"

"Keep your voice down," Paulo warned, but a wave of relief swept over him. "I just… I had to ask, is all."

"Paulo, look at me," Jan said firmly. Paulo met his eyes and blinked, taken aback by what he saw there. There was a stubborn set to Jan's jaw, a sudden fire blazing in his eyes. "I want to be with you. No matter how hard it gets or how complicated it is. If you want to end it, then you'll have to be the one to do it, because I don't plan on letting you go.  _ Ever." _

Paulo shivered. He wasn't used to Jan taking that tone with him, being that spirited with him, to the point where he sometimes forgot what a strong personality Jan actually had. Not for nothing had he become one of the top defenders in the Premier League-- it took more than physical skill alone to reach that level. It was part of what had drawn Paulo to him in the first place, part of what made him so attractive. 

Paulo straightened slightly. "Watch yourself," he growled. "You are  _ mine. _ I don't intend to let you go any time soon, you understand me?"

Jan dropped his eyes with a soft smile. "Yes, sir," he murmured. Paulo had a suspicion that Jan had goaded him deliberately, to provoke exactly this response, but in this instance he found he didn't really mind. He had needed that little push to override the anxiety that had been building up inside him.

"Now then," Paulo went on. "We can figure out all of this together. We just need to think things through more than we have been, yes? Maybe we should sit down with Sophie and Patricia to talk about this, about how to keep things from getting out of hand, how to handle issues that come up. Work out… a schedule, maybe."

Jan sighed and nodded. "I know it's necessary, but the idea of having scheduled times for us to be together takes a little of the excitement out of it, I guess."

"Don't worry," Paulo whispered. "We'll find plenty of ways to keep it exciting." He glanced around again, and surreptitiously pinched Jan's ass, hard enough to make him jump.

Jan blushed and laughed. "Yes, sir," he repeated, his voice soft. "What should we do about Mich, though?"

Paulo hummed thoughtfully. "Well, if he knows, he knows. We can't change that, we just have to manage it carefully. You trust him, yes?"

Jan nodded.

"Then we just need to get him to understand that you and Toby aren't being unfaithful. You said he wouldn't listen when you tried to tell him this?"

"He said 'whatever.' Like it didn't matter one way or the other." Jan frowned.

"But it does. Your friend's opinion of you is important." Paulo considered. "How well does he know Sophie?"

"Not super well, but they're on speaking terms, anyway."

"Would he listen to her?"

Jan opened his mouth, then laughed. "I like the way you think."

Paulo grinned at him and winked. "Maybe we should ask Toby and Shani to sit down with us for the talk, too, yes?"

Jan grinned back. "Yes, I think we should."


	23. Chapter 23

Later that evening, Jan and Toby were sitting out in the back garden, watching the sun set and the fireflies coming out to dance in the growing shadows, their tiny lights winking on and off in the warm, sleepy peacefulness of twilight. Paulo and Patricia had left shortly before, and Shani and Sophie were inside putting the kids to bed. Jan and Toby sat side by side in lawn chairs, hand in hand, neither speaking for a long time.

It had been a good day. They had had a productive "big family meeting," as Sophie had jokingly called it, setting up a shared calendar, working through their various schedules to find time for the three of them-- Jan, Toby, and Paulo-- to be together without it interfering with their other commitments. They had also spent a long time talking about Mich and how to handle him, and more broadly how to be more careful to keep the relationship quiet. Mich could be trusted, but regardless, none of them were entirely comfortable with him knowing a secret that carried such a heavy taboo, with such significant potential consequences for their careers.

But now all Jan could think about was precisely what he had been putting off having to think about, what he _ should _ have been focusing on lately, far more than he actually had.

Ajax.

He had been over it in his head a hundred times, but it didn't seem to help. He knew how to play against friends, against his countrymen, against former teammates, but this was again different. There were only a couple of former teammates of his still in Amsterdam, nobody that he knew from the national team. But it felt strange, to be facing the club that still lived in his heart.

Toby glanced over at him, the faint light of the sunset making his hair glow a brighter gold than usual. "Not talking about it isn't going to make it any easier," he said gently.

Jan sighed. Toby had an uncanny knack for seeing straight to the core of what was on Jan's mind. "I know, it's just…" He left it hanging, not sure what he intended to say.

"I know." Toby squeezed his hand. "I'm not really having any easier of a time with it. It just feels… different, somehow."

Jan ran his thumb restlessly back and forth across the back of Toby's hand. "Yeah, it does," he admitted. "I just don't… quite know how to deal with it, is all."

"Maybe we should talk to Chris and Davinson, too," Toby offered half-heartedly, but that was a secondary concern, and they both knew it.

Jan shook his head, watching a pair of entangled fireflies fluttering by. "They won't feel it the same as we do, you know that. Dao was only there for one season, and Chris… well, you know Chris."

Toby nodded and they fell silent again for a minute. Christian Eriksen was far more pragmatic than either Jan or Toby, and was not likely to be as uneasy about facing the club of their youth as they were. That sort of sentimentality wasn't really in his nature, not when it came to football.

Right now Jan rather envied his friend in that regard. He almost wished that he didn't have the lingering feelings about Ajax that he did; it would certainly make the upcoming tie far easier. And yet… he couldn't really bring himself to regret it. He had taken Ajax into his heart the way that the club, and the city, had taken him into theirs. They had called him the Flemish Amsterdammer, and he knew beyond a doubt that Ajax would always be a part of him.

But now… well, now he had Spurs. He had lived in London for nearly as long as he had in Amsterdam, and he had certainly found friendships and bonds at Tottenham as strong as any he had had at Ajax. 

He looked up and saw Toby watching him with a certain softness in those eyes of his, wide and blue as a summer sky.  _ I think maybe I found even more here. _

As if he had said it out loud, Toby smiled and leaned across to kiss him, a light, sweet peck on the lips. "Strange, isn't it? To think of how far you and I had to come from Beerschot to really find each other."

"It was worth the wait," Jan murmured, cupping Toby's chin with his free hand and bringing him in for another, slightly more serious kiss.

Toby was blushing when they broke apart, his smile at least as radiant as the setting sun. "For me too." He began idly tracing patterns on the back of Jan's hand with his index finger.

"Do you think…" Jan trailed off again. He didn't seem to be able to find the words to express what was going on in his mind.

Luckily, with Toby, it seemed he didn't need to. "No," his friend said firmly. "I don't think it's a bad thing for us to be having this much trouble with it. In a way, I kind of like the fact that it's just you and me feeling like this. It's something that's just… ours." He made a face. "Does that make any sense?"

Jan nodded thoughtfully. "You know, it really does. Maybe… maybe that's what I need to focus on. Not how I feel about Ajax as a club, because there aren't really any good answers to  _ that _ problem. But… you and me. We were both there, but now we're here, and maybe that's what matters."

He smiled at his friend, his teammate, his partner, now his lover, and Toby smiled back. "Yeah. You and me."

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Training the next day was never going to be easy. It was a relatively light day, to save their strength for the match the following day, but it was intense in other ways. Jan and Toby, as well as Christian and Davinson, spent hours holed up with Poch and the other coaches ironing out their overall strategy, as well as tactical plans for any of a dozen different formations that Ajax might bring to bear.

By the time Poch released them to rejoin the rest of the squad for drills, Jan's head was swimming, and he was glad to get outside. He could handle the planning and strategy and all of that, but it didn't compare to the way it felt to be out under the sun, grass under his boots, a ball at his feet. Nothing could. Football was his first love, and while he had done some thinking about what he wanted to do after he retired, for now nothing could compare.

He felt good, his body strong, muscles as responsive and quick as ever. The physios had given him the all clear to resume full training and to play in the match tomorrow, and he was glad. Much as he felt conflicted about going up against Ajax, it would have been agony to have to sit and watch his friends and teammates face them without him.

As he moved smoothly through one drill after another, he surveyed the training pitch thoughtfully. He could only imagine how Paulo must be feeling, looking ahead to tomorrow, when he would see both Jan and Toby go up against their old club while he would be confined to the bench. His gaze drifted over to where the goalkeepers were working with Toni. They were too far off for him to be able to make out Paulo's expression clearly, but he fancied he could see the tension in his boyfriend's long, lanky body. 

He spent the rest of training that day idly fantasising about how he planned to spend the rest of the evening. To be sure, he needed to get a full night's sleep, so he couldn't stay out late, but he thought he could manage a couple of hours before he had to turn in.

When Poch finally sent them inside to cool down and head home, Jan fell in beside Paulo, doing his best to make it seem natural, for all the world as though there was no particular reason for him to want to walk next to the gorgeous Argentinian goalkeeper.

"Your place?" he asked, his voice no more than a murmur.

Paulo didn't even look up at him when he spoke. "No. You need your rest."

Jan wanted to object, but even if they had been in private, he knew it wouldn't have been a good idea. Paulo didn't enjoy being argued with on matters like this, not when it was about something that fell under what Paulo saw as his responsibility to take care of Jan. He would have to find another way.

In the end he decided to take the simplest, most direct approach. He lingered after his shower, waiting in the changing room, not even bothering to dress. Instead he sat on a bench in just his towel and kept careful count of which teammates he had seen leave, and when there were only a small handful still somewhere at the training grounds, he went to find Paulo. He was not terribly surprised to find him in the showers, alone, his head bent under the spray, his hands planted against the wall. Jan approached him as quietly as he could, but he didn't hold any expectation of catching Paulo unawares. He knew Jan too well for that.

"I thought I told you to go home," his goalkeeper said, his voice thick and strained with something Jan couldn't name.

"No," Jan said quietly. "As a matter of fact, you didn't, sir. You said no to me coming over."

Paulo snorted. "I also said that you need your rest, no?"

"True," Jan agreed. "But there's still plenty of time. I don't intend to stay long. Just… long enough."

"Long enough for what?" Paulo said tersely, a sharp edge in his voice.

Jan didn't answer him, not in words. Instead he simply stepped up behind Paulo and wrapped his arms around his waist. He felt Paulo stiffen slightly, then begin to relax.

"You take such good care of me, sir," Jan whispered, laying his cheek against Paulo's broad shoulders. "I know you probably don't want to make me worry. But you don't have to pretend to be okay when you're not."

Paulo inhaled sharply, but didn't say anything. Jan thought he heard a soft sniffle, but it was hard to tell over the noise of the water.

Jan pressed his lips to Paulo's spine. "You're worried about tomorrow?" he asked, just loud enough to be heard. "About Toby and me?"

"I don't…" Paulo muttered something in Spanish. "It just hurts me, that you both will be out there and I cannot be with you, and I know what this match must mean to you."

Jan kissed Paulo's shoulder blade. "I know, sir. It's not going to be easy, for either of us. But one way or another, we'll be okay. We'll have each other, and it's not like you won't be there at all, yeah? You being there, watching us, you'll make us stronger, yeah?"

Paulo laughed, and it was a bitter, choked off sound. "I hope so. Not much else I can do for you," he whispered, and Jan could hear the pain in his voice.

"There's one thing," Jan ventured.

Paulo lifted his head at that, and turned in Jan's arms, facing him with determination on his face. "What's that?" he asked. "Tell me."

Jan smiled at him. "Let me take care of you, for once." He leaned in for a kiss, but Paulo didn't respond to the pressure of his lips. Jan drew back, just enough to look up into Paulo's eyes, which were harder than Jan was used to from him. "Paulo, sir, I just want to help you relax. Please? If nothing else, if you're this tense tomorrow, that'll just be another distraction for me, right?"

Paulo gave a noncommittal grunt, but his face softened slightly.

"Please," Jan whispered. "I just want to serve you. Then I'll go home and sleep twelve hours, I promise." He gave Paulo his best impish grin.

He could see the indecision on Paulo's face, but Paulo's body was already giving in. Jan shivered as he felt Paulo hardening against him. He sank to his knees, not caring when the towel fell from around his hips. The only thing he cared about was Paulo, naked and wet and beautiful, his cock slowly filling out as Jan took him in hand, kissing the head lovingly.

He was too eager to wait for Paulo to harden completely before taking him into his mouth. He loved the feeling of Paulo's dick stiffening against his tongue, the length pressing more and more insistently against the back of his throat. He closed his eyes, his hands finding their way to Paulo's hips, even as he felt strong fingers sliding into his hair.

"Jan," Paulo sighed. "I should probably punish you for going against my wishes…" He moaned as Jan won the battle with his gag reflex, letting the head of Paulo's dick slip into his throat. "But how can I possibly resist you when you beg me for this, hmm? When you beg me to let you suck my cock? You are so good, my love…"

He kept up a steady stream of soft murmurs, praising Jan as he worked intently at his task. Soon, though, the words faded into a series of sighs and moans as Paulo's hands pulled Jan's head further and further into his cock, his hips moving faster and faster as he thrust more and more eagerly into Jan's mouth.

_ Paulo, _ Jan wanted to say. He wanted to tell Paulo how much he loved him, how important he was to him, the rules be damned, but he couldn't have stopped just then for anything. He never wanted to stop. He wished he could stay here forever, with Paulo, sucking him off, kissing him, serving him, worshipping him. Right now he didn't care about Ajax, or Mich, or any of it. The only thing that mattered was Paulo.

_ I love you,  _ he thought, wishing that Paulo could hear his thoughts.  _ I love you and I want to make you happy, want to see you look at me and smile at me, take me, do anything you want with me. Want to make you come every single day, please… _

"Jan," Paulo gasped. "Oh, Jan,  _ mi amor…" _ He thrust forward one last time and held Jan tightly, his whole body trembling as he came, cum spurting again and again into Jan's hungry mouth.

Jan licked his lips as he got to his feet, stiff and clumsy from kneeling on the hard tile floor. Paulo pulled him into his arms, squeezing him tight. "Thank you," Paulo whispered. "I did need this. I needed you. I always need you." He dropped one hand to squeeze Jan's own dick where it was digging into Paulo's hip, stiff and aching.

"My Jan," Paulo murmured, kissing him hard as his fist closed around Jan's shaft, stroking it expertly. He didn't waste any time, deliberately moving too fast for Jan to be able to do much more than gasp and give in to the touch before he was coming too, spilling over the top of Paulo's fist, just as he had that first time in these same showers. But in contrast to that night, there was no anxiety, no uncertainty about what it meant, what would happen in the aftermath. If he could be certain of anything right now, he knew beyond doubt that he could be certain of Paulo.

Jan stayed longer than he had meant to, kissing Paulo for what felt like an eternity. When he finally, reluctantly, pulled away, he tilted his head, just enough to reach Paulo's ear. "Thank you, sir," he whispered. "Thank you for letting me do this. I love you, so much."

"I love you too," Paulo murmured. "But now you really should go."

Jan nodded. "I will." He turned to go, but then he hesitated, looking back at Paulo. "It's going to be okay, you know, tomorrow. Toby and me, we'll be okay too. I promise."

Paulo smiled at him fondly, shooing him away with one hand. "You had better be."

  
  
  


***

  
  


Jan awoke the next day feeling…  _ alive. _ Not tense, exactly, nor excited, but very aware of himself, his body, his heart beating slightly faster than normal. He had, as he had promised Paulo, gotten a full night's sleep, and as he stretched and went through his morning routine, he could feel the awareness of what was coming, building up inside him.  _ No,  _ he told himself, _ not yet. Soon. _

It was match day. 

The first leg of Spurs' tie with Ajax, the semifinals of the Champions League. Tottenham had never made it this far before. In a way it reminded Jan of the World Cup, last summer-- Belgium had never before reached the semifinals in that competition, either.  _ But this is going to be different. This time, we  _ won't _ lose in the semifinals. This time we're going to go all the way. _

Jan tried to keep that thought in the front of his mind as he showered, ate breakfast, dressed in his warm up kit, packed his little match day bag. It didn't matter that it was Ajax. It was about more than that. For Spurs, for himself. It was about the club he played for  _ now, _ not the one in his past. It was about the friends he'd made here, the love he had found with Paulo, and the peculiar mix of past and present, friend and lover, that was his relationship with Toby. That was what he had to focus on.

He kept his mind on Toby all through the final strategy session, the pep talk from Poch, the warm up on the pitch. Even when he couldn't be watching Toby, Jan thought about him, rather than dwell on Ajax arriving, warming up, filing back to the away changing room. He saw Toby's eyes in his mind, his hair, his tattoos, his body, the way he moved, the way he smiled, and it was enough to keep his mind off of the familiar crest on the shirts of the team lining up next to them in the tunnel. He was glad that Ajax were in their away kit tonight, black instead of red and white. It made it easier to ignore them, to pretend it was some other team.

He couldn't resist, shortly before it was time, slipping out of his usual place at the back of the line and moving forward until he got to Toby. He spoke in Dutch, but he still whispered, mindful that at least half the people in the tunnel could understand if he spoke too loudly.

"You and me. That's what matters out there, right?"

Toby glanced up at him and grinned. "Yeah. You and me."

Jan winked at him, then returned to his place in the line, his heart thudding in his chest as he stood waiting. But before he knew it, they were moving, heading out of the tunnel, two lines of men, the young mascots beside them, walking out of the shadows and into the blinding light of the pitch.

It was time.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: This chapter contains some description of an injury. Reader discretion is advised.
> 
> If you haven't previously read the flashback piece [Any Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22539931%22), you should do so before reading this chapter.

Toby took a deep breath as he ran out onto the pitch, with Jan's words echoing in his ear.  _ You and me. _ A pang of guilt was playing under the surface; he had let Jan believe that he was far more sanguine about this match than he was. He hadn't let himself dwell on his feelings about it; he had known how hard Jan was taking this, coming up against Ajax, and Toby had been determined to be strong for him. But that had left him less concentration for his own preparation.

And now there was no more time. His heart was pounding in his ears as they lined up, staring up at the blinding lights, the thousands and thousands of roaring supporters. He knew the anthem of the Champions League was playing, but he couldn't even hear it, not over the deafening singing that filled the stadium. 

Just beyond Victor next to him, he thought he saw Jan glance in his direction. It was a struggle for him to keep from turning to him as well, but somehow he managed to keep his eyes front, staring at nothing as he waited for the subtle change in the din that would mean the anthem had ended and it was time to get into position.

_ Jan's a grown man, _ he reminded himself.  _ Older than you. He'll be fine. He doesn't need you to always be trying to take care of him. _

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jan settle back into his position. They could do this. Facing Ajax, the club that had made them both who they were, here tonight wasn't going to be easy, but at least he and Jan were facing them together. That was all he could really ask.

_ You and me. _

Finally the anthem ended, the line of players broke out into applause, echoing the roar of the crowd, and then they were moving.

Ajax were definitely not easy. From the beginning, they could hardly keep possession at all, despite their best efforts. The Ajax boys were young and quick, and full of fire. There was nothing easy about going up against them.

Spurs were far from being at full strength as well, which didn't help. Injuries to Harry Kane, Harry Winks, and Serge Aurier, as well as Sonny's suspension, had resulted in them being forced to field a rather makeshift squad tonight, and it showed. They just weren't quite connecting the way they needed to in order to cope with Ajax's unpredictable style of play.

That was one of the great strengths of Toby's partnership with Jan, though-- they had played together for so long, they knew each other so well, that they were able to communicate on the pitch almost telepathically. They were always aware of where the other was, and hardly ever needed to use actual words to coordinate their efforts.

But it wasn't enough for tonight, not by itself, not when the rest of the team lacked that ability. A clumsy manoeuvre in the fifteenth minute was all it took to give away a goal, with van de Beek pouncing ruthlessly when he saw his chance. A ripple of frustration went through the Spurs squad, but there was nothing to be done except to go on.

Toby caught Jan's eye several times as they played on. Even from across the pitch he could see the intensity on his friend's face, the hard lines of his brow and jaw. He looked utterly focused, strong, professional. Toby had to stamp firmly on the butterflies that threatened whenever Jan met his gaze.

_ You and me. _

At the half hour mark, Chris was pressing off a good pass from Fernando when Tagliafico came flying in and brought him down with a bad tackle. Chris slid as he landed and was able to avoid injury, but Toby shouted indignantly anyway until he saw the ref bring out his yellow card. Free kick to Spurs, and on Ajax's half. A good chance.

Set pieces were always a good opportunity for them, especially if Toby or Jan were able to get underneath it. He lined up with the rest, positioning himself near the centre, eyes scanning the formation around him as Tripps set up to take the kick. He knew Jan was behind him, ready to cover the far post, could hear him bellowing instructions at Fernando. Tripps ran up, his foot connected, it was going high over the line, into the box. Toby ran for it, sudden wild hope flaring in him. Out of the corner of his eye a flash of bright blue told him that the goalkeeper was coming for it too. He  _ had _ to beat the goalkeeper. He leapt--

_ Crack. _

Sickening pain flared through Toby's entire body even as he landed on his feet. The goalkeeper had cleared the ball, colliding with Toby in the process, and it felt like he had gotten Toby in the back with both legs, but that didn't explain the red hot blossom of pain in his head.

Toby put a hand to his back, trying to stay on his feet, but it was no good. The pitch was coming up to meet him. He only just managed to get his hands out in time to avoid landing directly on his face. He rolled onto his back, but another surge of pain had him twisting onto his side. The back of his head felt like it had been split open. 

He saw the medics jogging towards him-- more of them than he would have expected. _Am I that bad off?_ A fresh wave of pain that made him press his face into the pitch answered that question.

Two of the medics came to him, but the rest went past him.  _ Is someone else down? _

The medics worked quickly, checking his vision, his reflexes, all of the little things they had to check when there was a possible head injury. The knocks to his back were painful, but not serious. It was his head that was more of an immediate concern.

Amazingly, despite the pain, his head seemed to be more or less unaffected by whatever he had slammed it into, no blood, no concussion. Soon enough the medics were done and helping him to his feet. "Walk round a bit, just want to make sure you're good once you're up, then you're all clear."

Toby rubbed his forehead, doing as he was told. He still felt a bit foggy, but the pain was already receding. He would have bruises on his back, possibly a lump on his head, but at least he could finish the game.

When he turned around, though, his blood turned to ice in veins.

Someone else  _ was _ down, sprawled out on the pitch, not far from where Toby had gone down. The medics were crowded close, so that all Toby could see were a pair of legs twitching in pain, but it was enough. Toby knew those boots, those legs.

It was Jan.  _ Jan _ was down, mobbed by more medics than had come for Toby, his legs were fucking  _ twitching _ in pain…

Toby lurched toward him, but the medic caught his arm. "Toby, come on. Poch wants to see you."

"But Jan--"

"Let them work," the man said sternly. "That's the best thing you can do for him. Come on."

Toby reluctantly let the medic steer him away from where the medics were working on Jan, but not before he caught a glimpse of his face.

Jan's beautiful face was covered in blood. The medics were rinsing it away, which probably made it look like more blood than there actually was, but even so, Toby's heart plummeted. He had seen Jan hurt before, of course-- it was part of being a professional athlete-- but things were… well, different now. Now it wasn't just an injury to a teammate, which was bad enough. Now it was his lover, someone for whom he had had feelings for longer than he had ever admitted to anyone.

"What happened?" he asked the medic numbly as they moved away. 

"Mid-air collision," the man said briskly. "You, Jan, and the goalkeeper. You got a knee in the back from Jan, as well as one of Onana's legs, and Jan's face hit the back of your head."

"Is he…?"

"I didn't examine him," the medic reminded him, but his voice was gentle. "I'm sure he'll be fine, though."

Toby ignored the attempts to placate him.  _ Jan's face hit the back of your head. _ Considering how much his head was hurting from it, he dreaded to think how badly Jan must be hurt.

When he got to where Poch was waiting for him, Toby swallowed hard. He needed to focus on the match, not on Jan.

Poch was talking to Victor and Moussa when Toby came into range. "Are you all right?" the gaffer asked in his soft voice.

"Fine," Toby got out. "Sore."

"Can you continue?"

Toby nodded, trying to ignore the burning sensation that was coming from somewhere behind his face.

"Good. I don't want to have to replace both of you."

"Both…?"

Poch gestured in the direction Toby had come from, where Jan was being carefully sat up. The blood was gone, except for what had stained his shirt, and the medic was pressing something to what looked like a cut on his nose. Jan looked oddly dazed.

"I don't think he can continue, do you?"

Toby shook his head slowly. No, surely Jan would have to come off. He couldn't keep playing when he looked like he might keel over at any moment.

Poch touched his earpiece, then grimaced. "Apparently he's insisting he can. The medics have gone through all the protocols and nothing was flagged except for the cut on his nose. I can force him off if I have to, but I would really rather not."

"No," Toby managed. He knew how stubborn Jan could be. He hated being taken off, especially due to injury, said it felt like his body betraying him. He would take it hard if Poch pulled him over nothing more than a cut to the nose. 

Poch was talking to him, issuing terse instructions on tactics, but Toby was only half listening. Guilt surged in him. How had he not realised Jan was going for that ball as well? Toby had known where Jan was when the ball had left Tripps's foot, but after that, nothing. He was so used to always knowing where Jan was. What the fuck had gone wrong that time?

He stared at his friend, his lover, powerless to do anything at all to help him, memories flooding his mind. He knew that the medics were doing everything, that Jan would be fine, regardless of anything Toby could do for him.

_ He'll be fine. He doesn't need you to take care of him. _

It was a well-rehearsed mantra for him at this point. He had always fought hard to maintain the balance in their friendship, to be there for Jan when he needed him, without going too far and driving Jan away. He had never really come to terms with it, that uncertainty, not really knowing just how much would be too much.

It wasn't Jan's fault at all. He had always been a great friend, of course, from the earliest days of their friendship, when they were nothing but boys at the Ajax academy. He had always been there for Toby, always been someone for Toby to look up to, admire, try to emulate. That was a common enough thing in football, of course, to bond with an older lad like this, almost as a brother.

What wasn't as common was what had happened next. He had found himself making up excuses to be around Jan more and more, had started being more and more aware of him in ways that had nothing to do with football. For a long time he had told himself it was just a little hero worship, and why not? Jan was two years older, tall and strong, and he always seemed so cool and confident. Nobody could blame Toby for looking up to him.

But there was more to it than that. It had come to a head one day after training when Toby had gone looking for Jan, wanting to ask if he wanted to hang around for a bit, blow off some steam after a long week. It had been more of a challenge to find him than Toby had expected, but Toby had the advantage there-- Jan had been at Ajax longer, but Toby had done far more exploring of the grounds, and as a result he knew all the secret places far better than Jan did.

He eventually did find Jan, outside, in a crevice behind an enormous old tree at the edge of the training grounds. He almost hadn't thought to check there, but when he had surveyed the area around the training pitches the tree had caught his eye. It was one of his own favourite places to hide when he felt like being alone, so on a whim he decided to see if Jan was tucked up in there reading a book or something.

As he neared the tree, though, he heard two voices coming from the little hidden nook. One of them was Jan's, but the other belonged to one of the other academy boys, someone Toby didn't know very well. They were murmuring too quietly for Toby to decipher any of the conversation, but there was a giggle, then they fell silent. Toby crept closer as quietly as he could, afire with curiosity.

When Toby pressed himself against the tree's massive trunk, he realised that the two boys hiding behind it had in fact not gone silent, or at least not entirely-- there were soft, breathy little noises coming from the crevice, along with some sort of smacking sound. He edged around the tree cautiously until he was just able to peek at the crevice and its occupants.

What he saw knocked him for a loop, in ways that he wouldn't fully understand for years afterwards. He stopped breathing, his blood suddenly heating up, and stared.

Jan and the other boy were leaning against the fence, arms around each other, and kissing so wildly that they were completely oblivious to anything around them. Jan had one hand in the other boy's hair, pulling him insistently close by that grip, and the other seemed to be up the front of his shirt. The boy, whose name Toby could not remember for the life of him, meanwhile, had his hands locked onto Jan's butt, squeezing firmly. 

Toby watched in absolute shock as Jan broke the kiss for a moment, murmuring something in the boy's ear. They both giggled, then Jan caught his partner's lips with his again, the hand that had been under his shirt was sliding further down--

Toby jerked away from the tree so suddenly that he was worried they would hear him, but judging from the sounds he could still hear, both boys were far too absorbed in what they were doing to have noticed Toby at all. He fled back to the training centre and went straight home to the host family he was staying with without looking back once.

He had never told Jan that he had seen, not in any of the years they were at Ajax together, not when they reunited at Spurs, not even when they had had their one night together a couple of years ago now, with all the emotional turmoil that had brought. Toby supposed that he might tell Jan about it now that they were slightly more established as… well, whatever they were.

But the memory had stayed with him, all those years in between. He had cried over it, alone in his room that first night, cried into his pillow until he had finally fallen asleep. The next morning he had awoken from an intense dream about Jan that he couldn't quite remember, and wasn't sure he wanted to remember. He had even been glad that he would have a couple of days to sort himself out before he would have to see Jan again.

He had jerked off over it any number of times since then, too, even after he had gotten married. He had never told his wife about it, but somehow she had known about his feelings for Jan, even before he really did himself. Always, even when he was alone, reliving the memory of seeing Jan kissing that nameless boy all those years ago and surrendering to the arousal it inevitably inspired, he had managed to block out his own awareness of just how much he wanted Jan.

But then… then he had gone to Jan’s house after a tough game to try to support his friend, who was clearly upset, and had ended up doing things with him that Toby normally kept buried in the back of his mind, things he only let himself think about in stolen moments, his hand working between his legs in the shower, or late at night when he was tired of pretending, tired of lying to himself, tired of kidding himself that he didn't want Jan. He had told Jan to take off his clothes, and seeing him standing there, naked and hard and absolutely beautiful, had been like a spark to light the bonfire inside of Toby, with kindling that had been laid years before. He had given in, let himself consciously want Jan for the first time, had relished the way they touched each other. When Jan had taken him in his mouth, then his hand, it was all Toby could do to keep from completely losing himself, forcing himself to keep that last, tiny bit of control, even as he came in Jan's hand.

Throughout it all, though, he had had to force himself to resist the urge to kiss Jan, to whisper to him all the things Jan made him feel, had always made him feel.

The next morning had brought cold clarity, however. This hadn't been some romantic rendezvous. Nothing about what had happened had indicated that it was anything more than one friend helping another who was in need. Toby had woken early, watching Jan's sleeping face in the pale light that filled the room in the stillness of pre-dawn, until he felt he couldn't afford to stay any longer. He had slipped out of Jan's house, every step heavy with guilt and shame, and forced himself not to look back.

He had spent the next few years in varying states of denial, longing, and despair. He had gone back and forth countless times between wanting to distance himself from Jan to minimise additional confusion, and wishing he dared confess the truth, just to get it out, even if it ended in rejection.

He had never anticipated that things would take the turn they eventually had, that Jan would end up in a relationship with Paulo, of all people. Paulo was a great guy, of course, and undeniably one of the most attractive people Toby had ever seen, but it had still been a surprise-- as had the stirring of jealousy he had felt when he realised what it meant: that Jan had fully come to terms with his attraction to men, that he had finally decided to commit to an open marriage with his own wife, that he had found someone that he felt was worth all the risks-- and that someone wasn't Toby.

Toby hadn't expected to be jealous, but he couldn't help it. He knew it wasn't really right to tease Jan about it, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.  _ Why him? What does he have that I don't? _

He had thought he was safe, teasing Jan right in front of Paulo, as long as he spoke Dutch, but he had been wrong. Paulo had stepped right up to him, his breath hot on Toby's ear. "Do you want to understand? I can teach you," he whispered. "I'll be home tonight, alone."

It had been a struggle for Toby to decide whether or not to take Paulo up on that. On the one hand, he did want to understand what all the fuss was about, why Jan was so into being dominated, what he got out of it. And Paulo  _ was _ absolutely gorgeous. But Toby couldn't help resenting him, just a little, out of that jealousy, that Jan had chosen Paulo. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that if he went to Paulo that night, Paulo would probably try to dominate him as well, but Toby was just stubborn enough to want to try it, confident that he wouldn't be drawn in by the handsome Argentinian's charms.

He had been wrong.

Under the intensity of Paulo's gaze, Toby had confessed more than he had ever intended. He had told him about that one night he and Jan had been together, and how much he wanted Jan. He'd even agreed to give it a try with Paulo, partly out of the hope of getting a chance with Jan, partly out of genuine curiosity and attraction to Paulo, and partly out of obstinacy, the contrary desire inside him to prove that he could resist giving in to him.

But that night had utterly shattered that illusion. Paulo had broken him down expertly, nearly driving him mad with frustration, forbidding him to come until the next morning. When Toby went home that night, he swore to himself that it wasn't worth it, that he didn't want to continue if it was going to be like this. He tried to ignore the tantalising glimpse Paulo had given him of the pleasure he was being offered, enhanced rather than diminished by the challenge of playing by Paulo's rules. But overnight the frustration melted away, leaving only longing in its wake, and Toby had had to go back.

Since then, Toby had been pleasantly surprised at how careful, even gentle, Paulo could be with him and Jan both, and how generous a lover he really was. Almost, he could understand why Jan had chosen him, though the little thread of jealousy hadn't been entirely banished from him just yet, despite his own burgeoning relationship with Jan. He had a feeling that they hadn't finished sorting everything out between them quite yet.

_ God, Paulo,  _ Toby thought suddenly, jerking back to the present.  _ He's going to kill me for hurting Jan. _

_ Good. _

Jan was getting to his feet now, they were helping him to the edge of the pitch. Toby felt the blood draining from his face at how unsteady Jan looked, how much red there was staining his kit.  _ Jan's face hit the back of your head. _

The gaffer sent him back out onto the pitch before Jan reached the box, and he jogged away reluctantly, glancing back at Jan, even as Sánchez came in to confer with him. Jan was talking to Poch now, to the medics, to the match officials, even as he stripped off his bloody kit and pulled on fresh white ones. Toby knew that look on his face only too well.

_ Jan, you beautiful, stubborn idiot. Why can't you ever back down? _

Play resumed while Jan was getting his kit changed and arguing with the medics and Toby forced himself to pay attention. His own pain had mostly subsided now, but there were still twinges every time he had to turn. He tried to keep his mind off of Jan as he ran back and forth. Ajax were still pressing hard, he needed to focus. The ball came arcing in towards the goal, but Hugo was there and caught it neatly.

Hugo was shouting to him, gesturing to where he wanted Toby to be while they were down to two at the back, but the echoes in his head were drowning him out. 

_ Jan's face hit the back of your head. _

_ You and me. _

**_Crack._ **

Soon, all too soon, the ref blew his whistle and went to the sideline, where Jan was standing, tugging at his shorts, still arguing stubbornly with the fourth official, even while a medic was still dabbing at his face. The ref didn't seem convinced either, but finally he gave in and let Jan back onto the pitch. Something hopeful perked up inside of Toby. Maybe, maybe, maybe he really was okay, maybe Toby's hard head hadn't hurt him too badly…

Jan was back in formation, though he still looked unsteady. Play resumed, the back line was moving…

But Jan was not moving with them. He was heading back to the sideline, shaking his head. Toby thought his heart had completely stopped.  _ Jan, _ he wanted to scream, wanted to run after him, but his feet seemed to be rooted to the pitch. He saw Chris trotting after Jan, Poch coming to meet him.

Jan made it to the side, but barely, before he bent at the waist, hands on his knees, body heaving. He looked like he was about to collapse. Poch got one of Jan's arms around his shoulders, a medic had the other, and together they dragged Jan away from the pitch. Away from Toby.

_ About fucking time, you asshole. Should have known better than to try to come back on, not after you did your face on my stupid hard head. I could kill you. Or Poch for letting you. Or the medics for clearing you. Or me for crashing into you. _

Anger was good. It was safer than letting himself worry. He could use anger, at least. Anger at himself, at Ajax, at the officials, the medics, everyone in the stadium, this whole fucking sport. What did it matter? Any of it, compared to Jan?

He had to keep going, though, so he tried to let the anger fuel him, keep him going for the rest of the half, the rest of the game. They still had a chance. He could face the music afterwards.

_ You and me.  _

_ It was a nice idea. _

_ I'm sorry. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an insanely difficult chapter to write, which is why it took so long. It ended up working out, though, as this way I got to publish it on the one-year anniversary of this game.


	25. Chapter 25

Paulo stumbled down the tunnel as soon as the whistle blew at halftime. He had never endured any torture as cruel as being forced to stay on the bench, struggling to at least appear calm, while Jan was half-led, half-carried past him, head sagging forward, eyes dazed.

He ignored Poch waving the squad into the dressing room. He knew that going to the infirmary instead of staying to listen to what the gaffer had to say would probably raise eyebrows, but at the moment he couldn't begin to care.

The door to the infirmary was closed, of course, but he could just barely see in through the small window in the door. Jan was laid out on an exam table, eyes closed, while a medic was working on his nose. Paulo wanted to burst in, to scream at the medic to do-- _something, anything,_ didn't the man know that was Paulo's love lying there, probably concussed? But of course he didn't know that, he couldn't, and they needed to keep it that way, so Paulo forced himself to stay on this side of the door.

Footsteps at the end of the corridor vaguely registered in his ears, though Paulo couldn't be bothered to look away from Jan's face, etched with lines of pain. Hadn't they given him anything for the pain yet? Hadn't they--

"Sir?" came a soft whisper at his side.

Paulo started and looked around. Toby was standing there, his sweet face the colour of ashes.

"Is he…?"

Paulo swallowed. "Don't know," he rasped. 

Toby's eyes, wide and worried, went to the window. He stared in at his friend silently for a moment. "I'm sorry," he said, his deep voice so quiet that for a moment Paulo wasn't sure he had spoken at all.

Paulo jolted suddenly out of his own thoughts, remembering that Jan was not the only one that had been hurt. He tore his eyes away from the window to look Toby over properly. "What about you?"

He hadn't seen the collision properly, had only really been able to tell that both of his boys were down. Toby had gotten back up quickly, and then Paulo had been so preoccupied with Jan's injury that he had forgotten to check in with Toby at all.

He put a hand on Toby's arm, intending to soothe him, but to his surprise Toby shrugged off the touch, his jaw tight. "I'm not hurt," he said tersely.

Paulo was silent for a moment. He didn't really know Toby well enough yet to be able to properly interpret this response. His first instinct was to chastise the rudeness, but something stopped him, something in Toby's eyes, something about the way he kept running his fingers over the triple X tattoo on the back of his arm.

"Do you need anything?" Paulo asked in a low voice. He wanted to make Jan his priority right now, but Paulo couldn't do anything for him at the moment. Toby, however, was standing right here, pain etched as clearly on his face as on Jan's, though it was apparent that it was not physical pain.

Toby shrugged. "I don't know. Don't know anything. I don't know… what happened. Don't know what to do. Don't know how I can… go back out there, finish the game, when Jan…"

Toby's voice cracked slightly, and Paulo thought he saw tears standing in those beautiful eyes of his. He sucked in a breath and looked back to Jan for a moment. Nothing had changed, and it was apparent Jan would be here for a while. He glanced along the corridor, which was empty apart from them.

"Come with me," he said firmly.

He turned and strode across the hall to one of the unoccupied interview rooms. Toby followed him in somewhat hesitantly. "I, um. Don't really think this is the right time to fool around," he said once Paulo had closed the door behind him.

Paulo raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that all you think this is?" he asked, trying to keep the slight hurt he felt out of his voice. "Just sex?"

Toby shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "I don't--"

"Be quiet," Paulo snapped. "Maybe I forget how much you still have to learn."

Toby opened his mouth to object, but changed his mind when Paulo let out a warning snarl.

"Believe me," Paulo said in a deadly whisper. "This, right now, is not about sex at all. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir," Toby mumbled.

"Someone I love is lying there in the medical with who knows how serious a head injury. There is _nothing_ that could tempt me to mess around right now. Understand?"

"Yes, sir," Toby whispered. "I'm sorry, I-- I didn't mean--"

_"Quiet,"_ Paulo hissed. "You are not to speak at all right now. If I ask you a question, nod or shake head only. Do you understand me?"

Toby nodded, his eyes pinned to his boots.

"Good. Now then. Are you injured?"

Toby shook his head slowly.

"Good. On your knees."

Toby obediently sank down to kneel at Paulo's feet. Paulo seized him by the hair, not caring at all that it was stiff and crunchy with gel. He was shaking now, all of his fear and anger and helplessness vibrating through his entire body. He had to fight not to shake Toby, fling him against the wall, scream at him until all the pain had been let out.

"Jan is _hurt,"_ Paulo said through clenched teeth. "There is nothing I can do to help him right now, nothing at all. I am powerless and I am not used to being powerless. I do not _like_ it."

Toby was breathing steadily, if somewhat shakily. Paulo knew if he checked he would find Toby's pulse had sped up significantly. Fear? Adrenaline? Anger? It didn't matter.

"The only thing I have any power over at the moment that matters at all," Paulo gritted out, "is _you."_

There was a slight hitch in Toby's breathing. Yes, he was afraid. Something inside Paulo, something dark and animalistic, whispered _good, he should be,_ but Paulo shoved that thought away. He had a responsibility to be what Toby needed.

"I could hurt you, if I wanted. Could punish you for hurting my Jan. Do you think I should?"

Toby tried to nod, but Paulo tightened his grip on his hair and arrested the motion.

"Maybe I should. Believe me," he bent to whisper in Toby's ear, "I would enjoy it. But…"

Paulo straightened up and pulled Toby's head back slightly to study his face. Toby was trembling, just a bit, but it was enough.

"But that would do nothing to help," Paulo concluded. "Hurting you won't help turn this game around. Will do nothing to help Jan." He paused and considered for a moment. "So I'll have to save that for later."

Toby shuddered under his hand but still didn't speak.

Paulo let himself smile. Toby might be new to this kind of relationship, but it was clear how much he did enjoy it, perhaps even needed it. It was interesting that he had indicated that he did think he deserved to be punished for this. Paulo knew better, of course; from what he had gathered from the talk in the box, the collision had not been Toby's fault at all, and angry though he was, Paulo was resolved not to take it out on Toby, who was obviously at least as upset about Jan's injury as Paulo was.

But if Toby blamed himself…

_Later,_ Paulo told himself. _That is for later. For now, you need to get him to a place where he can finish the game._

"You are _mine,"_ Paulo growled softly. "As much as Jan is. Do you really understand what that means?"

Toby shrugged helplessly.

"You will learn, don't worry. For right now, what you need to understand is that above all else, you will do as I fucking say. If I say kneel, then you kneel. If I say look at me, then you look at me. If I say you focus, go back out there, and do your best, then you pick yourself up and go make them all pay for this."

He took a breath. "You understand?"

Toby nodded eagerly.

"Good," Paulo rumbled. "If I could be out there and play in the second half, I would. Would give anything to win this for Jan. But I can't. So it's up to you. Do it for me."

Toby took a deep breath, let it out, then another. He nodded.

"Good boy," Paulo praised him. "You can do this. And after the game, you come home with me. Understand?"

Toby nodded again, licking his lips nervously. Paulo took hold of his arm and hauled Toby to his feet, gave him a quick, hard kiss, and sent him on his way with a small swat on the ass.

  
  
  


***

  
  


The second half of the game was better, more energetic, more chances being created. Paulo forced himself to pay attention, trying to let himself get swept up in the emotion of the game, anything at all to keep himself from dwelling on Jan lying on the table in medical, possibly concussed or worse.

But it didn't seem to make any difference. They were playing better, Toby was doing his best, but nothing came of it, any of it. The game ended in a 0-1 loss and Paulo could hardly bear the idea that Jan had been injured like that in a game that turned out so disappointing.

To his immense relief, when Paulo entered the dressing room with the others after the final whistle, Jan was sitting on the bench in front of his cubby, his eyes alert. He was wearing a clean tee shirt and joggers, all traces of the blood that had covered his kit and face earlier were long gone. There was a small plaster on his nose and his hair was damp, but he smiled when he saw Paulo.

_Easy,_ Paulo told himself. _You're not alone._ Nevertheless, he went straight to Jan, clasping hands with him. "How are you?" he asked, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice as the other lads crowded around Jan as well, exchanging handshakes and fistbumps with him.

"Well, my head hurts," Jan said lightly. "Turns out Toby's got quite a hard skull."

A ripple of laughter went through them at that, and Toby, who was standing next to Paulo, grinned sheepishly. "Well, I didn't expect you to try to take me out with your face," Toby jibed back.

"Fair enough. No concussion that they can detect, though I'm pretty sure my nose is broken," Jan continued. "And they want me to see the neurologist tomorrow just to be safe."

"Good," Hugo said, and there was a murmur of agreement. "They should never have let you go back on at all."

"Probably not," Jan admitted. "But it didn't seem so bad at first, and you know how it is, you never want to admit that you're too hurt to play."

"I know," Hugo said quietly, and suddenly the atmosphere in the room changed. "Believe me, I know."

Paulo wasn't quite sure what Hugo meant by that, or why the others were looking at the captain like that. But at the moment the only one he cared about was Jan. He was painfully conscious of the fact that they were surrounded by their teammates, though, and so he forced himself to avoid showing any unusual affection or concern for Jan, though he thought the effort might kill him.

As the rest of the squad began to drift away, the air filling with chatter and banter as they went, Paulo had no real choice but to join them. At least it wouldn’t look strange if Toby stayed with Jan - and he did, sitting next to him and leaning in for a tight one-armed hug, resting his head on Jan’s shoulder for a second before they began talking quietly.

Paulo made his way over to his own cubby, slowly dragging off his kit while he tried to surreptitiously keep an eye and an ear on his boys. They were speaking in Dutch, though, too quietly for him to pick up even if he had been able to understand.

He paused, half undressed, to fish his phone out.

_ <<To: Toby A [22:18]: I'm going to go shower. Meet me at my car after _

_ >>From: Toby A [22:18]: yessir _

Paulo set his phone down to continue undressing, but then frowned as he noticed that Mich was watching Jan and Toby from across the room, his eyes unreadable. No, he decided, they didn't need to arouse any further suspicion at all.

_ <<To: Toby A [22:19]: on second thought, take a cab to my house. Mich is watching you _

He saw Toby look up, startled, after he read that message, and a faint blush dusted his cheeks when he saw Mich looking at him. Jan's head was on Toby's shoulder now, eyes closed, even as they continued talking.

Toby nodded briefly without making eye contact with Paulo. It was enough.

Paulo hurried through his shower, reluctant to be away from either of his boys right now. He had failed so badly, failed to keep them safe today. Oh, it wasn't a rational thought, he knew that, but logic could not possibly trump the guilt and anger he was feeling. He had sat on the bench and watched it happen, watched his two subs get hurt. He was supposed to protect them, and his inability to do that made his stomach twist into knots.

When Paulo returned to the dressing room, it was to find Poch and the doctor talking quietly with Jan.

"... definitely shouldn't drive home. Did your wife come to the match today?"

"Yes," Jan said, and something like relief flooded Paulo's body. Of course Sophie would take care of Jan. She always had, and if there was one person Paulo trusted to care for Jan as well as he could, it was Sophie.

He breathed a soft sigh, exhaling some of the tension inside him as he finished drying himself off and scrambled into fresh clothes.

"Your appointment with the neurologist is set for first thing tomorrow," the doctor was telling Jan now. "Once we have that assessment we can make a call on how long you'll be out. For sure you'll be out next match. After that we'll see."

"Okay," Jan replied, sounding resigned.

"Now, I'm sure I don't need to remind you of concussion protocol, but just to be safe: lots of rest, limit your caffeine and screen time, and you should have someone with you all the time for the next 48 hours, okay?"

Jan was nodding along, but he looked bored, as if to say, _yes, I know, I've been a professional athlete long enough to be able to recite all this in my sleep._ Paulo was grateful to hear that the doctor wasn't taking chances, though. Even if they hadn't detected any concussion, it wasn't impossible for it to continue to develop.

He wanted to text Jan to order him to keep Paulo in the loop as soon as he saw the neurologist, but of course he couldn't have Jan looking at his phone. _Sophie,_ he thought suddenly. _I'll ask her. She'll understand how important it is._

_ <<To: Sophie V [22:26]: will you let me know what the neurologist says first thing? _

_ >>From: Sophie V [22:26]: of course. Are you planning to come over? You're welcome to if you want, you could even stay over if you'd like _

Paulo was sorely tempted. He absolutely wanted to take her up on that, but he had Toby to take care of as well.

_ <<To: Sophie V [22:27]: I think for tonight it might be better to just let him rest. I'll come over tomorrow though if that's all right _

_ >>From: Sophie V [22:27]: of course. I'll take care of him _

_ <<To: Sophie V [22:28]: I know you will. And thank you _


	26. Chapter 26

Toby stepped out of the cab and started down the street, not even looking in the direction of Paulo's house until the cab had pulled away and turned down a cross street. The incident with Mich had unsettled all of them, and with everything else going on right now it wasn't the time to take any unnecessary risks.

That wasn't the only reason he was being slow to go knock on Paulo's door, though. He hadn't raised any objection earlier to Paulo's instructions that Toby come to his house after the match, not when he still had the second half and then Jan to focus on, but now…

He hadn't wanted to get into it there at the stadium, but now he was here and all of his conflicting feelings seemed fit to boil over any moment.

_ Maybe I just should have gone home, _ he thought miserably, staring at Paulo's front door from across the road.  _ Maybe that would've been better. _

It was too late now, though. Paulo was expecting him, and in spite of everything he couldn't bring himself to disappoint Paulo.

Sometimes Toby wasn't sure how he had gotten mixed up in all of this. No, that wasn't true; he knew exactly why he had gotten involved with Paulo. What he was less sure of was why he had taken to it as readily as he had. Unlike Jan, Toby had never ventured into the world of BDSM before, never had a craving to find someone to submit to. He had never expected to enjoy being bossed around by anyone like that, no matter how good the sex was.

But something about it did appeal. The way Paulo looked at him when he had done something right, the way he would praise Toby for obeying him even in simple things… it was addicting, in a way that a relationship that was just about sex wouldn't have been.

Not that it wasn't hot as well, he admitted privately. He had no idea how, but Paulo knew how to do things to him, make him react in ways that he had never even imagined before. Thinking about it, even now, made his toes want to curl.

No, he hadn't expected to get so invested in this so soon, but there was no denying that he was in deep. Which just made what he had to do now all that much harder.

He took a deep breath and crossed the street, went up the steps, rang the bell, his stomach doing flips inside him.

Paulo's face was unreadable when he opened the door. "Come in," he said quietly, stepping back to let Toby in.

"Um, thanks," Toby mumbled. He toed off his trainers automatically and nudged them to the side, then frowned down at them.  _ Maybe I should have left them on. _

Paulo closed the door behind them and turned to study Toby, those incredible eyes of his still enigmatic. "How are you?" he asked, his voice soft. "I mean… how are you really?"

Toby bit his lip, trying to keep it in, but then Paulo's hand was on his cheek, and that was all it took for Toby's face to crumple. He staggered where he stood, his vision blurring as the tears began to stream down his face, but Paulo caught him before he could fall and held him fast.

Toby clung to Paulo's arms as he cried, burying his face in Paulo's chest.  _ You're getting his shirt all wet, _ he thought absently, but Paulo didn't seem to care. He shifted his arms to wrap them around Toby properly, squeezing so tightly Toby wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to breathe again. Paulo pressed his lips to Toby's hair, not saying anything until Toby began to calm.

"I'm not going to say it is okay, because I don't know that," Paulo rumbled. "But I want you to know I am proud of you for finishing the game."

"Didn't matter," Toby whispered.

"Of course it did. We are only one goal down. If you had not given your best, how many goals would they have gotten?"

Toby just shrugged. He suddenly didn't want Paulo to praise him anymore. He couldn't bear it. He didn't deserve it, he  _ didn't. _ His performance on the pitch didn't matter.

Luckily Paulo didn't say anything further, just turned Toby loose, took him by the hand, and led the way further into the house.

"W-wait," Toby choked when he realised Paulo was taking him to the bedroom. "No, p-please."

Paulo turned to him sharply, one eyebrow raised. "Why not?" 

"I don't-- I can't--" Toby was crying again. He had to get it out, explain it to Paulo, but even though he knew it was right, just the thought of what he had to do sparked fresh waves of misery.

Paulo was frowning, but he turned toward the living room instead. Once they were sitting on the couch, Paulo touched his face again, so gently that it would have made Toby want to cry, if he hadn't already been in tears.

"Is this something more than what happen today?"

"Yes… no…" Toby didn't know where to begin. He took a deep breath and forced himself to say something, anything. "I just don't think I can do this anymore."

"What? Why not?"

"I don't… I mean, how can I, after this?" Toby pinched his nose and groaned. "I don't even know how to explain."

"Try," Paulo whispered. "Please."

The fear in Paulo's voice took him by surprise. Toby looked up to see that Paulo was chewing on his lip, looking as uncertain as Toby had ever seen him. 

"I just… I mean, you saw what happened today," Toby offered feebly. "How can I keep going with you after that? After Jan--" He broke off and swallowed hard, closing his eyes to try to keep more tears at bay.  _ I don't deserve you anymore. _

He heard a choked little sound, unlike anything he had ever heard from Paulo before, and opened his eyes to see that  _ Paulo _ was crying now.

"What--?" he said, surprised. He hadn't expected Paulo to take it quite this hard-- they'd only been together a week, after all, and Toby had assumed that he was more of an afterthought to Paulo, compared to Jan, which was probably fitting.

_ "Lo siento," _ Paulo whispered, his eyes squeezed shut.

"I don't--" Toby started. His Spanish was weak, despite having played in Madrid for a year.

"I'm sorry," Paulo said, putting his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry."

"What? Why?" Toby was genuinely baffled. What did Paulo have to be sorry for?

"Because I fail," Paulo whispered. "I mean to keep you safe, take care of you, you and Jan both, and I fail you so bad."

Toby didn't know what to say. How could Paulo think that?

"But-- do you actually think it was  _ your _ fault, today? You weren't even playing--"

"Does not matter," Paulo growled. "I could have done--  _ something--" _

Toby shook his head. It didn't make any sense. "I'm sorry, but that's bullshit," he said firmly, and Paulo's head snapped up, his eyes suddenly blazing.

"You--"

"No," Toby said, suddenly stubborn, his own anguish forgotten for the moment. "I'm sorry if I'm being disrespectful, if that even matters anymore. But you need to listen for a minute."

He paused and took a deep breath, faintly astonished at himself. "Look, I-- I get it, part of being a, a Dom, is feeling responsible for taking care of us, but you have to be realistic with it, yeah? Jan and I-- we're adults, and you know perfectly well that injuries are part of football. We knew that when we signed up, and  _ you _ knew that when you got involved with us. It's not okay for you to blame yourself for something like this. I certainly don't, and I guarantee you Jan doesn't either. I'm-- well, I'm sure Jan is okay with you taking care of him, but it  _ can't _ extend to what happens on the pitch, or it'll affect our careers, all of us, and I don't think you want that."

Paulo was staring at him, his face stony, but when Toby finished talking he gave a deep sigh. "You're right," he admitted grudgingly. "I do not  _ like _ it, but you're right."

Toby had to smile a little at that. Paulo didn't stop there, however.

"But if you don't mean that I have failed, then… what do you mean? You said you can't keep going with me. If not because I couldn't keep you from getting hurt, then why…?"

Toby ducked his head. He suddenly felt embarrassed to admit how he had been feeling, after taking Paulo to task for going overboard blaming himself for Jan getting hurt.

"I just…" He sighed. "Same as you, I guess. Blaming myself. Feel like I don't… don't deserve him, or you…" He broke off, choking on the lump in his throat.

Paulo hummed thoughtfully. "You feel responsible?"

Toby nodded, unable to speak. He knew it probably wasn't any more reasonable than Paulo's fears, but he couldn't seem to help it.

Paulo leaned in close to him. "Do you want to know what I think?" His voice was deadly soft.

Toby nodded again.

"I think that, unless you need to use your safeword, then this is not a decision I will allow you to make," Paulo whispered. "You are  _ mine." _

Toby shivered at that. In spite of himself, he could feel his cock beginning to fatten up in his pants, as it always did when Paulo used that tone.

"I do not intend to let you go, unless you are truly so convinced of this that you want to use your safeword." He waited for a long moment. "Do you?"

"N-no, sir," he managed.

"Good. Then let this go. If I think you need to be punished, then believe me, I will punish you," Paulo said, dark satisfaction in his voice.

Toby swallowed and nodded.

Paulo stood up abruptly, seizing Toby by the collar of his jacket and pulling him to his feet as well. Another yank on his collar brought Toby crashing into Paulo's body, and their lips slammed together in a kiss so rough that Toby knew his lips would be bruised. Paulo's tongue thrust into his mouth, possessive, demanding, and Toby moaned low in his throat.

Paulo's fingers snaked into his hair then, the gel crackling as his grip tightened. Toby whimpered in pain, but his dick throbbed where it was straining against his jeans. He pressed closer to Paulo, kissing him desperately. "Please," he breathed. "Please…"

"Come with me," Paulo growled, and stalked off to the bedroom-- without letting go of Toby's hair. Toby was forced to stumble after him, half-bent over, hanging on to Paulo's arm to keep as much pressure off his scalp as he could.

Paulo shoved the door to his bedroom open with a bang and pulled Toby through, then swung his arm forward and flung Toby down on the bed. 

Toby landed awkwardly on his side and rolled onto his back, looking up at Paulo and trembling with a heady mix of fear and lust. He had no idea what Paulo intended to do to him tonight, but it didn't matter. Anything Paulo wanted to do to Toby would almost certainly be intense and painful and passionate and Toby couldn't think of anything better in the world right now.

Paulo straddled him, knees on either side of Toby's thighs, and set to work getting his clothes off. Toby's jacket and tee shirt were flung carelessly to the floor, and Paulo yanked hard at his fly, making the buttons come loose all at once with satisfying popping sounds. He moved off of Toby as quickly as he had settled on him, his hands moving fast. Toby found himself rolled over onto his stomach as Paulo wrestled off his jeans and underwear, leaving him completely naked in a matter of seconds. 

Toby tried to catch his breath as he lay there, stunned by how quickly Paulo had stripped him down. The first couple of times they had been together, Paulo had taken his time, peeling Toby's clothes off agonisingly slowly, drawing it out deliciously, letting Toby stew in the anticipation.

Not this time. Before he could even really register that he was suddenly naked, Paulo straddled his thighs again and leaned forward to grab Toby by the hair once more, pulling his head up off the bed.

"Safeword?" Paulo hissed in his ear.

"V-viral," Toby choked out.

Paulo growled softly in acknowledgement, and then he spanked Toby sharply, making him cry out and arch his back.

Paulo snarled something at him in Spanish and spanked him again. Toby fought to keep quiet this time, hazily recalling the rules Paulo had laid out for him. It was hard to remember things like that at the moment, though, given that he was lying naked on Paulo's bed while one of the most beautiful men Toby had ever seen was sitting on top of him, pulling his hair and smacking him on the bottom with no explanation offered. 

_ What are you going to do to me? _ Toby wondered, shivering. 

Paulo's mouth was still right by his ear. "What happened today…" he broke off with another low growl. "Do you need to be punished for it?"

Toby breathed hard as he thought. When Jan had first told him about his need to be punished, he hadn't really understood. It had seemed obvious to him that Jan had just made a mistake, that he just needed to let it go. But now… now he thought maybe he did understand, at least a little. Toby couldn't even think about the collision today without being overwhelmed by guilt and shame. He'd even been prepared to essentially punish himself by trying to break up with Paulo over it. Yes, maybe he did understand better now.

"Yes, please," he whispered. "Please."

Paulo's weight suddenly disappeared from his legs, and Toby found himself lifting his ass off the bed with a disappointed whine. He had been hoping Paulo would keep spanking him.

"Come here," Paulo said, and Toby rolled off the bed. He tried to keep his eyes lowered like he was supposed to, but he couldn't help sneaking peeks at Paulo as he went to him.  _ God, he is so beautiful,  _ Toby thought, feeling slightly dazed.  _ How did it take me until now to really notice him? _

"Undress me. Slowly."

Toby had to fight to keep himself from scrambling to do as Paulo said, had to fight to move slowly and deliberately when all he wanted to do was get Paulo's clothes off as quickly as Paulo had his, desperate to see every inch of Paulo. The requirement to go slow was agonising, almost as painful as the spanking had been, and there was no way he could hide the way his hands trembled with the effort of restraint as he pushed Paulo's shirt up over his tan, chiseled torso.

He did enjoy the way he was able to slide his hands over Paulo's skin as he went, though. He hadn't really been permitted to do this yet, to touch and explore and learn Paulo's body yet, and he was surprised at how hungry he was for it, to feel smooth skin and hard muscles under his fingers and marvel at the perfection of this man, this gorgeous man who had actually decided he wanted Toby. He brushed his fingers longingly through the light dusting of fine black hair on Paulo's chest as he dragged the hem of his shirt up, let his palms linger on the firm muscles of Paulo's shoulders and arms as he tugged the shirt free.

Toby stole another glance at Paulo's face as he deposited the shirt on the bed. Paulo looked somehow amused. Toby lowered his eyes again quickly, blushing.

He fumbled clumsily with Paulo's belt, getting it open with shaking fingers. He felt oddly as if this was somehow the first time he was seeing Paulo's body, even though it wasn't, and the anticipation of what he would find when he got Paulo's trousers off was delicious.

Toby dropped to his knees to tug down jeans and boxers both, sucking in an appreciative breath when he finally freed Paulo's dick, big and hard and beautiful. He lost track of what he was doing, licking his lips and peeking up at Paulo's face again in a silent plea.

"You want to taste me, Toby?"

Toby found himself nodding eagerly.

Paulo seemed to hesitate, but he nodded briefly.

Toby practically lunged forward, mouth open, desperate to taste Paulo, feel him on his tongue. But he had barely gotten his lips around the head before Paulo yanked him off again and hauled him to his feet, a closed expression on his face.

"Not… not now," Paulo said through gritted teeth. "Need to punish you first."

Toby was a little taken aback at the roughness in Paulo's voice. Why had he changed his mind? Toby knew he was inexperienced, but Paulo hadn’t even given him a chance to try.

He had no time to think about it, though, because Paulo wasn’t done moving him just yet. He led Toby over to the large armchair in the corner and indicated for him to kneel in front of it. Paulo pushed him down so that he was slumped over the seat and murmured, "Stay," as if Toby were a dog. Then he stepped away, leaving Toby to clutch at the cushion and squirm. Humiliation rose in Toby like a cresting wave, but to his surprise it only increased his arousal, the heat of his skin, the pulse of his heart.

He heard a drawer open and close, and then Paulo was back. "Those eyes of yours are dangerous," Paulo murmured in his ear. "I think if I am to punish you, then you need to not be permitted to use them against me."

His arms encircled Toby then, and he was holding a black silken scarf. Toby realised that Paulo meant to blindfold him and he shivered.

"Colour?" Paulo said softly.

Toby had no idea what Paulo was asking. He shrugged uncertainly.

"Ah, forgive me, I forget this is new to you. When we are together, if I am going to do something new or something that might be too much I will check in with you like this. Green means  _ yes, go ahead; _ yellow means  _ slow down, we need to pause; _ red means  _ stop. _ Saying red is like using your safeword-- we stop immediately, no delay, scene is over. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Colour?"

"Green, sir."

_ "Bueno," _ Paulo breathed in his ear, and then he was slipping the folded scarf over Toby's eyes and tying it securely behind his head.

"Now then." Paulo's voice was further away now. "Hold tight to the chair. You do not need to be quiet-- in fact, I want you to count the lashes."

"The-- the lashes?"

"That's right," Paulo purred. "You hurt my Jan today. I know you did not mean to, but you still need to be punished, don't you think?"

"Y-yes, sir."

"Good boy." Something fell lightly against his back, not at all hard enough to hurt. "This is a flogger. It sounds worse than it is, though. It will sting but not injure." The soft tails of the flogger dragged slowly down the skin of his back. It tickled more than anything.

"Are you ready?"

Toby swallowed. "Yes, s-sir."

There was a soft swish, and then the flogger connected with his back, more firmly this time. It did sting, but only slightly. Paulo seemed to be easing him into it.

"One."

"Ah, that was a practice swing,  _ cariño. _ Colour?"

"Green, sir," Toby said eagerly. The sting had faded almost instantly and it had left him wishing it had lasted a little longer.

"Good." Paulo then proceeded to lay the flogger's soft leather tails against Toby's back in a series of measured strokes of increasing intensity and pain. Toby faithfully tried to keep count, but sometime after the first dozen Paulo began swinging hard enough that Toby could only cry out in pain, and he lost count. After that the intensity didn't increase anymore, but Paulo covered every inch of his back with lashes at that level, just hard enough to draw cries of pain.

When Paulo finally stopped, the entirety of Toby's back felt like it was on fire, red hot and tingling. Toby's fists were clenched tight at the edges of the cushion. He knew that if he could see them, his knuckles would be white. The black silk blindfold was wet with tears.

"Are you going to hurt my Jan again?" Paulo asked him sternly.

"No, sir."

"Good boy." He heard Paulo set the whip down, and then he was lifting Toby to his feet, removing the damp blindfold. Toby hadn't even realised that his eyes were closed until Paulo whispered, "Open your eyes, Toby."

He obeyed and saw that Paulo was smiling at him. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"You did so well,  _ cariño," _ Paulo murmured, cupping Toby's face in his hands and kissing him gently. "I am so proud of you. How do you feel?"

Toby drew in a deep breath, then another. He felt… oddly calm. "Better, I think, sir."

"Good. Come here." Paulo tugged him over to the bed and laid him down on his stomach. "I'm going to put some aloe on your back before we do anything else," he said, retrieving a plastic bottle from the top of his bureau.

Luckily it seemed to be the kind with lidocaine in it, and soon the heat and pain were largely replaced by a pleasantly cool numbness.

"I normally would wait to do this until after we are completely finished," Paulo explained as he stretched out next to Toby once his task was complete. "But this is new for you and I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"Thank you, sir," Toby mumbled, smiling shyly, his head propped up on his folded arms.

"Of course,  _ cariño." _

"What does that mean?" Toby asked before he could stop himself. 

Paulo raised an eyebrow at the transgression but answered him with a soft smile. "It mean… dear, maybe, or sweetie," he explained. "I hope you don't mind."

A wash of warmth went through Toby at this, his stomach fluttering lightly. "No, it's fine," he said, blushing. "I like it."

Paulo hummed contentedly. "I have pet names for Jan. It didn't seem right not to have any for you."

"What are Jan's?"

"Well, in Spanish I call him  _ pelirrojito.  _ It mean red-haired. Little redhead."

Toby giggled. "I like it."

"And Sophie teach me some words in Dutch," Paulo went on. "So I call him  _ schatje _ too."

Toby smiled at Paulo's slightly awkward pronunciation of the endearment. "That's sweet."

"Would you like a pet name in Dutch too?" Paulo asked softly. "I don't know any others, but I can try to find something."

Another flutter went through Toby's stomach. "I… I'd like that, yes," he said, thinking. "Maybe… maybe  _ liefje?" _

_ "Liefje," _ Paulo said carefully. "What does it mean?"

Toby shrugged, suddenly embarrassed. "It's… like  _ schatje. _ Honey, sweetie."

_ "Liefje," _ Paulo repeated. "I like it. You are my  _ liefje." _

Toby didn't think he could feel any warmer, but another rush of affection flooding his body proved otherwise. Hearing Paulo call him that...

Paulo kissed him then, and whatever thought he had been in the middle of drifted away. It was tender, but with enough heat to remind Toby that they weren't done yet. His dick, hard and leaking underneath him, agreed.

"My  _ liefje,"  _ Paulo whispered. "What shall I do with you?"

"Whatever you want, sir."

Paulo's face crinkled up into one of his gorgeous smiles at that. "You are such a good boy," he purred. "But I want to give you what you want, too. So… tell me. How much experience do you have with a man before?"

Toby blushed. "Almost none," he confessed. "That one night I helped Jan, and then you, and him now. That's it."

Paulo gave a contented little growl at that. "So then… what have you not done yet that you would like to?"

Toby could feel the blush spreading down his neck. "Well… Jan and I were talking, the other day, and…"

"Yes?" Paulo prompted him.

"Well, he said that you told him that… that my ass is… is yours," Toby managed. He wanted to close his eyes in embarrassment, but he couldn't bring himself to, not when Paulo was looking at him like  _ that. _

Paulo smiled, and it was the same smile Toby had seen the night he had agreed to be Paulo's, predatory and wicked. "Yes, I did."

"I just… I'd like to try that, maybe. If you want to. Sir," Toby mumbled.

"You want me inside you?" Paulo asked, and his voice was sinful, dark and hot.

"Yes, sir," Toby whispered. "Please."

"I can do that," Paulo breathed, his beard tickling Toby's ear. "We have to go slow, though.  _ Very _ slow, if you have not done this before."

Toby nodded, trembling slightly. It was a somewhat scary idea, what he was asking for, especially given Paulo's size, but he felt somehow safe, even as he lay here with his back bearing the evidence of however many times Paulo had lashed him. It was as if he felt  _ more _ secure with Paulo after that experience, not less. He had new confidence that any pain he felt with Paulo would be very deliberately measured, exactly as much as Paulo felt he needed and not one bit more.

Paulo slid off the bed then and went to open the drawer in the bedside table. Toby watched him take out the lube and a condom, his heart thumping wildly.  _ This is really going to happen. _

Paulo's hands were on Toby's hips, drawing him up onto his knees so that his ass was sticking up, leaving him completely exposed. "Stay," he said in a low growl. "I'm going to use my fingers on you, like I did before. But this time I am going to be stretching you out enough to be able to take me, rather than just trying to make you feel good. I want you to take deep breaths while I'm pushing in, okay?"

Toby let out a soft whine of acknowledgement, and the next thing he knew Paulo's slick finger was pushing inside him, sliding in and out in small increments. Toby's eyes rolled back in his head at how good it felt.  _ If just one finger feels like this, how will more feel? How will his dick feel? _

Paulo paused once his first finger was all the way inside Toby. "Colour,  _ liefje?" _

Toby moaned incoherently, both from pleasure and at the pet name. "Green…"

Paulo rumbled approvingly and set to work, moving his finger in and out, up and down, curling it and straightening it again. Toby couldn't possibly keep from squirming under his touch. Paulo planted his other hand flat at the base of Toby's spine to keep him still enough for Paulo to be able to proceed.

In time one finger became two, and then three. With each increase Toby let out a pitiful whine, and Paulo did a colour check each time with concern in his voice. Toby answered green each time, though, and so Paulo kept going.

Eventually Paulo paused. "I think you're ready now,  _ liefje," _ he said gently. "How do you feel?"

Toby couldn't come up with actual words, so he just moaned and nodded, hoping that Paulo would understand.

It seemed he did, because he took his fingers away, leaving Toby aching and empty. He whimpered with disappointment and Paulo gave a low chuckle. "Don't worry,  _ liefje,  _ I'll fill you up again in just a moment." 

Toby turned his head so that he could just see Paulo, standing next to the bed, rolling the condom down over his dick, applying a generous amount of lube. Toby shivered at the sight. He was still a little nervous about how big Paulo was, but he wasn't about to say so, not when he was this close to getting what he wanted.

Paulo took up his position kneeling on the bed behind Toby and laid one hand caressingly on Toby's ass. "Are you ready?" he asked, his voice soft.

Toby took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yes," he whispered.

"If it's too much, you say, okay? I'm going to go slow, but I don't want you to keep quiet if I'm hurting you. And don't forget to breathe."

Toby closed his eyes and nodded.  _ Come on, please, please, I need you… _

The pressure as Paulo began to push into him took him somewhat by surprise. Paulo fingering him had not really been adequate preparation for this, he realised. This was so much  _ more. _

Paulo was moving slowly, agonisingly slowly, in and out, letting Toby adjust to the slight burn and stretch a little bit at a time. Toby could feel Paulo trembling a bit from the effort of keeping himself under control, and Toby was grateful. With each little bit more that Paulo worked inside him Toby thought he was going to lose his mind. He stopped being conscious of the noises he was making, his face buried in his folded arms on the mattress.

Paulo paused at one point. Toby had no idea how far in he was, or how long they had been at this, but he was thankful for the brief rest.

"Toby," Paulo said, his voice shaky. "Colour?"

Toby whimpered, trying to make his voice work. "G-green," he finally managed.

"Are you sure?" Paulo sounded worried. "You're so…" He trailed off with a soft groan. "So _ tight." _

Toby didn't try to answer that. He couldn't. He just made a soft noise in his throat and tried to push back against Paulo. He was being overwhelmed, but at the same time he needed  _ more. _

Paulo groaned again and gripped Toby's hips tightly. "Toby…" he sighed, and pressed a little more of his dick inside of him.

They kept going like that, back and forth, a little bit at a time, until finally Paulo stopped, his hips flush with Toby's ass, and stayed there, panting. "Toby, Toby, you're so good," he breathed. "You feel so good. Colour?"

"Green," Toby mumbled, somewhat muffled by his face being half buried in his arms. "But maybe… just… slow…"

"Don't worry," Paulo murmured. "I'll wait until you are ready."

They stayed there for a few minutes, Toby breathing steadily and trying to convince his body to relax. He desperately wanted to ask Paulo to move in him, but he was having trouble forming the words. He wiggled his hips experimentally, finding that some of the intensity of that initial push had faded. He licked his lips and rocked back against Paulo. "Please," he whispered. "Please."

Paulo's hands tightened on his hips. "Toby," he moaned as he began to move, slowly at first. "Toby, my  _ cariño, _ my  _ liefje, _ you are incredible. So good. Such a good boy for me."

Toby whimpered.  _ Yes,  _ he thought.  _ I'm a good boy. _

Paulo was leaning further over him now, running his fingers up Toby's back as he rocked his hips gently against Toby's ass. "Does this hurt?" he whispered.

Toby shrugged. The lidocaine had done its work well, so it hurt less than it likely would have otherwise. But the tingle of pain Paulo's touch brought wasn't unwelcome, Toby discovered. Not at all.

"More," he managed. "Please, more…"

Paulo flattened his hand on Toby's back and began stroking his tender, sensitive skin. "Like this?"

"More," Toby said, his voice scarcely even a whisper. Paulo was thrusting into him steadily now, and to Toby's surprise the discomfort was all but gone now. Something inside him had melted under Paulo's touch, something that made him pliant and eager and needy.

Paulo growled softly, and his hand was gone from Toby's back. He pushed Toby's hips down to the bed, moving with him until Toby was lying flat on his stomach, Paulo laying between his spread legs, still buried deep inside him. Toby made a high, keening sound as Paulo's chest made contact with his glowing back. Paulo drew back slightly in alarm, but Toby reached back, found one of Paulo's arms, and pulled him close again. 

"Please," he said again. "More."

Paulo relaxed above him and bent his head to kiss Toby's neck, his hips moving again, not fast, but steady and intense. Toby writhed underneath him at the combined sensations of Paulo pressing against his sensitised back while sliding his cock in and out.

"Toby," Paulo whispered, propping himself up on one elbow, stroking Toby's skin with the other hand, trailing his fingers over arms, shoulders, down his side. "Toby…"

With each thrust Paulo was hitting something inside him now, something that Paulo had stroked with his fingers before, but the pleasure of Paulo's dick hitting that particularly sensitive spot was on a different level. Toby was past words, past awareness of anything but Paulo, his long, beautiful body pressing Toby down into the mattress, his cock moving inside him, his lips on Toby's neck, his hand sliding around Toby's hip.

"So good," Paulo whispered. "So good,  _ liefje." _ His fingers closed around Toby's aching dick and began stroking. Toby let out a low moan. He could feel his climax building inside him, burning hot just underneath his skin.

"Toby," Paulo panted. "Oh, Toby. I am… so close… want you… come for me…"

Toby whimpered. He was only millimetres from the edge, he couldn't stop it now if he had wanted to. He felt the sudden flare of pain that almost always preceded his orgasm, as he bit down on his own flesh, and heard himself groaning as he spent himself in Paulo's hand.

"Good boy," Paulo breathed.  _ "Fuck…" _

He felt Paulo's body jerking above him as he came, his lips pressed against the top of Toby's spine, his dick buried so deep inside of Toby that he wondered if they would ever manage to separate their bodies again.

They lay together for a few minutes, breathing heavily, as the aftershocks gradually faded away. Paulo shifted his weight off of Toby but otherwise didn't move to disentangle himself for some time. He still had his lips pressed against the back of Toby's neck, but it wasn't quite a kiss, just a connection that neither of them wanted to break.

Finally Paulo groaned and lifted himself carefully off of Toby, their sweaty skin separating only reluctantly. He pulled out slowly, but Toby still winced. He was definitely going to feel this tomorrow, he realised. It had been well worth it, though.

Paulo got up and disappeared into the adjoining bathroom for a moment, and Toby rolled onto his back, a lazy smile on his face. He felt better than he had in some time. He knew, even accepted now, that the collision with Jan hadn't really been his fault. And if Paulo still wanted him around enough to have given him all of this, then Paulo must not really blame him either. It was a good thought, one that enabled Toby to let go of his guilt and instead just drift through the hazy afterglow of some of the best sex he had ever had.

Paulo came back after a moment with a washcloth, which he used to gently clean Toby up, wiping away cum and lube and sweat. Toby felt like purring like a cat under his touch. Everything felt so right, so good.

But when Paulo went to deposit the washcloth in the bathroom again, he came back and sat on the edge of the bed, his head down. Toby could hear a slight hitch in his breathing as he sat, facing away from Toby.

"Paulo?" Toby said softly. "Is everything… I mean… are you okay?"

Paulo cleared his throat. "I…" He fumbled for a bit, then sighed and turned back to face Toby. "Not really," he admitted.

"Come here," Toby murmured, holding his arms out. Paulo smiled briefly and moved over to settle in for some cuddling.

"Are you still blaming yourself?" Toby asked gently. 

Paulo sucked in a breath, let it out slowly. "I suppose I am. Even if… even if I couldn't have done anything to keep you and Jan from getting hurt… I was just thinking, what kind of boyfriend am I, to not go to Jan's house tonight, to help take care of him?"

"Sophie is taking care of him, isn't she?"

Paulo nodded. "Of course. But I… she offered, you know. To let me stay the night with them, to be near Jan. Instead I come home and fuck you." His voice was shaking with emotion. "Some boyfriend I am. Some Dom I am."

Toby's heart sank. He had almost forgotten, in how wonderful it had been for a little bit there, how things really stood. He knew how much Paulo loved Jan; he probably should have expected that Paulo would sink back into feeling guilty over everything that had happened today.

He swallowed his own feelings and squeezed Paulo tight, trying to think of some way to help. "I don't think you're a bad Dom," he ventured. "I mean, you know Jan is safe, and Sophie's taking care of him. And…" He hesitated. The last thing he wanted to do was to be selfish, but if the reminder would help Paulo… "And I n-needed you," he whispered.

Paulo blinked and looked at him, and something changed in his eyes. He smiled faintly. "Did you?"

Toby nodded, his throat suddenly tight.

"Well," Paulo said. "At least I got something right, then." He leaned in and kissed Toby, and it was soft and sweet and everything Toby could have wanted-- almost.

But this was good, he thought, relaxing in Paulo's arms. This was enough for him.


	27. Chapter 27

Jan slid into the passenger seat and fastened his seat belt with a sigh. Sophie gave him a sympathetic smile and squeezed his hand, but it didn't help.

In one regard the visit to the neurologist had been a good one. They had confirmed that he had no concussion and ruled out any more serious damage. Even his nose could have been worse-- it was broken, yes, but only slightly.

But the neurologist had given him an unsettling warning as well. This had been a near miss, apparently; the catalogue of injuries that had been only narrowly avoided was a long one, and a sizeable percentage of them could have been career-ending, or worse. The doctor had also said that too many more knocks like this could build up over time and become a problem. In short, he needed to be more careful of his head on the pitch.

The worst part, though, was the doctor's heartless reminder at the end of the visit. "Don't forget, you're not as young as you used to be," the hateful man had intoned. As if Jan could possibly forget.

They drove home in silence. He was still under orders to rest today and report to Enfield tomorrow for further assessment with the team doctors in the wake of the neurologist's report. He had some hope that he might be able to play in the second leg against Ajax, but if so he would need to obey all the restrictions the doctors gave him in the interim, which promised to be tedious. 

When they got home, Sophie insisted on taking his arm even for the short walk from the car to the door. "I  _ can _ walk, you know," he grumbled at her.

"Of course you can, darling. I saw you walking yesterday, back out onto the pitch and then straight back off again before you practically collapsed in Pochettino's arms. That was fun to watch from the stands," she said tartly. "So kindly shut up and let me help you, okay?"

Jan sighed. He knew she was right. He had really had no business trying to play on after the collision with Toby and Onana. He knew that now, and probably should have known it then. But nothing got under his skin like having to admit to being unable to play, admit to being hurt. It felt like admitting that he was mortal after all-- and worse than mortal, that he was getting  _ old. _

But sniping at Sophie wasn't going to do any good at all. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't be grumpy with you. It's just…"

"I know, darling," she said gently. "I know."

When she opened the door, they were greeted by a familiar laugh. Jan blinked. Somehow, in everything else he had had to think about that morning with the visit to the neurologist, he had managed to forget that Paulo had volunteered to come watch the kids. He had been half asleep still when Sophie had bundled him out the door, but he remembered getting a kiss in passing.

Suddenly he felt better. Having Paulo here would help keep his spirits up, for certain. Being near Paulo always had that effect on him, he had noticed, no matter what else was going on.

When they entered the living room, both Jan and Sophie stopped short and stared. Paulo was sitting on the floor, his long legs splayed out in a wide V in front of him, rolling a ball back and forth with Jan's son. His daughter, on the other hand, was standing behind Paulo, busily brushing his hair-- the back half of it, anyway. The front half had apparently already been tended to; it had been separated into several tufts, each of which was sticking straight up and fastened by a different-coloured sparkly hair barrette.

Paulo looked up as they entered, a delighted smile on his face. "How was it?" he said cheerfully, rolling the ball back with one hand and wincing slightly as Leyla yanked a little too hard on the hairbrush.

"Fine," Sophie said, a barely disguised giggle in her voice. "Everything looks good. I see you're having fun?"

Paulo beamed up at them. "Of course. They are sweet kids."

Jan had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "I like the new look," he said once he had gotten himself under control. "Maybe you should wear your hair like that on match days. Nobody will be able to get a penalty past you if they're staring at your hair."

Paulo's dark brows drew together. "She was having fun," he grumbled. "How could I say no?"

"Impressive," Jan said innocently. "Normally it takes her longer than just a couple of hours to wrap someone around her finger."

"Papa, don't be mean," Leyla scolded him. "I think he looks nice."

"Of course he does," Jan agreed, scooping her up for a kiss. "You've done a very nice job with his hair."

"Yes, I did," she agreed with a child's utter lack of modesty. "I was going to paint his nails too, but I ran out of time."

Jan raised an eyebrow at Paulo, who blushed and shrugged, passing the ball back and forth between his hands.

"Well, maybe you'll have time for that a little later," he told her. "I was going to ask if Paulo wanted to hang around here for a while yet. What do you think?"

"Yes! I wanted to read him some of my books too, and--"

"That's fine, darling," Sophie cut in. "But remember, Paulo is Papa's friend too, and I think he'll probably want to spend time with him today too."

Leyla stuck her lip out in an impressive pout. "Fine, as long as Papa remembers to share," she said with all the ferocity a three-year-old could muster.

Jan had to laugh at that. "I'll try," he promised.

Sophie shooed the kids out of the room shortly after, leaving Jan alone with Paulo for the first time since the match against Ajax had begun. Paulo hurriedly picked himself up off the floor and went straight to Jan, cradling his face with infinitely gentle hands and kissing him tenderly. It was a short-lived kiss, though, and Jan found himself being steered towards the couch.

"Paulo, I don't need--"

"Quiet," Paulo growled. "Watching you get injured and being able to do nothing is one of the worst moments of my life. I mean to spend today taking care of you in any way I can. Now lie down; I seem to recall the doctor tell you to rest, no?"

Jan sighed. "Yes, sir."

It was a strange experience, having Paulo wait on him hand and foot. Paulo refused to let him get up for anything short of a trip to the bathroom, and seemed intent on spoiling Jan as much as possible, bringing him snacks, water, coffee, a book to read. When Jan didn't need anything, he would sit on the floor next to the couch and alternate between stroking Jan's hair and kissing him, long, slow, lazy kisses that warmed Jan all the way down to his toes. After one particularly sweet kiss, Jan opened his eyes and smiled dreamily up at Paulo, only to destroy the mood by breaking down into helpless giggles.

Paulo frowned at him. "What is funny?"

"N-nothing, really," Jan wheezed. "You're just so cute with your hair like that, is all."

Paulo gave a startled laugh. "I forgot they were there," he said sheepishly, raising a hand to investigate.

"It's very pretty," Jan assured him. "Brings out your eyes."

Paulo raised an eyebrow at him as he began undoing Leyla's hard work.

"You'd fit right in at her preschool," he went on blithely. "I mean, you'd be a little taller than most of the other kids, but none of them could possibly be any cuter than you."

_ "Callate, wacho," _ Paulo growled playfully, pinching his nipple through his tee shirt. 

Jan yelped indignantly. "Well, that's not very nice at all. That sort of behaviour definitely won't go over well with the teachers."

Paulo scowled at him. "You talk too much."

Jan shrugged. "I mean, you knew that when you pulled my hair--"

Jan's comment was abruptly cut off by Paulo leaning in and kissing him again, a little more thoroughly this time. Jan could feel his body starting to respond and wished with all his might that concussion protocol didn't preclude him from sex.

As it was, he let out a little whine when Paulo nipped him gently on the lip. Paulo chuckled softly and wound his fingers into Jan's hair. He didn't pull this time, though, to Jan's disappointment. He just ran his fingers through it gently, caressingly, as he kissed Jan again and again.

A soft cough came from the doorway, and Paulo reluctantly lifted his head. Sophie was standing there, smiling. "I'm going to take the kids over to Toby and Shani's for a playdate," she said. "It'll be up to you to make sure he doesn't do anything he shouldn't, Paulo."

"Don't worry," Paulo said reassuringly. "He won't."

"Good." Sophie came over to give Jan a kiss, and Paulo got one on the cheek as well. "Don't have too much fun, boys."

Jan pouted, but she was already on her way, her laughter following her down the hall.

"Don't sulk, Jan," Paulo said, pinching his lip between thumb and forefinger and tugging lightly. "Or maybe you'll be the one going off to preschool, yes?"

Jan smirked up at him and sucked longingly on the tip of Paulo's thumb for a moment. "So now that we're alone, what shall we do?"

Paulo groaned softly and pulled his hand away. "Nothing along those lines," he said firmly. "You know concussion protocol, you're supposed to avoid exertion of any kind."

Jan let out a sigh of defeat. "I know, I just wish…" He left it hanging.

"Believe me,  _ schatje," _ Paulo said with a fond smile. "I would love to fuck you right now, but your health is more important."

"What would you do with me, exactly?" Jan asked coyly. "If I can't do it, I want to at least imagine it."

Paulo hummed, considering. "Well, for starters, I'd peel off your clothes, slowly. I always love seeing every inch of you, kissing every bit of your skin." He kissed the inside of Jan's elbow to demonstrate.

Jan closed his eyes with a sigh of longing. "What else?"

Paulo kissed his way down Jan's arm to his hand, pressing the last kiss to the centre of his palm before he lifted his head. "Oh, I don't know," he whispered. "It occurs to me that I haven't really gotten to taste you properly yet."

Jan shivered. "You can taste me any time you want," he breathed.

Paulo chuckled softly. "Except for right now," he reminded Jan. "But when you are recovered, I think I will."

A buzzing sound interrupted them then, from the coffee table where Paulo had left his phone. Paulo automatically went to retrieve it. Jan brushed off a twinge of annoyance at anything distracting Paulo from him; he had been enjoying having Paulo's full attention more than he had realised.

Paulo's face lit up as he looked at his phone. "Toby wants to come over," he said, sending another twinge through Jan at how happy Paulo sounded.  _ Am I actually jealous? Of Toby? _ It seemed like a silly thought; Toby was surely wanting to see Jan at least as much as Paulo, and Jan always enjoyed Toby's company. But it seemed he still had some work to do to master the instinctive jealousy he felt at Paulo paying attention to someone else, even someone Jan liked as much as Toby.

For now, though, he shoved it away and smiled. "Sounds good," he said, and he meant it. The night he and Toby had spent together over the weekend had been a good one, but surprisingly different from the time he spent with Paulo, he had found. Oh, the sex had been just as good, but being with Toby was less… intense, maybe. Easier, more effortless. Maybe it was just because he had known Toby longer.

Paulo quickly tapped out a reply, then set his phone down again and returned to what he had been doing, giving Jan a long, sweet kiss and then burying his face in Jan's neck.

"How do you feel?" Paulo asked softly.

Jan shrugged. "Fine. My nose hurts." It was the same answer he'd given the last several times Paulo had asked, but he shrugged off any irritation that he might have felt at the repetitive question. Paulo was just concerned about him, understandably so. The more Jan thought about his injury, the more he realised how lucky he had been.

Paulo went to fetch him a fresh ice pack, leaving Jan to admire his ass as he walked away. Once he was out of the room, Jan sighed, bitterly resenting the restrictions he was under.

Soon after Paulo had returned and resumed kissing him underneath the ice pack, Jan heard a soft knock at the door. Paulo automatically went to answer it, and Jan didn't object, reasoning that it was almost certainly Toby. If it had been anyone else, Jan would have stopped Paulo; there was no telling what the repercussions might be if the wrong person was at the door and saw Paulo there.

Paulo returned a moment later, smiling, hand in hand with Toby. He tried to lead Toby over to the couch, but Toby pulled free and shoved his hands in his pockets, staring down at the floor.

"Hi, Tobes," Jan said softly. "How's it going?"

Toby shrugged awkwardly, still not meeting Jan's eyes. "Fine," he mumbled. "How's your head?"

"No worse than usual," Jan said lightly. "Well, not much, anyway. My nose got the worst of it, really."

Toby nodded and fell silent again. Jan could see his throat working as he stood there, glaring at the floor as if it had been the one to break Jan's nose. Paulo nudged him, but all that did was make Toby squirm in place. 

"Tobes?"

Jan saw Toby bite his lip, and then there was a barely audible sniff.

_ "Kom hier," _ Jan said gently.  _ "Alsjeblieft." _

_ "Het spijt me," _ Toby mumbled, and Jan could hear the tears in his voice.  _ "Het spijt me zeer." _

_ "Het was niet jouw schuld," _ Jan said, more firmly.

Paulo spoke up then. "I try to tell him this too. I thought you believe me,  _ liefje." _

Something twinged in Jan's chest, hearing Paulo call him that. He shoved it aside, though, more concerned about Toby at the moment.

"Toby,  _ please _ come here," Jan practically begged. "Or I'm getting up and coming over there, and I don't think Paulo will be happy with that."

Toby moved at that, so suddenly that he stumbled and nearly fell. Paulo caught him by the arm and steadied him, guiding him firmly over to Jan and down onto his knees. Jan could see, close up, just how upset Toby was, how much pain was in his beautiful blue eyes.

"Look at me, please?" Jan whispered, catching Toby's shirt in his hands, pulling him closer, trying to meet his eyes, but Toby was keeping them averted. "Tobes, please."

Toby bit his lip, but didn't resist, letting Jan pull him in until their foreheads touched.

_ "Je bent zo belangrijk voor mij. Kijk alsjeblieft naar me?" _ Jan whispered. "Please don't shut me out."

Toby finally lifted his eyes to Jan's, and that was the moment the first tears spilled over his eyelashes and ran down his cheeks.

"It's okay," Jan said gently. "I'm okay, or I will be. You'll have to try harder than that if your plot is to take me out."

Toby laughed a little in spite of himself and wound his arms around Jan's waist, resting his head against Jan's chest. "I'm so glad you're going to be okay. Don't know what I'd do if it were any worse."

"He beat himself up plenty already," Paulo said softly, taking a seat on the floor next to Toby. "I had to tell him, this is my job."

Jan looked sharply at Paulo. "Please tell me you didn't punish him for it?"

"He needed me to," Paulo said quietly. "He try to punish himself, but the way he wanted to do it was much worse."

"I didn't…" Toby's voice was muffled where he had his face buried in Jan's chest.

Jan raised an eyebrow. "What did he do?"

"He try to end things with me."

Jan blinked. "Why?"

Between them Toby was squirming with embarrassment. "Please… I…"

"Don't you think Jan deserve to know?" Paulo asked him gently.

Toby didn't answer, just tightened his arms around Jan. Jan looked back and forth between the back of his head and Paulo. 

"Tobes, I don't want to make you talk about anything you don't want to," Jan said, bending a bit to drop a kiss on the soft blond hair that was all he could reach. "But if something's wrong, we should talk about it, shouldn't we?"

Toby let out a quick sob, prompting Jan to close his arms around Toby's head and neck, wrapping him up, holding him close. "It's okay," he murmured. "It's okay. I promise, it's okay."

"I don't-- I don't--" Toby choked out. "Don't… deserve either of you, I…"

"Bullshit," Jan said bluntly. "Sorry, Tobes, but that's just not true. I don't know about Paulo, but whether you  _ deserve _ me or not has nothing to do with why I want to be with you, and even if it did, what happened yesterday wouldn't change that one way or another. It was an  _ accident,  _ Toby. You didn't mean to jump into me, I certainly didn't mean to jump into you. It wasn't anyone's fault. Or if it was, then it was definitely mine, because I was the one facing you, yeah? If I'd been paying a little more attention, maybe I could have avoided you, but I wasn't."

Paulo let out a short bark of laughter at that, startling both Toby and Jan into silence. Jan looked over at him with a raised eyebrow, and even Toby lifted his head slightly from where he had been crying steadily into Jan's shirt.

"I'm sorry, my sweet boys," Paulo said, controlling himself with a visible effort. "I just-- you realise all three of us blame ourselves for this now? Maybe we all need to accept that this wasn't anyone's fault. I know is not easy, but…"

Jan looked back at Toby with a smile. "What do you think? If I can let it go, and Paulo can let it go, can you stop blaming yourself? I promise you, I don't blame you, and losing you would hurt so much worse than the injury."

Toby swallowed. "I… I mean, I don't  _ want _ to end things, believe me. I'd have to be crazy to, right when I've got everything I've wanted since I was sixteen."

Paulo smiled warmly, and Jan lifted his head to kiss Toby softly, stroking his hair.

Toby sighed into his mouth and tightened his arms around Jan's waist again, kissing him back eagerly.

Jan pulled back after only a moment as what Toby had said sank all the way in.

"Since you were sixteen?"

Toby flinched and blushed. "I… I didn't mean to say that, I…"

"But you… since we were at Ajax…?"

Toby took a deep breath, his cheeks glowing like live coals, and nodded.

"Why didn't you ever say anything before?"

Toby shrugged, still blushing. "I didn't really realise it for a while, and then…" He hesitated.

Jan tilted his head curiously. "And then?"

"I, um. Accidentally saw you one day."

"You saw me," Jan repeated, his brow creasing in confusion.

"Yeah. Out behind that big tree, the one by the fence at the edge of the training grounds?"

Jan nodded slowly, his heart suddenly speeding up as he guessed where Toby was going with this. That had been one of the places he had liked to hide for a variety of reasons when he was at the academy-- including for his limited explorations with other boys.

"You were, um. Kissing someone. I don't remember his name."

It was Jan's turn to blush at that. "I never knew anyone saw us."

Toby shrugged. "I didn't mean to spy on you or anything, I was just looking for you to see if you wanted to hang out, I think. I ran away as soon as I realised-- well, almost as soon." Toby's blush deepened. Jan quirked an eyebrow at him and Toby shrugged again. "Anyway, that was the first time I started to understand how… how I f-felt about you," he mumbled. "Don't usually cry yourself to sleep over someone you just like as a friend, I guess."

"All those years?" Jan said, his throat tight.

Toby couldn't meet his eyes anymore. He gave a tiny nod, and another tear ran down his cheek.

"Oh, Tobes," Jan whispered, pulling him into a tight hug. He had never known, never had any idea, not even after their one night together. He wished there was some way to make it up to him, to make up for lost time, though he knew there wasn't. His arms tightened around Toby as it sank in, how close Jan had come to losing him, how devastating that would have been. He wanted to hold Toby close and never, ever let him go again.


	28. Chapter 28

Toby took a deep breath and lifted his face from where it had been buried in Jan's chest. He had kept it there long after his tears had dried up, partly to enjoy how tightly Jan was holding him, partly in mortification-- he hadn't meant to let that slip to Jan, how long Toby had had feelings for him. Jan didn't seem to mind, but it still terrified him. He'd kept that secret for nearly half his life, and he still couldn't quite shake the fear that lingered, that somehow the revelation would drive Jan away.

But for the moment, at least, Jan seemed to be nowhere near being driven away. He had only relaxed his iron grip on Toby when Toby actually made to move, to lift his head at last. When Toby met Jan's eyes, they were warm, full of something Toby wasn't used to seeing there. Normally Jan looked at Toby in one of two ways: the professional face he wore on the pitch, and the more relaxed, joking way he behaved around his friends. More recently he'd also started looking at Toby with lust in his eyes, which never failed to amaze Toby, to draw him in. But this…

_ This _ wasn't the way Jan looked at Toby.  _ This _ was the way he looked at Sophie. Or Dries, or Paulo…

A wave of dizziness swept over Toby as he realised the implications of that line of thought, and he had to close his eyes and take a long, slow breath. Before he had quite recovered, though, Jan's lips were on his, and all thought quickly fled under the sweetness of that kiss.

It didn't stay sweet for very long, though. Jan's tongue found its way into his mouth, and god, he was clutching at Toby's shirt in a way that made his blood boil. He responded eagerly, sighing into Jan's mouth and running one hand down his chest.

Then pain exploded in his scalp, and he was hauled bodily off of Jan by the hair and flung to the floor, where he caught himself with the palms of his hands. He stayed there for a long moment, breathing shakily, hanging his head and listening to the pounding of his heart.

"Not now," Paulo said sternly. "Jan need to keep his heart rate down."

"Sorry, sir," Toby mumbled, raising himself up to his knees, carefully keeping his eyes down. He was all too aware of the prominent bulge in his trousers, and felt genuinely ashamed of himself for letting his excitement get the better of him when Jan needed to rest.

"I hate concussion protocol," Jan muttered. "Alone with both of my boyfriends and I can't have any fun." Another wave of dizziness nearly floored Toby at hearing Jan call him his boyfriend.

Paulo laughed softly. "Sorry, my love. I know is no fun." He paused, and though he carefully kept his eyes lowered, Toby could almost hear Paulo considering him. "You could watch a show though, yes?"

"No screens," Jan said, a trace of a pout in his voice.

"Not what I mean," Paulo said in a voice that was nearly a purr. "Come here,  _ liefje." _

Toby scrambled to his feet, but kept his eyes down. "Yes, sir?"

Paulo's hands were on his body, moving him to face Jan, still lying on the couch, and pulling him back tightly against Paulo. A small moan escaped him when he felt Paulo's cock digging into his ass, hot and hard and insistent. Paulo's mouth was moving on his neck, his voice like honey in Toby's ear. "You like what we did last night, yes? Like having me inside you?"

Toby couldn't find his voice to answer, but his body was answering for him, melting back against Paulo, his dick achingly hard.

"I want to fuck you again while Jan watch. Colour?"

"Green," Toby whispered, a wash of heat flooding his entire body. Paulo was running his fingertips up and down Toby's arms, making his skin prickle. Toby forced himself not to look at Jan, his face flushing at the thought of Jan watching him submit to Paulo so completely.

Paulo wrapped his arms around Toby, his hands roaming across his stomach and chest, fisting his shirt and tugging it slowly up, exposing Toby's skin to view. Paulo ran his long fingers through Toby's chest hair, his palm ghosting over the tattoo on one side, catching Toby's nipple between his thumb and forefinger and rolling it back and forth until it was a hard little peak, making Toby squeak when he pinched it.

Paulo growled wordlessly in his ear and tugged Toby's shirt the rest of the way up over his head. When it cleared his face, Toby caught sight of Jan watching them, his eyes dark, cheeks bright and lips bitten. Toby had to close his eyes; if he kept looking at Jan, looking back at him like that, he might come before Paulo did anything else to him at all.

Toby tipped his head back onto Paulo's shoulder and sighed softly as Paulo's hands slid down to undo his belt buckle. He could feel Jan's eyes on him, as hungry and eager as Paulo's hands getting his trousers open. He felt caught between them, pinned against Paulo by the heat in Jan's gaze. Paulo's lips were on his neck, his teeth grazing lightly over Toby's skin.

Jan sighed softly when Paulo dragged Toby's trousers and pants down to his ankles. "God, you're beautiful, Tobes," he murmured wistfully, idly running his fingertips back and forth over his stomach, trailing little circles around his navel, starting to wander further south.

"Yes, he is," Paulo rumbled in agreement, his hands sliding back up Toby's legs and sides as he slowly straightened up again. He bit softly at the thick muscle of Toby's shoulder, sucked a quick mark into his skin, then covered it with a gentle tongue. Toby moaned, his eyes drifting shut again with a flutter of his eyelashes. "No touching,  _ schatje." _

"At all?" Toby could hear the pout in Jan's voice.

"Your heart rate don't know if it's me doing the touching or you," Paulo reminded him heartlessly. "Think of it as a challenge. Can you keep yourself in control?"

"Yes, sir," Jan said sulkily.

Paulo breathed a soft laugh against Toby's neck. "If you can't control yourself, we can stop," he suggested. "I can send Toby home, if he is too tempting."

_ Please no, _ Toby pleaded silently.  _ Don't send me away. _

"Please, no," Jan said, unconsciously echoing Toby's thoughts. "I'll be good."

"Good," Paulo growled, nipping at Toby's ear. "Then hush, and be still."

Toby opened his eyes again in time to see Jan moving his hands away from his crotch, putting them firmly by his sides instead. He was biting his lip, his eyes eager as he watched them. Toby gave him a brief, weak smile before one of Paulo's hands was in his hair, pulling hard, bringing his head back onto Paulo's shoulder while Paulo attacked his neck with lips and teeth and tongue. His other hand moved steadily around Toby's hips and found his cock, getting a firm grip on it and stroking him slowly.

"Good boy," Paulo growled. Toby had no idea which of them he was talking to, but it didn't matter. "Jan, lube and condoms are in your bedroom, yes?"

"Yes, sir," Jan murmured. "Nightstand, top drawer."

"Go get them," Paulo instructed Toby, letting go of him all at once, giving him a nudge towards the stairs. Toby could feel himself going pink down to his toes at being made to trot through Jan's house, fully naked and achingly hard, sent to fetch lube and condoms so that he could be fucked in the ass. The humiliation was intoxicating, it burned in him like sweet fire, making his head spin.

He knew his way to Jan's bedroom, of course; he had spent the night in it only a few days ago, after all. He fumbled at the door, his arms feeling strangely heavy compared to the lightness in his head. He found what he was looking for in fairly short order, and staggered back to the living room, more eager than he ever would have believed to get back, to get on his knees and beg to be dominated, to be fucked.

He came to an abrupt halt in the doorway on his return, though. Paulo was lying on top of Jan, completely naked now, his hands in Jan's hair, kissing him hungrily.

Toby cleared his throat softly. "Jan needs to rest, sir," he said timidly. 

Paulo lifted his head and glanced at Toby, his eyes narrowing as he considered. Finally he sighed disconsolately and lifted himself off of Jan completely. "You're right," he grumbled. 

"I'm sorry--" Toby started, but Paulo silenced him with a wave of his hand.

"Don't be. You're right, and you were right to remind me. Thank you for helping take good care of my Jan."

Toby felt himself blushing again, but he didn't miss the face Jan was making at him from behind Paulo. "Sorry, Jantje," he said contritely. "I like your head the way it is." 

Jan stuck his tongue out at him.

"Now, now," Paulo said silkily, moving up behind Toby again. "No need to sulk, my love. When you are past concussion watch we can do all of this again and you can play too. But for now, I want you to just watch." As he spoke his hands were roaming over Toby's skin again, pinching lightly in some places, letting his fingertips ghost over others, making Toby's skin prickle and tingle under his touch.

"Yes, sir," Jan said with a sigh. Paulo's chuckle sounded right in Toby's ear, an instant before he was forced down, onto his hands and knees in the middle of the living room. He recovered from his surprise quickly enough, and found himself staring straight into Jan's eyes, hot and intense. He didn't look away, even as Paulo began to finger him, reaching deep inside him to brush the pad of his finger against Toby's prostate, making him tremble and sigh.

"Talk to him," Paulo said in a low voice. "Tell him what I do to you, how it make you feel."

The command made Toby blush to the roots of his hair. He had never really been comfortable with attempting dirty talk before; it always made him want to squirm. He didn't mind listening to others saying these things, but being asked to do it himself sometimes felt impossibly mortifying.

"I… it's…" Toby stammered, still unable to look away from Jan's eyes. "Paulo…"

Paulo gave a low growl and twisted his finger inside Toby, wringing a moan from his lips.

"Is it good, Tobes?" Jan asked softly. "I'd give anything to be in your place. Or to kiss you right now."

"Please," Toby whispered, pushing back against Paulo's hand. "Paulo, I… fuck. More, please, sir."

Paulo made a non-committal noise and shrugged. "You didn't really answer Jan's question," he said, sounding disappointed. "Is it good?"

Toby struggled for a moment, desperate to drop his eyes to the floor but unable to look away from Jan. Toby could see how hard he was, how dark his eyes were, and he wanted to tell him, to say how good it was, how much he needed this from Paulo, needed this and more, but the words seemed to stick in his throat.

Paulo sighed. "Well, if you can't give Jan a straight answer…" Toby felt Paulo's finger slip out of him-- not completely, just a bit, just enough to suggest that Paulo might actually stop if Toby didn't do as he was told.

"No," Toby gasped. "Please sir, don't stop, please…"

"Then answer Jan."

Toby whimpered. "Fuck. Yes, it's good, feels so good, but…"

"But what?" Jan breathed, his eyes burning like fire on Toby's skin.

"I need more," Toby said haltingly, blushing harder than ever. "Please, sir, I…"

"More what?" Paulo prompted him. "What am I doing that you need more of?"

Toby moaned, the sheer embarrassment of being asked to say these things making his blood boil. "Your fingers, please, I want another one, f-feels so good when you touch me inside…"

"Good boy," Paulo purred, and a second finger breached Toby alongside the first. "Are you watching Jan? He's watching you. If he could, what do you think he would do to you?"

Toby bit his lip, his lust-addled mind having difficulty stringing words together.

"What would you  _ want _ him to do to you?"

"Jan," Toby sighed, squirming as Paulo fucked him with his fingers. "I… anything, please, Jan… I-I want…"

"What do you want, Tobes?" Jan's voice burned in Toby's ears like molten lava, spreading through his body, burning, aching. It was excruciating; it was exquisite.

"You," Toby whispered longingly. "I want you. I d-don't care what you do, just touch me, kiss me,  _ fuck…" _ Paulo had pulled his fingers away, leaving him empty and desperate.  _ "Please,  _ Paulo, fuck me, sir…"

A wordless growl filled his ear in answer, and Paulo seized his hair and pulled him roughly to his feet. Paulo's hands were on his hips, moving him into position, spreading his legs, and  _ oh, _ then Paulo started pushing into him, and Toby's body wanted to go slack in Paulo's arms, his eyes wanted to close, but Jan was watching him, looking straight into his eyes, and Toby couldn't blink, couldn't move an inch.

"Yes," Jan breathed. "You look so good like this, Tobes. It's good, isn't it? Having him inside you, completely in control?"

"I…" Toby panted. "I…"

"Answer him," Paulo said sharply, with a brisk slap to Toby's ass. "You say you like this, no?"

Something was burning inside him, something that was threatening to consume him completely. To be here, in this position, with someone as important to him as Jan watching, being asked to say out loud how it felt, it was all too much. He gave a squeak when a strong hand yanked his head back by his hair, and Paulo was growling in his ear, and still he couldn't tear his eyes away from Jan's. His head came to rest against Paulo's shoulder, eyes still locked on Jan's, and Jan-- Jan was  _ smiling _ at him. He was enjoying watching Toby being torn apart, stripped down, laid bare and utterly possessed. He kept biting his lip, his hand twitching towards the tent in his joggers as if he was struggling to stay in control.

"Is it good?" he asked again, his voice a low purr.

_ "Fuck,"  _ Toby hissed. "It's… amazing… I can't, I… fuck, I… I'm… oh god…" Words failed him, his brain short circuiting from the buildup of humiliation and heat inside him. Jan's eyes burning into him, Paulo destroying him, it was all  _ too much, _ Toby was coming, he was melting back against Paulo, his eyes sagging shut at last as his neglected dick pulsed again and again. His legs were in danger of giving way, but Paulo caught him and held him steady in his arms, and he felt like he might just dissolve into a puddle on the floor.

When he opened his eyes, he gasped out loud. Jan wasn't on the couch anymore. He was kneeling right in front of Toby, his head tipped back and his eyes closed. He was licking his lips, and there were a few streaks of cum spattered across his face. He must have scrambled down from the couch just as Toby was coming, let Toby come in his open mouth, and  _ fuck, _ but that thought was almost enough to bring his spent cock back to life again.

"Back on the couch, Jan," Paulo growled, slamming his cock into Toby again with a snap of his hips. "You shouldn't have done that."

"I'm sorry, sir," Jan murmured, resuming his position on the couch, his eyes hot. He still had a few drops of cum scattered across his face, and Toby found he couldn't tear his eyes away from them. Jan would never be  _ his, _ not the way that he was Paulo's, but the image of Jan like this, still wearing the evidence of Toby's desire for him, felt significant. It felt like he was staking his own claim on Jan, marking that as much as Jan belonged to Paulo, he also belonged to Toby, in a vastly different, but equally important, way.

Toby was so lost in his intense focus on Jan, on how gorgeous he looked with those few spatters of cum on his face, that he hardly even felt Paulo continuing to fuck him, even when Paulo's cock slammed against his prostate, even when Paulo gave a deep groan and clutched Toby against him, his dick pulsing deep inside Toby, his breath coming quick and hot in Toby's ear. 

"God," Jan breathed, biting his lip. "That was amazing."

"He is amazing," Paulo agreed, panting, pressing a kiss into Toby's shoulder.

"Both of you," Jan said with a small smile. Paulo's answering huff of laughter burned against Toby's skin, and he smiled sleepily at Jan in reply. He felt like he would melt into a puddle of contentment as soon as Paulo let go of him. He felt lazy, warm down to his toes, content to just stay here in Paulo's arms, with Jan smiling at him like that, forever.


End file.
